


Death of Innocence

by ParadiseAvenger



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Aftermath, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 11:46:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 99,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadiseAvenger/pseuds/ParadiseAvenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of her brother, Sakura looks to Syaoran for comfort, but the aftereffects leave her more broken. This time, Syaoran is the cause, not the cure. He had been gone for four years, but WHY...? Partial AU. Adult themes. Eventual SyaoranXSakura.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Death of a King

Please, check out my first ORIGINAL NOVEL! **The Breaking of Poisonwood by Paradise Avenger.** (Summary: People were dead. When Skye Davis bought me at a slave auction as a birthday present for his brother, I had no idea what my new life was going to be like, but I had never expected this. It all started when Venus de Luna was killed and I was to take her place, to become the new savior… Then, bad things happened and some people died. In the heart of the earth, we discovered the ancient being that Frank Davis had found and created and used to his advantage. The Poisonwood—)

Hey everybody! It’s the very first chapter of my very first fanfiction.

X X X

Moments earlier, Toya had just died. The king, Sakura’s brother, was dead. 

Before that—in the long time it took for Toya’s illness to eat away at and finally kill him—Sakura, Syaoran, and Yukito had held vigil at the king’s side until the bitter end. Syaoran stayed up all night while Sakura slept, kneeling at her brother’s side, leaning against her friend’s legs with only his promise to wake her if the king so much as stirred. 

Yukito was tireless, constantly praying or mixing potions, doing anything he thought would save the king. He even toed the line of black magic, wondering if he could use his powers to keep his friend alive. He would not allow the king to die, he insisted, but it was becoming clear that there was nothing he could do to stop this sickness. The weight of that solemn vow that was slowly driving the high priest into the ground. 

When exhaustion finally took Yukito on the third sleepless night towards the end, Syaoran fashioned him a makeshift bed in the chair at Toya’s bedside, tending the priest as he did Sakura: carefully, speaking softly, and covering them when they happened to drop off to sleep. The many nights of staying up working at the digs or studying hard allowed him to stay up for the longest amount of time. But even he was drawing to the end of his rope.

Toya held on, struggled against the sickness that ate away at him for nearly two weeks, for thirteen long days. Yukito rarely left the king’s side, going only to the bathroom. Sakura held an endless vigil as well and she would only leave when Syaoran took her—kicking and screaming—from Toya’s room. As so, this was how it was.

On the night the sickness was to finally take Toya to his grave, everything both began and ended. 

“Princess,” Syaoran whispered and put his ragged cloak around her narrow shoulders.

“Syaoran, I really need you to call me Sakura,” she whispered without tearing her eyes from the waif form of her brother. “Please…”

“Sakura, you need to eat something, please,” Syaoran pleaded and knelt at her side. He wrapped an arm around her body and pulled her close against his side. Her skin was chilled to the touch, like marble, and he rubbed her exposed arms with his hands, hoping to warm her.

“Not hungry,” she muttered and gripped her brother’s clammy hand.

“For me?” Syaoran asked and tried to pull her to her feet, but she clung to the bed frame. “Please, Sakura. Think of what Toya would want. Do you think he’d want his sister to catch the same sickness as him because she wouldn’t eat?” 

“No…” she whispered. 

When Syaoran lifted her gently to her feet, she was limp like a rag doll. He swept his arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulders to carry her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed into his skin, clinging to him. He felt the diamonds roll down to rest in the hollow of his throat and in the cups of his collarbones.

“Sakura, everything’s going to be alright,” Syaoran insisted as he carried her from the chamber to the kitchen. He passed Yukito in the hall silently, holding the princess’s face against his throat so she wouldn’t see how the high priest was dying too. 

There were dark circles under Yukito’s exhausted blue eyes. His eyes had once been shining, mirthful, joyous—the eyes of someone who wasn’t watching their best friend waste away a little more each day. Now, the sapphire eyes belonged in the sunken face of a corpse: cloudy, dead. Yukito’s usually pressed robes were dirty and wrinkled, slept-in, and his pale skin was stretched over the gaunt bones of his face because Syaoran didn’t hold sway to demand the priest eat something like he did with Sakura. Yukito had taken to wearing his glasses pushed high up on his nose to hide his eyes from the princess, but Syaoran was taller and could see what was hidden.

Syaoran settled Sakura in a chair at the table in the kitchen. He asked one of the cooks to make her something and they eagerly obliged him. Then, he returned to her side and sat there beside her in silence. After a moment, the cook brought something out for Sakura, but she only picked at her food, venturing a few bites of a dish Syaoran knew to be her favorite. 

The cook lingered behind the kitchen door, imploring Syaoran with his soft grey eyes: please, make her eat. 

Syaoran shook his head and gestured for the cook to bring him a glass of something, anything, just to get the cook out of the way for a few minutes. It was hard enough to see Sakura like this, to see her suffering and know he could do nothing to help her, without someone imploring him to help her further. If he could have done anything for her right now, god, he would have one it three times over by now. Once the cook had scurried off, Syaoran crossed to the other side of the table and sat beside Sakura.

“Sakura, please, try to eat a little more,” he whispered. “You’re worrying me.”

“Syaoran…” she whispered and chased a green bean across her plate. “My brother is dying… I don’t want to eat…”

Syaoran wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He pressed his lips against her hair, her forehead, her cheeks, and her closed eyes. He caught her tears and smoothed her clothes with a practiced hand. “It’ll turn out alright,” he murmured. She needed the assurance of even a lie because, like Yukito, she was dying too. Only Syaoran would save her or he would cease to exist. “Sakura…” he whispered and she shuddered against his chest.

“Please, take me back to my brother,” she begged and lifted his shirt a little so she could press her hands against the warmth of his skin. Toya’s skin was cold as the grave and she always seemed comforted by the heat of Syaoran. 

“Sakura,” he whispered.

“Please,” she repeated.

And how could he ever deny her anything that was in his power to grant?

And so, he carried her back to her brother’s death bed and set her down in a chair beside Yukito. For a while, he watched over them. Then, by some stroke of terrible luck, on the thirteenth night, Syaoran had gone home to shower and change. He was only gone for an hour, but in the short span of time, King Toya died. 

…

Syaoran’s house was beyond messy. Dirty laundry covered most of the floor, unwashed dishes were stacked in the sink, books were piled up just inside the door and scattered across the coffee table, his cloak was tossed carelessly somewhere. He hadn’t been home enough to keep his home in any semblance of cleanliness. He wasn’t there enough. Before, he had spent all his time at the dig. Now, he spent all his time at the palace, doing what he could for Sakura, Yukito, and Toya. 

Quickly, he stepped out of the bathroom, still wet with a towel low slung on his sharp hips, intent on finding his cleanest pair of dirty pants and shaking the dust off a shirt from work and going back to the castle. He was tunnel-visioned on that single goal. 

But Sakura was standing just outside his bathroom door, so close that he almost ran into her.

“Princess?!”

She threw her arms around him and he stumbled back into bathroom, his spine knocking painfully into the edge of the vanity. “Syaoran,” she sobbed. “My brother… Toya… he… he’s… the king’s… he’s dead, Syaoran…”

“What?” he gasped, arm automatically embracing her.

She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Sakura, no, I’m so sorry…” Syaoran murmured and coiled his arms around her. She sobbed into his bare chest, digging her fingernails into his back as if to purposefully break the skin so he would hurt like she did. He let her, holding her while she cried and sobbed. 

Finally, her tears gave way to shuddering sobs. Then, the sobs became tremors and she shook like a leaf in gale force winds. By then, they had slumped to the bathroom floor and Sakura had crawled into his lap and pushed his towel dangerously low in her quest to touch warm skin. When the tremors had finally subsided, she looked up at him with red-rimmed emerald eyes. Then, she pushed herself up with her hands on his shoulders and swung her legs around until she could get her knees under his arms, straddling his waist so they were pressed chest to chest. Syaoran rested his hands in the small of her back, held her there gently. 

She wet her lips and her throat worked furiously as if she were going to speak. Then she shook her head and kissed him. Shocked, Syaoran tried to push her back. This wasn’t right—she was distraught, sick. Her brother had just died and she was the princess, his best friend. But… her lips were like heaven as warm and soft as he had always imagined they would be. It took all his will power to try to push her away.

“Sakura, Sakura, wait,” he said when he was finally able to put some space between them. “Wait! Hold on, you’re not well.”

Her shoulders trembled and she gripped him tighter, clinging to him, when he tried again to push her away.

“Sakura, just calm down, please. Breathe.”

Slowly, her grip on him loosened to the point where he could lift her from his lap and stand up. He sat her down on the rim of the sink after brushing his toothbrush, toothpaste, and a comb carelessly onto the laundry-littered floor. He adjusted his towel and stood up in front of her to draw her into his arms again. Her thighs parted easily to position him between them, but he tried to ignore the heat of her sex.

“Sakura, do you want to stay here tonight?” he whispered into her hair.

She nodded.

“I’ll jog up to the palace and let Yukito-san know you’ll be staying with me, then,” he murmured.

“You don’t have to…” Sakura whispered and her slender frame trembled. “I’m king now. I can do… whatever I want…” She gripped him. “Syaoran, please, I need you.”

“I’ll stay with you, Sakura,” he told her. “It’ll be okay.”

She shuddered against him, silent for a moment. Then, her voice rising into hysteria, she shouted, “No, no, it won’t!”

“Hey,” Syaoran said quietly and drew her face away from his shoulder. He cupped her jaw, raised her chin so she’d look at him, and kissed her cheek gently. “Listen, I love you. I’ll be here for you, forever and ever. I’ll never leave you.”

Her breath rattled in her lungs and she sniffled. “Syaoran…” she whispered.

He rested his forehead against hers and murmured, “Yes?”

She touched his waist a little hesitantly and hooked her fingers under the knot of wet towel creeping down his hips. He tensed, muscles in his chest rippling beneath the pale unblemished skin. Her other hand traced a faint path up his chest, over his shoulders, and finally tangled in his chocolate hair. “Tonight, right now?”

“Sakura, you’re not yourself. Listen, let me get dressed—”

She yanked on the towel so he had to scramble to hold it up. “No.”

“Princess, just go get in my bed and think about what you’re saying—”

“I know what I’m saying. I love you and you love me.” She kissed his lips, softly, gently, with the tenderness she knew he needed to feel to be sure of what she was asking. “I need this. I need to feel you, to know you’re alive.” 

“Sakura.” Syaoran cupped her face, pushing back the tendrils of light auburn hair that fluttered in her face. 

“Before he… passed on… Toya gave us his blessing. He said that there’s no one who can ever love me more than you,” she whispered.

Syaoran shivered as she raked her nails down his back and circled around to grip his biceps. 

“Please, Syaoran, please.”

He was quiet for a long time, touching her shoulders and back and running the pads of his fingers along the outsides of her thighs. Finally, he took a deep breath, hooked his fingers in the bottom of her shirt, and lifted it over her head. She lifted her arms to make it easier for him.

“If you want to stop, if I hurt you, no matter what, tell me to stop and I will…” 

She pressed a finger to his lips and placed a kiss in the hollow of his throat as if she sensed something there, letting her lips linger for a long time. “It’s my first time…”

“Yes, mine too. I’ll be careful…”

“I know you will.”

Then, Syaoran took the princess in his arms and carried her to his bedroom where he had to brush several days’ worth of laundry onto the floor. She looked like an angel, lying there with her pale hair spread across his dark sheets. Her skin was porcelain and almost translucent in the moonlight, ribs casting faint shadows. Syaoran gently pulled off her pants and laid them neatly at the bottom of the bed with his towel. There was to be nothing rushed about this. It was all about Sakura, about what she needed. She unfastened her bra, no embarrassment because Syaoran was her best friend and would love her no matter what he saw, though a blush colored her cheeks. He laid her bra aside and helped her shaking hands peel off her panties.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she breathed and pressed against him—skin on skin for the first time and sighed in bliss. “I could touch you forever…”

“Okay…”

Then, they spoke no more but came together gently, beautifully. He melded with her as if they were made for each other. Just a twinge of pain that she felt pass the instant he filled her to the brim. She knew the moment he left her, she would feel empty until he was with her again. She fell asleep in his arms, listening to his heart beat evenly behind his ribs. He was alive, she told herself as her eyes fluttered closed in bliss. He’s alive and he’s not going to leave me alone, not Syaoran, not ever.

But, in the morning, Syaoran was gone…

X X X

Dun, dun, dun! Where did Syaoran go?!

Questions, comments, concerns?


	2. The Future of a Country and a Girl

I don’t normally like to see couples with kids in fanfiction, but she’s very necessary so everybody can deal with it.

X X X

~Four years later… 

“Sakura-hime?”

“What?! I know I’m late and I’m trying to hurry!” Sakura was in a rush, as usual, but only now was it a problem. The rulers of many of Clow’s neighboring countries were coming to the grand banquet Sakura was having in celebration of her daughter’s fourth birthday. 

Right, her daughter… and Syaoran’s daughter… Their child, the young princess Miku. 

It had been four long hard years but there had been no sign of Syaoran since the night of her brother’s death. Even though Sakura was sure he wouldn’t have left her, she was certain that he loved her wholly and that he wouldn’t have left just because he finally got her virginity, it was hard to deny the truth. Syaoran had been gone for a long time, for an awfully long time. 

“Sakura-hime!”

“Right! Yes, I’m coming!” She yanked her dress down over her head and adjusted her necklace—a pretty teardrop pendant on a delicate silver chain. It was one of the few pieces of jewelry Syaoran had ever given her because he thought the gems were extraneous on her.

Her lady’s maid—a pretty woman by the name of Eve with ink-black hair and rose-colored eyes—was waiting impatiently by the door, holding a pair of shoes and something else Sakura had forgotten: the hand of her daughter. Sakura felt a stab of emptiness go through her when she looked at her daughter. The round baby face resembled Sakura when she was a child, but the eyes—those big beautiful amber eyes—were all Syaoran’s. She swallowed her heart where it had risen into her throat and knelt down in front of her daughter.

“Hey, baby,” Sakura said and tried to sound happy. “How does it feel to be four?” 

“Same as three.” The little girl’s voice even sounded similar to Syaoran’s and the way she spoke as if she were eight instead of four… 

Sakura pressed her lips into a thin line to keep the tears from welling up in her emerald eyes. She hated to admit how much she missed Syaoran. She liked to think that she was completely independent and was getting along fine without him, but it was times like this, when she had too much on her plate and Eve turned into a babysitter, that she realized how much she still missed him. Sometimes, she wished he would come, take her by the hand, and run with her all the way to the ruins where he’d show her something fantastic. Sometimes, she needed to be someone other than a mother and a queen. She needed to just be a person, the person she could always be with Syaoran.

‘Come on now, knock it off. We have bigger things to worry about than your old boyfriend problems!’ She mentally chastised herself. ‘Get it together! You have to go down there and act like nothing is wrong, but first you have to believe it yourself! It’s been four years after all…’

“Sakura-hime?!” Eve was getting irritated now. She grasped Sakura by her shoulders and shook her roughly. “Don’t make me man-handle you down those stairs! Come on, Miku-chan, help me bring your mother back to her senses.”

“I am! I am!” Sakura said and took Miku’s hand. “Come on, baby. We have lots of people waiting for us downstairs.”

“They shouldn’t be waiting,” Eve snapped and gave Sakura a shove towards the door. “You should have been down there half an hour ago, but no! Not you! You have to go and be late for everything! You so get that from your brother… Go on, move it, your highness!”

“Right, right.”

The ballroom had been decorated with tinseled Christmas lights and a big green tree had been set up in the center of the room, forcing several well-dressed guests to amble awkwardly around it. Sakura cringed. Maybe she had gone a little overboard with the décor, but Miku liked it and that was all that mattered. It was Miku’s birthday, after all. The banquet was more of a side celebration, an excuse to party and be politic. As queen, these were things Sakura had to do now—responsibilities that had once been Toya’s.

Across the vast ballroom, Sakura caught Yukito’s eyes and he offered her a weak smile. Toya’s death had aged Yukito. In fact, the once-high priest didn’t even often leave his distant church sanctuary, but he had come for Miku’s birthday because Sakura had begged him.

“Her highness, Queen Sakura of Clow! And Princess Miku of Clow!” Eve announced, her voice ringing loudly through the room.

They descended the stairs, Eve at their backs. Sakura smiled and waved, making eye contact with everyone she knew and the rulers she didn’t. Miku giggled beside her and waved vigorously when she spotted Akito, her best friend, in the congregation below. Sakura smiled softly and squeezed her daughter’s hand, reminded of how she had been with Syaoran. She abruptly snubbed out that train of thought before it could escape on a tangent. She glanced backwards as if wishing to retreat. Eve made a face and drew on a smile to remind Sakura that she needed to look regal and gracious.

‘Right,’ Sakura thought, ‘I have a country to run. I don’t have time to be young and stupid anymore.’ She grinned at Eve—sugary and fake. ‘I don’t have time to be in love anymore…’ 

…

It was late and the party was winding down. Eve, holding Miku’s hand and practically holding the little girl up as she nodded off to sleep standing up, stood patiently at Sakura’s side. She reminded Miku to bid farewell to the last of their guests—King Richard, Queen Evelyn, and Prince Jonathon, the rulers of one of Clow's neighboring kingdoms—before nodding to Sakura and sweeping the child away upstairs.

“Thank you, Eve-san,” Sakura called after her maid and dear friend. “You’re a lifesaver. What would I do without you?”

“You’d shrivel up and blow away. Do you need me for anything else tonight, Sakura-hime? Or can I go to bed?”

“I’ll be fine on my own. See you in the morning.”

Sakura smiled wistfully after them until the big double door at the top of the stairs swung loudly shut. Then, she continued to stare.

“Um, Sakura-hime?” King Richard ventured.

She started. “Yes, what were we saying? Sorry, it’s been a long night.”

“Understandable,” Queen Evelyn said in her soft rich voice. Everything about Evelyn was rich, like a fine chocolate. She wore a rich red velvet gown with dense gold embroidery, her deep chocolate brown hair was perfect, her dark blue eyes were bright, and her satiny skin glowed. Richard was different. He was scruffy and his clothes were always a bit wrinkled. He often reminded Sakura of a large gangly bird, head ducked, eyes beady and bright. Prince Jonathon was Sakura’s age and handsome—dark hair with blue eyes and his mother’s satin-soft skin. He often pestered Sakura relentlessly until she agreed to dance with him so Sakura ducked behind Eve whenever she saw him coming.

“So, Sakura-hime,” Jonathon put in and picked at his shirt as if her answer didn’t really interest him. “Are you ever planning on marrying?” 

Ice lined the pit of her stomach and she snapped a little too quickly, “No.” She cleared her throat. “I can rule my country perfectly fine without a man at my side.”

“But, who will you pass the throne on to? Surely not your fatherless little girl?” Evelyn asked. “I had been married to Richard for five years when I was your age. It’s never too early.”

Sakura bristled. “Miku isn’t fatherless!” She snapped and an image of Syaoran rose unwillingly in her mind. His smiling face was so vivid that she nearly cried out and had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay.

“I didn’t mean to be rude, Sakura-hime,” Evelyn continued and flicked a fan in front of her face. She fanned herself a few times as if incredibly bored and snapped it closed again. “But, I didn’t know you were married. Where is the father? I’d very much like to meet him.”

Sakura ground her teeth. “I’m not married.”

“Then, the poor child is fatherless and she only has you for a mother,” Evelyn said cruelly and laughed. “How truly tragic.”

Sakura’s hands clenched into fists at her sides and she felt her nails bite through the skin on her palms. She reminded herself that other countries were not as peaceful and genteel as Clow was. “You need to leave, now. This party is over,” she hissed angrily.

“Of course,” Richard said and quickly swept his family out the door and down the palace steps.

Sakura slammed the door. Her heart was racing. How dare they?! They had no idea of the circumstances leading up to and following Miku’s birth! They didn’t know Syaoran and they didn’t know her! She slammed her fist into the door in frustration and rested her forehead against the wood. Come to think of it, did she really know either?

She had been distraught, terrified, grief-stricken, when she ran from the palace to Syaoran’s house following her brother’s death. Yukito had been screaming, sobbing, tearing at Toya’s body as if pain could bring him back. All she wanted was comfort, to feel safe, so she had gone to Syaoran and caught him just as he was getting out of the shower. She remembered crying, sobbing, and him holding her until her tears subsided. She begged him to make love to her and, as always, he had been the voice of reason, but she had persisted. Finally, she convinced him and he had given her everything. He had taken her tenderly, gently, moving slowly as if they had all the time in the world, and kissing her often.

But when she woke up, he was gone.

Two months later, she found out she was pregnant. She sent out a royal summons for him, but still he was gone.

She didn’t think he would have just up and left her?

Would he…?

Sakura slumped down against the door and pulled her legs up against her chest. She sobbed into her arms, trying to be quiet, but unable to quench the tears that poured down her face. She missed him so much that it hurt inside like a physical wound. She heard footsteps on the floor, buried her face deeper into the safety of her arms, and sniffed. She didn’t want any company right now. She didn’t want Eve or Yukito to ask her what was wrong. She didn’t want Eve to offer to take her someplace or Yukito to try to track Syaoran down using magic. She just wanted to cry, to be the little girl that had been forced to grow up so quickly when she found out she was pregnant and her best friend was gone. 

Someone tucked blanket around her. It smelled of damp soil, but when she looked up, she only glimpsed a dark silhouette. It was most likely Eve, checking on Sakura before she turned in for the night. She drew the blanket around her shoulders and fell deeply asleep for the first time in the years after her brother’s death.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	3. The Invitation to Continue

So, life is dull here. How is everyone else doing?

Chapter three!

X X X

Two days had passed since Miku’s pre-Christmas birthday bash and there were two days until Christmas.

Now, there was light streaming through the palace windows, shining on Sakura’s face and into her eyes. She rolled over, intent on burying her face in her pillow and getting a few more hours of sleep because she was still exhausted and frustrated from the party. 

On top of that, yesterday, Miku had spent the entire day bouncing around the palace with Akito for hours with Eve trailing tirelessly after them even though Sakura had told her countless times that they would be fine. Christmas was fast approaching as well, one of Sakura’s favorite holidays. The entire town was excited and the rush of holiday shopping was nowhere close to slowing. 

Sakura had tried to harden her heart to everything that reminded her of Syaoran, everything except her daughter’s beautiful eyes, but her heart still felt broken. It was chipped into little pieces, fragile, and aching, cutting her from the inside. Right now, all she wanted was to sleep.

“Oh, no you don’t, Sakura-hime,” someone said. 

“Eve-san?” Sakura grumbled groggily. Then, her pillow was snatched from beneath her head. 

“Get up! Right now!” Eve snapped and then the blankets were yanked off the bed as well. “Jeez. Your highness, what have I told you about sleeping in your clothes? You’re setting a bad example for Miku-chan and she’s already enough of a problem. You should see the mud she’s dragged all over the palace already and she’s only been awake for a few hours.”

“She’s just like her father,” Sakura mumbled blearily.

“And her father would be… who exactly, Sakura-hime?” Eve asked.

That snapped Sakura right out of her sleepy state. No one knew who Miku’s father was, not even Miku though she had asked many times. No one would know Syaoran was the father unless and until he came back. Sakura couldn’t have her baby growing up knowing that her father had mysteriously disappeared and couldn’t be found… maybe didn’t want to be found. 

“No one, Eve-san,” Sakura said quickly and leaped up from the bed. Her leg was tangled in the covers and she promptly fell on her face.

Eve bent over her and looked down with her hands on her hips. “Don’t give me that, Sakura-hime, everyone has a father even when people try to hide it or wish they didn’t,” she said sternly, chastising Sakura like a mother does her stubborn child. “I never knew my father, but I have one.”

“Well, Miku doesn’t,” Sakura said plainly. She rolled over, scrambled free from the knot of blankets, and stood up quickly. She tried to scurry away from Eve’s gentle gaze, but Eve caught her by the back of her shirt and tossed her back onto the bed.

“Sakura-hime,” Eve said and sat down on the bed next to Sakura. “What happened four years ago? It’s been a weight on you for years. You should unload all your problems so you can move on. Tell me, what happened four years ago?”

Sakura drew her hands into fists and twisted the material of her nightgown. “My brother died. That’s bound to scar anyone for life and make the future problematic.”

Eve glared at her. “Sakura-hime, when your brother died I know you went to Syaoran-kun’s.” She saw Sakura swallow and shift. “I’m the one that covered for you and made sure the door was left unlocked, but you never came home that night and when you did the next day, you said Syaoran-kun was gone. What happened?”

“Nothing…” Sakura lowered her jade-green eyes.

“Sakura-hime,” Eve said sternly. “Did Syaoran-kun hurt you?”

“No!” Her head snapped up, eyes wide. “He’d never hurt me! He’s my best friend!”

“He’s hurting you now,” Eve said gently and touched Sakura’s shoulder. She turned the girl toward her and smoothed some pale hair back from her face. “Tell me what happened, Sakura-hime, it’ll make you feel better. Maybe you can move one.”

Sakura trembled but whispered, “Miku’s father is… It’s Syaoran…” She started to cry, tears rolling down her face and gathering in the hollow of her throat.

“Did he… rape you…?”

“No! He’d never!” Sakura insisted and gripped Eve’s shirt tightly. “It was everything I’d imagined only better. He was so soft and so gentle. I’ve felt empty ever since I had him inside me. There’s no one else in the world that could have made love to me the way he did. It was…” Abruptly, Sakura’s face turned red and she hid behind her hands. “I can’t believe I told you that. I’ve never told anyone—”

Eve wrapped an arm around Sakura’s shoulders and placed a kiss on her forehead. “That’s probably why it’s been haunting you. You need to talk about anything that bothers you. I’m always here for you, Sakura-hime, you can always talk to me.”

“Eve-san,” Sakura whispered. Her face was still so red, a blush that might never leave since it was so dark. 

“Get dressed, Sakura-hime,” Eve said, stood up, and brushed herself off. “Come downstairs and see the mess your daughter made. Once I get some maids on it, you can round Miku-chan and Akito-kun up and have some breakfast. I heard that the cook’s making waffles!”

Just before Eve vanished out the door, Sakura called, “Eve-san!”

Eve paused. “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem, your highness.”

The door clicked closed and Sakura gathered up a new set of clothes for the day—her usual pink and white patterned skirt and shirt with Syaoran’s necklace. She paused at her bedroom window and smiled down at the sight of her daughter and Akito playing in the muddy flowerbeds. A moment later, Eve appeared outside with a trademark stern glare on her face and she herded the children away from the mud. Sakura went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth while she waited for warm water to flow from the showerhead. She was humming to herself, feeling lighter that she had in ages.

“Sakura!” The voice was sudden, a sharp gasping whisper, disembodied. 

She whirled around, but there was no one there. A chill ran down her spine, but she shoved it into the back of her mind. It was almost Christmas and there was nothing to worry about. Syaoran was gone, she had come to terms with that and she was ready to move on. Maybe she’d put in a call to Prince Jonathon today. He was handsome and very taken with her.

“Sakura!” Again, the same voice, quieter and fading.

Sharply, she whipped her head around, toothbrush still in her mouth and hair flying everywhere. There was no one there. No ghost lingered in the bathroom with her. And she would know if there was a ghost in the palace and send it quickly on its way, but she felt nothing. 

“Sakura…” It faded completely.

There was still a shiver down her spine so she adjusted the water a little hotter, spit out the toothpaste, put away her toothbrush, and stepped under the stream of water. The warmth worked its way through her tense muscles, soothing away the remaining bleariness of sleep. She shaved her legs and scrubbed her fingers through her hair. Then, she just stood under the water, thinking for a very long time. She’d have to move on with her life, yes. If she moved on, then her heart could heal and Miku could have a father. Yes, that was what she had to do.

Finally, she stepped out, dried off, and got dressed. She wiped her hand through the steam the fogged the mirror and smiled at her reflection. She saw Syaoran’s necklace around her neck. She hadn’t had the courage to take it off earlier, but she was ready now. She had the resolve to move on. She unfastened the clasp and put the necklace away in a drawer that she rarely opened, unsure if she was quite ready to see it gathering dust in her jewelry box. 

Finally, Sakura moved on.

…

Downstairs, there was mud everywhere. There were muddy footprints on the once-pristine marble floor, some clumps of wilted flowers, places where the children had slipped and cleaned the mud away with the seat of their clothes. Sakura cringed at the thought of the washing and mending Eve would have to do. Suddenly, Eve crashed through the front door, dragging each child—Akito and Miku—by the backs of their shirts with a stormy expression on her face. Speak of the Devil and she shall appear.

“Good morning, Eve-san,” Sakura called and stepped over a particularly large splotch of mud. 

“Oh, your highness,” Eve said and blew a strand of hair out of her face. “It’s good to see you out of bed. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” Sakura said cheerfully and grasped Miku by her flailing arm. “Miku, could you please calm down. Look at the state of your clothes! You too, Akito-kun, I had hoped that one of you would have had the good sense to stay out of the mud.”

“But, Mom,” Miku whined, but calmed down to the point where Sakura could let go of her. “I love the dirt!”

“I know you do, but some people don’t so could you do me a favor and keep the dirt outside so we don’t have to continuously clean the palace,” Sakura said and wiped some muck off Miku’s cheek with her sleeve. “It’s a lot of work for Eve-san.”

Eve snorted and began wiping off Akito’s face with a righteous sort of vigor. “Not for me, my tasks are greater. I have to keep track of her highness and the little princess and her friend when he’s here. The cleaning crew has it easy compared to me,” she grumbled.

“Either way, let’s keep the dirt outside for a change, precious, okay?” Sakura asked.

“Okay, Mom,” Miku said cheerfully.

“That’s my girl,” Sakura said and kissed her daughter’s muddy cheek. “Akito-kun, can you keep the dirt outside, too?”

“Yes, Sakura-hime,” the little boy said and reached for Miku’s hand. “Let’s get cleaned up, Miku-chan, okay?”

“Yeah,” Miku said and nodded vigorously.

Eve and Sakura stood side by side while the children scurried away outside again, further tracking mud through the palace.

“How long do you think that’ll last, your highness?” Eve asked and wiped her hands on her apron before taking it off and tossing it on the floor. She mopped half-heartedly at the floor with the discarded apron for a moment and then kicked it away.

“I’ll be generous and give it an hour,” Sakura muttered and ran her fingers through her hair. “Could you do me a favor and put in a call to Prince Jonathon?”

“I thought you hated that guy since Queen Evelyn ragged on Miku-chan,” Eve stated and waved at one of the housekeepers before gesturing to the mess of mud all over the palace floor. “Do you want to send him some hate-mail to remind him of that? I think an assassin would start a war, but…”

“No, no, Eve-san,” Sakura said quickly. “I want to apologize and have him here for our Christmas dinner. He’s very taken with me and he’s a nice man and I’d like it if I could give Miku-chan a father before she grows up too much…”

“Sakura-hime, are you suggesting some sort of marriage between yourself and the prince?” Eve’s eyes widened. “Prince Jonathon’s a—” 

“I know what he is,” Sakura said with a heavy sigh. “He’s a good ruler and a good man. He’s gentle and he likes me quite a bit. I just… you were right, Eve-san, I need to move on.”

Eve hugged Sakura. “Of course, Sakura-hime. I’ll call him right away and invite him for Christmas,” she said.

“Thank you, Eve-san,” Sakura murmured and embraced the woman tightly. “What would I do without you?”

“Well, for starters, you’re little girl would run naked and wild in the streets with that friend of hers! And the palace would be a muddy wreck that no amount of cleaners could fix! And you would be late for everything and sleep the day away! Face it, you’d be lost without me!”

Sakura giggled. “I know, I know. But I’ll make it up to you. I’ll round up the kids and meet you in the kitchen for breakfast, okay?”

“Sure, good luck catching the little rascals. It took me an hour to capture that Miku-chan,” Eve muttered. “But I have faith in you. You are the queen after all and you dealt with King Toya—may god rest his soul—for years.”

Sakura grinned. “My brother was a monster, but I miss him.”

“Of course you do. Alright! Enough of this, go catch those kids before they escape from the palace grounds and run wild and naked in the streets!” Eve ordered and shooed Sakura away. “Like I said, though, good luck catching the monsters! I shudder to think of Miku-chan as a teenager!”

Sakura laughed lightly.

…

But Eve was right. 

An hour later and Sakura was still pursuing the children around the grounds with little success even though two gardeners and a passing soldier had joined the chase. Miku and Akito just kept giving them the slip. Eve had stuck her head out an open window and laughed at Sakura’s plight with a smirk the said “I told you so!” Then, she joined the wrangling as well and, with her help, they caught Akito first. Using him as bait, they trapped Miku in a corner and dragged her into the palace again. Once caught, Miku collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Exhausted, Sakura invited the gardeners and the soldier into the palace for a late breakfast of waffles with strawberries and fresh cream. They readily agreed and everyone trudged into the palace, bringing with them yet more mud that Eve didn’t bother to point out. Slumped around the table, everyone had several helpings and chattered amongst each other. Sakura smiled to herself. It felt good to hear so much laughter and see so many grins. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

Once the table was cleared, the soldier went on his way and the gardeners returned to attempting to neaten up the flowerbeds Miku and Akito had trashed. Eve agreed to accompany the children to the oasis where they could swim and stay out of everyone’s hair for the rest of the morning. She promised under pain of death to drag them back a few hours before dusk and tell Akito’s mother where they were going. This left Sakura with the task of sending a message to Prince Jonathon.

She lingered for an hour at her desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper. Her hand shook each time she tried to pick up the pen and write. She felt as if she were betraying something deep inside herself, something untouched and fragile. Shaking herself, she fetched a maid from the hallway and had her write the what Sakura said. When it was finished, Sakura read it over with half a smile.

_Dear Prince Jonathon,_

_I am ashamed of my behavior at Miku’s birthday party and to make it up to you, I would very much like you to attend our Christmas dinner this Friday at eight o’clock. I wish to speak with you about private matters. Please, inform me if you are unable to attend._

_Sincerely,_

_Queen Sakura of Clow_

She folded the letter, stuffed it into an envelope, addressed it, and handed it personally to a mail carrier. She watched him until he vanished over the other side of the sand dune and then she turned back to the palace. As she trudged up the stairs, she pushed the feeling of black cold betrayal into the back of her mind and locked it there.

It was time to stop thinking of Syaoran. He had been gone for four years. Eve was right again. It was time to move on.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	4. The Ruins of Wings and Memories

I really want to hit over 100,000 words! Grr!

Chapter Four!

X X X

The next morning, Miku was jumping on the bed, bouncing Sakura awake. Through the bleariness of sleep, Sakura heard Eve instigating the child and urging her on. Groaning, Sakura rolled over and caught Miku around the legs, knocking her down. Miku thrashed about until Sakura let her go and then she tumbled over the edge of the bed. Eve caught her by the back of her shirt and hauled her onto her feet again with a practiced ease that came with constantly watching over Miku.

“It had better not be morning already,” Sakura grumbled. She sat up rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands and then smoothed her tousled hair back from her face with a big jaw-cracking yawn. “What time is it?”

“Hate to burst your bubble, your highness, but it’s past ten,” Eve said and yanked the blankets quickly off the bed. She tossed them in a heap on top of Miku who stumbled and fell. “Don’t worry, Sakura-hime. There’s no crisis. I just thought we should wake you up on schedule for once. It’ll be good practice.”

“Practice for what exactly, Eve-san?” Sakura asked and stumbled from her bed. She found a change of clothes without really looking, tucked them under her arm, and was halfway to the bathroom when Eve called her name.

“You can’t really have forgotten, Mom. Tomorrow’s Christmas,” Miku said once she wrestled her way from the heap of blankets.

“Yup. I’m sure Miku-chan will have her highness up before the chickens,” Eve said. “Come on, you little monster! Akito-kun’s waiting downstairs for you. His okaa-san is taking you both somewhere secret today to the palace will be nice and quiet… and clean!” Eve smiled and herded Miku from Sakura’s room.

Smiling, Sakura showered and got dressed for the day. Strangely, for once, she felt ready. She was refreshed and strong and she could walk with her head held high. This was the best mood she had been in for a long time, since her brother died. She was practically glowing as she flounced down the palace steps. 

Maybe today she’d take a walk through the town and buy some apples or stroll down to the ruins… She stopped in her tracks, but forced her feet to move again. Yes, that was a good destination for her. She’d walk to the ruins just to prove to herself that she would be able to forget Syaoran and finally move on. 

She set her jaw, found her cloak in the closet, and left the palace.

It was hot outside, not the blistering summer heat that dried her mouth and skin, but the softer winter weather. A cool breeze blew in from the north, stirring Sakura’s pale hair and tossing sand up around her ankles. The streets were bustling with activity. People were doing last minute Christmas shopping and children played with a greater vigor than usual. Several people called greeting to her and she smiled and waved. A woman she knew as Hiruka, the town’s doctor, approached her and offered two gifts—one for Sakura in a long beautifully wrapped box and another smaller basket for Miku. Sakura thanked her profusely and promised to pick them up on her way back to the palace.

The ruins looked as they always did. Giant wings jutting from the shifting sands, stabbing into the sky. No more of the ruins had been unearthed since his disappearance four years ago. It was as if something purposefully buried whatever progress the team made without him there to oversee it so the team had simply stopped trying and the ruins remained as they always had been—a mystery. That was fine. The ruins had been a sore on Sakura’s childhood too, forever shortening the time she could spend with him. She’d prefer it if the ruins would bury themselves again.

Sakura followed the path she had often walked as a child. She led herself down into the heart of the ruins and stood marveling at what she had never really looked at before. She had always been too busy gazing at him. She ran her hand over the wall and the stone felt living beneath her fingers so she quickly snatched her hand back and shoved it into the pocket on her cloak.

“Sakura!” That voice again!

She turned quickly at the sound of the whisper, so close to her ear that she thought she felt breath stirring her hair. Who would have followed her here? Surely not Eve, but she had told no one else where she was going because they would surely try to stop her. The ruins weren’t safe without him here.

“Sakura!” 

She whirled around again, but there was no one there. The ruins were completely deserted. She was sure because she had signed the papers to stop excavation herself four years ago shortly after she found out she was pregnant. No one was really even permitted here though she didn’t enforce that because no one had any interest in the ruins anyway.

“Sakura!”

She pressed her back against the wall, feeling that living pulse beneath the stone. It unnerved her how she felt that it was alive. “Who’s there?” She asked. “Show yourself!” The stone pulsed behind her, warming until it felt like she was touching human skin.

“Sakura!”

She clapped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. The whisper was familiar and it hurt deep inside her body—struck a chord in her heart that shouldn’t be played. She pulled her hood up over her head and ran. She didn’t stop running when she was out of the ruins or when she stumbled into someone on the street or when Hiruka called her name or when she tripped her way up the palace steps. She kept running until Eve caught her in the hallway and held her tightly. Sobbing, Sakura collapsed there in the hallway, clutching Eve like a last lifeline.

“Sakura-hime? What wrong?” Eve asked and rubbed her hands up and down Sakura’s shivering back. “Your highness? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Eve-san, I… I don’t know… I just…”

“Shh, shh,” Eve murmured and ran her fingers through Sakura’s hair. “It’s okay. You just cry. Let it all out. It’s alright. Shh, shh…” She rocked back and forth on her knees, slowly, slowly.

The hard part was… Sakura didn’t know what she was crying for… All she knew was that that whisper, that voice, it had sounded like his voice. It had sounded like Syaoran’s voice, desperately calling out to her, helpless, pleading, in pain. Why? Why did she hear his voice in her head? Tormented like that? Why? Hot tears streamed down her face.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	5. Merry Christmas!

As Yuuko would say, “It’s Christmas in two worlds. They have all become connected.”

Merry Christmas, everybody!

X X X

It was Christmas and, as Eve had predicted, Miku woke Sakura up before the crack of dawn. Sakura decided that her next dictation as queen would be to ban anyone from getting up before eight. It was barley past one and, as retribution, she woke Eve up as well. How Eve even slept through the clamor of Miku waking her mother up, Sakura would never know. So the two adults stumbled blearily downstairs while Miku bounced cheerfully ahead of them to the ballroom of the palace where the huge tree was still set up from Miku’s birthday party four days earlier. Eve plugged in the candied tinsel lights while Sakura heaved two chairs from the kitchen into the ballroom and set them around the tree.

“It’s so early,” Sakura whined and tightened the belt of her thick robe.

“You’ll get used to it, Sakura-hime. I’m up at five almost every morning,” Eve said and stretched her arms out over her head before pulling her long night-dark hair into a ponytail to keep it out of her face. Then, she collapsed in one of the chairs Sakura had brought out with a deep sigh. “Though this is pushing it a little on the early meter. Remind me again why I’m even up?”

“Call it payback,” Sakura yawned and sat down beside Eve.

“You know what they say, payback’s a—”

“Eve-san!” Sakura interrupted. “Don’t teach Miku bad language!”

Eve shrugged. “It’s nothing she hasn’t heard before,” she muttered. “You should hear the way they talk around town.”

Sakura groaned and knelt down at Miku’s side. “So, what’d Santa bring you for Christmas?” She asked and rubbed her hands lightly up and down her daughter’s back. 

“I want to open my present from Hiruka-sensei first,” Miku said and rummaged around beneath the tree. Several glass balls fell, but Sakura caught them before they could smash to thousands of pieces all over the floor and make a mess for the cleaners this early.

“Hiruka-sensei…” Sakura whispered and looked at Eve over her shoulder. 

Eve gave her a thumbs-up and a cheeky smile. “Hiruka-sensei put in a call to the palace and she’s old so Miku-chan and I went down to pick up the gifts. Miku-chan hasn’t left me alone about them since we picked them up,” she told Sakura. 

Sakura smiled. “Well, let’s see what you’ve got,” she said.

“No,” Miku said stubbornly. “You open Hiruka-sensei’s present first.”

“Okay—”

“Sakura-hime!” Eve snapped just as Sakura took the gift from Miku’s outstretched arms. “I can’t believe you’re going to let that little monster get you that easily. Don’t you remember what Hiruka-sensei told you?”

Sakura looked blankly at Eve. “What’d she say?”

“That you are to open that when you are alone!”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, but that’s what she said so put it away!”

Sakura laid the gift on her chair and pounced on Miku, tickling her relentlessly. “Were you trying to trick me, you little monster?! What would I do with Eve-san here to keep me in check?! You’d get away with everything!” They wrestled until they were both laughing hysterically and out of breath. “Alright,” Sakura panted, “Open your gifts and stop pestering me.”

“Okay, Mom,” Miku gasped and scurried away from Sakura to rummage around under the tree again. “I got a present for Eve-san!” She said cheerfully and unearthed a single badly-wrapped present from the mountain of gifts under the tree.

“Do you now?” Eve asked and waited for Miku to hand her the gift. Then, she tore the paper off with vigor that rivaled Miku’s. Inside, in a nest of tissue paper, was a live frog that quickly jumped from the box and into Eve’s lap. Eve let out a startled squeak, swatted the frog back into the box, and slammed the lid back on. “Oh-ho-ho, you little monster!” Eve said and shoved the box into Sakura’s lap.

Miku giggled and squealed because at that moment, Eve gave chase! Sakura let them tear around the ballroom for several minutes before clapping her hands and calling then to calm down in her most regal voice. Then, Eve returned to her chair and Miku bounded back over to the tree and proceeded to quietly open each gift, pausing after each one to show Sakura and Eve what she had been given. Sakura tried to stop yawning and focus on her daughter like Eve was, but she couldn’t tear her mind away from the thought of Hiruka-sensei’s mysterious gift. Why did she have to open it alone? What was in it that she didn’t want Miku or Eve to see?

“Sakura-hime!”

“Yes?”

Eve handed her another badly wrapped gift. “This is from Miku-chan. I made her swear it isn’t another frog, but it could be some other kind of yucky or crawly that I didn’t think of. The monster and Akito-kun were running all around outside yesterday with Akito-kun’s mother and I wasn’t watching them so Kami-sama knows what they could have caught.” Eve shuddered dramatically and leaned back in her chair with her hands over her ears. “Okay, I’m ready for the scream.”

Sakura made a face at Eve and accepted the box from Miku. “Thank you, precious,” she murmured. She carefully unfolded the wrapping paper and Eve whined at her until she ripped it off. Inside was a necklace of shells, sea glass, and polished stones. Eve gasped, jaw dropping into her lap, and Sakura felt tears welling up in her eyes.

“Akito-kun helped me,” Miku said bashfully. “Do you like it, Mommy?”

“Oh, princess, I love it!” Sakura said and knelt down to hug her daughter. “Help me put it on.”

Eve muttered darkly behind them and Sakura heard her scoot off so not to intrude on the moment. Sakura sent her a silent thank you and nuzzled into her daughter. Miku’s small hands pressed tightly against Sakura, gripping the back of her robe. Sakura inhaled, reminded of everything that was him in her child. It was more than just the scent of soil and those deep amber eyes. Miku was… so much like him.

“Miku, you know I love you, right?”

“Yeah,” Miku murmured. “I love you, too, Mom.” 

Sakura felt like crying again, but tapped the lump back down her throat. “Alright, let’s go find Eve-san so we can all have breakfast together and I’ll bring you to Akito-kun’s house for little while later on today. How does that sound?”

“Perfect!” 

“You go look for Eve-san while get dressed, okay?” Sakura murmured and gazed at her daughter at arm’s length.

Miku looked so much like him. The amber eyes set in that too earnest face. Sakura’s pale brown hair framing beautiful features. Miku was the best pieces of both of them, sometimes the only thing that kept Sakura sane anymore. Miku was the only thing she would die for anymore, because she could no longer care for Syaoran. He would now be the part of her past that she never visited anymore, part of the forgotten bits like the memories of her brother on his death bed.

She kissed Miku’s cheek and watched her scamper off.

Sometimes it would be hard, but she would see Prince Jonathon at the banquet later that day and he would distract her soundly from any memories of Syaoran that wanted to rise to the surface. Sakura was going to talk about having a future with him, a future that would turn into a lasting treaty between his country and hers. She stood at the window and gazed at her reflection with a new expression. Right there, she sloughed off the chains of her past. Somehow, she had always wanted to keep those shackled memories so she would always be protected, but she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She had to grow up.

“Prince Jonathon,” she murmured and drew a heart in the steam her breath had created on the window. This time, it wasn’t broken.

In the east, the sun was rising. The day had officially begun.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	6. The Dangerous Party

Some people should die in fires.

A lot of people are like slinkies: not really good for much, but fun to push down the stairs.

Forgive me… I’ve had a bad day… People are stupid so everyone should review.

X X X

The vigorous Christmas party was finally winding down.

Sakura took a deep breath at the top of the stairs just to soothe her ragged nerves. Miku and Akito had been tearing around a palace for hours with Eve hot on their trails, but now it was time for Akito to leave since midnight was fast approaching. Now, there was a life and death game of hide-and-seek going on in the palace. Death because Eve was going to strangle Miku when she got her hands on her and life because Akito was safe from the maid’s wrath. That was pretty much the extent of the night’s events.

Jonathon panted up beside her and leaned on the wall. He had discarded his densely embroidered suit-jacket over a chair early on in the chase and his loose white shirt that was the same color as his skin hung limply on his skinny frame. “Does this happen often, Sakura-san?” He gasped between breaths.

“Almost every single day, John-kun,” Sakura told him and blew a lock of hair out of her face. “Normally, it’s only Eve-san and me chasing Miku, but it’s nice to have help.”

“I’m sure. She’s definitely your daughter… plenty of energy…” He huffed. “Is this how everyone in the country of Clow gets their exercise?”

“Everyone in the palace, at least,” Sakura told him with a laugh and smoothed down her skirt. “The commoners get their exercise chasing Miku’s friend, Akito-kun. These shoes are killing me. Do you mind if I take them off, John-kun?”

“Of course not, Sakura-san,” Jonathon panted. “Shall we run some more?” He offered her his hand as if he had asked her to dance.

Sakura laughed and took his hand once she had discarded her shoes. “You may have this hectic dance, John-kun.” She curtsied and he bowed and then they were racing off after Miku and Akito again.

“This way!” Eve shouted. “They’re headed for the gardens!” She flailed her arms around to get the rest of the hunting party’s attention. “Some Christmas this is turning out to be. Imagine how the conversation with my mother will go. ‘So, Eve-chan, how was your Christmas?’ ‘Oh, it was great, okaa-san. I spent the entire night chasing her highness’s little monster and the monster’s friend.’ I can just hear her now. ‘You what?!’ ”

“Eve-san, if you can catch them, I’ll give you a raise!” Sakura offered, jogging to keep the pace with Eve.

“Perfect, but what about all the unwitting party guests you wrangled into this chase?” Eve asked and they broke into a sprint that only Prince Jonathon could keep up with.

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jonathon puffed. “And if they don’t, Sakura-san is the queen after all. This could be her new royal tradition.”

“I’m hoping this is one tradition Miku grows out of by the time she’s five. Look! There they go! Quick, grab them before they make it to the flowerbeds and we have a repeat performance of a muddy Jackson Pollock palace!” Sakura shouted as she made a lunge for Miku. Eve caught Akito by the back of his pants and hauled him out of the mud, but Sakura wasn’t so lucky. Miku had already gotten into the mud and when Sakura grabbed her, she fell and dragged Sakura in with her.

“Gross, Sakura-hime,” Eve said. She gripped Akito a little tighter and leaned down to look at her highness. “Did you have to fall in the mud on Christmas? I mean, you could have asked me and we would have given you a proper facial.”

“Har, har, Eve-san. Help me up,” Sakura grumbled and flailed mud at her friend.

Jonathon offered her his hand and helped her stumble to her feet. “Sakura-san,” he murmured. He looked about to say something but Sakura cut him off before he could venture any smart comments.

After two hours worth of chase, Akito and his parents were on their way home. Eve bid Prince Jonathon and Sakura goodnight and dragged exhausted Miku upstairs to put her to bed. Sakura lingered at the bottom of the stairs until she heard Miku’s bedroom door shut and Eve walk down the hall to her quarters. Then, she went to the wide picture window at the front of the palace and watched after Akito until he and his parents were out of sight.

“Clow is a peaceful country, Sakura-san. Surely, you don’t need to worry so,” Jonathon murmured and came to stand beside her at the window. 

Sakura shrugged and picked up her translucent shawl from a chair where she had tossed it in favor of pursuing Miku. Now that she wasn’t running anymore, she was chilled. She wrapped it around her shoulders and over her head, drawing it tight. “It’s just the mother in me. I want to make sure everyone’s okay,” she murmured.

Jonathon put a hand on her shoulder and turned her slightly to face him. “I think you make a wonderful mother, Sakura-san,” he said softly. “Forgive me if I’m rushing us, but…”

Us. He had said… us.

Sakura shivered and tried to blame it on the cold. “No, it’s alright,” she whispered and her voice came out a little choked.

“Sakura!” His voice, low, desperate, tormented. Why?

This time, she ignored the urgent whisper next to her ear. She had allowed it to chase her away from the ruins like a frightened child and distract her in the bathroom, but not anymore. She tuned it out and focused on Jonathon as he pushed her shawl away from her face and ran his fingers through her short caramel hair. 

“Sakura!”

She pressed up against Jonathon and wrapped her arms around his waist. A shiver ran down her spine, but she closed her eyes to the sensation and looked at the prince through her heavy lashes. He leaned forward as if to kiss her and she closed her eyes. A lump welled up in her throat when he pressed his lips to hers, but she swallowed it forcefully. He licked her lower lip in an attempt to gain entry to her mouth.

“Sakura!”

She relented at his second try, letting him taste her. His hands pressed her closer as if he would try to absorb her into him and she allowed him to. This was what she needed. She needed to move on with someone like Prince Jonathon who was steady and almost boring, but would never leave her as he had. 

‘This is right,’ she told herself silently. ‘This is right. It’s good for Miku. She’ll finally get a father and I’ll get the love I deserve.’ She clutched the back of Jonathon’s white shirt and let her fingertips graze the bit of exposed skin at his waist. He was cold to the touch, marble-cool, like some kind of living statue. She shivered.

He pulled away and held her at arm’s length. She expected him to ask her if she was cold, to see why she had shivered, but he just looked at her. “You’re beautiful, Sakura,” he murmured. “I could just eat you up. That’s how beautiful you are.” He touched her face and his fingers were the same marble-cold temperature as the rest of him. He tried to push her shawl down off her shoulders.

She sucked in a desperate breath, looking up sharply to meet his hooded hungry eyes. Suddenly, she felt dread in the pit of her belly. “No, John-kun,” Sakura whispered and gripped her shawl tighter. “I can’t do this. Not right now.”

“Come on, Sakura, you can’t be a tease. It’s cruel.” Jonathon pulled at her shawl some more, insistent. “Just let me. It’ll be good for you. I’m sure you haven’t gotten laid in a while, not Clow’s prim and proper queen with a single bastard child. Who’s the father anyway? Some street urchin or I bet it’s that archeologist boy you were infatuated with as a child? Come on, Sakura, I’ll love you and that creature you call a daughter.”

Her jade-green eyes narrowed. “No! Get off me!” She shoved at him, but that cold hand closed around her arm and held painfully tight. “Let go!”

“I see how you are, Sakura,” Jonathon hissed in her face. Even his breath was cool, cold, and Sakura saw mist swirl between their faces. “You’ll spread your legs for the archeologist, but not for someone purebred. That’s okay, you don’t have to agree.”

“Let go!” She brought her heel down hard on his foot, but caused no damage to his hard leather boot.

Jonathon smirked and crunched her bare toes, her shoes having long ago been abandoned. She cried out and struggled vainly against his stone grip on her. “Trust me, Sakura. I’ve been around the block a few times with tramps like you. None of the usual tricks will work on me,” he said.

Tears of agony welled up in her eyes and she blinked them away. She had to be strong now, strong enough to get away from this man. “Help! Eve-san! Help me, anyone!”

He put his face close to hers and grinned gruesomely. “Think about it, Sakura. It’s Christmas. Most of the palace staff has off for the holiday and anyone who’s still around is either asleep or drunk into a solid stupor. You’re on your own.”

“This will mean war between our countries,” Sakura hissed. 

“Will it? Are you going to broadcast that I had my way with you? My family is older and far more powerful that one lousy queen. Do you think you possibly stand a chance? Think about it. No one will want to marry you and your kingdom will fall into ruin if you announce that I’ve had you,” Jonathon explained.

Sakura bit her lip. He was right. At this point, unless someone came to help her, there was nothing she could do.

He pushed down her shawl and unzipped the back of her gown painstakingly slow. “That’s my girl. Are you finished fighting?”

The clock began to toll midnight. When the tolling ended, a new year would have begun.

Jonathon’s breath was cool on her neck, his tongue slimy and foul. Sakura counted the strikes to distract herself. Maybe, by the time the clock was finished tolling the hour, it would all be over. Maybe she would wake up in her bed like this was all just a bad, bad dream.

One.

Jonathon discarded her shawl, the thin sheer fabric tearing loudly. It fluttered to the cold marble floor like the two twin wings of a fallen angel. Then, it just lay on the ground like something that’s life had been stolen, unmoving and no longer beautiful.

Two. 

He pulled her gown off her shoulders, exposing the tops of her breasts and her bra. He lowered his lips to her cleavage, tongue tracing just above the lacy line of her bra. She shuddered, sickened, unwillingly remembering Syaoran’s lips feathering gentle kisses there.

Three.

Jonathon released her arms, but pressed down harder on her bare foot to remind her that he still held inescapable sway over her. He cupped her breasts, squeezing them hard, and ran his hand down the length of her body. Through her thick skirts, he cupped her sex.

Four.

She glared into his face, unwavering. His cold hands raked over her shoulders and face. He pawed through her hair like she was some kind of doll, pulling her head back at a sharp angle that nearly choked her. Her eyes watered, but her glare was still in place.

Five. 

He released her to peel off his shirt. His skin was white underneath and as undefined as plain marble. Ice-cold, he pressed his body against her naked chest. Sakura squirmed, turning her face aside as he tried to kiss her again. He nipped her lip hard, drawing blood.

Six.

He yanked her gown off and lifted her out of it. Then, he stood on her foot again, crushing it purposefully though Sakura did not give him the pleasure of hearing her cry out in pain. This seemed to puzzle him. Maybe the other girls he had raped had screamed for mercy.

Seven.

“Scream for me,” he snarled at her. His face was so close, his eyes seemed to fill up the whole world like the sky above at high noon, but never had she seen something such an ugly shade of blue. It was like poisoned water, shining and deadly.

Eight.

“Never,” she hissed, defiant. She would not give him the satisfaction. So he could break into her body, he could have that, but he would never have her heart and soul. She was stronger than that, braver. She tried to bite him when he leaned in for a kiss.

Nine.

Enraged, he yanked her bra down around her hips and let it hang there like a dead animal. Her naked breasts quivered, nipples rising hard and pert in the cold of the palace air. She tried again to wrench away, pain lancing through her foot and leg. There was no escape.

Ten.

Sakura closed her eyes. Only her panties were between them now, a thin little barrier like her hymen that Syaoran had broken long ago. She knew this would not stop Jonathon now and no one was coming to save her. The palace was still and quiet.

Eleven.

Jonathon freed himself and pulled down her panties. She was completely exposed now, goose bumps prickling her skin. He looked her over from head to toe appreciatively and made a sound low in his throat. She shivered, but made no other expression of fear. She was a queen, after all.

Twelve.

Long arms reached out through the wall. One wrapped around Sakura’s shoulders, sweeping with its embrace a long black cloak of soft cotton, while the other shoved Jonathon backwards with impossible force. A body passed through her, but the arm that coiled around her shoulders drew her after her savior. 

A soft sound escaped her lips. Blood… why did she smell blood?

“What the hell?!” Jonathon sputtered, stumbling. He had cracked the wall where he hit it and wobbled unsteadily, barely on his feet and seeing stars. “Do all your bodyguards pop out of the woodwork or just this one, Sakura?”

“Don’t call her that. You haven’t earned the right, the intimacy,” her savior hissed through clenched teeth. “You should be running as fast as those legs of yours will carry you before I break them. Rats don’t belong in the palace. Leave!”

“Oh, tough guy!” Jonathon snarled. “Do you want to fight over this whore? We could share her fairly—you get the back and I get the front, that way we won’t have to take turns with her.”

Sakura shuddered and the arm drew her closer, pressing her almost within this warm protective body.

“Don’t say such disgusting things,” the voice snarled.

“I’ll say whatever I like. Sakura will allow me to ravage her body. Won’t you, Sakura?” Jonathon took a step forward.

Sakura shivered and shook her head. “No…”

“You heard Sakura-hime. Leave!” 

For an instant, the arm vanished from her shoulders, she heard Jonathon cry out and whimper, but then it was silent. Her legs weakened underneath her, wavered, and she staggered back to lean against the wall for support. She drew the black cloak tightly around her naked freezing body.

“Someone, come get this trash and send it back to where it belongs!”

She cracked open her eyes and looked at her savior through her lashes. The figure was obscured in the shadows cast by the unlit Christmas tree, but tall and slender. Sakura wet her lips to thank whoever had rescued her from Jonathon, but the words caught in her throat before she could force them out. The figure approached her and she blinked, but it did nothing to clear her vision.

“I’m not quite solid yet. Can you see me, Sakura-hime?”

She nodded. “Thank you… for saving me…” Her voice was raspy and weak.

“He must have spooked you badly. Don’t worry, he’s gone.”

“Thank you for that, too.” 

“Are you hurt?”

“No.” Sakura got her legs back under her and stood up. Pain laced, white-hot, up her leg. She nearly sobbed, but smothered the sound with her hand. This was a small price to pay compared to what could have happened. She wiped her mouth with her forearm, but she could still taste him. She could still feel him. She shivered. “My foot just hurts a little,” she confessed when the figure lingered at her side. A bit more of him came into focus.

“Good. I should be able to touch you now. Do you want me to take you to the infirmary or to your room or somewhere else entirely?” The figure asked. He slipped an arm under her shoulders to support her and helped her take a few hobbling steps.

“My room. It’s up the stairs, second door—”

“I know where it is.”

Sakura tensed and struggled a little. “I can walk on my own now. I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.” More of him came into focus though his face was still a swirl of colors and shapes. 

Sakura wondered if maybe she had hit her head or had too much to drink tonight. Was she dreaming? Or passed out in a drunken stupor somewhere? Or had Eve finally gone through with her threats to knock Sakura a good one over the head?

“It shouldn’t be much longer,” the figure muttered, still half-carrying Sakura towards her bedroom.

“Until what?” Sakura asked, but he didn’t answer. Then, they had reached her door and she turned the knob. “I’ll be alright from here. You can let go.”

“Are you sure, Sakura-hime?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” Her foot still hurt, but she could make the few hobbling steps from the door to her bed without hurting herself to much. It had been a long, stressful night and all she wanted now was to sleep for as long as Eve-san would possibly allow. Then, she would pull rank and sleep some more. “Thank you for helping me.” She shut the door in his face and locked it, just in case. Eve had a key anyway.

She heard a muted ‘You’re welcome, Sakura-hime’ and his light footsteps retreated back down the stairs.

It wasn’t until she had staggered into bed and buried her face in her pillow that she realized she hadn’t gotten his name or seen his face. She didn’t even really know if it had been a him, but the voice had been masculine and painfully familiar. She couldn’t place where she knew it from, but she recognized it. 

Her foot ached, but she ignored it. Tomorrow, she would have to announce that Clow would be going to war with Jonathon’s country on the grounds that he had tried to rape her. She hated to do that because Clow was such a peaceful country with few enemies, but she couldn’t let that rat go unpunished. Who knew how many other girls he had forced himself on? Eve would have a fit when Sakura told her what happened, but she would keep this a secret from Miku for as long as she could. Maybe her daughter could stay with Akito and his family for a while. 

Exhausted and hurting, missing her best friend more than ever, Sakura swiftly fell into black unconsciousness. 

That night, her dreams were nightmares and there was no one there to save her…

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	7. The Willing-To-Die Guard

Poor Sakura. She has issues and Syaoran gets the crap end of it per usual. Poor Syaoran.

Chapter Seven!

X X X

Sakura woke up early, bathed in a cold sweat. She was shivering, still naked beneath that black cloak. She sat up, clutching the cloak to her chest. Tear welled up in her emerald eyes because the cloak was undeniable proof that she hadn’t dreamed last night’s events. She choked down a sob and tested her foot. It was black and blue and swollen. There was no way she could hide it from Miku and she would have incredible difficulty getting around the palace. 

Tears ran down her face and dripped on her legs. Why? Why did these things always happen to her? What had she done to deserve this? First, her brother’s slow death, then Syaoran’s disappearance, and her unplanned pregnancy… She hurled the cloak as far away as she could and hobbled to the bathroom. She drew a hot bath and poured in some of her favorite rose-scented bubble bath for emotional support. When the tub was filled, she practically threw herself into the water and then she let herself break down.

She cried for Miku, who would never have a father because Sakura would never again trust any suitor. She cried for herself and the innocence, the trust, she had lost with Jonathon’s betrayal. She cried because she couldn’t have her best friend at her side. Even when she had run out of things to cry for, she couldn’t stop crying. The floodgates in her heart wouldn’t close. Everything that had been building up for years came pouring out.

An hour later, she felt broken and empty. There, in the tub of cold water with her eyes red-rimmed and swollen, Sakura reconstructed her heart. She pushed out everything that had ever hurt her—every painful memory, every dark thought, every lingering action, every cold moment. She built a wall around her shattered heart and a mask to hide how broken her soul was. From now on, she would be a mother and a queen and that was all. She stepped out of the tub and stared at her face in the mirror. She leaned forward, bracing her hands on the vanity to keep some of the weight off her foot, and glared at her reflection.

“We will not hurt anymore,” she told her reflection sternly. 

“No, we will not,” she agreed with herself.

“We do not need anyone.”

“No, we do not.”

“We will be strong and powerful.”

“Yes, we will.”

“We will not cry anymore.”

“No, we will not.”

“We will never, never look back.”

“No, we will not.”

“And we do not need Syaoran,” she told her reflection.

She saw herself hesitate, her jade-green eyes darting away.

She forced her eyes back. “We don’t need him!” she insisted to herself.

Though she was unable to speak those words, she did nod. “Yes,” she whispered.

Then, Sakura put on a black dress and mourned the person she used to be, but then she walked away and left the broken little girl on the floor somewhere behind her. She never looked back, but she wanted too. God, how much she wanted too.

…

“Sakura-hime, there you are!” Eve said and dashed up to Sakura where she was sitting on her brother’s throne, her throne, staring straight ahead. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You never come to the throne room. What are you doing?”

Sakura smiled, sugary and fake. “I’m just thinking. What is it Eve-san?”

Eve shuffled her feet and restlessly smoothed her shirt. “You need to come to the ballroom. Now.”

“Did the tree fall over?” Sakura asked and tilted her head to the side curiously. “What’s wrong, Eve-san? You seem nervous.”

“Just…” Eve glanced around exasperatedly. “Come to the ballroom, Sakura-hime. You have to see this with your own eyes.”

“Why?”

Eve puffed out her cheeks, stomped over to the throne, and stood glaring down at Sakura with her hands on her hips. “Listen, Sakura-hime, I’m not one to blow things out of proportion, but you need to come to the ballroom. Now!” She grabbed Sakura’s wrist and hauled her from the throne, heedless of Sakura’s foot. “Let’s go, your highness,” Eve snapped and looped her arm under Sakura’s shoulders to help her walk.

The ballroom was hectic with activity. Everyone was hung-over, but bustling around and cleaning to the best of their abilities. Several people were taking down the tree because it had suffered during last night’s Christmas banquet. Others gathered trash and scrubbed the floor. Sakura’s shawl, gown, and shoes had been placed on a chair next to the stairs. 

For a moment, Sakura didn’t know what Eve was talking about. Everything looked fine. Everyone was getting along, getting the job done. Then, Eve pointed and Sakura’s mouth ran dry with shock. Her throat clenched, but she worked up some spit and swallowed. In the center of the commotion, smiling and carrying a box of heavy fine China, was someone she thought she would never see again.

“When did he arrive?” Sakura asked Eve. 

“Last night according to him,” Eve murmured. “Do you want me to throw him out?” 

Sakura knew who her mysterious savior was and why he had known where her room was. After all, she wouldn’t have wanted to move into her brother’s chambers and she hadn’t even changed the furniture in her room in four years. She knew why the voice had been so familiar to her. 

Her savior was Syaoran.

She wet her lips, trying to find her voice. “No, no. I want to talk with him. He is Miku’s father, after all,” Sakura told Eve quietly. “Just help me back to the throne room and then send him in. Make sure no one bothers us.”

“Do you want any guards, your highness?” Eve asked as they began to make their way back to the throne room. Sakura was taking Syaoran’s miraculous reappearance better than anyone could have hoped, but Eve was glad Miku was playing with Akito for the day. 

“That won’t be necessary, Eve-san. He’d nev—” she stopped herself, “He won’t hurt me.” She eased herself onto the throne. “Just send him in.”

“Are you sure, your highness?” Eve asked and shuffled again.

“Yes. I told you someone saved me from Prince Jonathon last night, well, it was him.”

Eve’s throat worked furiously and her jaw clenched. “I’ve already put in calls to your generals regarding that cretin,” she snapped. Then, she turned on her heel and hurried off.

Sakura reclined against the throne, her heart sputtering in her chest.

Well, Syaoran was back… 

She wasn’t quite sure what she thought of that.

There was a knock on the door.

“Enter,” Sakura called.

He stepped into the throne room and swept into a low bow. “You’re looking better, Sakura-hime,” Syaoran said politely. “May I ask how your foot is?”

“It’s fine. Nothing time won’t fix, unlike other things,” Sakura said tersely, pointedly.

Syaoran straightened up. He had grown taller and filled out a little in the four years he had been gone though he was still rail-thin. His voice was a bit deeper, had lost the squeak of adolescence, and more gentle. His eyes—Miku’s eyes—were still the same rich warm amber, but they had grown barred and guarded. Everything else about him was the same: his dark chocolate hair, unblemished skin, the set of his jaw, the way he carried himself, the warmth of him… She couldn’t chase away the lingering feeling of being in his arms.

Sakura knew she had changed greatly. Her body had filled out and developed the beautiful womanly features she hadn’t had as a teen. Her breasts were full and round, her body had always been shapely but her curves were more pronounced now, and there was darkness in her beautiful emerald eyes. It was all new. Though some things hadn’t changed: not her bright personality or her smile or the way she bounced when she walked. Now, with her mask and the walls in place, everything was fake.

They stood silently in the throne room, staring at each other. 

Sakura was the first to speak. “I’m not going to fall back into your arms, you know,” she said bitterly. “What do you want?”

Hurt flashed briefly across Syaoran’s handsome face, but he hid it quickly behind a smile. “I heard from the maids that you have a daughter. She looks about four,” he ventured. “May I inquire who the father is, Sakura-hime?”

“It’s you and I’d appreciate it if you kept that information to yourself,” Sakura told him shortly. “Is that all you wanted?”

“No,” Syaoran said. “I’ve come to the palace in search of work.”

“You could work in the town.”

“I heard there is a war coming. Many assassins will be coming, Sakura-hime. I can help you—”

“I do not require your help. I have enough bodyguards to protect both myself and my daughter.”

He looked at her and their eyes met for an instant. “I assure you that you have no one like me among your guards.”

“Oh? And what kind of guard would you be?”

“The kind that would die for you.” There was nothing but heart-breaking honesty in his amber eyes.

Sakura had to take a deep breath to calm herself. “What makes you think I have no guards that would die for me?”

Syaoran crossed the room and knelt at her feet, his eyes shining. “I implore you. Please, Sakura-hime, let me protect you.” He tried to touch her hand, but she jerked it away and glared savagely at him. “I will not leave until you do.”

“I’ll have you thrown out,” Sakura snarled.

“I will come back.”

“I’ll have you killed.”

His face flashed with hurt again. “Will you?”

Sakura tensed angrily. “I will. I’ll have you hung in the streets like some common monster.”

“Alright,” Syaoran murmured. “I’ll go willingly once you have won your war.”

“Either leave this instant or you’ll go now!”

“Sakura-hime,” he murmured. “Your entire army could not capture me. I’m stronger that I was before.” His eyes were deadly serious, darkened to rich honey-gold.

“So am I.”

Syaoran’s mouth twisted into a sorrowful gruesome smile. “Funny. You didn’t seem all that strong when I rescued you from that rat last night. Any later and he may have had his way with you. Tell me, has that become the extent of your strength? Beaten by a handsome man with terrible intentions, Sakura-hime? Have you fallen that far? Weakened that much?” 

Sakura bristled and her fingers dug into the arms of the throne. “You will die for your pompous assumptions!” She was going to shout for her guards because at that moment, she truly hated him enough to kill him—to kill the boy who had once been her best friend, but things had changed. They weren’t friends anymore. She opened her mouth, but in the instant she hesitated, Syaoran was above her.

He pinned her wrists to the arms of the throne, holding her down forcefully but not cruelly. His slim waist fit between her parted legs like it belonged there and Sakura found her knees clenching around him on their own accord. The scent of him—soil and wood and soap, just like it had always been—and the heat of him all around her momentarily distracted her. His face was inches from hers, warm breath tickling her lips. He caught he eyes and held them though she wouldn’t have looked away from him like a child anyway.

“Get off of me,” she snarled. 

“Take me on as one of your guards and I will,” he demanded.

“You’re in no position to make any demands,” she hissed.

He shoved his body tightly against hers, crushing her to the padded back of the throne. Her legs lifted up over his hips automatically to relieve some of the pressure on the muscles of her inner thighs, but it only pressed his closer to her core. A tingle of fear rushed down her spine, but she overcame it quickly.

“Get off me!”

Syaoran pressed his forehead against hers, forcing her head back. He burned her with his eyes and she squirmed. 

“Let me go or I’ll hurt you!” She growled.

“Go ahead.”

She clenched her teeth, wrenched her head out from under his, and smashed her forehead into his nose. She heard a satisfying crack, but Syaoran didn’t even flinch. A cold finger of shock made its way down her spine. She had seen Eve break the nose of a belligerent drunk that wouldn’t leave Sakura alone one night and the man had dropped like a rock. Suddenly, she felt very cold.

“Is that all?” Syaoran asked quietly. He loosened his grip on her wrists and put a bit of space between their bodies. “Sakura-hime, we were friends once. You used to trust me to protect you and I’m not asking you to forgive me for how I’ve hurt you or take me back in any way. Please, just let me protect you again,” he whispered.

His quiet confession took the wind from her sails. She closed her eyes and nodded once. “Alright, just until the war is over. After that, consider yourself a dead man,” Sakura told him. 

He smiled sadly. “Of course, Sakura-hime,” he said and stepped back from the throne. He swept into a low bow, turned on his heel, and left the throne room. The door swung closed quietly behind him with a click and Sakura was alone.

She felt as if she had sold her soul to the devil and the devil had once been her best friend, her first love.

Eve appeared in the doorway. She said nothing, but simply walked up to Sakura and hugged her tightly. “It’ll be okay, Sakura-hime,” she said softly, soothingly. “Everything’s going to be okay. If you believe in it enough, it’ll happen. It will.” Eve brushed her hand through Sakura’s hair. “So don’t cry, Sakura-hime.”

“Cry?” Sakura whispered.

Eve pulled back from her. “Yes, don’t cry,” she said.

“I’m not crying.” But when Sakura touched her cheeks, her hands came away wet.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns?

Review!


	8. The Trip to the Oasis

Handyman’s law: cut to fit, beat into place!

Chapter Eight!

X X X

Eve was not happy to say the least. First of all, Miku had already managed to sneak outside for a quick romp in the muddy flowerbeds and built an entire city of disgusting buildings. Second of all, Syaoran was back was apparently now one of her highness’s bodyguards—one of her personal bodyguards, at that. She had nothing against Syaoran personally. He had been a nice kid, Sakura’s best friend, but he had also hurt Sakura more than anyone else and she resented him for that. She glared at him out of the corner of her eye, but his smile and polite behavior was making it hard to stay angry at him for very long. 

The trio trudged down the palace halls on their way to Sakura’s bedroom. Eve had Miku by the arm and was dragging her along with her usual no-nonsense manner and Syaoran walked quietly along beside them. Eve had caught him casting longing little glances at Miku as they walked. Well, he was the little monster’s father after all… 

Eve knocked on Sakura’s door and waited for an answer since Syaoran was there. After a moment with no response, Eve knocked again and grumbled under her breath. “I bet her highness is dead asleep,” she muttered. “I’d need a marching band to so much as disturb that girl. Wait here while I wake up her highness,” she ordered Syaoran.

“Of course, Eve-dono,” Syaoran agreed and smiled politely.

Once she had dragged Miku through the doorway and closed the door, Eve let out a relieved sigh. Something about him bothered her. It felt like he was keeping a big secret from everyone—not necessarily a bad secret, but a secret none the less. “Rise and shine, your highness!” Eve called and unleashed Miku on her sleeping mother. “Up and at ‘em!”

Sakura groaned, but rolled over onto her back immediately. That was a welcomed change. At least Eve wouldn’t have to tear the pillows and blankets off the bed. Miku bounded onto the bed and pounced on her mother.

“Morning, Mommy! I love your new booty-guard!” The little girl said cheerfully.

Sakura cringed. “Bodyguard, sweetie,” she corrected and kissed Miku’s forehead. “Did you dream good dreams last night?”

“Always! Can I play with Akito today? Please, please, please?!”

Sakura laughed. “Not today, precious,” she said. “Today, you get to play with me. I’ve cleared my whole day to spend with you! Does that measure up to a day with Akito-kun?” She ruffled Miku’s long hair which was loose for once and muddy as usual.

“Yay! A whole day with Mommy!” Miku shouted and began jumping on the bed, bouncing so high that Sakura wondered if she’d manage to hit her head on the ceiling. “I can’t wait! What are we going to do first, Mommy?!”

“What do you want to do?” Sakura asked. 

Miku stopped bouncing and looked as if she were thinking very hard, even going so far as to put her small fingers to her chin like Sakura did. “I want to…” Suddenly, her face lit up and she grinned from ear to ear. “I want to go to the oasis! And to the marketplace and get apples! And—”

“Hold on, baby.” Sakura said and caught Miku’s hands while she bounced. “Let’s just start with that and work our way through the rest of you list after lunch!”

“I want Mommy to bounce on the bed with me!”

“Alright, but just for a short while. You remember I dropped that horrible heavy box on my foot and hurt it. Hiruka-sensei fixed it up very well, but she said I shouldn’t be on it more than I have to, remember?” Sakura reminded Miku.

“Oh, right,” Miku said and giggled. “That’s okay! Mommy’s new booty-guard can carry her to the oasis and to the marketplace and to lunch and everywhere else we go! He can be my pretend Daddy for the day!” The little girl jumped off the bed and made a dash for the door, but Eve intercepted her by some of her trailing hair.

“Oh no, you don’t. You’re staying with me. We’re going to get you cleaned up and fed before you go anywhere with her highness,” Eve said. She glanced at Sakura as they left the room and felt a swell of hurt for the young queen. 

Sakura was frozen in shock and all the blood had drained from her beautiful face. Miku didn’t know how close she had been to the truth. When they passed Syaoran, he put on a smile and made a show of being happy, but Eve saw sadness in his amber eyes. She also noticed that he had gone chalky pale.

“I’ll stay here and wait for Sakura-hime, Eve-dono,” Syaoran offered.

“You do that. Make sure she doesn’t try to go back to sleep or go shirking off,” Eve ordered. “Or it’ll be your head I cut off instead of hers!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Eve didn’t look back as she carted Miku down the hall, but she felt Syaoran staring after them. Fate had cheated Sakura and Syaoran of the love and the life they should have had. What cruel god had tossed them back together under such circumstances?

…

Sakura tried to push what Miku had said to the back of her mind and forget about it, but it haunted her. ‘He can be my pretend Daddy for the day!’ Miku was so close to the truth, the dark secret truth. Sakura shook her head to dislodge her thoughts, tossed back the covers, and put her cold feet on the floor. She limped to the bathroom, started the shower, and then pulled some fresh clothes from her closet. She’d need some boots or something to protect her foot. She showered quickly so she could beat Eve-san and Miku to the kitchen and get some breakfast before they started their day. Half-dressed and barefoot, Sakura opened her bedroom door and limped out into the hall.

“Sakura-hime!” 

Startled, Sakura turned around and quickly buttoned the last button on the front of her shirt. “What are you doing here?” She snapped at Syaoran. She wasn’t sure how much of his honesty she could take today and those eyes of his were pressing on her nerves. Why did he have to be so righteous and earnest? It would be easier to hate him and ignore him if he wasn’t being so nice.

“I promised Eve-dono that I’d make sure you made it safely to breakfast.”

“This is my home. I’m quite fine in the palace.” Sakura snapped and turned around. She limped down the hallway, hoping that he’d stay by her door and leave her alone so Eve could kill him when she came back. “I have other guards, you know?”

“I know…” She heard his footsteps behind her, keeping pace with her a few strides behind.

She groaned.

“I… I won’t say anything to your daughter,” Syaoran ventured. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

That was laughable and she told him so. “If you were going to stop hurting me, you should have done it a long time ago! I’ve suffered so much because of you!” She felt sick to her stomach, dizzy, and her vision swam. “When I needed you most, you were gone!”

He hesitated. “I know and I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late for that.”

Sakura slammed the ballroom doors in his face, but he followed anyway. Eve entered behind him with Miku, cleaned up and struggling, in her grip. Though the little girl quieted when she laid eyes on Syaoran’s tall slender figure.

“Mommy’s booty-guard!” Miku shrieked and wrestled away from Eve to throw her arms around Syaoran’s knees. “You’re so tall! Phooey!” Miku mumbled, stepped back, and tugged on his hand. “Squat down a little!”

Syaoran looked down on her with mock seriousness. “Why don’t you stretch yourself taller, Princess?”

“I can’t. I’m only four!” And she showed him on her fingers. 

“When I was four, I was twice your size.”

Miku pouted, staring him up and down as if she were sizing him up. Sakura was about to intervene when Miku’s face lit up. “I’m the princess! I hereby order you to squat down a little or else I’ll tell my mommy that you ignored a royal order! So there,” and she stuck her tongue out at him.

Syaoran smiled. “How can I resist that, your highness?” He knelt down and put his hand over his heart. “What are my princess’s wishes?”

“WOW!” Miku said and put her hands on his face. “Look, your eyes are just like mine! Look Mommy! Look Eve-san! He has eyes just like mine! Amber-colored! Yay, I’m not the only one anymore!” Then, she was distracted again. “Who are you? What’s your name? Do you have any nicknames? What can I call you?” She seemed like she was going to go on forever and Syaoran was just smiling serenely so Eve kicked him and gestured for him to interrupt the princess.

“Hold on, princess,” Syaoran said and put a finger to her lips. “My name is Syaoran and I’m one of her highness’s bodyguards, but you can call me whatever you want,” Eve flailed her arms at him, “within reason,” he added at her prompting.

Miku thought very hard. “Can I call you… Syao-kun?” She asked cheerfully and laced her hands together behind her back.

“Of course,” Syaoran said and smiled.

“Yay! You smiled for me! Syao-kun smiled for me!” Miku hurled herself at him, throwing him off-balance so he had to windmill frantically for a moment. Then, he collapsed on his back and Miku gave a startled squeak. They were both laughing, staring at each other. Syaoran would be a perfect tireless playmate, almost as good as Akito, just more responsible.

Eve slipped over to Sakura, who was looking on at the scene with something akin to longing and terror. “Sakura-hime, I think this’ll be good for Miku-chan,” Eve said softly. “She needs some male interaction other than Akito-kun. Syaoran-san is a good match. He’ll defend her to the death. I can tell by looking at him. Every time she moves, he moves a little too.” 

“I know,” Sakura said and it sounded like a sob. “I know. As a mother, I want him to spend time with Miku because she needs this, but as me… I wish he wasn’t in my life again. It would be easier if he wasn’t so close.”

Eve squeezed Sakura’s shoulder. “If only it were that easy, Sakura-hime. Many of life’s problems could be solved if people weren’t so close, but I think Syaoran-san genuinely wants to help you and Miku-chan. I think you should give him a chance… just a little chance.” Then, she walked away to reign in the pair. Syaoran had Miku pinned and was tickling her relentlessly while she shrieked and laughed.

“What would I do without you, Eve-san?” 

“Oh, you’d just shrivel up and blow away,” Eve said. “Hey! You two, settle down! Don’t forget it’s still early and people are sleeping!” 

“Sorry, Eve-dono,” Syaoran said and helped Miku up. He dusted her off a little, but Eve told him not to bother. “Shall we have some breakfast, Princess?”

“Of course, Syao-kun! I’m starving and cook makes the best food!” Miku cheered. She grabbed his hand and started to drag him off to the dining room, but he stopped her with a short jerk and caught her before she could fall on her butt.

“Hold on, Princess,” Syaoran said gently. “We have to wait for your mother and Eve-dono. Sakura-hime hurt her foot, remember?”

“Oh, right!” Miku shouted, released his hand, and bounded back to her mother. “Come on, Mommy! I’m starving! Can Syao-kun come with us today?”

Sakura’s blood grew chilled in her veins, but she smiled. “Sweetie, I was planning on bringing Draco with us today…”

“But Draco’s a ninja! He’s so quiet and boring! I want to bring Syao-kun!” Miku pleaded and hung on Sakura’s hand. “Please, Mommy! Pretty please! I’ll be good, I promise!”

“For how long?” Eve interjected.

“For a whole week, Eve-san,” Miku said with a cheeky smile. “I promise.”

Syaoran put a hand on her head. “And I’ll hold her to it,” he offered, “if it’s alright with the princess.”

Miku squealed.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake! Miku-chan behaving for an entire week! Be still my heart or I think it might burst! You’d better agree, Sakura-hime! The stakes are too high!” Eve said dramatically and clasped her hands over her chest.

Sakura smiled and held out her arms for her daughter. “Alright, baby, but only because Eve-san agrees with you. Now, you’d better behave for an entire week!” Miku scampered away from Syaoran and launched herself into Sakura’s arms. 

“But, I’ll always love Mommy best!” Miku said and placed a kiss on Sakura’s cheek. “Forever and ever and ever! No matter what!”

“Well, I should hope you would,” Eve said plainly. “Let’s go! You guys are so easily distracted! Remember what we’re here for? Breakfast, maybe?”

“Yay, breakfast!” Miku cheered and jumped from Sakura’s arms. “Come on, Syao-kun! Let’s go! Come on!”

“Yes princess…” Syaoran said. “Eve-dono, will you and Sakura-hime be alright?”

“We’ve faired fine without you for the past four years and I’m sure we can last another few minutes,” Eve sniped and made a shooing motion with her hands. “Just don’t let the little monster run you too ragged, Syaoran-san.”

He looked a little startled at the sound of his name, but hid it quickly. “Of course, Eve-dono.”

“Syao-kun!”

“I’m coming, Princess.” He took several long strides across the room and then he and Miku vanished through the swinging door of the kitchen.

“I’ve never seen Miku-chan so happy!” Eve whispered to Sakura as they made their way into the kitchen as well. “She must really like Syaoran-san. Are you going to tell her that he’s…? Well, that he’s her father…?” Eve ventured. “She has a certain right to know.”

Sakura pulled at her dress. “When she’s older, old enough to understand, I’ll tell her everything. I’ll tell her about the mistakes I made and why I made them,” she murmured more to herself than Eve. “I will tell her, but not yet.”

“Sakura-hime—” 

“No!” She snapped. “I cannot give him another chance! I will not let him hurt Miku the way he did me! I won’t allow it! I’ll kill him myself before I let him hurt her!”

Eve grasped Sakura by her shoulders and shook her roughly. “Your highness, take a breath and look at them.” She waited until Sakura had calmed down before turning the girl’s head in their direction. “Does it look like he’ll hurt her? Miku-chan is his daughter, too. You don’t have to give him a chance with you ever again, that ship has sailed and sunk, but Miku-chan needs her father.” She rubbed Sakura’s arms. “Now, I want you to forget all the anger and fear you have towards him. Stop projecting it on to Miku-chan. You want to protect her because there was no one there to protect you, but she’s alright. Okay, Sakura-hime? Just give it time.”

Sakura nodded slowly.

Right, time heals all wounds… 

She took a deep breath. ‘I have more important things to worry about. I have a war coming. I have to meet with the war counsel and assemble my generals and disrupt Clow’s peace and I have to send people to their deaths…’ Strangely enough, those thoughts didn’t make her feel any better.

…

The oasis was beautiful, as usual. Towering palm trees swayed in the hot desert breeze, warming the deep shadows. The grass was high and lush, thicker than usual because monsoons were on their way, while the water hole was a little low. Strangely, the oasis was deserted. Everyone would probably be staying close to Clow until the war had blown over. 

‘How sad,’ Sakura thought. ‘It’s beautiful here.’ 

Upon seeing the distant patch of green, Miku had bounded away from Syaoran and disappeared in the dense foliage. He had shuffled nervously, looking from Sakura to the place where Miku had vanished until she told him not to worry. Sakura was tired and her foot hurt, sending white-hot stabs of pain up her leg with each step. She was ready to collapse, but smiled dazzlingly each time Syaoran asked her if she was alright. She would show him no weakness.

But finally, eagerly, Sakura collapsed in the grass at the waters’ edge and watched Miku splash into the water. The girl splashed through the water until it was waist high, then she waved to Syaoran and begged him to come in with her. He declined, but came down to the little strip of sand and agreed to build a castle with her. Sakura watched them for a while and, when the stabbing pain in her leg subsided into a dull throb, she joined them.

“Mommy!” Miku shouted and crawled over Syaoran’s extended legs to clamber into Sakura’s lap. “Look at our castle! Isn’t it gorgeous?”

“Yes, sweetie, absolutely lovely.”

Miku grinned and bounced into the water. “Come on Syao-kun! Come swimming with me!”

He smiled. “We’ve gone over this, Princess. I can’t swim.”

Something clenched inside Sakura’s chest. ‘Lying? Why is he lying?’ 

“It’s okay, Syao-kun! I can teach you! I can swim really well! Mommy taught me!” Miku grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. He went along with her until the water was knee-deep and then he scooped her up and tossed her playfully.

“It’s alright, Princess. I’ll play with you from here.” He had one hand pressed over the area below his collarbone, but above his heart—pressed there as if he had something to hide. 

“Please, Syao-kun?!”

“I’m working, Princess, and I can’t swim.” 

‘Lying, why was he lying?’

Sakura almost sold him out, almost called his lie out into the open so that Miku would hate him and so that she could push him away, but then she remembered what Eve had said: ‘Give him a chance.’ She angled her head and watched him suspiciously. 

He glanced at her and she saw darkness in his barred eyes. He looked directly at her, caught her gaze and held it, then he mouthed, ‘Don’t say anything to her. I’m sorry.’

Sakura bristled. “Miku, come now. You know better. Leave him alone,” she reprimanded. 

“Fine,” Miku whined and swam out into the center of the water hole. She stayed there, sulking, and Syaoran returned to shore. He sat down a little ways from Sakura, keeping his back to her and quietly brushing sand off his wet pants. 

“Hey,” Sakura whispered sharply. 

“Yes, Sakura-hime?” He responded, equally quiet.

“You’re explaining yourself when we get back to the palace and away from Miku’s ears. I know you lied.”

He pressed his hand to his chest again and winced. “You’ll thank me. I’m sure you wouldn’t want her to know…”

Miku bounded out of the water and leaped into Sakura’s lap, settling against her mother. Her eyes drifted closed abruptly and she was asleep in seconds. It was getting late anyway and she would be easier to leave if she was out cold. Though Sakura wanted to shout at Syaoran then and there, demand why he had lied to her daughter, she didn’t and only said, “You’ll have to carry Miku.”

“Of course, Sakura-hime,” he said and gently lifted up the little girl. She snuggled against him like she belonged there with a contented sigh.

Then, they made their way back to the palace. They walked slowly because of Sakura’s foot though she hadn’t said anything to Syaoran. The sun had sunk low and night had descended by the time they reached the palace and found Eve in the onset of panic.

“Eve-dono, is something wrong?” Syaoran asked as he and Sakura enter the palace. 

“Oh, thank Kami-sama that you’re alright, your highness!”

An icy stab of dread ran down Sakura’s spine. “Eve-san, what happened?” She tried to keep her voice low and even, but it was unable to. Her hands were trembling and she clenched them in the material of her dress. “Eve-san, tell me what’s going on?”

“Your bodyguards! They were shuffling around the safe room today as you requested as a decoy in case any assassins came to the palace looking for you, but they’re… they’re…!” Eve took a deep breath to calm herself and said in a voice that was remarkably even, “Each and every one of your bodyguards are dead.”

Sakura’s blood froze in her veins and her heart skipped several beats. “What?”

“They’re all dead,” Eve repeated. “Your highness, they’re all dead. I was the one who found them, all of them, hacked to pieces.” Her voice broke. “There was so much blood.”

Sakura’s legs buckled underneath her, but she caught Eve for support and managed to stay on her feet. “Was anyone else hurt? Yukito-san or any of the palace staff?”

Eve shook her head. “No. Yukito-san left earlier this morning, just after you, to return to his church. Thank Kami-sama for small favors.”

Sakura took another deep breath. “I’ll speak with the war counsel, right now.”

“But, what about the guards? You have no one to protect you and Miku-chan, Sakura-hime,” Eve said and gripped Sakura’s shoulders tightly. 

“I… I don’t know. Eve-san, I want you and everyone else in the palace to leave!”

“Then you and Miku-chan will be alone, your highness!”

Syaoran took a step forward and stood quietly beside the girls until they noticed his presence. Sakura turned to look at him and her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears, but her gaze was hateful, distrusting. “Sakura-hime, if I may be so bold as to say, I can protect both you and the princess,” he murmured.

“No, I want you to leave with Eve-san!” Sakura shouted. She snatched Miku from his arms and pressed her close. “Leave me alone!” Then she collapsed on her knees and sobbed into Miku’s soft pale hair, still damp with water from the oasis. It was hard to believe that only an hour ago, they had been happy and frolicking. Sakura felt sick. She doubled over and sobbed, entire frame shivering as if it would break. 

Eve went to touch the girl, but Syaoran put his hand out to stop her. He knelt at Sakura’s side and raised her chin. The sight of her nearly broke him. Sakura was so small, so thin and fragile, she always had been but she had the heart of a lion. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to suffer. Her eyes were red and starry with sadness and broken—shattered into thousands of shards—deep inside. 

“Sakura-hime…” He smoothed some hair back from her face and she flinched, opening her mouth to protest. “You trusted me once. Please, I haven’t earned it, but put your trust in me again. I can help you if you’d let me.”

A single tear swelled up on her lashes, hung there for a moment like a jewel, and finally ran down her beautiful face. She looked down at Miku, resting so peacefully in her arms, oblivious to the world and all of its troubles. Sakura closed her eyes and, then, she whispered softly, “Okay.”

Syaoran smiled and stepped back so Eve could help Sakura to her feet. Then, he gently took Miku from her mother’s arms. Sakura wiped her eyes on her sleeve and he saw her set her jaw stubbornly like she often used to when she decided to do something that she didn’t really want to do. 

The plans were made immediately. The palace staff was to leave, just to keep them out of harm’s way, including Eve though the maid had protested valiantly. Sakura’s top generals would arrive by the next day and would bring with them some of their best soldiers to protect Sakura. (For tonight, Syaoran would have to do.) Then, they would discuss strategies for going to war with Jonathon’s country should the compromises fail as Sakura was sure they would. They would plan for the worst and hope for the best and, for now, that was all they could do.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	9. The Scars He Hides and Lies

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes and run like hell!

Chapter Nine!

X X X

Everyone was gone. The palace was emptier than it had been after her brother had died. Four years ago, only Sakura, Yukito, Eve, and three guards had been the only people in the entire palace, but Sakura had only been more haunted by the absence of activity and everyone had come back within two days of Toya’s funeral. Now, Sakura was still haunted by the echoes of the palace and everyone would be gone for an indefinite amount of time. 

Sakura limped to the ballroom, which had been the base of operations while everyone had been getting ready to go. Miku was curled up in a chair there, wrapped in a blanket Eve had brought down with Syaoran’s coat gripped in her small hands because she had refused to release it to the point where he had to take it off. Sakura sat down heavily, pulled her daughter into her lap and held her tightly. She had to be strong, she couldn’t cry, but she was so tired. All she wanted was to sleep forever… She sighed deeply and sagged against the back of the chair.

Thunder rumbled in the distance outside. The monsoon storm that had been threatening the skies for most of the evening was finally going to come through. Sakura hoped everyone would be alright and that lightning would strike anyone who was coming to kill her. Thunder crashed like something breaking, closer now, and Miku stirred in her sleep. The little girl hated storms, terrified to death of them so Sakura prayed that she would sleep all through the night. She smoothed some of Miku’s hair and looked around at the emptiness of the palace. 

Syaoran was standing at the window, looking out, surely watching the last of the servants until they were out of sight. Then, he let the curtains slide closed and crossed the room to stand closer to Sakura. “Would you like to go upstairs and sleep in your room?” He asked gently.

“The ballroom is a more defendable position,” Sakura mumbled and pulled Miku closer. “We should stay here until the generals arrive tomorrow.”

“I’m sure your enemies won’t try anything else tonight. They most likely expect you to cower and panic so that you’re tired in the morning and are easier to manipulate,” Syaoran pointed out quietly, helpfully. 

“I’m too tired. We’ll stay here,” Sakura murmured.

“I could carry you…” 

“Not both of us at once and I’m not leaving Miku alone.”

“Have you forgotten, Sakura-hime? I used to run with you in my arms…” He trailed off. “I’m sorry…” 

Sakura swallowed. She looked at him, but he had turned his face away. Those beautiful straight-forward amber eyes were hidden in the dark shadow created by his bangs. His throat was working furiously, flashing as he breathed.

“If,” Sakura began quietly, “you think you can carry us both, then let’s go upstairs. Go to my brother’s room. I’m sure you remember where it is. It’s more easily defended than my room is—less windows—and it’s bigger.”

Syaoran dipped his head. “Of course, Sakura-hime.” 

She actually found tremor of nervousness forming in the pit of her stomach, but it wasn’t the cold writhing mass she had been feeling since they had returned to the palace. This was more a tremble of excitement that she quickly shoved into the back of her mind by adjusting Miku in her arms.

“Lift your legs, Sakura-hime, please,” Syaoran murmured. He slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back, bridal style, and carefully lifted her from the chair. He jostled her for a moment to settle her in his arms. Miku lolled against him though Sakura remained ramrod straight and leaned away from him. “Sakura-hime,” he whispered. “I can’t carry you like this. You’ll have to relax.”

“I can’t,” she hissed defensively. “You might drop me.” 

He was quiet for a moment. “I won’t drop you, I promise.”

“You promised never to leave me either and look how that turned out. I’m not trusting your promises anymore.” She squirmed, pushing her elbow into his ribs, and he winced. “Let me down. I’ve changed my mind.”

He pressed her to him, holding her tightly, and strode quickly up the stairs. He didn’t put her down once they reached the top even though she threatened him and rammed her elbow into his stomach savagely. He carried her down the hallway, passed her bedroom, shuffled her body a bit, and opened the door to her brother’s old room. Only then did he set her carefully back on her feet.

Sakura glared at him and held Miku very tightly. “I hate you, you know that right?”

His shoulders spasmed. “Yes, but I had hoped that you wouldn’t…” 

Sakura limped to the bed, pulled down the blankets, and tucked Miku in. She had to force angry tears back down her throat. Then, she advanced on Syaoran again with fire in her eyes and shouted at him as quietly as she could. “You hoped that I wouldn’t hate you?! You left me alone when I needed you the most! My brother was dead! I was taking the throne! I lost my virginity to you and found out I was pregnant! Do you know how scared I was? I was going to raise a child all by myself—without my best friend who was also the father! There are few people with a worse situation than that!”

He flinched at each declaration and he had grown white, chalky pale. She was inches from him and his back was against the wall. She clenched her hands into fists and grabbed the front of his shirt. She would have liked to have been strong enough to toss him across the room like a dog with a rabbit or even shake him a little, but her foot hurt and she was exhausted so she settled for tugging on the cloth.

“I searched everywhere for you! Every day! I walked through the village even when I was in my last month of pregnancy, hoping I could find you and you would be there to hold my hand like my father did for my mother. Do you know how people looked at me?! I was sixteen and pregnant and their queen!” She yanked on his shirt and a long rip slithered down the front of his shirt, but she ignored it. “Then, I had Miku…” Her anger faded, subsided. “When Yukito-san handed her to me for that first time and she opened her eyes and looked at me, I thought I was looking at you.” She swallowed. “She was the best thing in my life, my whole world, the only thing that kept me going. She grew up to be so much like you and it hurt so much…” 

Syaoran shuddered.

Then, Sakura realized she was spilling her soul to him and stumbled abruptly away. She tripped on her own feet and fell hard on her butt. She stayed there, exhausted and spent and trembling, shamed on the floor like something used and tossed away. She quickly tried to erect the walls around her heart again, but she was too tired and then Syaoran collapsed as well. He hit his knees first and then sat down heavily on his legs, bracing his bodyweight on his hands. He was trembling.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

Then, Sakura saw it and choked on the stinging comment she had been going to make. Just below his collarbone and above his heart, twisting almost to his sternum, was a jagged white scar. It was thick and deep, leaving a crevice in his flesh that cast a shadow on his pale otherwise unblemished skin. It was in the same place she had seen his pressing his hand earlier at the oasis.

Sakura pointed with a trembling hand and whispered, “Wh-what is that?”

He pulled his shirt closed with on hand and turned so she was only looking at his shadowed profile. “I had hoped you were doing better than I was. It was my only comfort all these years,” he whispered. “I always thought of you and hoped you were alright.”

Suddenly, Sakura felt sick. She had always thought of her own troubles, but never once had she wondered what happened to him. What had he gone through in these four years? Where had that huge painful-looking scar come from?

“Wh-where have you been all these years?” She whispered. 

He was still trembling. “You’d never believe me…” 

“You owe it to me. Tell me!” 

Syaoran was quiet for a long time as if working up the nerve to speak. Then, finally he murmured, “I’ve been in another world.”

“Tell me…” Sakura ordered softly. 

…

_Four years ago, Syaoran was standing on the front step of his messy house. It was still early with the sun just peeking through the ruins to the east so no one else was about yet. He was only half-dressed, just in his cleanest pair of dirty pants with a blanket drawn around his shoulders. Sakura was inside, still asleep, and he planned to let her sleep for as long as he could, but he couldn’t lie in bed any longer. He was restless, mind whirling with thoughts and feelings._

_King Toya was dead. That meant Sakura stood to inherit the throne on top of everything else and she had no one to teach her. Syaoran decided to put the dig at a standstill and devote all his attention to helping his best friend get through this._

_No, not best friend. The love of his life._

_Last night had easily been the best night of his life. Being able to have Sakura in body as well as soul and hold her all night had been pure bliss. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks at the memories that rose to the surface. The taste of her had been heaven, sweet and warm. She had gripped his shoulders and mewled like a kitten whenever he touched her and whimpered when he stopped. Her hands were soft and small wrapped around him, as dainty as the hands of a doll. The brush of her satiny-smooth skin against his, the whisper of her pale brown hair against his shoulders and face, her petal-soft lips on his throat, the sounds she made…_

_He smiled._

_He could see himself making a life with her, awkwardly learning to live in the palace and hearing her laugh at his plights. Standing beside her but a little behind when she ruled. He saw children that looked like her, soft and kind with smiles as warm as spring._

_King Toya had even given them his blessing though he had often tried to sabotage their relationship._

_Toya…_

_The smile dropped from Syaoran’s face. His father had always said that it would get worse before it’d get better._

_“Guess that’s true…” Syaoran murmured._

_Then, a dark smoky hand appeared in his peripheral vision, but it had covered his face before he could react. A sharp acrid scent stung his nostrils and filled his lungs with pinpricks of icy pain. He heard Sakura call for him and hoped that she wouldn’t come outside. He prayed that this monster wouldn’t get her, too. He wouldn’t be able to rest if it did, but even if it killed him, that was alright as long as she was safe. Black clouded his vision, encroached at the edges._

_“Syaoran?”_

_A long tear appeared in the air in front of him, sickly green around the edges though it looked out into the clean street of a bustling city. Syaoran was shoved through and darkness took him before he hit the cobblestones._

…

“I tried so hard to get back, but I was always caught.” Syaoran hesitated, clenching his hand over that scar and digging his nails into his thigh. “I was punished, tortured, so many times, but I thought if I could just get back to Clow…” He shuddered and pressed harder on the scar as if to break the bones underneath. “He was always sure not to leave a mark on my body, said I was too beautiful for that. The things he did to me… had done to me…” 

Sakura wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him as she once would have, but she wouldn’t allow herself that.

Syaoran continued quietly. “He always broke bones beneath the skin where no one could see, my ribs and the small bones in the backs of my hands. Sometimes, if my escape had never been fully realized or I was able to make up some believable excuse, he’d rip out fingernails or drip hot wax on me… in places where the skin is thin.” He touched around his eyes and Sakura noticed very faint scars there. “I finally learned that I was in another world. A woman named Xing-Huo who had the power to cross dimensions, worlds, told me. I gave her my body, willingly, and responded to her, and she sent me back to Clow at the stroke of midnight on Christmas Eve because that is that moment when the magic that separates all the worlds is at its weakest.” He shivered again. “I couldn’t believe four years had passed…” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sakura whispered.

His shoulders shook and he curled them in as if to shelter himself. “You were so angry, so hurt. Would you even have believed me, Sakura-hime?”

She felt cold and murmured, “No, I wouldn’t have…” 

He exhaled hard through his nose. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, but you have to believe me when I say that I tried so hard to get back to you.”

“What about that scar?”

He turned away from her a little more and caved his narrow shoulders in more. He looked so small, so fragile, like something that had already been broken and was trying hard to protect itself. “He tried to kill me after my last attempt to escape. I fell over the fence and ripped open the inside of my thigh. It needed stitches and would take so long to heal. He as so angry and said I wasn’t worth the trouble I brought so he stabbed me, ripped my chest open like a present. That’s when I met Xing-Huo. I was so close to death that she had to use magic to heal me enough that I wouldn’t die.” His voice had faded into a whisper and trickled out so that Sakura hadn’t even heard the end of his sentence. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “I never thought that you would hurt while I was gone. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” 

Sakura felt sick watching him. 

He had been hurting, too, and trying so hard to get back to her, but when he finally did she had met him with nothing but anger and resentment. He had broken so much inside, shattered even more than she had.

She scooted away from him, still hearing him whisper apologies even across the room. She staggered to her feet, slipped into bed with Miku, and tried to fall asleep. When she finally did, she was plagued with nightmares.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	10. The Darkest Night

Can you bake a pie? Neither can I!

Chapter Ten! 

Woot!

X X X

The night beyond the window was jet-black and cold, freezing, for this time of year. The monsoon was especially strong, almost violent, and would soon flood the lower end of Clow. The storm raged like a beast, roaring and snarling. Each flare of lightning was the flash of ivory fangs, each crash of thunder a roar, and each drop of rain a bit of flying blood. The sky roiled with inky clouds, split only by the flashes of lightning that were bright enough to blind ghosts. Desert palms lashed and writhed in tempo with the raging winds and the wet sand had swept up into a whirlwind around the ruins. The scent of rain was not soothing or clean as it always was. It brought with it the scent of decay, rotting bodies and mold, mildew and mud. It hung in the air like the sickly-sweet scent of flowers at a funeral.

Miku woke from a sound sleep when something smashed in through the window. The sound of breaking lass jolted her and she screamed, loud and shrill, for her mother and then for Syao-kun. Sakura smothered Miku, pressing her down against the mattress and safely beneath her body. Syaoran sprang up from his position against the wall and launched himself head-on against whatever dared enter the palace. Sakura heard the clash of metal on metal and the grind of bodies. She clutched Miku and rolled them quickly off the bed.

“Sakura-hime! Get in the corner and put the princess behind you! Do it now!” Syaoran shouted. He flung something over his head and it smashed into the wall with the sickening crack of breaking bones. The next flash of lightning revealed a crumpled assassin. An eye had been gouged out and he was writhing in pain, clinging to consciousness, but the moment he laid that remaining eye on Sakura, all traces of pain vanished. He had a mission after all. Then, it was dark again.

Sakura pressed Miku into the corner and stood protectively in front of her daughter, prepared to guard her to the death. She listened for Syaoran’s footsteps, but heard nothing other than the assassin’s raspy heavy breathing. The assassin was dragging his body across the floor, trying to get to her.

There was another flare of lightning and Syaoran was standing in front of her with a long sword in his hands. She saw the fear in the assassin’s eye and he went for some kind of throwing weapon, but Syaoran sliced his head clean off with a single downward strike. Then, he stepped back and pressed into Sakura, pinning her between Miku and the wall and his warm back.

“Are you two alright?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Sakura gasped.

“Good, let’s try to keep it that way. Don’t move unless I tell you to.”

“Why?”

“Because there are more of them.”

In the next flash of white lightning, Sakura saw the other assassins. There were eleven of them, dressed in black and carrying an assortment of nasty-looking weapons. In the moment the room was lit up, Sakura felt all their eyes snap onto her and hone in like a hound on the trial of a small animal. Syaoran couldn’t possibly defeat all of them, not all at once.

“Oh, God,” Sakura whispered. “We’re going to die.”

Syaoran shifted and nearly crushed her. “Close your eyes, Sakura-hime.”

“Why?” 

“Because I don’t want you to see this.”

“Okay…” She whispered, but couldn’t coax her eyes shut. They remained stubbornly open, clenched and frozen by terror. She could only watch as they assassin’s dropped into a crouch as a whole and readied to spring on her.

Then, it was dark again and Syaoran was gone. 

She heard metal on metal, grinding and screaming like something alive. Then, there was the wet squish of metal slicing through flesh and the thump of several bodies hitting the floor. Someone grunted and a weapon clattered on the floor. Miku whimpered, Sakura heard the air whistling, and then something sank into the wall next to her head with a thunk. Lightning flashed again and she made out the shapes of three fallen assassins in a semicircle around Syaoran where he stood in the center of the room as an effective barrier between Sakura, Miku, and those that wanted to kill them. The first assassin he had killed was a heap at Sakura’s feet, his one eye staring up at her. 

It was dark again.

There was crashing, grinding, the muted squish of a body being cut, and then the dull thump of something hitting the floor. Sometimes there was the clatter of weapons, but I was mostly silent. Each time lightning flashed, lighting the room, there were less and less assassins. By the third blaze of lightning, there was one assassin left. The rest were piled neatly around Syaoran’s feet, but this last one was a massive hulking man with muscles bulging through the black shirt he wore. Syaoran looked painfully small next to him, but he exuded confidence where the big man looked a little nervous.

Then, thunder crashed and the lightning was gone.

Weapons clashed, flashed in the darkness, and whistled through the air. A blade passed through flesh and there was a small thump followed a second later by a louder one. Something rolled across the floor and bumped into Sakura’s feet. A head, she supposed with a shiver.

“It’s alright,” Syaoran called through the gloom. “I’ve killed them all. Let’s go to a different room. The rain is coming in here. Can you walk, Sakura-hime?” She heard his footsteps cross the room, picking delicately over bodies. “Don’t let the princess look around. I’m going to turn the light on.”

Sakura was momentarily blinded but when she could see again, she felt her mouth run dry. All twelve assassins had been cleanly beheaded and there was blood everywhere. Syaoran, for his part, was completely unharmed and only splattered in gore. Sakura picked Miku up and pressed the little girl’s face into her shoulder. It had taken Syaoran a few minutes to kill a dozen well-trained assassins and he was completely uninjured… What exactly did that mean?

“Don’t look around, baby,” Sakura murmured as she carefully stepped over a body whose head had been cleaved neatly in half right down the center. Its eyes bulged, blood running from the sockets. Syaoran caught her elbow when she stumbled and steadied her gingerly without meeting her eyes.

“Here, let me take the princess. Does your foot hurt from standing for so long?” He offered and held out his arms for Miku. “Sakura-hime?”

“I’m fine,” Sakura whispered and her voice was gravelly. “Are you hurt?”

He looked away. “No…”

They walked down the hallway with Syaoran leading the way and Sakura trailing behind. He opened her bedroom door, peeked inside, glanced around, and then held the door open for her. 

“It’s all clear, Sakura-hime. You’re enemies are probably quite sure that they’ve killed you since they sent so many assassins,” Syaoran told her. “We should be safe for the rest of the night.”

“You said that before,” Sakura mumbled as she set Miku on the edge of the bed. “Are you okay, baby?”

Miku nodded, but there were tears blooming in her big amber eyes. “Syao-kun?” She ventured quietly and clutched her mother’s shirt with both hands. “You killed all the bad guys, right, Syao-kun? Are they all gone?”

“Of course, Princess. I’d never let anything happen to you or Sakura-hime,” Syaoran told her. He glanced at Sakura and she inclined her head slightly, shocked momentarily by how easily she still understood him even when he didn’t speak. He knelt next to Sakura at Miku’s feet and gently plucked her hands away from her mother’s shirt. “Why don’t you rest for a while, Princess? I’ll protect you.”

Thunder crashed outside and Miku cringed fearfully. She wrapped her arms around Sakura’s waist and Sakura rubbed her daughter’s hair soothingly.

“What’s wrong?” Syaoran asked, hesitant to touch Miku again.

“It’s not you. She’s always been afraid of storms,” Sakura explained. “Baby, it’s okay.”

Syaoran visibly relaxed. “You two should sleep. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. I’ll stay awake,” he said.

“Thank you,” Sakura murmured, “for protecting us back there.”

Syaoran smiled faintly and stood up. Thunder crashed again and Miku latch onto the back of his shirt.

“No, Syao-kun,” she whimpered. “Please, stay here. Don’t go! I’m… I’m scared.”

“It’s okay, Princess. I’ll be right here,” Syaoran said and tried to uncurl her fingers from his blood-stained shirt, but she refused to let go. “Sakura-hime?” He whispered.

“I want Syao-kun to stay with me,” Miku pleaded. “Mommy, I want him to stay with me.”

“Just sit with her until she falls asleep,” Sakura said quietly. “She’s tired. It won’t be long. Just go to bathroom and wash some of the blood off. Then, come back and just sit next to her until she falls asleep, okay?”

Syaoran nodded, carefully plucked her hands from his shirt, and crossed the room to Sakura’s attached bathroom. He closed the door quietly behind him and then was overcome by nostalgia. Sakura’s big mirror used to have pictures shoved all in the frame—pictures of him and Sakura, Toya and Yukito, the villagers, everyone. Once Sakura had cut two separate pictures and set them together so it looked as if she were kissing him. Syaoran was no longer displayed around her mirror, but Miku and Eve had taken his place. He smiled a little sadly and looked at all the pictures as he scrubbed the blood off his hands. He didn’t see the only picture of him until he was drying his face and hands on the shoulder of his shirt. 

It was of him and Sakura when they were teenagers. He remembered this picture because Sakura had pestered her brother until he had begrudgingly agreed to take it for them. Sakura’s arms were around him, her chin on his shoulder, and her lips brushing his cheek tenderly. He couldn’t have been any redder.

Syaoran smiled at the memory and flipped off the lights. Sakura and Miku were curled up in bed together and Miku was shaking like a leaf regardless of how tightly Sakura held her, but her face grew a tiny smile when she saw him.

“Syao-kun.”

He offered her a smile and crossed the room to stand at the side of the bed.

“Turn off the light, if you would,” Sakura murmured. “Then, come sit with her.”

“Of course, Sakura-hime,” Syaoran whispered. He found the light switch, flipped it, and found his way back to the bed in the dark without stumbling once. Sakura listened to his footsteps as he circled back around the bed and felt the mattress dip when he sat on the edge.

“Syao-kun?” Miku shifted, pressing her back into Sakura’s chest, and reached out through the gloom in search of Syaoran. She found his leg and tried to crawl closer to his body. “Will you lay down with me, please, Syao-kun?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Princess…” He whispered but his heart had turned in his chest.

“Please, I’m scared.” Thunder crashed and she whimpered.

“Just lay down,” Sakura murmured. “She’ll fall asleep soon.” She shuffled on the bed, scooting over and drawing Miku with her to make room for Syaoran on her bed. It was late and she was too tired to realize what she was asking him to do. “Just lay down…”

Syaoran turned in his side, facing Miku so she would be able to see his face each time lightning flashed. The little girl tugged on his shirt, urging him closer and then burying her face against the worn material. He could feel Sakura’s fingers accidently brushing his skin each time Miku inhaled and falling away when she exhaled. He hesitated and then gently laid his hand on Sakura’s shoulder. For a moment he just allowed himself to feel her again, the warmth and satin-softness, then he started to pull away. Sakura’s deep sigh distracted him momentarily, but then she shifted and rested her hand on top of his as if to hold him there without realizing what she was doing.

“I’ve always wanted to sleep like this,” Miku whispered. “Between Mommy and Daddy…”

Sakura tensed, her fingers digging into his hand. Their eyes connected over Miku’s head and a thousand thoughts and feelings were conveyed in a single instant.

_I’ve missed you._

_I hate you!_

_Why? Why did this happen to us?_

_I love you…_

_Why can’t things just be the way they were before?_

_That scar, is it hurting?_

_Miku’s my child… yours, too… ours…_

_I have to kill people._

_I’m sending them to their deaths!_

_Why? Why does it have to be this way?_

_Help! Help me!_

_I’m scared._

_I’m alone._

_Mommy and Daddy…_

_Give me a chance, just a moment to prove to you…_

_Let me in!_

_You trusted me once…_

_Could you do it again?_

_Could I have you again?_

_Could I love you again?_

_Can I touch you?_

_Is this alright?_

So many things were silently spoken, asked, whispered. Sakura looked away first, closing her eyes and wetting her lips. Syaoran rubbed his thumb against the exposed skin of her shoulder, soothing, gently. He would stop the moment she asked him to. Miku snuggled closer to him and mumbled in her sleep.

“Sakura-hime?”

“Hmm?”

“She’s asleep. Would you like me to go?”

“Miku wants you to stay.”

“Should I leave? I can, right now.”

“Stay…”

“But, could I have this? Just this one night?”

Sakura reached out one hand over Miku’s sleeping form and laid her palm against the warm curve of his ribs. His bones were craggy and bumpy from many breaks that had been left to heal on their own, bone calluses. He was emaciated, each bump and dip incredibly easy to feel and, if she lifted his shirt, see. He was so warm and broken beneath her hand—a fallen bird, shuddering slightly.

“Stay…” Sakura murmured and she soothed her thumb over a break she found in his ribs. “Just stay…”

This will all be gone in the morning…

X X X

Reviews, please. ^_^

Questions, comments, concerns?


	11. The Reason They Can't

Grr. Editing is nonsense!

Babies are frightening. That’s why Miku is four. When I have to have kids, I’d like them to be born twelve.

X X X

When Sakura woke up, she was in bed with Syaoran. Seeing his face so close and smooth with the protective vestiges of sleep calmed her momentarily. Maybe everything had just been a very long, very bad dream. She felt his hand on her shoulder, warm and light, and her fingers were fitted neatly in a grove of his ribcage. She shifted, intending to snuggle closer and sleep some more, but a shock of pain stabbed viciously through her foot and up her leg. Right, Prince Jonathon had tried to rape her and he had crushed her bare foot with his boot. Now, their countries would be going to war. Last night’s event came flooding back to her in a blur. Her bodyguards being slaughtered, evacuating the palace, the violent storm, Syaoran killing a dozen assassins, Miku pleading for him to sleep with them, waking up in his arms again… Tears burned at the backs of her eyes and a sob shook her body.

Syaoran stirred beside her, withdrew his hand from Sakura’s shoulder, and ran it down Miku’s arm as if to check on her. “Sakura?” He mumbled.

An icy chill ran down her spine and she quickly snatched her hand off his chest. In that instant, all traces of sleep vanished from his amber eyes and he looked horrified. He scrambled off the bed and quickly put his hands behind his back.

“I’m sorry, Sakura-hime! I didn’t mean to… it just slipped out…” he said desperately. “Forgive me.”

Sakura sat up, dragging Miku’s body into her lap as she moved. The little girl shifted and mumbled in her sleep.

“I understand just…” Sakura stared at him, then at the floor, then finally out the window where the sun was just peaking up through the wingspan of the ruins. “Just… don’t call me that again… ever again…” She whispered.

“Of course, Sakura-hime,” he murmured.

Tense silence reigned. 

“I…” She hesitated and looked into his face again. “I need to get in the shower, get cleaned up, get ready for the day…” 

Syaoran nodded slowly. He looked as if he wanted to go to her, touch her, take her in his arms. He went so far as to take a single step toward her, but hesitated and finally pulled back. “I should go with you. Your bathroom has that one big window,” he murmured.

Sakura felt her eyes widen. She had forgotten about that. She had hoped to run the hot water and cry her eyes out while no one could see her, but if he came with her… She wanted to protest, but she knew he was right. She stood up slowly and he came to take Miku from her arms. The little girl sighed blissfully and nestled against him, inhaling deeply and mumbling something in the semblance of his name. A soft smile wove its way across Sakura’s face.

“She really loves you,” Sakura whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Syaoran murmured. 

She started. “Why?”

“Because… I hurt everyone that loves me and everyone that I love. I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t make her hate me. I’m sorry…”

Sakura didn’t have anything to say to his quiet confession, so she pressed her lips together and went to her closet to get some clean clothes. She turned to go to the bathroom and brushed lightly passed him, stirring Miku’s hair where it hung over his arm.

“Why… ?” He whispered. “Why can’t you say anything to me… ?” His voice sounded so broken, so lost, so hurt. It was as if his throat was raw.

A shiver ran through her body, ice-cold. “What do you want me to say… ?”

He pulled Miku closer to his body and breathed into her pale hair. “I… I don’t know…”

They stood in silence. 

Sakura had her back to him, clutching her clothes to her chest like they were her last lifeline and trying not to cry. She had to be strong. She had to keep him away from her heart so she wouldn’t be hurt again and so she could be strong for Miku. But… she so desperately wanted to just fall into him, to let him hold her as he once would have and help her through this. She wanted, needed, her best friend, but she had learned to stand on her own feet and was clinging to that. 

Syaoran was dying inside, breaking into shards that would be too small to ever put back again. Could she really hate him enough to do this to him? Could she not see him dying? Or did she not care? His hopes had been stacked so high last night. She had touched him, let him touch her, told him to stay, slept in his arms with Miku between them. He thought maybe she would let him in again, but this morning she had reacted to savagely when he called her ‘Sakura’ though she had once scolded him for calling her ‘Princess.’ He shuddered and clutched Miku tightly. He was already at his limit and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He would break soon… 

Miku groaned and shifted and her eyes fluttered open. “Syao-kun? Mommy?” She murmured and rubbed her eyes blearily.

“Yes, Princess, good morning,” Syaoran said quickly. His voice was a little strained so he cleared his throat. “Did you sleep well?”

She nodded. “Where’s Mommy?”

“I’m right here, precious,” Sakura said and limped to stand crushingly close to Syaoran. She was careful not to touch him when she smoothed some of Miku’s hair back from her face. “I was just going to get in the shower. Would you like to get in with me?”

“Syao-kun, too?” Miku asked. There was nothing but innocence in her question, but a rush of blood swam to Sakura’s cheeks and Syaoran quickly looked away. “Huh, what’s wrong?”

“Miku, sweetie, you remember me telling you that boys and girls are different and can’t be together when their older?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s not okay for,” she hesitated, “Syaoran-san and I to be together.” Her heart clenched unpleasantly in her chest and she saw Syaoran flinch. The double entendre she had unknowingly created struck bitingly painfully true.

_‘It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together.’_

“Why not?”

Sakura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Because we’re different now.”

“Oh. Then I’d love to shower with Mommy!” Miku said cheerfully and thrashed around in Syaoran’s arms until he put her down. “I’ll shower with Syao-kun later!”

Sakura couldn’t help but smile. “Alright, Miku, come here,” she called and caught her daughter’s hand. “Let’s get cleaned up.” She glanced at Syaoran and he was looking at her with endless hurt in his amber eyes. Sakura had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could trust her voice enough to speak. “Come on. You’re going to protect us, right?”

“Of course, Sakura-hime, until the day I die…” Syaoran followed her to the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind him. 

“Sit on the counter and close your eyes. You’d better not peek!” Sakura threatened and tried to be cheerful for Miku’s sake. 

“I’d never! How could you suggest such a thing?” He tried to play along too, but they were both hurting too much. He perched on the counter, drawing his long legs up and wrapping his arms around them to keep them out of the way. Then, he closed his eyes.

Sakura made a show of waving her hands in front of his face to make sure he wasn’t peeping for Miku’s benefit. Then, she focused on the shower, adjusting the water to a temperature that wouldn’t burn Miku, but wasn’t too cold. She didn’t check on Syaoran again. She knew he’d never peek, not before and not now. She helped Miku into the shower and closed the door to keep the water in. Then, she stripped off her clothes and tossed them in the unused garden tub. Her cheeks felt warm with a blush. She was naked in front of Syaoran and, even though his eyes were closed and he couldn’t see her, it still pulsed a thrill through her blood. She was suddenly painfully aware of how empty she was.

Sakura stepped quickly into the shower to hide the feelings stirring in her body—the feelings she thought to have been dead and gone. She could blame the goose bumps that had suddenly broken out on her skin on the chill nudity always invited. The aching in her breasts and the way her nipples had hardened considerably more than the cold would have caused could not be passed off as easily. Her legs were shivery, weak, like she had always felt as a teenager when she touched him, skin on skin or when she held his hand. Then, between her legs was a tingling sensation that she felt deep in her empty womb and her broken heart, a longing to be filled and touched and loved.

She pushed these thoughts away and focused on her daughter, but again all she could see were Syaoran’s amber eyes.

_‘It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now.’_

Sakura closed her eyes, feeling tears pressing urgently behind her lids, and tried to calm herself enough to reign in the control she had.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Here, Mommy.” Miku handed Sakura the bar of shimmering soap Eve had gotten Sakura for her birthday last year. “Use this and look pretty for Syao-kun.” Then, she waved Sakura down to her level and leaned in like she had a big secret to tell. She cupped her hands around Sakura’s ear and whispered urgently, “I think Syao-kun likes you, Mommy.”

Sakura smiled sadly. “Yeah, I think he does,” she murmured.

“Do you like him too, Mommy?” Miku whispered. 

Though Sakura knew there was no way Syaoran could hear her over the roar of the water that served as little comfort. She hesitated, working the soap into a rich lather in her hands. Finally, she leaned her forehead against Miku’s and murmured, “Yeah, baby. I think I do…”

Miku grinned and clapped her little hands in excitement. “Yay! I’d like it if Syao-kun was my daddy!”

Sakura hugged her daughter and the tears she had been holding back finally broke through the floodgates. She sobbed, shoulders shaking and heaving. She felt Miku’s hands resting on her head, brushing through her wet hair with mature tenderness.

“It’s okay, Mommy. I can wait for a daddy. I can wait forever as long as it’s Syao-kun…”

_‘It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now.’_

“Baby,” Sakura whispered. “I can’t…”

“It’s okay, Mommy. I can wait forever and ever for Syao-kun. I want him to be my daddy,” Miku murmured. “I love Syao-kun.”

Sakura sobbed and Miku soothed her. Why did Miku’s innocent questions hurt so much? Why… ?

Could she ever love Syaoran again? With her whole heart and soul as she once had? Could she risk hurting her daughter if he left again, but he had suffered so much too? Why couldn’t things just go back to being the way they were? Why couldn’t she trust him when it hurt so much to be without him? Why? What was wrong? What was different?

_‘It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now.’_

Why? What was different?

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	12. The Seven Generals

Fatal Frame rocks! It’s coming out as a movie this summer! With Resident Evil: Afterlife!

Chapter Twelve!

X X X

Stepping out of the shower, Sakura quickly wrapped a fresh towel around her body and knotted it around itself to keep it there. Then, she dried Miku off and dressed her with the practiced ease that only mothers’ had. She was drying her hair with Miku’s towel when the little girl tripped. The startled squeal had Syaoran’s eyes snapping open. He caught her arm before she could fall, but as he steadied her, his eyes had drifted over Sakura’s exposed body. She saw herself reflected in his eyes and blush quickly colored her cheeks. She was suddenly very aware of how little the towel covered, mainly just a bit of her lower body and her breasts though a swell of cleavage was visible at the top. The awkward moment lasted maybe a split second and then Syaoran averted his eyes with his lips forming a stuttered apology that was silent so Miku wouldn’t know what had occurred. 

And so they made it to lunch without incident… or very little incident.

Sakura had put on high boots that laced up the sides to protect and support her foot and one of the dresses she had worn as a teen with the pants underneath, just in case she was required to run. As they walked down the deserted palace hallways to her brother’s room where all the dead assassins were, the boots tapped against the marble like the ticking of a clock. Outside the room, Sakura blindfolded Miku and picked her up.

“Now, baby. Don’t peek,” Sakura murmured and nodded to Syaoran. 

Syaoran wanted to clear out the bodies and see how much damage had been done to the room in the fight last night. Under any other circumstances, he would have preferred that Sakura not come with him, not see the death and ruin he could so easily bring about, but he had no choice because he couldn’t leave her alone.

“I’m ready,” she told him and hiked Miku a little higher up on her hip.

He hesitated at the door. “Are you sure, Sakura-hime? I could guide you in and you wouldn’t have to see—”

“I’ve seen dead bodies before,” she said tartly. “I’ve killed people myself… I saw my brother waste away and finally die…” She shuddered and Miku nuzzled into her neck comfortingly.

“I’m sorry…” Syaoran swung open the door, ramming his shoulder into it because a body prevented it from opening all the way.

Sakura lost her breath.

The room had been completely demolished. The big bed was sliced cleanly in half, sloping down in the center where the blankets had gathered in a heap. There was a single deep slash that ran though the center of much of the room, deep in the creamy marble tile and it had filled with blood. There were three more such slashes in the walls, impossibly deep with sprays of blood outlining them. A dozen black-clad bodies littered the floor. There was so much blood: soaking through the broken bed where one had fallen, pooling around each decapitated corpse, filling the grout between each marble tile. Sakura saw the head that had rolled at her feet last night, staring up with bloodied bugling eyes as it had been last night, and felt a bit sick. She hadn’t really seen the complete and total destruction Syaoran was capable last night. She had been too tired and too drained and her foot had hurt. 

“I’m sorry…” Syaoran whispered and stepped in front of her as if to shield her from the sight. “I’m sorry.”

Sakura tried to change the subject, both to divert herself and him. “I didn’t even know you could wield a sword.”

It wasn’t a question, but he took it as one. His deep amber eyes grew dark honey-gold again and he murmured, “That man had it sheathed inside my body… for a show… People love to see weapons coming from inside. It always hurt… hurt so much,” he whispered and rubbed his palms together. “Always hurts when it comes out, like my arm is splitting apart.”

Sakura hugged Miku, praying the little girl wasn’t listening to hard, but her prayers were in vain. Miku started shivering.

“Hey!” Sakura snapped and Syaoran started violently. 

“Sakura-hime?” It was almost as if he had forgotten she was there, but the shock quickly fled from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Sakura-hime. What did you say?”

She gestured to the bloody room. “What are you going to do?”

“Is there someplace we can put them, Sakura-hime?”

“Of course. There’s a sealed cellar for bodies in the dungeon. Yukito-san place a special ward on it to keep the bodies from decaying until they can be properly disposed of,” Sakura told him quietly. She hadn’t learned of the cellar or even the dungeons until Toya had died and she had been sickened for months. Her pregnancy wasn’t the only cause of her morning sickness, but it hid the real reason well. “Are you going to bring them all down?”

“I’d like to, but can you walk that much, Sakura-hime?” Syaoran asked and began shuffling the bodies in stacks, lining up heads neatly against the bed. He did this so casually that Sakura almost screamed at him to stop. He wasn’t the boy she had known so long ago. He wasn’t the sweet archaeologist with the constant worries of what was proper and what was beautiful. No, this new Syaoran was a killer… and so broken inside.

Her throat felt tight. “No,” she lied.

“Sakura-hime?” He must have sensed something in her voice because he straightened and turned to face her. 

“Leave them. Let the bodyguards arriving later today move them. Don’t touch them.” She actually sounded desperate and tried to calm down.

“Sakura-hime,” Syaoran sounded alarmed and crossed the room to stand in front of her and block the scene of carnage. “Are you alright? You look pale.”

“Mommy?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Sakura protested and stepped back from Syaoran, trying not to make a beeline for the door. She felt strangely spooked, nervous, on edge. She just wanted to leave. “I’m just tired. Let someone else move them. Let’s go downstairs.”

“Of course, Sakura-hime,” Syaoran murmured. There was a knowing look in his darkened eyes and deep crushing despair. “You should eat something. Maybe that’ll help.”

“Y-yeah.”

They were halfway through an extravagant breakfast of partially burned eggs and toast with all manner of jams and jellies when the first of Sakura’s generals arrived. Syaoran had been chasing his eggs around his plate in a distracted manner and had hardly eaten anything tough Sakura had said nothing at the risk of sounding like she was mothering him. Miku’s face was all scrunched up and she seemed to be thinking of a valid excuse not to eat her eggs. Syaoran started out of his seat when the sound of the knocker echoed through the palace. Miku suddenly looked very nervous, so Sakura took it upon herself to lighten the mood.

“Come on. What kind of assassin knocks on the door? Wouldn’t the element of surprise be to his advantage?” She joked and when neither of them even smiled, she muttered, “I’ll bet that’s Fai-san. He promised to be here early.”

They answered the door and it did prove to be the first of Sakura’s seven generals. 

Fai was very tall and slim with a cheerful open face that wore a constant smile that was suspiciously unwavering. His blond hair hung unkempt in his face, often obscuring his two impossibly blue eyes. The clothes he wore were a tad strange for Clow consisting of tight-fitting dark pants and a white shirt with a few long buttons up one side. His weapon was a long staff with an odd ornate arrangement of crystals at the top. Overall, he seemed a trustworthy person.

“Fai-san!” Sakura said cheerfully and quickly hugged him. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Yes, indeed, Sakura-chan. Hello, Miku-chan,” he waved to the child, but she only buried her face in Syaoran’s thigh. “You still don’t like me, I see.” He smiled a bit wider, blue eyes crinkling at the edges. “I wish we were meeting again under better circumstances.”

“Yeah, me too, but it seems I only see you when I’m having problems,” Sakura said quietly and stared at the floor. Fai had become one of Sakura’s generals shortly after her brother had died. Since then he had become close ally of Clow and one of her Sakura’s closest friends. When Sakura found out that she was pregnant, Fai had consoled her and convinced her not to abort Miku as she had been planning. He had been her shoulder to cry on for a long time. He had told her never to give up and never to look back no matter what she was going through.

“Hey, Sakura-chan,” Fai continued and chucked her under the chin. “Don’t look so glum. We’ll make a date. As soon as this is all over, I’ll treat you to dinner. How does that sound? Then, you’ll have some good memories of me, okay?”

Sakura sniffled. “Alright, I’ll hold you to that.”

In the course of two hours, the rest of Sakura’s generals arrived along with a small army of bodyguards ready to defend her to the death. Syaoran became more of a babysitter, doing the things Eve normally would have, though Miku listened to him better than she did Eve. He was like Sakura’s shadow, following close behind her with a wary eye and a protective hand. Fai had easily magicked the dead assassins down into the body cellar with as little as a wave of his slender hand and a few strange runes in the air. Then, everyone piled around the kitchen table, surrounded by bodyguards with Syaoran standing tightly beside Sakura who held Miku in her lap.

Her seven generals were seated around her, wearing different expressions as she recounted her tale of Jonathon and the dozen assassins Syaoran had killed last night, leaving out only select few details.

“No way!” Ryuo shouted and banged his bare hand down on the table in disbelief. He was the youngest of Sakura’s generals and by far the rowdiest. He was about Syaoran’s height and of the same build though he carried a massive dragon-sword that was as big as he was. He wore a circle of bandages around his head like some kind of crown, making his hair stick up sloppily in several different directions. “You couldn’t have taken down a dozen assassins! You’re so scrawny! You’re scrawnier than me!”

Syaoran was taken aback and instantly defensive. He shifted behind her, stepping forward as if to fight Ryuo. Sakura cringed and put her arms out to stop him and, surprisingly, he did. He settled back at her side with one fist resting on the arm of her chair. 

“Ryuo-san, you need to learn to shut your mouth once and a while. What would you have done if Syaoran-san attacked you?” Fai asked with an amicable smile. “If he kicked your butt, you’d be embarrassed and I heard from Sakura-chan myself how strong he is.”

Ryuo’s handsome face abruptly colored. “There’s only one way to settle this,” he grumbled and reached for his sword.

“Don’t even think about it, Ryuo.” Kurogane snapped. He was a big man with a sometimes foul personality, but he was a good man at heart. Kurogane lived up to his name and wore only black and Syaoran had taken him as an assassin at first glance when he arrived shortly after Fai. The sword had come out and Sakura had seen him wince and then he attacked Kurogane. Thankfully, no one was hurt except the floor which now bore the same kind of long deep slash as Toya’s old bedroom. Fai had ogled the mark, Kurogane barked something resembling a compliment, and then Miku had wiggled from Sakura’s arms and leaped on Kurogane, much to Fai’s great jealousy. “The last thing the princess needs is for you to be causing trouble,” he ordered. “Sit down.”

“I am curious, as well, actually. Who is this strange bodyguard you speak so highly of, Sakura-hime?” Kamui asked.

“Indeed, I have never seen his face here before,” Subaru continued.

They were twins, cursed twins, but Kamui had spent thirteen years searching for the brother he had met in a dream. He had gone so far as to travel to other worlds, facing more dangers than he could have ever imagined, but he found that the closer he was to his twin the stronger he became. When they were within a mile or so of each other, Kamui was practically indestructible. He felt no pain and his fingernails grew into long deadly weapons. It was the same for Subaru, though he was the kinder, calmer, more cautious of the pair and preferred to stay close to Kamui and only fight if completely necessary. When Kamui returned from his long journey, he and Subaru had been met with hatred and fear. Sakura loved them both and appointed them generals so no one would ever try to hurt them. It had been a scandal in Clow for months, but everyone gradually grew used to them.

“He’s an old friend of Sakura-chan’s,” Fai said and leaned back against his seat. “You probably don’t recognize his because he’s older and skinnier now, but this is that archaeologist who was unearthing the ruins buried out in the sand: Li Syaoran-san.”

“I remember him,” Souma murmured. She had always been Sakura’s mother-figure, but as Sakura grew older, she found there were many things she couldn’t tell Souma because Souma had a family of her own now. She was tall and slender with rich dark hair and a beautiful exotic face. She specialized in spying and thrown-style weapons such as her twin-moon-leaves. “I always liked him. He was such a sweet kid.”

Syaoran refused to look at anyone and kept his eyes trained on the floor. Sakura watched him out of the corner of her eye and felt very sad.

“He’s still a sweet kid. You guys are all out of your minds,” Yuzuriha sniped. “Knock it off. You’re hurting his feelings.” She was the youngest female general with a strong and outgoing personality. She and Ryuo were practically siblings and fought like siblings, too. Yuzuriha and her beautiful dog, Inuki, were strong warriors, often fighting from horseback together. Sakura loved to watch them. “Inuki likes him, so he gets points with me. Stop being so judgmental.”

Al seven of Sakura’s generals—cheerful Fai, dark but kind Kurogane, rowdy Ryuo, powerful wonderful Subaru and Kamui, beautiful friendly Yuzuriha and Inuki, and motherly Souma—would support her until the very end. Suddenly, she felt like crying.

“Thank you, everyone,” Sakura murmured. “Thank you.”

“It’s no trouble, Sakura-san,” Kamui said quietly. “You’ve helped all of us and we’re glad to have the chance to return the favor.” Then, he looked away quickly, embarrassed, and Subaru offered Sakura a spectacular smile before putting his hand around his twins elbow in a comforting manner. 

“The compromises will be tomorrow,” Sakura told everyone. “I think we should be ready for anything be it war or assassins.”

Fai stood up, shuffled through the sea of bodyguards, and knelt down at Sakura’s side. “Sakura-chan, everything will turn out alright. You have friends and us and Syaoran-san to protect you and help you. It’ll all turn out alright. You just have to believe that,” he said and kissed her forehead tenderly. “It has to get worse before it gets better, right, Kuro-pon?”

Kurogane leaped from his chair, knocking it over. “You stupid magician! Stop calling me those stupid nicknames or I’ll wring your miserable neck!” He roared, but Fai danced out of reach. He jumped up on the table and remained just an inch out of Kurogane’s reach, laughing and smiling at the imminent demise Kurogane was promising.

Miku giggled.

Sakura smiled down at her daughter and nuzzled into Miku’s pale hair. Maybe everything would turn out alright… Syaoran brushed his fingers along her arm so quickly that no one would notice, but Sakura felt it and looked at him. His eyes were dark with sadness, but he nodded slightly and offered her a faint smile.

Yeah, maybe everything would be okay.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	13. The Talk in the Storm

My puppies are monsters. 

Has anyone seen Miyazaki’s Ponyo? 

Chapter Thirteen!

X X X

Syaoran was sitting alone on the palace steps, watching the sun slowly sink below the horizon. Sakura-hime didn’t need him. She had other guards now and he was only hurting them both by staying. He should go, get up right now, walk away, and never look back. He should go to another country and try to forget her, try to forget what he had gone through to get back to her when she hated him so bitterly. Yes, he had hurt her very badly, but he had been suffering too. Did she think he willingly went, left her when she needed him the most, left her with his child inside her? ‘Go on,’ he urged himself. ‘Get up and walk away. Leave, you’re only hurting yourself.’

There were light footsteps behind him. “Hey, do you think I could sit with you for a while? It’s pretty crazy in there.” 

“Of course,” he murmured and gestured to the space beside him.

Yuzuriha sat down beside him and her dog wedged himself in between them. Inuki nuzzled at Syaoran’s arm, whining impatiently. “He’d like you to pet him,” Yuzuriha said with a light laugh. “He likes you. I’ve never seen him take to anyone so quickly, not even Ryuo.”

Syaoran stroked the dog, working his fingers deep into the rich fur. Inuki leaned hard against him and growled low in his throat.

“We haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Yuzuriha Nekoi and this is Inuki,” she offered and leaned back on her elbows to look up at the sky.

“I’m Syaoran,” he mumbled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Yuzuriha-dono.”

“Yuzuriha-chan,” she corrected. “We’ll all be living in pretty close quarters until this war blows over so we should try to get along, right, Syaoran-kun?”

He nodded.

They sat in silence for a long time until the sun had sunk low and darkness descended. Inuki was curled up pressed against Syaoran’s side and Yuzuriha was stroking the dog as well. A few times, her fingers brushed Syaoran’s but she never reacted. Touching people was something most took for granted, but the feather-soft brush of skin on skin sent a shiver down Syaoran’s spine. Being trapped with that man for four years had destroyed something deep inside Syaoran, shredded his innocence and trust. He had learned that touch caused pain—a hit, a slap, having his arms twisted and pulled from the sockets, breaking bones, beating and burning, hurting other people… Each had broken his heart and spirit a little more until they were in so many pieces that he wondered if he ever had been whole. That was why he couldn’t get up and leave because being with Sakura made him feel whole again, like maybe he could be fixed, but if she hated him… 

“Syaoran-kun?” Yuzuriha murmured. “Is something wrong? Every time I touch you,” she brushed her knuckles along the side of his hand as he stroked Inuki, “you flinch. Are you wounded?”

 _‘Yeah, deep inside where no one can see.’_ But Syaoran said, “No.”

“Is it… because of Sakura-chan?”

“No…”

“You were gone for such a long time. Did something happen to you?”

“… No…”

“It hurts inside, doesn’t it?”

“Stop it…”

Yuzuriha turned her head and stared up at the sky. “Inuki is a part of my spirit,” she said as she stroked the dog. “For generations, my family has been connected to animals. A stray arrives at the door when a baby is born and that animal is intimately tied to the child for the rest of their natural life. You could call them shikigami or spirit guides or familiars, but they are living manifestations of the power of our spirits. Dogs are one of the most powerful which means I have a great power hidden inside. It is inaccessible to my conscious mind, but through Inuki, I can access it. With that power, I can sense other people’s spirits, a wonderful power when fighting because the power of your spirit corresponds with the power you have in your physical body. But you… I have never seen someone like you in my life.”

Syaoran looked at her, but she was still staring up into the sky. Inuki had perked up and rested his head in her lap. He whimpered and she stroked his head. 

“Yes, I’m alright,” she murmured. “Syaoran-kun, your spirit is completely shattered inside you. By all natural rules of the living world, when your spirit shatters, you should be dead.”

His blood chilled and he snatched his hand away from Inuki as if burned. Yuzuriha glanced over at him, saw something in his face, and reached for his hand. He scrambled away from her in almost a panic, finally managing to stumble to his feet and run. He didn’t go into the palace or towards the village. He just ran, following the wall of the palace where it curved out of sight as if that were is only guide. Yuzuriha wanted to go after him, offer him some comfort, but Inuki nosed her and she stayed where she was.

“The moon looks very lonely tonight, Inuki,” she murmured. The stars were all blotted out by a faint misting of wispy clouds and the moon’s faint glow was the only thing visible in the sky. “It reminds me of Syaoran-kun.”

…

Sakura wasn’t sure how she felt.

She was standing at her bedroom window, looking out as if she expected to see something, but there was nothing there. The sky was overcast with misty clouds and the moon was casting a slivery sad light over the world. She wondered if the moon was lonely. Sakura was lonely, too, but at least she had bodyguards. There were twelve of them—the best of the best of her seven generals’ personal guard. She had Fai-san set up a table in her bedroom with a small unobtrusive lamp so they could play cards or something while she and Miku slept, but they insisted on standing guard at both her door and her window without distraction. She sighed heavily and turned away from the window. 

Miku was already in bed, having dropped off to sleep the moment Sakura tucked her in. Sakura sat down on the edge of the bed and unlaced her boots slowly and carefully. Her foot was hurting, lacing up her calf so that it was hard to walk. Once the boots were off, she lined them neatly up at the side of the bed and lay down gently next to Miku. The little girl mumbled in her sleep, pressed her back against Sakura’s chest, and then reached out as if searching for something. Probably the warmth of Syaoran. Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat and shoved a pillow down alongside Miku’s body, but the girl shoved it away. She stirred restlessly, searching until finally giving up. A crease formed between her brows and Sakura tried to kiss it away to no avail.

One of the guards flipped off the light when she asked him to and she lay in the darkness for a while. The guards were breathing hard and loud, a few were whispering, and one restlessly sheathed and unsheathed his sword. Sakura pressed her hands over her ears and tried to tune them out, but all she could think of was how soft Syaoran’s breath had been on her face last night and how warm he had been. Then, she was plagued with images of Miku reaching out, searching for him. She almost got up and went to find him, but she beat that desire down until it was a distant murmur in her head.

A monsoon storm rumbled in the distance, but by then Sakura was already asleep.

…

Miku was awakened by a vicious crack of thunder. She lurched up in bed, shaking off her mother’s arms and leaping for the floor. Lightning lit the room and she saw twelve big black shadows stationed all around. A big bubble of fear swelled under her ribs, bloomed until she could barely breathe. Then, one guard approached her. 

“Miku-hime? Are you alright?” The guard asked, kneeling to be at her level. “Is something wrong?”

“Where’s Syao-kun?” Miku whispered. “I want Syao-kun!” She shoved passed the guards and tore from the room. Two rushed after her in hot pursuit, but Miku knew the palace better and it was dark. She lost them quickly and managed to stumble her way outside. Crying, sobbing, Miku tripped down the palace steps and ran toward the gardens. Mommy always went to the gardens when she wanted to think or when she was sad. 

Miku ran through the burgeoning garden without really seeing the dew-dusted flowers. Her mother’s favorite stargazer lilies and Eve’s irises that sparkled as if inlaid with silver and the impossibly green hydrangeas and all manner of roses in every shape and color imaginable. She ran right for the big beautiful Sakura tree that had been there for years, blooming without fail each year like clockwork. Miku collapsed in the springy grass at its base and sobbed. Another crack of thunder made her whimper and she tried to cover her ears with her hands, but the flash of lightning made her cringe.

“Princess?” The voice came from above, high in the branches of the Sakura tree. “Princess, what are you doing out here? You should be in bed with her highness, Sakura-hime.” Then, Syaoran leaped smoothly down from the tree and crouched at her side. “Princess, it’s alright. It’s only me.”

“Sy-Syao-kun?” Miku whispered and lowered her hands from her face.

He nodded and offered her a tight smile. “Of course, Princess. I promised I’d protect you, didn’t I?”

Miku sniffed. “You weren’t in our room. I was scared. I wanted you,” the little girl whispered and crawled over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. “I missed you, Syao-kun. I was scared.”

“Princess, Sakura-hime was with you…”

“Mommy’s sleeping and she’s scared, too,” Miku whispered. “Syao-kun’s hurting inside and scared, just like Mommy. I want Syao-kun and Mommy to feel better, but I was scared.”

“It’s alright, Princess. I won’t let anything hurt you,” Syaoran murmured and wrapped the little girl in his arms. 

“I know…” She whispered and clutched him tightly. “I wish you were my daddy…”

His heart twisted in his chest and he longed to comfort her better. “Princess, there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s only a storm,” he told her gently and then it began to rain. “See, storms bring the rains and rain makes the garden beautiful.”

“I know. Mommy told me all about it, but why is something that does so much good sound so scary? Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t it be good and nice, like when the gardeners water the flowers in the winter with the hose?” Miku asked.

Syaoran picked her up and took a few steps back so they were under a safe canopy of branches. “Everything has to have a good side and a bad side,” he tried to explain. 

“Why? Why can’t everything be good?”

He stared at her, watched her amber eyes—his amber eyes—search him for the answers to all of life’s mysteries.

“Because, Princess, if the rain was good and perfect, you’d always want it to rain,” he reasoned and sat down at the base of the tree, crossing his long legs so he could hold her in his lap. “But it can’t always rain so we have to have a reason to want the sun again because we need the sun, too.”

“But sometimes it’s so hot when it’s sunny,” Miku complained quietly, curiously. 

Syaoran smiled. He had picked the perfect explanation. “That’s so you want the rain again, Princess,” he told her and smiled when the awe of realization brightened her eyes. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get you back inside so Sakura-hime doesn’t worry.”

“No! I want to stay outside until the rain is gone so I can want the sun tomorrow!” Thunder rumbled overhead, but Miku didn’t flinch. She smiled at Syaoran and nestled down in his lap. “You don’t scare me, Storm-san! You’re just misunderstood.”

Syaoran smiled. “Alright, Princess,” he relented though he planned to bring her inside as soon as she fell asleep. When she finally dropped off, clutching his waist and smiling, he couldn’t bear to disturb her. He decided to bring her in a little later, but the sound of the rain soothed him into a lull and he dozed lightly, losing all track of the time. When he woke up, Miku was still in his lap and the sun had risen through the arched wings of the ruins. 

There was a commotion in the palace. He knew immediately that he had made a big mistake and Sakura was going to kill him.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	14. The Beating for Sins

Sakura gets a real fright. Déjà vu, anyone?

Chapter fourteen!

X X X

Miku was gone!

Sakura rolled out of bed with her heart in her throat. “Miku?!” She screamed. She shouted at the bodyguards, demanded to know where her daughter was, and the two that had chased the young princess last night shook their heads. 

“Sorry, Sakura-hime, she ran out last night.”

“You let her?!” Sakura screamed and tears pricked at her eyes. “How could you let her go?!” She moaned in anguish and hid her face in her hands. “I have to find her!” She ran from the room in panic, barefoot and crying. 

The guards chased her and caught her at the end of the hallway. “We can’t allow you to go, Sakura-hime. It’s not safe for you,” one of the guards said. “Please, allow us to search for the young princess.” 

“Let me go! You should have looked for her last night!” Sakura screamed and struggled against the guards. “Let go!”

“Sakura-hime!” Syaoran’s voice echoed in her ears. In an instant, he was at her side and lashed out quickly against the guards. They stumbled back and drew their swords on him. Syaoran set his jaw and pressed back into Sakura. 

That was when she noticed Miku clinging to his back. Her little legs were wrapped around his narrow waist and her arms were around his neck and he had one arm supporting her tightly. Sakura instantly jerked Miku away from him, but he was too focused on the guards to notice.

“What are you doing to Sakura-hime?” He snarled. 

Sakura waved her hands at the guards to signal them to stop and they did. She put her hand on Syaoran’s back and he turned to face her. “Why did you have my daughter?” Sakura asked calmly and coldly. “What were you doing with her?”

Syaoran straightened, but he kept his eyes down. “The princess came to me last night when a monsoon storm blew in. She fell asleep with me and I lost track of the time, Sakura-hime,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Sakura snarled and pressed Miku’s face into her shoulder. “Guards, teach him a lesson in stealing royalty and let this be a lesson you will never forget. Then, I want you to leave and I don’t want you to come back.”

Syaoran’s shoulders trembled, but his face showed absolute resignation. “Sakura-hime…” 

“What do you want us to do to him, Sakura-hime?” One guard asked. He actually looked a little pale, uncomfortable.

Sakura clutched Miku tightly and tried to stop the flow of tears steadily coursing down her face. When she woke up and Miku was gone – just like Syaoran had been all those years ago – she had been purely terrified, stricken. She took a deep breath to inhale Miku’s scent – Syaoran’s scent still hung on her and that only made her angrier.

“Sakura-hime, what do you want us to do to him?”

“I want you to hurt him,” Sakura said dryly. 

Miku began to struggle, thrashing in Sakura’s arms, but Sakura crushed the little girl against her.

“I want you to beat him black and blue.”

Syaoran trembled, his entire body shaking. He looked as if he were going to be sick.

“I want you to hurt him, beat him. Try not to break anything, but make him hurt.”

“O-of course, Sakura-hime,” the guard mumbled. It was so hard to see Clow’s gentle ruler asking them to beat this boy. Were these her true colors?

Sakura turned and walked away, holding Miku tightly. The girl managed to wriggle her head free and shouted over Sakura’s shoulder.

“No! Don’t hurt Syao-kun! Don’t! Let him go! Mommy, tell them not to hurt him!”

Sakura slammed Miku down on her feet and shook her hard. “Miku, stop it! You don’t know the kind of horrible things he’s done to me! He deserves this and more! Stop defending him! You’re a child and don’t understand!”

“No! I like Syao-kun! He’s a good person!”

“He’s not!” Sakura shook Miku again and then called back over her shoulder to the guards. “Just hurt him. Beat him black and blue!” She yanked Miku up by her arm, dragged her down the hall, and tossed the little girl into her bedroom. She slammed the door and leaned hard against it. 

Miku wailed and beat her little fists on the door. “Mommy, no! Don’t hurt Syao-kun!”

Syaoran, encircled by guards just down the hallway, was trembling uncontrollably. His eyes were dark honey-gold and deep. He smiled weakly at her and then the first guard struck him. He hit the floor with a nasty crack that Miku was sure to hear, but he made no sound. Sakura watched as the guards beat him, pounded on his back and sides with their boots and sheathed swords. When Sakura saw blood, she told them to stop and then she let Miku out of the room. Big amber eyes shining with tears, Miku ran to Syaoran’s side and threw her arms around him when he struggled into a half-sitting half-bowed position.

Syaoran coughed, one hand clutched around his ribcage. The corner of his mouth was split, blood running down his chin. He wiped it with the back of his hand, his eyes glistening with pain and terror. The neck of his shirt hung low, revealing that hideous scar on his chest.

Miku sobbed, clinging to him. Then, she whispered, “Mommy, I hate you!”

“That’s fine,” Sakura said sharply.

Syaoran struggled to find his voice, throat working furiously. “Miku, you should go with your mother,” he finally choked out.

Sakura whirled, marched up to him, and struck him hard across the face. His head whipped to the side and several drops of blood that fanned out across the marble floor. “Don’t call her that. She’s a Princess,” she snapped at him bitterly. 

Syaoran cupped a hand to his battered face, his cheek stinging red from her slap, and coughed deeply into his hand as if he would hack up his heart. “Of course, Sakura-hime, I’m sorry,” he murmured. 

Miku hugged him tightly, unwilling to put even an inch between them, and he winced. 

“Princess, you should go with Sakura-hime,” he whispered to the little girl.

“Let’s go, Miku,” Sakura said and held out her hand impatiently.

Miku clutched Syaoran and shook her head. “No. I hate you, Mommy. I want to stay with Syao-kun,” she said firmly and buried her face in his ribs.

“Please, Princess,” Syaoran whispered. “You’re hurting me…” 

“Syao-kun?” Miku put a little space between them, but didn’t let him go.

“Please, go with Sakura-hime. I’ll be alright.”

“O-okay.” Miku hugged him one last time and kissed his bloody cheek. He offered her a painful smile and a split pulled down his lip, dripping blood onto his legs. Tears welled up in the little girl’s eyes but she bit her lip stubbornly, refusing to cry. She stepped away from him, turned to Sakura, ignored the offered hand, and walked quickly down the hallway. Sakura didn’t look at Syaoran or the guards. She followed Miku to their room and shut the door quietly behind her.

Sakura leaned against the door for a moment, her heart pounding. Her vision was blurred and time seemed to pass slowly for her. Then, she opened her eyes and took in everything that had just happened. Had she really done the right thing?

Miku was lying, face down, on the bed. Her little body was trembling, shaking with sobs. “How could you do that to Syao-kun, Mommy? You told me you thought you liked him and he likes you, too,” she whispered. “How could you hurt him like that?” 

“Miku, baby, there’s a lot that happened between us when we were younger. You’re too young to understand right now, but someday I’ll tell you everything,” Sakura murmured.

“Mommy, is Syao-kun my daddy?”

Sakura felt her eyes widen and the blood drained from her face. “Who put that idea in your head?” She asked and laughed nervously.

“Is he?” Miku repeated.

Sakura stood up and walked away. She couldn’t bear to see Syaoran in her daughter’s eyes, couldn’t bear to be reminded of his stricken trembling form when she told the guards to hurt him and how he had taken it because that’s what she wanted even though he could easily have beaten the guards. She sniffed and went to the bathroom to splash some water on her burning eyes, but the tears persisted. She could hear Miku sobbing in the other room and it plucked on strings in her heart that shouldn’t be played. Finally, Sakura couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t listen to Miku crying anymore, she couldn’t look at her face in the mirror, she couldn’t close the floodgates in her heart. She pulled on a cloak because the rain was threatening outside and went in search of Syaoran.

She found Yuzuriha and Inuki whispering with some guards in the ballroom and heard her name mentioned so she cleared her throat.

“Sakura-san?” Yuzuriha said and her lips contorted with a fake smile, but Inuki’s hackles rose and betrayed her true feelings. She put her hand in front of the dog and he quieted instantly. “Good morning. What’s up?”

“Could you go sit with Miku, Yuzuriha-san?” Sakura asked. “I have an errand to do.”

“Of course, Sakura-san,” she said. “May I ask what your errand is?”

Sakura approached Yuzuriha and glimpsed a red-and-white First-Aid Kit hidden behind the general’s pleated schoolgirl skirt. “I’m looking for Syaoran-san,” she said finally. 

Yuzuriha’s eyes narrowed and she put one hand on Inuki’s head as if to hold him back. “Sakura-san, I don’t mean to be rude, but I think you’ve hurt Syaoran-kun enough for one day.”

“I disagree, Yuzuriha-san,” Sakura said shortly. “He’s hurt me far more than that.”

Yuzuriha brushed past Sakura and walked away with the guards following her like some kind of train. Then, she called back over her shoulder, “No, Sakura-san. I don’t think he has…” 

…

The sky had lost the promising laundered-to-perfect blue of jeans on the early morning and washed out into dim grey with looming storm clouds in the distance. A few virgas dominated the distant sky, blotting out the sun, shrouding it in the darkness of rain. Thunder rumbled, fluttered like the beat of a broken heart, and stopped. 

Syaoran was sitting on the palace steps, staring at the cool grey sky. His shirt was bloody and torn, folded neatly next to him, and most of his torso was wrapped in bandages. There was a large purple-black bruise wrapping around most of his eye, swelling it nearly shut. His lip had been savagely split and he kept a pad of gauze pressed to it. Everything hurt—his head, his heart, his broken spirit, his body. When he finally returned to the place of his birth, this was not the kind of welcome he had been expecting.

Yuzuriha had left only a moment ago. She had bandaged him up as best she could without hurting him too much and then sat with him for a while. She had put her arms around his shoulders and held him, but he hadn’t allowed himself to bend into her comfort. Maybe Sakura was right, maybe he did deserve this and more. Yuzuriha protested valiantly, saying Sakura was sick in the head with worries and stress but insisted that was no excuse to hurt him. Maybe Yuzuriha was right, maybe he deserved better.

“Well, it looks like Yuzuriha-san patched you up very nicely.” Sakura’s voice made him shiver and she sat down beside him. She was trying not to look at him, trying to hold on to her anger, trying to keep hating him so she could move on. 

“She did. Yuzuriha-chan is very kind…” Syaoran murmured quietly. He rubbed his palm up and down his thigh and Sakura noticed a big spot of black blood there, soaked through his dark pants.

She had to swallow several times to keep a lump from forming.

 _‘I hate you, Mommy. How could you do that to Syao-kun, Mommy? You told me you thought you liked him and he likes you, too. How could you hurt him like that?’_ Miku’s words were like knives, cutting into Sakura.

He lowered the pad of gauze and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Blood smeared across the bruising skin and he sighed deeply before pressing the pad back to his lip. His wrist was so thin, the bones standing out as if they wanted to escape his body. She could see the blue crisscrossing veins beneath his thin skin. He was so thin, frail, as if he was dying, wasting away like Toya had.

Sakura felt sick and her vision swam. She turned her head quickly, unable to look at him any longer and her grip on her anger slipped away.

Syaoran rose slowly to his feet, staggered, and fell hard. Coughing, he dredged up some strength and managed to get back on his feet. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’ll leave now.” He seemed like he wanted to say something more, but kept silent. 

Sakura watched him as he walked away.

‘This is right. I can’t have him in my life anymore, but… why does it hurt so much to watch him leave? I feel like my heart is being crushed and the pieces are leaving with him,’ Sakura thought and tears burned her jade-green eyes.

 _‘I hate you, Mommy. How could you do that to Syao-kun, Mommy? You told me you thought you liked him and he likes you, too. How could you hurt him like that?’_ Miku’s words bit at her, gnawing on the edges of her mind.

“Wait,” Sakura whispered. She was sure he wouldn’t hear her, but Syaoran stopped at the castle gate. He seemed a world away.

“Yes, Sakura-hime?” His voice was weak, winded, as if it hurt him just to speak.

“D-don’t go…” 

He turned to face her and his eyes felt so close. They had darkened with anguish and a single tear made its slow way down his cheek, cleaning away crimson to reveal black and blue. “I’m sorry, Sakura-hime. I can’t. This is my limit. I… I can’t take you hating me…” He looked at the sky and then back at her. “I should have stayed where I was. I was hurting there, but at least I thought you loved me. At least I had that…” He pressed his hand over the scar on his chest, over his heart. “I have nothing now. I shouldn’t have come back,” he murmured and turned to leave. 

“Wait, please…” 

“Sakura-hime,” he mumbled.

“Please, just—”

“I can’t. My heart can’t take it. I can’t see you hating me. I can’t see the princess with my eyes in your face each day, looking up at me, and wishing I was her daddy.” His shoulders heaved and trembled. “I had to have it beaten into me, I guess,” and he laughed bitterly. “I thought everything would be okay once I was back in Clow. I thought you would wait for me, be ready to love me when I finally returned, but I was too late. My father told me that nothing is stronger than love… except love turned to hate.” 

“Don’t…” 

“I’m sorry.”

Then, he walked away from her again.

X X X

No more chapters until I see some reviews! You want everybody to have a happy ending, don’t you?! Or else I’ll cut it off here! 

Questions, comments, concerns?


	15. The Saviors of Sinners

Ponyo was so cute! I made my boyfriend watch it with me and he admitted it was adorable. I wish I had it on camera because he won’t say it again.

Chapter Fifteen. 

Woot!

X X X

Souma blew away the steam swirling over her mug of tea and tried again to persuade Yuzuriha to sit down beside her, but the girl was restless. She would sit down, fidget something terrible, and then get up to pace the length of the room again. Ryuo was just watching her, following her pacing with his eyes. His face wore a grimace, but he didn’t say anything snide like he usually would have. Fai had been baiting Kurogane for several minutes, but the ninja was pointedly ignoring him. Kamui was standing alongside Subaru’s chair, shifting only his eyes while the rest of him remained stock still. Subaru was staring blankly out the window. 

It had started to rain.

The seven generals had been like this since Yuzuriha came barging in and quickly bit out what Sakura had just had done to Syaoran. She and Ryuo, being so similar, had instantly wanted to dash out of the room and stop Sakura from hurting him any further, but Souma had calmly persuaded Yuzuriha to wait a little and see if they could work it out. Ryuo, on the other hand, had been forcefully grabbed by Kurogane, shoved into a chair, and told to stay at the risk of being sat on.

“How about now?” Yuzuriha demanded and tripped over Inuki where he had finally laid down, exhausted, on Souma’s feet. “If they were going to work it out, they would have already.”

“It’s only been a few minutes, kid. Calm down,” Kurogane said sternly.

“It’s not right what she’s doing to him,” Kamui mumbled, moving only his lips and looking only at Subaru. “Hurting him unintentionally is acceptable, but to have her guards—our guards—beat him. That is inexcusable.”

“I could never imagine hating someone you used to love so much that you’d have them hurt like that,” Subaru murmured and reached for Kamui. He wrapped his fingers through the crook of his twin’s elbow and pulled on him lightly. “I could never hurt you, Kamui.”

“I’m glad,” Kamui whispered and the twins looked at each other for the longest time, no doubt remembering what they had gone through to find each other. 

Yuzuriha threw herself on the couch next to Souma and crossed her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe Sakura-san could be so cruel. They were childhood friends!” She snapped and pounded her fists on her thighs.

“I’m with Yuzuriha-chan. I think we should check on them,” Ryuo said, but didn’t get up. The idea of being squashed under Kurogane did not appeal to him. “I didn’t think Sakura-san had it in her, but she’s been uncharacteristically cruel to Syaoran-san.”

Souma took a sip of her tea and set it on the table. She suddenly didn’t feel like drinking it anymore. “I’m sure Sakura-san has her reasons. We don’t know the whole story and therefore it is not our place to judge,” she reasoned.

Yuzuriha grabbed a pillow and hurled it across the room in frustration, nearly taking out a vase that Fai had to scramble to catch. “I don’t care! I went out and talked to him the night we arrived because everyone was running around like crazy in here. Through Inuki, I felt his spirit and it’s shattered inside him.”

“Shattered?” Souma asked incredulously. She knew of the Nekoi’s special bond with animal and the powers they earned though the familiars. 

Yuzuriha nodded. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean, I’ve seen slaves with a few cracks in their spirits, but never have I seen something in so many pieces,” she said sadly and stared at Inuki. The dog stood up and laid his head in her lap, giving a soft whine. She stroked him.

“But,” Ryuo murmured, “If your spirit breaks… ?”

“Yeah, by all rights, he should be dead, but something inside him refused to give up and kept him going even though his soul had shattered,” Yuzuriha whispered. “It hurt me just to be near him and Inuki wanted to be close to him. I wanted to help him, but there was nothing I could do.” She abruptly slumped sideways and laid her head in Souma’s lap. “Why does it have to be this way, Souma-san?”

Souma smoothed some of Yuzuriha’s dark hair. “I don’t know,” she murmured quietly. 

“You cannot have war without peace, light without shadow, joy without sorrow, happiness without pain, life without death,” Kamui said. “That is the way life is.” 

“We have our whole lives to figure out how to cope with that,” Subaru continued. “If you can’t, then you break.”

“But Syaoran-kun…” Yuzuriha whispered.

Souma rubbed the girl’s shoulder vigorously, but had no words of comfort to offer.

Fai offered everyone a cheerful smile. “I’m sure Sakura-chan will make up with him. She doesn’t have it in her to hate him for so long,” he said. 

The palace door opened and shut. 

Yuzuriha leaped up and raced out of the room with Inuki bounding ahead of her. Ryuo followed quickly, but lingered in the threshold between the ballroom and the parlor where the seven had gathered. Kamui and Subaru stood together quietly near the doorway, close to Ryuo but closer to each other. Souma didn’t move, but her hands clenched in her lap.

Sakura was alone.

“Sakura-san, where’s Syaoran-kun?” Yuzuriha demanded and Inuki paced restlessly around her legs, pushing at her and whimpering. “Where is he?!”

Just like that fateful day four years ago, Sakura raised her eyes and stared through Yuzuriha. The young queen seemed almost in a state of shock, in a trance. “He’s gone,” she whispered. “He’s gone.”

Yuzuriha paled and abruptly tore from the ballroom. Ryuo darted after her, shouting her name urgently. He had the good sense to grab their cloaks from the closet before racing out into the gloomy rainy day. Kamui and Subaru exchanged glances and then raced after the two younger generals, giving brief orders to their soldiers and guards. Souma stood up slowly, crossed the ballroom, and stopped in front of Sakura.

She and Sakura stared at each other for a moment and then, Souma struck her. Sakura’s head whipped to the side and an angry red welt began to form on her face. “I cannot believe this,” Souma said coldly. “I never thought you would ever sink so low.” Then, she put on her cloak, too, and walked out into the rain to search for Syaoran.

Sakura sniffed, put a hand to her burning cheek, and collapsed right there on the floor.

“Are you going to say anything, magician?” Kurogane asked icily.

Fai’s face was sheet-white with shock and horror. He turned to Kurogane and said, “I have no words to describe this.” He crossed most of the ballroom, walking along the wall to give Sakura a wide birth. At the door, he paused and called back, “Are you coming?”

Kurogane looked at Sakura’s crumpled form, sobbing uncontrollably and writhing on the floor as if she were in great pain. “I’ll hold down the fort, magician. And, in return, you’ll bring back the kid and those other morons,” he said gruffly.

Fai nodded, pulled up his hood, and followed the others into the rain. 

…

Syaoran walked slowly, weighed down by the rain and his grief. His mouth was dry and tasted like ash. His eye was swollen shut and he stumbled around, half-blind. He stumbled, fell, managed to find the strength to get up again.

He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t even have anywhere to go.

He had been gone so long… 

He stumbled, fell hard, crawled a few paces before managing to get back up again. 

He was cold. Everything hurt. How easy it would be to just end it all now? He had a sword inside his body, all he had to do was pull it out, slit his own throat… but, no, Sakura-hime needed him. There were assassins coming for her.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He beat at his face with his hands, bashing wounds that had already formed and already ached. 

He stumbled, fell on hands and knees in the mud. This time, he lacked the strength to rise again and curled up on his side, sobbing and shaking. Maybe, if he lay here long enough, he would die. He squeezed his eyes shut, counted to ten, and managed to get up. He only made it a few steps before his legs gave out. He crawled now, like a worm on his belly. The muddy water got in his mouth, in his eyes. Unseeing, feeling only hurt, all he could think of was that the taste of ash was gone. His fingernails pulled back from his fingers as he crawled, dragging himself in the muck. Each stab of pain that laced though his hands felt so good. This was pain he could deal with, pain that he could stop, pain that didn’t come from inside.

“Oh God!”

_‘Sorry, there’s no god here.’_

“Syaoran-kun?!” someone splashed up beside him and collapsed on their knees in the mud with him.

_‘Stop it. You’ll get yourself all dirty and I’m not worth it.’_

“Ryuo-kun! Souma-san!” Yuzuriha shouted and gripped Syaoran by the back of his shirt. She wished she had taken her cloak from Ryuo so she could shield his face from the rain, but there was nothing she could do. He tried to crawl away from her, but she flipped him over and cradled his head in her lap. She bent over him to try to keep the rain off his face, but it dripped off her hair. “Kamui-kun! Subaru-kun! Fai-san! Kurogane-san! Anyone!”

_‘Leave me alone. Please, just let me die.’_

“Yuzuriha-chan?” Ryuo slashed up and instantly swept her cloak over her shoulders. “Is that him? Jesus!”

“We have to get him back to the palace. We have to make Sakura-san see what he’s done to him!”

_‘Sakura-hime? No!’_

Syaoran struggled against Yuzuriha with renewed vigor but Ryuo stooped to help her and they managed to restrain him.

“Where are the others?” Rain dripped into Yuzuriha’s eyes, blinding her. For a panicked moment, she thought she was crying.

“Jeez, I don’t know!” Ryuo said exasperatedly and glanced around as if they would appear from the shadows of gloom created by the rain. “Kamui-kun! Subaru-kun! Where are you guys?”

“Souma-san! Kurogane-san!” Yuzuriha shouted. She pressed Syaoran’s face into her and her chest heaved with sobs. “Where are they?!”

Souma and Fai came running down the street and quickly knelt next to Yuzuriha and Ryuo. 

“No! Is he still alive?” Souma whispered and pushed his wet bangs back from his face. She cupped her hand over his mouth, feeling for breath.

Yuzuriha nodded. “Yeah, but I’m not sure how much longer he’s going to last!”

“Why? What’s happening?” Fai demanded.

“Something is pulling him. Pieces of his spirit are vanishing!” Yuzuriha sobbed.

“Can you do anything?!” Ryuo asked as he and Fai hefted Syaoran’s body. Souma walked quickly beside them, holding the tail of her cloak over his face and pulling Yuzuriha along by her sleeve. Inuki trotted along in the lead, barking as if to call for Kamui and Subaru.

Yuzuriha shook her head and stumbled. Souma pulled the girl close and tucked her under her cloak.

“It’s okay,” Souma insisted. “He’ll pull through. He has to.”

Yuzuriha shook her head, flinging water and mud everywhere.

Syaoran hadn’t gotten far. They were already at the palace steps.

Kamui and Subaru were already waiting at the base of the steps and Kamui quickly scooped Syaoran from Ryuo and Fai’s hold. Subaru put his arm around Yuzuriha and guided her up the steps. Ryuo raced up the steps to open the door for Kamui. Souma and Fai trailed after them. 

Kurogane was waiting inside. Sakura was still heaped in the middle of the ballroom floor, sobbing, and Miku was gripping Kurogane’s hand tightly. Her big amber eyes were filled with tears and Souma quickly crouched and opened her arms to the little girl. Miku ran to her and sobbed into Souma’s neck. Yuzuriha found Ryuo’s hand, squeezing desperately, and looked at him with glistening tear-filled eyes.

“I can feel his spirit leaving him,” she whispered and moaned in pure anguish. “I can feel him dying!” Inuki whimpered and frantically nuzzled Syaoran’s motionless hand.

Ryuo pulled her to him and tried to sooth her. “Can’t someone do something? Anything?! Help him!”

“Magician?” Kurogane asked quietly.

Fai shook his head.

Souma bit her lip and watched as Kamui laid Syaoran on the floor beside Sakura. Subaru followed him and they looked at each other. Then, all traces of the gentle tenderness Subaru always had was gone. He knelt next to Sakura and grabbed her face, hauling her upright and turning her neck at an awkward angle so all she could see was Syaoran.

“Do you see this?” Subaru demanded in an even and perfectly chilling voice. “Do you see what you’ve done?!”

Sakura sobbed and tried to pull away.

Subaru almost let her go, but Kamui touched his shoulder and gave him support. Subaru dug his fingers into her face. “Do you see him?! He’s dying!”

“No,” Sakura moaned and clawed Subaru’s hand. 

Subaru shook her brutally, rattling her teeth together. “You claim that he’s hurting you! All I’ve seen is you hurting him like he’s some kind of monster! I’ve seen you hurt him so many times, but he’s never done a thing to you!”

She moaned. “No…”

Kamui squeezed his twin’s shoulder and Subaru threw her down. 

“He’s not the monster here, Sakura-san,” Kamui said icily.

“You are,” Subaru hissed and backed up into Kamui for support. It was not in him to hurt someone, no matter the reason.

“You’ve been hurting him, but the only one who deserves to be hurt right now is you,” Kamui continued, pressing his words into his brother’s sentence and even mimicking the pace of his voice so that it sounded as if they were speaking as one.

“Didn’t you hear Miku-chan beg you not to hurt him?” Subaru asked.

Kamui continued before he was finished so that their voices blended in a never-ending whirlpool. “Did you hear her say she hates you?”

“You say you hate Syaoran-san.”

“Do you see him dying?”

“It’s your fault.”

“It’s your entire fault!”

“Did you do this because you hate him?”

“Once he’s dead, how will you feel?”

“Will you hurt?”

“Good, you deserve to.”

Their voices blended into a maddening whirl, overlapping and mixing until they were both speaking at once. They sometimes echoed each other to break the drone of sharp accusing voices. 

“Do you feel him dying?”

“Do you feel his spirit leaving him?”

“Yuzuriha-chan does.”

“She does. It hurts her, but it should hurt you.”

“You’re a monster, Sakura-san.”

“You used to love him.”

“How could you hurt him this way?”

“How could you hurt him?”

“Why did you do it?”

“Why?” 

“Why?” 

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Stop it!” Sakura screamed and clapped her hands over her ears. “Stop it!”

Subaru swallowed hard. He didn’t have it in him to be so cruel to anyone. The warm comfort of Kamui behind him was an impossible comfort, but it made him think of how much Syaoran was hurting now and how he could never have done such a thing to Kamui. True, they fought sometimes, but they were twins and therefore half of each other. Kamui squeezed his shoulder and offered that thin hidden smile that he wore only for Subaru. Kamui was the strong one, the rock for Subaru to lean on. Subaru threw his arms around Kamui’s long skinny frame and sobbed into his twin’s shoulder.

Yuzuriha gripped Ryuo tighter and turned her face away. Inuki whimpered and brushed around her legs. Yuzuriha pulled away from Ryuo and collapsed with Inuki. She wrapped her arms around the dog, feeling shards and pieces of Syaoran’s spirit vanishing up in smoke as if they never were. She couldn’t imagine ever feeling bits of Inuki, bits of her, disappearing like this. Ryuo rubbed her shaking shoulder, crouched down, and enveloped both of them in his arms.

Souma was still gripping Miku tightly, trying to offer her comfort to the little girl, but it was a hopeless comfort. How do you comfort someone when the only parent they’d ever known was tormenting the stranger you loved? Miku was losing both parents in a way, but she didn’t know it yet. Souma tried to sooth her, but she just cried and cried and looked on. Her entire little body was trembling. Souma’s eyes welled with tears.

Fai looked at Kurogane and the dark ninja gave him a savage glare. Then, Kurogane did something much unexpected. He crossed the ballroom, shoved between Kamui and Subaru, and towered over Sakura. She looked up at him, blubbering like someone dying. He glared at her and then asked, “What are you doing?”

Sakura sniffed. “W-wh-a-at?”

“You’re like the magician, but you can heal. That’s part of your power,” he said shortly. “Save the kid. Put him back together or you’re a more terrible person than I’d ever imagined.” Then, he grabbed Kamui and Subaru by their elbows and dragged them away. “Let’s go, the lot of you! There’s nothing more we can do here.” 

Ryuo helped Yuzuriha to her feet, supporting her with one arm over her shoulders to hold her up. Inuki walked along beside them, nails clicking on the tile. Yuzuriha wrapped her fingers through his fur and refused to let go. Souma carried Miku, praying the little girl wouldn’t lose everyone she loved. Kurogane released Kamui and Subaru after a moment and returned to grab Fai by the front of his shirt.

“As much as I want to blame you, it isn’t your fault,” Kurogane mumbled. “Let’s go.”

Fai nodded and allowed Kurogane to drag him away.

Sakura was sobbing. Her eyes were so blurring with tears that she couldn’t even see Syaoran anymore, but seeing him only made it worse. She saw what the guards had done to him, what she had asked them to do to him, and felt sick. How could she have hurt him so badly? She had been blinded by her fear and rage. She had ignored Miku’s pleas to stop and now she may have lost her daughter, too. 

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She sobbed and bent over his unmoving body. 

His narrow chest was rising and falling jerkily, as if he were taking death in through his mouth and shutting out life with his eyes. He wanted to die. He wanted this to be over, for all his suffering to finally end. He was ready.

“Forgive me…” She put her hands on his chest and felt the groove of the scar in his chest. A shiver coursed through her. He had suffered so much just to try to come back to her and she had hurt him more. “Please, please, don’t die.” She pressed on him as if to keep his heart beating. “Please, you were my best friend! Don’t die! Please, I want to try again! Let me try! Please,” she sobbed and her begging turned to terrified broken sobbing.

Syaoran didn’t move beneath her embrace, barely breathing. His body was like ice.

“Please, I’m so sorry. Forgive me. I want to try again… please, please… Miku needs you. If you won’t come back for me, come back for her… Please!” Sakura collapsed on him, sobbing into his chest. “Please, don’t die. Let’s try again. I’m so sorry… don’t go…”

“S-saku-ra-h-hime,” he choked out and his heart fluttered under her hands. The beat picked up, grew stronger and steadier.

Sakura sat up and looked at him. Her eyes were misty with tears, but she could make out his beautiful amber eyes. The one was still swollen shut, but they were bright, alert, but a bit confused. “Don’t go,” she whispered.

His chest shuddered with a cough and he breathed deeply. “Okay, Sakura-hime,” Syaoran murmured. He gently pushed her hands away and tried to sit up. The last thing he remembered was talking to Sakura on the palace steps after Yuzuriha-chan had patched him up as best she could. He remembered leaving.

“Y-you’re alright?”

“I’m sorry.” Unspoken, ‘Were you hooping I’d die?’

“N-no!”

He started.

“I-I mean,” Sakura stared into the parlor where her seven generals had gathered. The door was closed, but they were surely listening on the other side of the door. She sniffed. “I want to try again, Syaoran-san. You were my best friend once and I know I’ve been so cruel to you, but I’d like to try again.”

“Sakura-hime—”

She cut him off. “If you can’t do it for me, then could you do it for Miku?”

“Sakura-hime—”

“She loves you so much and you really are her father—”

“Sakura-hime!”

She looked at him, emerald eyes full of tears. “Please… ?”

Syaoran nodded. “Of course, Sakura-hime, but…” He trailed off and just looked at her until she thought he was seeing the monster Kamui and Subaru had seen. She felt naked and ashamed, but couldn’t tear her eyes away from his. “I… I can’t take… anymore… of this,” he touched his eye where a dark bruise had swollen it shut. 

“I know,” Sakura whispered. “I’m so sorry… I was just angry and scared and…” She trailed off when he touched her hand hesitantly. A pleasant shiver ran through her as their contact and she looked at him carefully, trying to see what he intended.

“I know,” Syaoran murmured. “I’ve hurt you a lot and I probably deserve everything you’ve done to me.”

Sakura shook her head vigorously and tried to protest, but he laid a finger against her lips to silence her.

“I’m sorry…”

Tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her face, dripping off her chin. “Why? Why do you always have to be so selfless? You’ve always been that way! Always taking the blame for everything, even things that aren’t your fault. You carry the whole world.” She wanted to hit him, but instead dug her nails into her palms. “Can you be selfish once?”

He smiled sadly and leaned forward until their noses brushed. She tried to look into his eyes, but they were too close and her eyes were blurry with tears. He laid his hands on her shoulders, brushing his thumbs along the bones that pressed out from her skin. She could feel his breath on her face, warm and light, and her hair tickled his cheeks. The muscles in her thighs quivered, weakened at the feel of his hands and the heat of him all around her. The scent of his skin, wood and earth and soap, made her giddy. Something coiled in her abdomen and she felt a rush of heat between her legs in anticipation. His breath tickled her lips, so close…

“Syao-kun!”

Sakura leaped back from him as if burned and Syaoran jerked back as well. Miku was a blur that launched herself into Syaoran’s arms and hugged him tightly. 

“Syao-kun! Syao-kun! You’re alright!” Miku sobbed and squeezed him tighter.

“P-princess, you’re hurting me,” Syaoran choked out, but Miku didn’t let go. Her back was heaving with sobs and he awkwardly stroked her pale hair. “I’m okay, Princess,” he murmured. 

“I’m glad, Syao-kun…” Miku whispered into him.

Sakura smiled faintly and staggered carefully to her feet. Pain laced up her foot, but she ignored it and stumbled over to the stairs. She sat down heavily on the bottom step and stretched out her legs in front of her. She watched Syaoran as he melted into Miku. He nuzzled her hair and breathed deeply while Miku pressed so close to him it was as if she were trying to share his body. Tears welled up in Sakura’s green eyes. She felt like monster. How could she have dragged Syaoran’s beautiful heart through the mud on her rollercoaster of bitter emotions? She had hurt him so badly, torn him apart from the inside out, and here he was, cuddling her daughter. No, Miku was his just as much as she was Sakura’s. She sniffed and tried to stop crying. 

Syaoran would stay.

She wasn’t sure she deserved his unselfish devotion, but she was a greedy person and would hold him as long as she wanted because he would always be there. 

He would always stay, always forgive her, always love her.

She wasn’t sure what she was ready for, but he would wait forever and ever and ever.

Her generals poured out of the parlor and surrounded Syaoran. Yuzuriha leaped at him and hugged him so long and so hard that Fai had to help Ryuo pry her off. Inuki licked his face continuously from chin to forehead. Kamui and Subaru stood close, watching him with the studious observant eye of a doctor. Souma smiled gently and asked him numerous questions concerning how he felt and if anything was hurting him especially bad. Kurogane glanced over him and then turned away. He approached Sakura and stared down at her. 

“I’m sorry, Kurogane-san.”

He put a hand on her head and ruffled her hair affectionately. “It’s alright, Princess. The kid’s fine and that’s all that matters,” Kurogane said seriously. “Just stop. Go back to the way you used to be, before all this happened.”

Sakura sniffled and nodded. Then, she looked at Syaoran again, glimpsing his soft smile through the various elbows and legs surrounding him. Her heart felt heavy and warm, as if something had entered it and curled up there. Suddenly, she felt as if everything was going to be okay. 

Then, something crashed in through the window and all of Hell’s fury descended upon them.

X X X

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Over two hundred people have read this story and not one of you reviewed! But I have these three chapters typed and ready to go, so remember this when you see that beautiful button at the end of each chapter. Remember that I was nice to you where you were mean to me!

Questions, comments, concerns?

Review!


	16. The Second Wave of Assassins

I plan to finish off at about thirty chapters.

Half way there!

X X X

A small army of black-clad assassins exploded in through the window and went straight for Sakura and Miku, leaping over and around the guards that quickly tried to stop them. Kurogane drew his sword and sliced two cleanly in half. A chain sickle snaked passed him, going for Miku with other worldly determination. He went for the wielder, but several spears barred his path. Sakura screamed, but Syaoran shielded Miku with his body, letting the sickle sink deep into his shoulder. Warm blood splattered on Miku’s face when the sickle jerked back out. He gasped in agony, squeezing her tightly to his chest.

“Kurga-lurga, you’ve got to protect the little princess!” Fai shouted, dodging easily through a rain of arrows. “I’ve got Sakura-chan.”

“Stop with the nicknames! Now is not the time!” Kurogane barked. 

The guards had been engaged and picked off by the overwhelming numbers within moments, but the seven generals were doing alright. Ryuo slashed an assassin in half, fighting back to back with Yuzuriha and Inuki. Souma had taken on a big hulking assassin with a great scythe, but she appeared to be winning. Kamui, with his long fingernails extended and fighting in his own style that no one weak could hope to survive, gutted one assassin like a fish. Subaru was backed into a corner, playing the coward and slashing the assassins his twin didn’t get with disgusted determination. Fai was at Sakura’s side in an instant and quickly blasted three assassins with a chilly smile and a swell of burning magic.

“Miku!” Sakura screamed when another thrown weapon sneaked past Kurogane. This one was a spear and would surely kill Syaoran and Miku if he let it hit him straight on. Much to her surprise, Syaoran swung Miku onto his back in a split second, supporting her with one arm and snagging the spear out of the air with the other. He let the momentum spin him around and hurled it again, pinning the assassin that had thrown it to the wall by his shoulder.

“Wow, Syaoran-san!” Ryuo shouted over the din of clashing weapons and dying screams. “You’re really strong!” 

“Ryuo-kun!” Yuzuriha shouted as she stabbed an assassin with a short kunai. Inuki tore another’s throat out and leaped back to her side, avoiding an arrow with ease. “Could you please focus? You’re going to get us both killed!”

“Calm down, Yuzuriha-chan,” Ryuo snapped and crossed blades with another assassin. “Here. Sea Dragon Wave!” The destruction he unleashed took out four assassins so that not a trace of their bodies would ever be found and gravely wounded two others. It also demolished part of the palace wall so that the rainy evening beyond poured in.

“You idiot!” Yuzuriha snapped and hurled a kunai passed his head to hit one assassin between the eyes. “Don’t use that attack in the palace! You’ll bring the roof down on our heads and you’re destroying the everything!”

“Twin Moon Leaves, fly!” Souma leaped over the big scythe and let her thrown weapons slash the big man’s throat. “Stop it, you two! Fight them, not each other!”

Fai whistled or tried to. “Weet-whoo! Yuzuriha-chan and Ryuo-kun are so cool!” He blasted another swarm of assassins with magic and backed a little closer to Sakura. “There’s no end to these guys,” he said with a nervous laugh.

“Of course not,” Kurogane shouted. “This is our enemies’ last chance to kill us off before the compromises tomorrow.”

Kamui flipped over an assassin and Subaru neatly slashed another. They were quiet fighters, never taunting or bantering back and forth. They devoted their whole attention to their enemies and didn’t stop until the job was finished.

Yuzuriha was the first to get hurt. Ryuo lunged at an assassin, thinking he’d be back in a moment and leaving her back unguarded. The assassin engaged him, dodging and drawing him farther away from Yuzuriha than Ryuo had wanted to go. He saw the arrow going for her exposed back, but couldn’t call out or get to her in time. The arrow sank into her hard, knocking her forward into the blade of the assassin she had been fighting. She managed to turn her waist before she was run through, but she couldn’t risk fighting anymore. The arrow could move and damage her spine.

“Yuzuriha-chan!” Ryuo shouted and his rage aided him. He slashed the assassin and went swiftly to protect her, but the damage was done. Inuki could protect her somewhat, fight alongside her, but he couldn’t defend her against so many assassins. Yuzuriha was out of the fight and Ryuo was confined to protecting her.

“Watch out, everyone,” Fai called. “They’re getting smart. Are you alright, Yuzuriha-chan?”

“Don’t worry. This can’t kill me,” Yuzuriha panted, but her face was ash-pale.

Souma was next. Four assassins charged her after she had thrown her weapons and she carried no others. One assassin stabbed through her shoulder, but she managed to leap into the rafters of the ceiling. She would be safe there, but her weapons clattered uselessly to the floor. She was injured and trapped, weaponless, unable to help them even from the ceiling. “I’m sorry!” Souma called down.

“It’s fine,” Fai called up. “Are you alright, Souma-san?”

“Yes.”

Syaoran dodged a spear, snatched it, broke it in half, and skewered two assassins. Kurogane was taking on a bunch in the middle of the ballroom, but the ratio of assassins to generals was still overwhelming—twelve to one with Yuzuriha and Souma out of the fight. Syaoran couldn’t fight to his full potential while defending Miku and Kurogane couldn’t use any of his special attacks inside the palace. Kamui and Subaru had strayed from each other, but the numbers were overwhelming for even powerful Kamui. Subaru was quickly overwhelmed by the sheer numbers and Kamui, in his attempt to rescue his twin, was felled like a tree.

“Kamui!”

Then, Subaru was struck down, too.

“Kid,” Kurogane shouted. “Try to get over to the magician with the princess!”

Syaoran nodded, swung Miku in front of him, and pressed her close in the safe cocoon of his arms. Then, he barreled though the assassins head on, ducking his head and letting any and all weapons glance off him. Fai opened a door in the shield he had been struggling to hold against the rain of arrows pouring down on him. Syaoran raced in and plowed Sakura over in his haste. She clutched him, sobbing into Miku. 

“Take her,” Syaoran ordered and shoved the little girl into Sakura’s arms. Then, he straightened up and put his palms together. The sword came out and Sakura saw him wince as a small trickle of blood made its way down his arm. He stepped through Fai’s shield, swirling the sword in a continuous circle that destroyed the arrows raining down on him. Then, without breaking his movement, he hacked three assassins in half at the hips and moved on. He made his way through the throng, cutting down assassins left and right before they could so much as touch him. 

“Kid!” Kurogane barked as Syaoran pressed on. Usually, he would have gone to his ally’s side, but he was wary, keeping his distance from the kid. Something wasn’t right here.

“Syaoran-san?!” Ryuo shouted, alarmed. Yuzuriha whimpered behind him and Inuki suddenly collapsed. “Yuzuriha-chan?! What’s wrong?”

“H-he’s breaking them,” she moaned. “He’s pulling their spirits apart. That’s why no one can lay a finger on him. Assassins are naturally weak-spirited because they’re hired killers. They’ll kill anyone and anything for money and that makes them weak. Syaoran-kun breaks into their spirits and tears them apart. With the spirit cracked so suddenly, the body fails for a moment before they can adjust to the weakness and in that moment, he kills them.”

“How is that possible?” Ryuo asked, still watching Syaoran. “Doesn’t it take time to so much as break into a person’s spirit? How could he break it so quickly?”

“I don’t know, but he appears to do it subconsciously,” Yuzuriha said quietly and whimpered. “Inuki can feel it and it’s hurting me through him.”

Within minutes, all the assassins were dead.

Chest and shoulders heaving, Syaoran dropped to his knees and coughed as if he meant to dislodge his lungs. There was blood on his lips when he sat up again and darkness in his eyes. In a moment, it vanished and he took a deep breath.

“Syao-kun?” Miku whispered.

“Kid,” Kurogane said and towered over Syaoran. “What was that?”

“I killed them all.” His voice cracked and his eyes shone. The sword sank back into his body in a short burst of smoke and light. He whimpered and cradled his arm to his chest. “I killed them all, just like last night.”

“Yeah, I saw that. How?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know…” He whispered and his shoulders shook. 

Sakura stood up, holding Miku’s hand tightly, and the little girl led her over to Syaoran. Then, she wiggled out of Sakura’s hold and flung her arms around Syaoran. He held her, fighting the sobs that wanted to wrench their way out of his throat. Sakura clenched her hands into fists. She wanted to touch him, comfort him, but she resisted.

“We need to get everyone bandaged up,” Fai said sharply and wiped the back of his pale hand across his forehead. 

“Right,” Sakura said, happy for the distraction. “There’re plenty of supplies in the infirmary.”

Ryuo carefully lifted Yuzuriha, who had slumped into worrisome unconsciousness. Fai held out his hands for Souma and she leaped down nimbly, gripping his hands for support as she landed and then allowing him to help her walk. Kurogane scooped up both Kamui and Subaru in his big arms and carried them quickly. Sakura helped Syaoran to his feet, but he walked on his own, holding Miku’s hand but looking at no one. Sakura didn’t have time to feel awkward around him. She had to help her friends and quickly lost herself in the bustle of tending to injuries.

…

It was late.

Yuzuriha was still unconscious, but she had some around briefly after Sakura pulled the arrow from her back and started to stitch her up. Ryuo was at her side now, watching over her until his eyes had finally drooped shut with exhaustion. 

Souma was asleep in a chair, clutching her shoulder though she assured them many times that it was fine. Fai had slipped some pain killers into her tea without her knowing and she now slept on blissful painless clouds. 

Kamui and Subaru were laid out next to each other in the same bed, hoping that they’d draw energy from each other because their future was bleak. The slash across Kamui’s stomach was grievously deep and if he became feverish, then he might not make it. Subaru wasn’t in any better health with the deep laceration splitting him from shoulder to hip. At least if they went, they’d go together—that’s how close their wounds were. Sakura was sure they’d sense the death of the other no matter what and subsequently pass on too. 

Fai wasn’t hurt, but using his magic for such a long time had exhausted him. He was already asleep, facedown, snoring loudly. Kurogane was the only one who was doing perfectly fine and he agreed to sit up with their companions and the sleeping Miku while Sakura went to speak with Syaoran.

The kid was worrisome, after all.

After the vicious battle, Syaoran had allowed Sakura to patch up the worst of his wounds and then escaped outside as if something were chasing him. No one had seen hide or hair of him since, but then again only Kurogane and Sakura’s eyes were still open.

Sakura searched the palace first, but was unable to find him. He had probably gone outside into the damp night, seeking comfort in the earth. Syaoran had always been like that. So, she slipped out of the castle door alone, knowing that Kurogane would hear her if she shouted for help.

The night had grown chilly and Sakura shivered, wishing she had brought her cloak but if she went back inside Kurogane would glare at her savagely until she went outside again. She glanced around and spotted Syaoran a short distance away, sitting in the grass. He was hunched in his cloak, legs drawn up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his face hidden in his arms. He looked so small and fragile, broken like Yuzuriha said he was.

“Hey,” Sakura ventured. 

He started as if she had struck him.

“It’s just me,” she whispered and lingered beside him, unsure of whether to sit down or not.

“I’m sorry, Sakura-hime,” he murmured.

She sat down next to him, leaving some space between their bodies. “Why? You saved us all,” she said quietly. “I was coming out here to thank you…”

He shuddered. “I’ve frightened everyone,” he whispered.

Sakura hesitated and then mumbled, “Not me.”

He looked at her and there was such desperate hope in his eyes that it hurt her like a physical wound. “R-really, Sakura-hime?”

She didn’t trust her voice, so she just nodded.

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a little while, but the night’s chill was sinking into Sakura’s bones. She stood up and brushed off her clothes, “I’m going to go inside. I have to check on the others and relieve Kurogane-san from his post.”

“Do you think, maybe, we can stay like this for just a little bit longer…?” He wouldn’t look at her, but she heard the fear in his voice.

“I’m cold,” she whispered.

He tugged his cloak from his shoulders and offered it to her without looking. He wouldn’t be able to take any hatred of fear that he might see in her beautiful eyes. “You can have this, Sakura-hime, just… stay with me a little longer… please…” He braced himself for her rejection, but she took the cloak from him hand, wrapped it around herself, and sat down beside him again.

“Okay, Syaoran-san.”

“Could you do it again?”

“What?” Sakura asked and he shuddered again.

“Just… say my name. Could you do it again?”

“Why?” Her voice almost cracked and she wet her lips.

“I haven’t heard it in a long time…”

She swallowed. “Syaoran-san,” she whispered almost to herself. “Syaoran-san…”

His shoulders trembled. “Thank you, Sakura-hime.”

They were quiet again, staring at the dim cloudy sky. 

Then, “How is the princess doing?”

“Miku’s fine, just tired.” Sakura gazed at him and then looked at her feet. The bruise on her foot was ugly—a mess of green and yellow and purple-black. “I was thinking, Syaoran-san,” she said finally, “Maybe you could call her Miku-chan instead of princess.”

“Is that alright, Sakura-hime?”

She nodded. “I think Miku would like that.”

“So would I.” He shivered and his teeth chattered.

“I’m sorry,” Sakura said. “I took your cloak from you—”

“No!” He said urgently and snapped his head around to look at her. “Please, I’ll freeze, just stay with me…”

“You’re hurt. It’s not good for you,” Sakura told him.

His eyes burned her, begged, pleaded. “It’s okay. I don’t care, just stay, please…” 

Sakura took a deep breath and stood up. His eyes followed her and desperation darkened them. He looked as if she were killing him, but Sakura swept part of his cloak over him and sat down close to him so they were both huddled under the protective warmth. 

“Sakura-hime…”

“I can’t let you get sick. You have to protect Miku,” she reasoned, but the nearness of him was making it hard to think. It had been four years and she wasn’t a teenager anymore, but maybe she hadn’t realized how much she still cared for him. Again, she felt sick for hurting him and had to swallow the lump of her broken heart that had caught in her throat.   
He was stiff for a moment, straining away from her as much as he could without leaving the warmth of the cloak, but he relaxed when she spoke. Their shoulders brushed.

“Sakura-hime… ?”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Nothing, Sakura-hime. Forget I said anything.”

She tilted her head and shifted a bit on the grass. The sleeve of her shirt shifted so there was no longer a barrier between their skin, but Syaoran was ice-cold to the touch.

“You’re freezing!”

“I’m sorry.”

“We should go inside. You need to rest and get warmed up,” Sakura said yet she hesitated. For some reason, she didn’t want this moment to end. It felt like old times, like she had her best friend back again, like nothing was wrong. ‘Don’t be silly, Sakura,’ she mentally chastised herself. ‘Get up and go inside. You can’t let him come back into your heart.’

It was Syaoran who stood up first and offered his hand to help her up. Sakura let him pull her to her feet and then she took her hand back. She handed him his cloak and then walked away ahead of him. She tried not to look back, but she turned at the threshold. Syaoran was looking at her with a soft sad smile that played her heart as if she was a teenager again and hopelessly in love with him.

“Sakura-hime,” he whispered.

“Yes?”

“Thank you…”

“You’re welcome, Syaoran-san.”

It didn’t rain again that night.

X X X

Reviews please! Pretty please! Or else I’ll do terrible things to Syaoran!

Questions, comments, concerns?


	17. The Ugly Compromises

I’m going to make my boyfriend watch Howl’s Moving Castle with me.

Chapter seventeen. (I have realized it is redundant to type this here.)

X X X

Earlier that morning, Sakura, Fai, Kurogane, and Syaoran had all sat down around the table that had been moved to the infirmary and held a long discussion about how to proceed. They decided that Kamui, Subaru, Yuzuriha, and Souma couldn’t be left alone and that Fai was the best suited to protect them. They had also decided that Miku should remain at the palace since it was likely that Jonathon would act disgusting and Sakura didn’t want her daughter to hear that, but Miku was terrified of Fai. That made Kurogane the best candidate to stay behind, but he wasn’t a defensive fighter. Syaoran had piped up that he would go with Sakura even though he was wounded that way both Fai and Kurogane could stay behind. They had batted that idea around for a while and finally agreed that it would be the wisest course of action, especially since the weather offered prime conditions for a sneak attack.

It was cold and raining and there was a low clinging fog slinking along the ground. The weather had been strangely damp and cold for the desert country lately and no one was really sure why. Fai didn’t think it was magic, but he had been wrong before.

“Yippee! Compromises today,” Sakura groaned. “Miku, could you stop please? I’m sure you’re driving Kurogane-san up the wall. Now, give me a kiss because Syaoran-san and I have to go.”

Miku stopped bouncing, pressed a kiss to her mother’s cheek, and then hugged Syaoran tightly. Sakura watched s Syaoran’s arms lingered around the young princess, clinging to her as if he would never have this chance again.

“We’ll hold down the fort,” Kurogane promised them.

“Be careful,” Fai said.

Sakura nodded, turned to Syaoran, and they left the palace together. 

Outside, the harsh weather assailed them. Sakura ducked her head and plowed through the slanting sheet of rain with single-minded determination. Syaoran trudged along beside her silently. The wind picked up, sweeping down on them in gusts that nearly blew Sakura away. Syaoran had to grab her arm twice to keep her from blowing away and, after the third time, he apologized and wrapped his arm around her waist to hold her to his side. She was grateful for that, but her voice was blown away by the wind.

Syaoran dipped his face into her neck, sending a shiver down her spine that made him draw back a little but she could still feel his breath on her throat. “Are you cold, Sakura-hime?” He asked and she realized that he had brought their faces so close so that she could hear him.

“No,” she said.

Syaoran pressed her closer to him as a gust of wind threatened to knock them both back. “Forgive me for asking, but are we walking all the way to this rat’s country for compromises?”

Sakura shook her head. “No. Compromises are made on the border of the two feuding countries so that neither are in their territory. Both sides have to walk there as it discourages marching an army to the place,” she explained into his shoulder. “It’s not much farther.”

They trudged on. The wind pummeled them mercilessly, lashing their faces with freezing rain. Syaoran had wrapped Sakura in his cloak to protect her, ducked his head, and plowed on. But he was wounded and Sakura could feel his chest heaving with exertion and his skin was chilled to the touch. Under the guise of getting blown away, which wasn’t much of a guise as she had been thrown back several times, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest in an attempt to warm him. She felt him tremble, his heartbeat speeding up.

Finally, the building was in view, jutting up high and pale against the black sky. It was a church, Syaoran realized as they staggered closer. It was pale whitish brick with ornate decals and patterns laid throughout the stone in several darker reds and greys. The door was big and red and the windows were all paneled with stained glass of every color and design. A thin blond man was standing on the steps, seemingly unaffected by the gale and rain. He wore a serene smile and held a stack of towels.

“Hello, Sakura-hime,” he called when they approached. “Syaoran-san, it’s been a while.”

Then, the winds abruptly stopped shoving them and the loss of resistance nearly made them fall. Sakura poked her head out of Syaoran’s cloak and grinned from ear to ear.

“Yukito-san!” She shouted, struggled free from Syaoran, and ran toward her brother’s best friend as fast as her bruised foot would allow. She leaped on him and strangled him in a crushing hug. “I’ve been worried about everyone so much! Are you okay?”

This was Yukito?! Syaoran felt ill and a chill ran down his spine. The priest’s warmed blue eyes had sunken back in his face and the lenses of his glasses were thick and distorting. He was rail-thin, bones pressing against his thin milk-white skin as if they wanted to escape. He trembled where he stood, as if breathing—as if living—was too hard for him anymore. 

“Yes,” Yukito told her once he had managed to pry off her arms. “Eve-san offered to let me stay with her, but my great-grandfather built this church. I feel quite at home here and I saw in dreams that you and Syaoran-san would be arriving. Tell me, have you two settled on a truce for a while?” 

Sakura turned her face away, burning with shame, and Syaoran pressed his hand to the scar on his chest.

“Oh, that bad, huh?” The priest asked and then skipped topics. “How is Miku-chan?”

“S-she’s fine,” Sakura murmured.

“I’ve seen that she’s quite taken with Syaoran-san,” he said.

“Yeah. He is her father after all…” Once she said it, Sakura realized the words. She clapped her hands over her mouth and all the color drained from her face. She and Yukito stared at each other for the longest time, green meeting blue in a clash. “I’m so sorry, Yukito-san…”

Syaoran flinched and turned away.

Yukito wet his lips. “For what, exactly, Sakura-hime?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand to silence her.

“Do you regret giving him yourself?”

She hesitated and then whispered, “No…”

Syaoran’s heart beat a little faster, but she wouldn’t face him. She kept her eyes glued to Yukito and spoke through her hands.

“The… effects of that night gave me Miku… I could never regret her.”

“Sakura-hime, listen to me. I’m know you hurt after he was stolen from you, but he hurt too. Let me tell you, not as a dream-seer, but as someone with eyes, that no one could ever love you as much as this man loves you.”

Sakura looked away, but Yukito caught her face in his hands. 

“No, no. Don’t look away,” Yukito said gently. “Listen, I know you’re scared, but you need to put the past behind you. Do you think, maybe, you could try again?”

Sakura sniffed and nodded. Yukito turned her face so she would look at Syaoran and waited until their eyes met before letting go.

“Then you have my blessing.” Yukito kissed Sakura’s forehead, handed her the towels, and vanished inside the church.

Sakura blinked as if waking from a long sleep. 

Syaoran took a towel from her and started to dry his hair with it, effectively hiding his face. “Sakura-hime, you don’t have to… I’ve be alright with whatever you decide, just, please, don’t hurt me anymore…” He whispered.

“Syaoran-san,” she murmured and touched his arm lightly. He stopped, waited, but she was unable to find the words she wanted to say. He shuddered in her hands like a broken bird, from cold or maybe something else entirely. 

Without speaking, they both entered the church without looking at each other.

…

King Richard, Queen Evelyn, and Prince Jonathon were sitting on one side of the table, looking stern and noble. Evelyn with her chocolate hair falling in waves across her shoulders and her rich black velvet gown not the least bit rumpled though she had been trudging through the storm just like Sakura and Syaoran. Richard was scruffy-looking as usual in his wrinkled suit and mussed salt-and-pepper hair. His face was troubled, eyes shifting restlessly. Jonathon, the cretin, looked all too pleased with himself. He was sitting between his parents, hands folded neatly on the table in front of him, with a smug smile on his face. There was still a big bruise on his face, Sakura noticed and Syaoran looked away when she cast a questioning glance at him. How hard had Syaoran hit him that night? Sitting beside him across from the other royal family, she was able to put her hand on his thigh and offer him a grateful smile when he looked at her.

“Well, Sakura-san,” Evelyn began and laid her gloves on the table. She wore several rings on her long thin fingers and a thick bejeweled bracelet around her thin wrist. “Jonathon tells me that you wish to go to war after he tried to touch that broken heart of yours.”

Sakura dug her fingers into Syaoran’s thigh without thinking. He gently pried her hand away, held it in his own, and squeezed it supportively. She clutched his hand like a lifeline under the table. “No, I will be at war with your country on the grounds that Prince Jonathon tried to force himself on me,” she said evenly. 

“You mean offer my love to a confused and broken girl,” Jonathon interjected coolly. “You were a bit drunk, Sakura.”

“Don’t address me so intimately. I was not drunk in the least and I have several people who can verify that,” Sakura snapped. “You tried to rape me.”

Evelyn fanned herself with her black gloves. “Can anyone verify that?”

Sakura squeezed Syaoran’s hand. “Yes: my bodyguard Syaoran-san. He was the one who pulled Prince Jonathon off me.”

“Oh?” Evelyn quirked one sculpted eyebrow. “Is this true? Did my son try to rape Sakura-hime?” 

Syaoran dug up his strongest voice. “Yes,” he stated and a shudder ran through Sakura beside him. 

“My son also says that this ‘bodyguard’ of yours, Sakura-hime, attacked him. Here is the mark,” Evelyn continued. She gripped Jonathon’s face between two fingers and turned his chin so the bruise was more prominently displayed.

“It is the duty of Syaoran to protect me,” Sakura growled.

Evelyn sat back in her chair. “Son, tell Sakura-hime what you suggested to me while we endured the trek here.”

Jonathon sat forward, bracing his hands on top of the table. “Alright, Sakura.” 

Syaoran tensed, his lip curling back in a snarl.

“Let’s put this whole mess behind us,” the rat prince continued.

“Your conditions?” she hissed.

“So single-minded,” Jonathon clicked his tongue. “Can’t we exchange a few pleasantries?”

“What are your conditions, Prince Jonathon?” Sakura clutched Syaoran’s hand so tightly that he couldn’t feel his fingers.

“Marriage.” He was talking quickly, not allowing her any opportunity to interject. “You’ve got that bastard child of yours so I’m sure you don’t have suitors waiting in line for your hand. Marry me and I’ll show you a better hotter fuck than that brat you must have spread your legs for during your entire childhood.” He grinned smugly. “Essentially, Sakura, if you let me fuck you whenever I want, I won’t wipe your pathetic kingdom off the face of the planet!”

Syaoran slammed his hands down on the table. “Don’t speak to Sakura-hime that way, you rat!” He shouted.

Jonathon looked momentarily startled and then he grinned cruelly. “Oh, you’re the brat I was thinking of—that dirty archaeologist,” he chuckled, sneering. “Tell me, was Sakura’s cunt as hot and wet and tight as I’ve imagined or was it loose from all the other men she’s spread her legs for? Did she let you fuck her ass? Or did she blow you off with that darling mouth of hers? Or did you get another friend of yours and fuck her in both holes? Tell me, was she sweet?”

Syaoran cleared the table in a single leap and tackled Jonathon to the ground. Evelyn screamed and Richard’s face twisted. Syaoran hauled the rat up by the front of his shirt with one hand and let him dangle several inches from the floor. He caught Jonathon’s arm and twisted it ruthlessly until Sakura saw that marble-cold skin split like a ripe peach.

“I should rip your body apart and feed it to the pigs,” Syaoran snarled. 

“Defensive, aren’t we?” He winced when Syaoran twisted his arm at an even more awkward angle, snapping the joints out of their sockets with a sickly crack.

“Yuzuriha-chan says I can go inside a person’s body and tear apart their spirit. Should I do that to you?” He hissed. There was madness in his amber eyes that threatened a fate much worse than death waited for Jonathon at Syaoran’s hands. “Would you like to have your spirit ripped apart while you’re still alive?”

Jonathon shivered and Syaoran tossed him aside so he crashed into the wall.

Sakura stood up and held out her hand for Syaoran. “Consider this war, Prince Jonathon,” she snarled.

Syaoran put her cloak in her extended hand and she swept it around herself in a flourish. He picked up his own cloak and tossed it on. She stalked from the room, looking remarkably fierce and strong and angry. He paused in the threshold and looked back at Jonathon with a malicious smile.

“Rat, it would be in your best interest to never cross my path again where I have an opportunity to kill you because I assure you, those words will not go unpunished and a fate worse than hell awaits you.” His lips pulled up in a small cruel smile and in that moment, he was no longer Syaoran. Then, he followed Sakura out the door.

…

“Oh, my baby!” Evelyn screamed and cradled Jonathon in her arms. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah.”

Richard stared after Syaoran. “That man,” he murmured and then turned to Jonathon. “If he were to get his hands on you have no doubt that the threats he has made would be carried out. I sense a great and terrible power in him.”

“I know,” Jonathon said and met his father’s steel eyes. “I felt it, too, in the moment he touched me, now and that first time when he came out of the wall.”

“I believe he’s always had it.”

“What power?” Evelyn whispered.

“The power to destroy souls,” Richard said icily. “I met him long ago, when he was younger at one of Sakura-hime’s birthday parties. There were so many people there that I wasn’t sure it could even be coming from such a small gentle-looking child. Later that night, when Jonathon was badgering the princess for a dance and he grabbed her arm, I felt it flare and there was that boy. He broke them apart and ushered the princess away, but I felt it then. He’s always had this power, but he was to kind to use it. Something broke inside of him and unleashed this power because to break someone’s soul is the cruelest thing you could do to anyone. If he were to break your spirit, son, even crack it, you would beg for death, son.”

…

Sakura had never been so happy to see the palace in her entire life, but she did not go inside. She collapsed on the bottom step and raked her hands through her pale hair in frustration. “I can’t believe he would spout such lies! Such disgusting lies!” Sakura raged. “This is why I left Miku at the palace! I knew he would say those disgusting things about me!”

“Sakura-hime,” Syaoran ventured.

She whipped her head around so fast that he’d thought she’d break her neck. Tears welled up in her emerald eyes and rolled down her face. “Syaoran-san, they were lies! All lies! Please, you have to believe me!” She sobbed and launched herself into him. She flung her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder. “Please, please! They’re all rotten lies!”

“S-sakura-hime!” He squeaked. 

“I haven’t been with anyone since you!”

His face turned cherry-red and she abruptly froze.

“I-I’m sorry!” She scrambled away from him, but he caught her hand.

He hesitated and then whispered, “Is that true?”

She nodded and all the blood blossomed in her cheeks. “Yeah. I let Jonathon-san kiss me on Christmas because I was hurting and I thought I could move on with him…”

“Move on…?” Syaoran whispered.

“Yeah, from you. I was trying to forget you.” Sakura regretted it the instant the words left her lips and she wished she could take the words back, swallow them again, because Syaoran released her wrist and stepped back. His ducked his head so his bangs shadowed his eyes. “I’m sorry!” Sakura said quickly and tried to reach for him, but he continued to back away from her.

He couldn’t speak, couldn’t even remember how to breathe. Was she saying that she’d rather have Jonathon than him? Was he lower than even that rat in her eyes? He stumbled over something, didn’t look to see what, turned away from her, and ran.

“No! Wait! I’m so sorry!” Sakura screamed. “Syaoran-san!”

He didn’t stop running when he was in the garden or even when he was rushing beyond the palace grounds. He didn’t stop when he fell the first time, just scrambled to his feet, and kept going. When he fell the second time, he ripped through the knees of his pants and cut his skin on some broken glass that littered the ground. He didn’t even know where he was until he shouldered open a locked door and collapsed on the bed that was still unmade from those four years ago when he and Sakura made love for the first time.

Then, he allowed himself to cry for everything that had gone wrong in his life. 

For the girl he loved who hated him. For the daughter who didn’t know of his existence. For everything he had gone through in those four years of brutal humiliation and torture. For how much that scar above his heart hurt. For the power inside him that allowed him to do the cruelest thing imaginable to people. 

Plumes of dust flew up around him and everything was screwed up, but at least he was home.

X X X

You think this is bad! Wait till you see what I do to him if no one reviews.

*locks Sakura in a bedroom* Oh, Prince Jonathon!

Questions, comments, concerns?


	18. The Old First Names

Thank you ‘Anonymous XD’ for being my very first review. You are now excused from my guilt trip. The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves!

So everybody should REVIEW!

X X X

Sakura wanted to run after him, but her foot was hurting almost as much as her heart and her head. So she sat down on the bottom step of the palace, looking at the deep twilight sky for a moment and nursing her foot. Then, she wrapped her cloak around herself against the chill desert night and followed after Syaoran. She knew where he would be going even if he didn’t: home.

Something like this had happened once before after her fifteenth birthday party—the party to celebrate her coming of age.

…

Back then, there had been so many rich esteemed rulers dressed in exotic finery that even Yukito and Toya were a little overwhelmed. That wasn’t saying much for Sakura who was the focus of all this attention. The poor girl couldn’t get away from one young suitor, which was all very funny for the first few minutes, but Sakura was soon desperate for Syaoran’s arrival. He had sent a message saying that he was held up at the dig and would be late but he would be there as soon as he could. She was combing through the crowds of rulers and suitors and fellow princesses, searching for a flash of worn cloak or dusty shirt. 

“May I have this dance, Sakura-hime?” Yet another suitor asked. He was tall and thin, taller than Syaoran, but not as thin, and he looked as if someone had grasped him by his head and his feet and stretched him out.

She tried to smile and tear her eyes away from the door where she was anxiously searching for Syaoran. “O-of course,” she said and let him lead her out onto the floor. She was honor-bound to accept a dance from anyone who asked unless she was previously engaged with someone else—someone she hoped would soon be Syaoran.

Syaoran finally arrived and she saw his face shatter when he laid eyes on all the rich people filling the ballroom. She saw him shrink, ducking under people’s trailing sleeves and trying not to be stepped on by people’s best shoes. He didn’t know that she knew that he wasn’t as well off as he said he was. That was why she constantly had him over for dinner and why he would never decline. Syaoran was starving at home. There was a drought in Clow, budgets had to be cut somewhere, and that somewhere was the dig. He had cut back his own pay to keep the rest of his workers fed and happy, but he was suffering quite a bit. 

The song didn’t end fast enough and, when it did, Sakura quickly detached herself from her current partner and scurried over to where Syaoran was. She flung her arms around his thin frame and buried her face in his chest.

“S-sakura-hime!?”

“Just Sakura, Syaoran,” she corrected habitually. “I’m so happy to see you. You have no idea how many suitors have been badgering me for a dance. Oh, I missed you!” She pinched his side a little and he put his arms around her, squeezing her tight against the warmth and muscles of his frame.

“Happy birthday, Sakura.”

“Happy birthday, Syaoran.” She shyly placed a lingering kiss on his cheek and he blushed deep cherry-red.

“S-sakura,” he squeaked.

She grinned and hugged him again. “I’m glad you’re here. I feel like I’m drowning in all this. Are you going to ask me to dance? Because I can turn down all these other guys if I’m engaged with you,” she said lightly.

“I-I don’t dance well, Sakura,” Syaoran stuttered out. “And I’m not really dressed for dancing with you.”

“Nonsense!” She took his hand, lacing their fingers, and pulled him out onto the dance floor. “Just move with me. I’ll make it look like you’re leading,” she whispered and cupped her hand around his skinny shoulder. She lifted her gown and held his hand with the other. “Put your free hand on my waist, Syaoran.” He did, carefully dipping his thumb beneath the sharp jut of her hip, and she pressed against him while they waited for the music to begin. She laid her head on his chest, listened to the pulse of his heart beating so quickly with nervousness. She squeezed his shoulder and the racing beat immediately slowed to the calm steady sound she was used to.

Then, the music began.

Syaoran moved easily with her, blending his steps with hers until she felt as if they were sharing one body. He never stepped on her toes, came close a few times, but always shifted his steps so that he didn’t. He held her close, resting his cheek against her head and closing his eyes in bliss. After a while, she stopped counting quietly to him and just let him lead. It didn’t matter if he messed up, anyway. She was just so happy to be with him that the world could fall apart around her and she wouldn’t care. All that mattered was his body against hers, his arms around her, his cheek on her hair, his worn cloak swirling around them both. She only cared that it was his body in her hands, his skin beneath her fingers, his hands touching her, his heartbeat in her ear that was better than any music that the band played. 

People were whispering. Syaoran could hear them over the music, feel eyes burning into him. 

“Who is that with the princess?”

“A servant?”

“Look at the way he’s dressed!” 

“He’s so scrawny! What an emaciated figure! He positively must be a tramp!”

“B-but look how happy she is with him.” This voice was weaker, a venture that was quickly trampled.

“Nonsense! Princess Sakura needs a good noble man! Like that Prince from Piffle or even that magician she hired on as one of her generals! They’re decent respectable men!”

“I agree.”

“He looks like a common street urchin!”

“Probably some male whore all loaded with disease!”

“How repulsive!”

The whisperers tittered and continued their conversation.

Syaoran buried his face in Sakura’s hair, inhaled the soft scent of hakubaiko she was wearing special for this night. He had gotten it for her on one of his travels, thinking of her like he always was. She felt him tremble and tense in her arms.

“Syaoran, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, Princess.”

“Something’s wrong. You called me ‘Princess’.”

“I-I’m sorry, but you are a princess.”

“And you are my very dearest friend, my most important person.”

“Y-you’re so far above me…” He whispered.

“Why are you thinking like that?” She felt like crying.

“I can hear people whispering,” he murmured and tried to put some space between their bodies.

Sakura clutched him, bringing their dancing to a halt. “Don’t listen to them. I care for you and you care for me and that’s all that matters,” she told him. “Please, stop letting them plant these horrible ideas in your head. You’re so precious to me and I can’t bear to see you hurt like this over something so stupid.”

He hesitated and she shook him roughly.

“Okay?” She insisted. “Promise me.”

“Of course, Sakura.”

Another song began and they danced again, Syaoran holding her tightly as if for support. After a while, he relaxed again, resting his cheek against her hair and cradling her. And Sakura thought that was the end of that.

After a few more songs, Toya stormed up to Sakura and grumbled at her until she lifted her head from Syaoran’s chest. 

“What, Toya-nii-san?”

He huffed. “Sakura-chan, I know the rule about how you can ignore these other brats as long as you’re engaged in doing something with someone else, but you’ve been with this brat all night. That’s pushing it, so peel off and go dance with somebody else for a while. I’m sick of taking all these brats’ complaints like I’m some kind of secretary!”

“No.”

Toya looked about to pop a vein or spontaneously burst into flame from anger.

“Sakura,” Syaoran voiced quietly. “You should pay some attention to some of your other guests. I’ll be here.” He smiled serenely and she caved in.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to that,” she murmured and let her brother lead her away. She looked back over her shoulder, watching Syaoran until he was hidden behind many of her lavish guests.

“Would you stop ogling that brat?! He’s the biggest brat of all these other brats!” Toya snapped, gripping her elbow a little tighter as if she’s rush back to Syaoran which she had been seriously thinking of doing.

“Syaoran is not a brat!” Sakura sniped and glared a hole in the side of his head.

“A brat’s a brat!”

“Shut up!”

Syaoran couldn’t stay inside much longer. There were so many eyes on him—undressing him, staring holes through his raggedy cloak and dusty shirt, boring into his bones. The whispers were even worse, picking on all the insecurities that he harbored inside.

Did he deserve Sakura? No. He wasn’t even her class. He couldn’t buy her the beautiful things these other princes could. Hell, he could barely keep himself fed and clothed. True, Sakura didn’t care, but years from now, would he even have enough money for a wedding ring? 

Usually, he was able to push these thoughts away, bury them. Maybe he was being silly, but to have outsiders notice… Well, they must be true.

He hurried outside and stood in the garden. Couples lingered out here, holding hands and looking for some quiet time together. Seeing the love and stars in their eyes was almost worse than hearing people whisper about him. It was worse to hear them talk about Sakura, say horrible things about her because of him.

Syaoran pressed himself into a corner and waited for the party to come to an end. He’d talk to Sakura and she’d assure him everyone else in the world was stupid. He smiled at that and stared up at the sky, trying to pick out the new constellations he had learned.

The night passed.

The party was finally winding down.

Sakura collapsed in her throne with a deep exhausted sigh. “Toya, did Syaoran leave?” She called.

Her brother closed the door and leaned against it. “If he did, he snuck out,” he grumbled.

“That’s a relief. I still have his present for him,” Sakura said and started to take off her shoes. The stupid high heels hurt her feet so much. She was almost tempted to throw them across the room, but then she’d have to get up and pick them up. Maybe she’d throw them at Syaoran. She giggled at the thought. 

There was movement at the other end of the ballroom and Syaoran slipped inside, carrying his worm cloak over his arm. His beautiful amber eyes were distressed, but his handsome face wore a smile. Sakura felt a surge of cold panic wrap around her heart and squeeze the breath out of her body.

She tried to be cheerful. “Hey Syaoran. Were you outside?”

“Yeah…” He cast his eyes to the table where all her gifts were laid out. There were so many beautiful things: necklaces and bangles laden with jewels, a long petal-pink silk kimono, a tiara that sparkled with some kind of pink jewel, a foreign music box and a carved fan, lavish gowns with dense embroidery, several pairs of shoes and even a slip of spectacular watered silk. A lump welled up in his throat and the gift he had chosen and tucked in the pocket of his cloak would look like trash among all these things, but he couldn’t afford anything else, anything better.

“Syaoran?”

He didn’t realize he had stopped so close to her, staring at the floor. He could smell hakubaiko and it made him sick. He thrust the box into her hands, turned, and ran from the palace as if something were chasing him. He didn’t stop when he fell on the last step, just got up and kept going until he was home. He was surprised he made it that far without breaking down. He stumbled in, peeling off his boots and throwing his cloak on his kitchen table. He wrestled his dusty shirt off over his head and a long rip slithered down the front. He started sobbing then at the luck of it all.

That had been his best shirt.

Sakura didn’t hesitate to follow him. She ran after him, hitching her gown up over her thighs and stumbling several times because her feet hurt so badly from those horrible shoes. Barefoot, she ran through Clow’s deserted streets. She didn’t know where he had gone and she didn’t have much hope of finding him. Clow was so big and it was late and she was tired. Exhausted, she decided to go to his house. She just hoped he would have the sense to return home and not spend the night out in the desert alone.

She knew where he hid his key, but she didn’t need it anyway. The door was open and his shoes were tossed carelessly inside. Sakura took a moment to neaten them while she took off the jewelry she had been wearing. The necklace one suitor had insisted on putting on her was so heavy with jewels that it dug into her neck and the bracelets she wore jingled and pinched the skin on her thin wrists. She put them all on Syaoran’s kitchen table, disgusted by the jewels. Syaoran kept his clean clothes on top of the washing machine so she went and helped herself to one of his shirts. Then, she slipped out of her gown, draped it over the back of his couch, and pulled on his shirt instead. The feel of her naked breasts rubbing against the rough material of Syaoran’s shirt and the scent of him all around her sent a shiver down her spine that pooled between her legs.

She found him curled up on his bed and she felt her heart break inside her chest, pieces falling into her stomach.

He was such a broken sight: shirtless and wrapped around himself in a trembling knot. She could see the sinew and bones of his back, the curve of his ribs, and the bruises he tried so hard to hide because it bothered her that he was always getting hurt at work. He was so thin, thinner than he always had been, starving but too proud to admit it and too kind to let workers with families starve instead.

She sat down on the edge of his bed and laid her palm against the curve of his ribs, laying her fingers between the dips of his bones. He was so warm and satin-soft. She leaned over him and ghosted her lips against a dark bruise on his shoulder, tracing a path up and down his chest with the pads of her fingers. He abruptly stiffened and cracked his eyes open.

“Hey, Syaoran…” Sakura whispered.

He closed his eyes and his chest heaved. “I’m sorry, Sakura-hime,” he murmured.

“For running off before I could give you your present?”

He shook his head, but she laid her finger on his lips before he could speak.

“That’s all you should be sorry for. Unless, of course, you’ve done something wrong,” Sakura said. “Did you do something wrong, Syaoran?”

He shook his head. 

“Then, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

She saw his lips curve into a faint strained smile. “Would you turn on the light?” He asked and scrubbed his reddened eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Don’t do that, you’ll only make them more red,” Sakura scolded lightly as she leaned over to turn on the bedside lamp. Warm yellow light flooded the room, chasing away daemons and casting new shadows. Sakura was suddenly very aware of how her nipples stood out against his shirt and crossed her arms over her breasts.

“Is that my shirt?” Syaoran asked, lowering his hands into his lap. 

“Yeah. I didn’t want to wear that gown anymore. It’s so heavy and all that lace itches my neck,” Sakura grumbled. “Don’t even get me started on those cursed shoes that Eve-san insisted I wear. I’m banning her from my wardrobe for life!”

Syaoran smiled. 

Sakura gazed at him. “Do you mind?”

“No. You look good in my clothes.” Then, Syaoran’s face turned candy-red and he quickly looked away.

Sakura grinned. “I heard that, Syaoran!”

He was instantly a mess of stuttered apologies and flailing waving hands.

Sakura laughed and cupped his face with both hands. “Thank you, Syaoran. Do you know I feel more beautiful in your shirt than any gown in the world?”

His throat flashed as he swallowed. “You’re beautiful in anything, Sakura,” he whispered.

She smiled and hugged him, letting her fingers trace the column of his spine and his sharp shoulder blades as if to memorize his body. He shivered, but nuzzled into her neck and pressed her closer. She worked her fingers into the muscles of his back, massaging him until he was putty in her hands and melted into her. Then, she leaned them both over until they collapsed on his bed. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” she asked.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded and she tucked her body against his side. The scent of his skin and the feel of his hand gently brushed against her lower back in small soothing circles. The steady rise and fall of his chest and the beat of his heart lulled her into a calm that she hadn’t felt since she saw him walk into the ballroom. In moments, she had dropped off to sleep snuggled close in his arms. Syaoran was awake for much longer, stroking her back and smoothing her hair. The feeling of her in his arms was the most amazing thing he had ever felt, almost better than the press of her lips against his cheek. Finally, he fell asleep.

…

That had been then, this was now.

Even so, Syaoran’s house was still untouched. 

His key was still hidden in the same place. Inside, his clothes still littered the floor and his table still needed to be sanded where something had caught fire on it in one of their cooking escapades. His laundry was still on top of the washing machine and there were still nonperishable food items in the pantry. Except for a layer of dust over everything, it looked as if he had never left, never been gone four long years.

Sakura took off her cloak and hung it on the back of his couch before going to his bedroom. He was sprawled on the bed, face down, and his shoes were tossed carelessly next to it. Sakura sat down on the edge of his bed, but didn’t touch him. She could tell by the way he stiffened that he knew she was there and was listening.

“Syaoran,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

He rolled over and his amber eyes were sparkling with tears that made slow paths down his cheeks. “Didn’t you? You mean that your goal wasn’t to hurt me as much as you can?” His voice was biting and it cut deep down into Sakura’s chest.

She looked away. “No…”

He sat up and grabbed her shoulder, yanked her around to face him. “Sakura-hime! I know you hate me and I know you’ll never forgive me—”

“I didn’t mean to! I swear!” She shoved on his shoulders blindly until he released her and then she stumbled from the bed. She only made it a few steps before her foot gave out underneath her and she collapsed, sobbing, in a heap against the wall. “I’m so sorry! But you have to believe me! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

His anger deflated inside him at the sight of her. She was crumpled down, so small and frail and he was the one who had reduced her to that. She didn’t have the inner-courage she had always had anymore and that was his fault because he had left her when she needed him the most. Four years ago, he hadn’t left her intentionally but he hadn’t made his return as easy as he could have. Now, she had come to apologize and he had shoved it in her face. He got up and crossed the room to where she had fallen, but she scrambled back as if she hoped the wall would swallow her. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and she flinched, jerking sideways, when he put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. “I-I didn’t mean it.”

“Sakura-hime, wait, hush,” he whispered. “Hush…” He waited until her wracking sobs had subsided and she was able to look at him again. “Forgive me. You came to apologize and I shoved it in your face. I’m a jerk, I know.”

She giggled at that and nodded.

He smiled and sat down in front of her so that their knees were almost touching. He folded his hands in his lap to keep them from wandering to touch her. “We’ve both hurt each other so much that we don’t want to trust again. I’m terrified that you’ll hate me and you’re afraid that I’ll hurt you,” he paused and watched her shiver. “Do you think… maybe we can start over, forget all this?”

“I don’t want to start over.”

He jolted, but Sakura’s emerald eyes were so gentle.

“I don’t want to forget. I want to fix this. I want back what we had…” she hesitated. “I want you, Syaoran.”

He swallowed. 

“I missed you,” Sakura murmured. “It’s been so hard without you, without my best friend.”

“Sakura-hime…”

“If we can’t love each other right now, then could we at least be friends… like we used to?” Sakura whispered and her hands clenched into fists in her lap.

They were both quiet for a long time, looking everywhere but at each other. 

Finally, Syaoran murmured, “I… I think we should. Let’s just see…”

Sakura nodded. “I’d like that.”

Again, they were quiet.

“You, just for a moment, called me Syaoran,” he whispered.

Sakura turned away. “I’m sorry. Did that hurt you?”

“Yeah,” he paused, “But I think I can get used to it.”

She swallowed and ventured a glance at him. The lines in his forehead had smoothed out and he looked as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He looked like the boy she loved again, not the broken man who could tear apart souls. She smiled faintly.

“You should call me Sakura,” she murmured. “Then, we can both hurt each other equally.”

He flinched.

“But I think I can get used to it,” Sakura continued. “Syaoran.” Her mouth tasted sweet and her lips tingled as if he had kissed her.

“Alright, Sakura.” His lips curved into a smile on their own accord.

“We should get back to the palace and see how everyone is doing,” Sakura said.

Syaoran nodded, stood up, and offered her his hand. She took it carefully, nervous for the brush of satin-soft skin she so remembered, and he helped her up smoothly, just like he used to.

“Is your leg okay?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, but didn’t resist when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders to support her. 

“Can I help you anyway, Sakura?”

“Yes, Syaoran.”

X X X

Reviews, please, you terrible cruel people!

Or else Syaoran suffers!

*brings out whips and chains* Where’s Sakura? 

Questions, comments, concerns?


	19. Laughter Between Friends

Nothing to say. T_T

How sad, yes?

X X X

It was getting late. 

Kurogane chained Miku to her chair to keep her from driving him nuts running around and then sat back to sharpen his sword. Kamui had roused about an hour ago and was now hunkered over, asleep, around Subaru’s body. If one had woken up, then the future was bright for both of them. Yuzuriha was sitting up at the table with Ryuo, playing cards and losing quite badly, while Inuki slept at her feet. Souma was dozing lightly, off and on, in her chair with a heavy quilt draped over her. She had become feverish for a few hours, but it had broken and she was simply sleeping. Fai had gone out into the ballroom and magicked away all the dead assassins into the body chamber in the dungeons below the palace. Now, he was uselessly baiting Kurogane.

“Kuro-pyu, why don’t you play with Miku-chan?”

“Shut up, magician.”

“Kuro-daddy’s mad! Oh no!” 

Fai had Miku going, too. “Kuro-pong! Kuro-tan! Kuro-woof! Kuro-san!” The little girl chanted and struggled against the rope that held her to her chair. 

Kurogane tried to ignore them and focused on his sword, but the magician was relentless.

“Come on, Kuro-poo!” Fai teased and then gasped, staring behind Kurogane with such white terror that Kurogane turned around in his chair to see what had frightened the magician so much. Were there more assassins?! But the ninja didn’t see anything so he turned back to Fai only to be poked in the face by one of the magician’s long white fingers. A vein ticked in his forehead.

“You have exactly two seconds to run for your life, magician,” he growled.

“Uh-oh! Kuro-ron’s mad!”

“That’s it!” 

Kurogane unsheathed his sword and raced after shrieking Fai with murderous intent to chop the magician cleanly in half. Fai danced infuriatingly out of the way of each swing, even going so far as to leap onto the chandelier and taunt Kurogane from there. Kurogane was going to hack the light fixture down, but Fai leaped gracefully down and continued to dance away from Kurogane. Annoyed, Kurogane lunged at Fai and managed to catch a hold of him by the front of his shirt. Fai flailed as Kurogane mercilessly hoisted him up by his shirt and shook him like a dog with a rabbit.

“That’s it, magician,” Kurogane hissed. “You’re done for.”

That was the sight Sakura and Syaoran returned to.

“Fai-san?! Kurogane-san?!” Sakura said with her hands flying to her mouth in alarm. 

“What’s wrong?” Syaoran demanded, looking around for any signs of disturbance and taking a protective step in front of Sakura.

“Hello, Sakura-chaaaaan!” Fai called cheerfully and waved as if Kurogane wasn’t about to kill him. “It was boring around here, so I thought I’d liven things up a bit.” 

Kurogane slammed the wizard down on his feet with a grumble. “How were the compromises?”

Sakura huffed and once again allowed Syaoran to grasp her elbow for support. “How do you think? I don’t want to talk about it!”

“That bad, huh?” Kurogane asked and crossed his arms over his broad chest.

“Yes.”

Syaoran led Sakura to the table and Ryuo quickly jumped up to give her his seat, tossing his cards down in the table without really paying attention.

“Ah-ha! I knew you were bluffing!” Yuzuriha shouted. “I win! Pay up!”

“Don’t get cocky. That’s the first hand you’ve won all night, Yuzuriha-chan.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m quitting while I’m ahead. I’m done. Let’s leave it at I won!” Yuzuriha said happily and shuffled the cards together before handing Ryuo the deck.

“Sure,” then to Syaoran he whispered, “It was about two hundred to zero.”

“Two hundred to one!” Yuzuriha shouted. “Besides, you cheated anyway!”

“I did not!”

“I’ll play cards with you, Ryuo-san,” Syaoran offered with a smile.

“Kick his butt, Syaoran-kun!” Yuzuriha demanded. “Show him who’s boss!”

“Of course, Yuzuriha-chan.”

There was a minute of awkward silence where everyone (sans Kamui and Subaru and Souma) stared at each other without really knowing what they were waiting for. Kurogane glanced at Fai and Fai looked at Syaoran who was staring at Ryuo. Ryuo was looking at Yuzuriha who was gazing at Sakura who was staring at Kurogane. Yuzuriha started to giggle first, then Sakura. Once the girls were laughing, Fai joined in followed quickly by Ryuo and Syaoran. Kurogane mumbled something and then chuckled at the idiocy of it all.

It was that tense nervous I-can’t-believe-how-screwed-up-things-have-become laughter that always emerged in the lull of a crisis. The laugh-so-you-don’t-start-crying laughter. The laugh-even-though-it’s-not-funny laughter. All of which were related to the mean someone-just-fell-on-their-face laughter and the cousin of the someone-messed-up-big-time snicker.

Sakura gasped out, “Where’s Miku?”

“I tied her to a chair,” Kurogane sniggered.

That brought on a fresh wave of giggling.

“We’d better stop. We’re going to laugh ourselves to death,” Fai panted and waved his hand.

It took a full fifteen minutes for everyone to stop giggling and then another ten to catch their breath. 

“Why’d you tie my daughter to a chair, Kurogane-san?’ Sakura asked as seriously as she possibly could.

“The kid was practically glued to the ceiling with energy. She was driving me up the wall,” Kurogane told her.

“I believe that,” Sakura sighed exasperatedly. “Eve-san’s locked her in a closet before because she was so hyperactive. I always thought she was exaggerating.” She turned to Fai and asked, “Why were you about to be killed by Kurogane-san?”

“I was just teasing him,” Fai said at the same time Kurogane said, “He deserved it, I assure you.” Then, they glared at each other.

“I’m just surprised Souma-san didn’t intervene,” Sakura said with a sigh.

“She’s fast asleep,” Yuzuriha explained and flicked another card to Ryuo. “Here, Ryuo-kun, I missed this one when I shuffled all the cards together.”

“Right.”

“Syaoran, could you go untie Miku, please?” Sakura asked.

“Of course, Sakura.”

No one missed the lack of honorific. What exactly had they missed? This bond was probably fragile and it was best not to ask, but enter Yuzuriha Nekoi: the girl who missed that memo.

“Oh, Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun are on first name basis now? What exactly happened at the compromises today?” Yuzuriha asked with a devilish smile. “I thought you guys were gone for a long time and you come back practically holding hands. Spill, Princess!”

Fai and Ryuo deadpanned and Kurogane sweat-dropped. For a long moment, everyone just stared at Yuzuriha, shocked. This girl? Was she that oblivious to the complexities of Syaoran and Sakura’s relationship or was she honestly that stupid? 

Much to everyone’s surprise, Sakura’s cheek grew a little pink and she said quietly, “We talked a little and agreed to be friends.”

Friends with lack of honorifics? That’s a little more than friends. Friends with benefits, maybe? Thankfully, Miku rocketed in before Yuzuriha could open her mouth.

“Mommy! Kuro-chan tied me to a chair!” Miku squealed.

“I heard, baby,” Sakura said cheerfully. “It’s late and it’s been a long day. What do you say we get cleaned up and go to bed?”

“Yeah! Can I sleep between Syao-kun and Mommy again?”

Ryuo and Fai tried very hard to keep their jaws from dropping. Kurogane’s eyes widened and Yuzuriha’s mouth dropped open in shock without so much as an attempt to hide it. Sleep between Syao-kun and Mommy again?! Sleep between Syaoran and Sakura again?!

“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Syaoran.”

Where was her blatant brutal rejection? 

“Sakura,” Syaoran murmured and trialed into the room. “Do you want me to help you upstairs?”

“No, that’s quite alright. Miku’ll help me, won’t you, baby?” Sakura said and wobbled to her feet. “You should stay here and make sure they don’t kill each other.”

“Sure.”

All eyes were on Sakura as she and Miku hobbled their way up the steps and vanished upstairs. Then, all eyes snapped to Syaoran as he calmly sat down next to Yuzuriha. It was all Ryuo could do not to fall over his chair as he sat down, his eyes so focused on Syaoran.

“So, Syaoran-kun,” Yuzuriha ventured after a long thick silence. “You and Sakura-chan are really close now, huh?”

He nodded, took the deck of cards from Ryuo, and calmly shuffled it. “Yeah. We talked a little and agreed to be friends.”

What did they rehearse their story?!

X X X

There! A little comic relief in the midst of all this angst and drama.

I’m going to bed now.

Reviews, please!

Or else Syaoran suffers! Mwuahaha! You know the drill so use your imaginations and the icky perverseness of Prince Jonathon. 

Questions, comments, concerns?


	20. The Scent of Hakubaiko

Still nada!

Nunca.

Nothing.

Does anyone actually read author’s notes?

X X X

The warm water was pure bliss. Sakura tilted her head back and let the water course down her shoulders, washing away the chill from slinking through that terrible storm with Syaoran. She shuddered at the memory of Jonathon’s smug face. The rat as she would now call him. Jeez, how could she have ever been so stupid as to think the rat was boring and safe? What would she have done if she’d married that creep?! Let him be Miku’s father? Let him touch her? Let him rule over her people, her good honest people? Let him boss around her wonderful friends? Ugh! Just the thought made her stomach fill with ice and a stab of fear run down her spine. She had been so close to doing all that. 

If it wasn’t for Syaoran… 

Sakura could let him be all those things. She would allow him to protect her, keep her safe. He could be Miku’s father. Hell, he already was in more than one sense of the word. He could touch her. The feel of his skin still sent shivers down her spine as it did when they were teens. He was good and kind and careful: he’d make a good king and a fair ruler. They could learn to love each other again and he would me a soft caring lover, just like he had been the night Sakura’s brother died. He would always be able to set her body on fire, send tingles down into her womb with just a look. His kiss would always be sweet and gentle. She would never long for anyone else. She would only ever need the feel of his hands, the warmth of his eyes, the scent of his skin, the perfect fit of him inside her and filling her to the brim…

‘Whoa, there, Sakura! Stop that runaway train of thought in its tracks before it collides with something it shouldn’t! The resulting fire might reignite things that are best left out… or at least smoking!’

Sakura shook her head and shoved her face under the warm stream of water to chase away the stirrings in her body and mind. Her legs felt a little weak, shivery with the threads of lingering arousal that had stirred inside her. Just the memory of Syaoran that night sent a curl of warmth through her body. His broad shoulders shimmering with sweat and water from his chocolate hair rolling down his throat, his narrow waist between her legs so soft and warm, the ridges of hard muscles against her soft curves, the gentle pleasuring way he moved, his tenderness, everything. It had been one of her dearest memories of him, but she had pushed it away after Miku was born, telling herself that she had to move on. She had to focus on her new child, not her best friend and love of her life who had mysteriously vanished.

It was hard to believe four years had passed. Everything was falling back into place as if it had only been a few days or a long nightmare, but it had been four year. Four very long, very hard years.

“Mommy?” Miku called. She was frantically gripping a slippery bar of soap that kept sliding out of the top of her fist so she had to grab it again though she seemed to be enjoying herself. Sakura plucked the bar away, worked it into a rich lather in her hands, set it back in the tray, and then washed her daughter’s face.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Kuro-kun says we’re going to fight with another country,” Miku murmured. “Why?”

Sakura gripped Miku’s shoulders and looked her in her beautiful amber eyes. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, Miku,” she said.

Miku shook her head, whipping wet pale hair around her face with a damp slapping sound. “Yes it is! Syao-kun and Mommy were gone for so long this morning. Are you going to go away again?”

“Maybe, honey. It all depends on how the rat’s country responds to our compromises.”

“Syao-kun will go with you, right, Mommy?”

“I think so,” Sakura murmured. Syaoran was an extremely powerful man now and his powers would be a huge advantage, but all that aside she just enjoyed having him with her for support. Besides, she wasn’t sure she even wanted him to use his power—his power to destroy souls. She had a feeling using that power destroyed him as well. “Why, sweetie? Would you like Syaoran to stay here with you?”

Miku shook her head wildly. “No, no! I want Syao-kun to go with Mommy! Syao-kun will protect Mommy so Mommy comes back okay and Syao-kun’s very strong so Syao-kun will come back too!” She explained frantically. 

Sakura smiled. “Okay, baby. Then, Syaoran and I will stay together.”

That statement carried so much weight, but it was a good weight. Sometimes, the simplest of answers held such deep double entendre. Sakura was admitting it to herself and to her daughter that something had changed, that they were trying again

_‘It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now.’_

_‘Then, Syaoran and I will stay together.’_

Sakura felt tears welling up in her eyes, but they were good happy tears. She turned her face into the warm water and focused on washing her hair, making it shine. Once Sakura was clean, she helped Miku wash her hair and scrubbed the dirt out from under the little girl’s fingernails. They stepped out, dried off, and got dressed. 

Miku bounced around the bedroom, jumping on the bed with her usual exuberance. She wore her customary clothes—a dress patterned with blue squares and white pants underneath. Sakura had pulled her pale hair back into a braid and tied it with a blue ribbon to keep it there. 

Sakura felt like standing out today so she rummaged around in the back of her closet until she found the clothes she had worn as a teenager—her pink and white dress. It was time she replaced mourning black with the joyous pink she used to wear. On top of those old clothes, she found the shimmering crystal bottle shaped with the curling petals of a lily. She knew what was inside, what it would smell like. It was the bottle of hakubaiko perfume Syaoran had given her all those years ago. She had only worn it on very special occasions back then and she couldn’t bear to wear it when he was gone. Now felt like the perfect time. She sprayed a bit on her neck and wrists, put on her shoes, took Miku’s hand, and they went back downstairs.

…

Yuzuriha was ready to leap from her seat and dance, but her shoulder was hurting and she didn’t want to get it stitched up again if they pulled free. So she settled for grinning smugly and poking fun at Ryuo every opportunity she got which was quite frequently. 

Syaoran was kicking his butt so badly that it wasn’t even funny. Okay, so it was funny. It was absolutely hilarious.

“There!” Ryuo shouted and he looked very proud of himself so he must have a good hand. “Full house with three queens and a pair of jacks. Beat that!”

“Alright,” Syaoran said nonchalantly and laid his cards on the table. “Royal flush of hearts.”

Ryuo slammed his head down on the table and fake sobbed. “Oh man. I can’t believe this! Are you cheating over there or something?!”

Syaoran shook his head with a smile. “Sorry, but no,” he said.

“Oh-ho! Ryuo-kun, Syaoran-kun is totally kicking your butt!” Yuzuriha teased. “You’ll be lucky if you can sit down ever again!” Then to Syaoran, she shouted, “You absolutely rule! Will you marry me?!”

Syaoran’s eyes widened and he raised his hands in frantic nervous protest, but Ryuo beat him to it.

“Yuzuriha-chan, his heart belongs to Sakura-san! So don’t put him in such a tight spot!”

“Right, sorry, Syaoran-kun. I’m a little excitable,” she said, embarrassed, and rubbed the back of her neck shyly.

“A little? That’s the biggest joke I’ve ever heard,” Ryuo snorted. “You’re more,” he paused and made finger quotations, “excitable than Miku-chan.”

“Miku-chan is four! She gets tired quickly, just like a puppy!” Yuzuriha protested and glared at him. Inuki perked up at her feet and appeared to be contemplating biting Ryuo’s leg. Syaoran carefully stroked the dog’s head to calm him and prevent any fights between Yuzuriha and Ryuo. After all, that was why Sakura had asked him to stay down here.

“Who’s like a puppy?” Miku squealed and bounded down the stairs with a smile the size of Clow’s ruins. “Ri-chan!” She launched herself into Yuzuriha’s arms, nearly toppling the chair so that Syaoran had to scramble to grab a hold of it before they both fell. 

“You are, Miku-chan!” Yuzuriha squealed.

Once Syaoran was sure the girls weren’t going to fall anytime soon or without fair warning, he turned back to Ryuo, but something flashed in his peripheral vision. He turned around and his mouth ran dry. It was Sakura, looking as nervous and beautiful as she had when she had first shown him her gown for her coming of age party all those years ago. She even wore that same cute embarrassed smile and pressed her finger to the corner of her mouth. 

“Hey, Syaoran. Is everyone still in one piece?” Sakura asked as she sat down beside him at the table.

“Yes, Sakura.” Then, he caught the familiar scent of hakubaiko and smiled at her softly.

She gave him a mind-blowing smile. “What are you playing?”

“Syaoran-kun is kicking Ryuo-kun’s butt in everything. Lately, he’s been owning Ryuo-kun at poker,” Yuzuriha said once she had gotten Miku to settle down and sit calmly on her lap.

“Shall I join your game?” Sakura asked with a devilish smile.

Ryuo stood up quickly and shuffled backwards from the table. “Oh, no! I know how you are at games of luck and chance!”

Yuzuriha smirked and bounced Miku on her knee until the little girl was giggling. “Sakura-san is the beloved daughter of the gods. You’d never sit on your sore butt again if you played against her, Ryuo-kun!” She said with a laugh.

Sakura smiled. “Will you play against me, Syaoran?”

“Of course,” he said and shuffled the deck in a flourish that only professionals should have. “What are the stakes?”

Sakura looked as if she were thinking very hard and Yuzuriha fanned her hand around as if there was smoke until Sakura glowered at her. She stared at Syaoran for a long time with a sinister smile. “Well,” she paused, “I’ve got nothing.”

Yuzuriha deadpanned. “All that and you’ve got nothing?!”

“Yup. It’s all up to you Syaoran,” she grinned. “But keep in mind that’s it’s getting late.”

“Of course,” Syaoran murmured and then grinned. “How about the rights for who gets the rat?”

Sakura’s eyes narrowed. “He’s mine of course.”

“That’s the stakes. Will you still play, Sakura?”

“You bet.”

Yuzuriha nervously watched as they shuffled the cards, dealt, discarded, and then sat glaring smugly at each other for a while. “Come one, you two, the suspense is killing me!”

“He who loses shall go first,” Sakura prophesized. 

“Then, after you, Sakura.”

“No, you, of course, Syaoran.”

“No, ladies first.”

“Would you two just play?!” Yuzuriha demanded.

Syaoran laid out his cards. “Straight flush—Jack, 10, 9, 8, 7.”

“Oh, darn. I fold,” Sakura said and placed her cards face down on the table. “Come on, Miku. Let’s get to bed. We have another busy day ahead of us.” She hefted Miku onto her hip and made her way slowly to the stairs. At the top, she paused, turned, and called, “Syaoran?”

“Yes, Sakura, I’m coming. Goodnight Yuzuriha-chan, Ryuo-kun.” Then, he hustled up the stairs after Sakura, closing the door behind them.

Yuzuriha curiously picked up Sakura’s cards and gasped.

“What was all that about? Huh, Yuzuriha-chan?” Ryuo asked. Then he saw the look on her face. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Sakura-san had a royal flush,” Yuzuriha whispered and laid the cards out on the table. “Look.”

Ryuo leaned over the cards and then flopped back in his seat. “Jeez, how complicated. I thought she wanted this rat. Why would she let Syaoran-san win when she had the highest hand possible?”

“Because she knew it would make him happy…” Yuzuriha murmured, a soft smile pulling her lips. Then, she ran a hand through her dark hair and groaned. “Ugh. This hurts my head! Let’s go to bed.”

Ryuo sighed. 

…

Miku was nestled between them in Sakura’s big bed. Her small hands gripped the front of Syaoran’s shirt and her back was pressed against Sakura’s chest, safe and warm. Sakura only wished she could have given her daughter this earlier in life, but better late than never.

Syaoran’s amber eyes shone like stars in the moonlight that fought its way through the blanket of clouds outside. “Hakubaiko?” He murmured and rubbed his hand up and down Miku’s arm without touching Sakura.

She smiled at him softly. “Do you remember when you gave this to me?”

He closed his eyes and nodded. A soft smile graced his face, smoothing away worry and fear. “Vaguely…”

…

The night, or rather early morning, when Syaoran had given Sakura the perfume deeply dark.

It was three in the morning and cold. 

Syaoran had just returned from a month long journey to another country, the Country of Chiaroscuro, where he had been translating a relic of unknown significance. It was a book with obsidian stone pages and heavy gold and silver binding. It was in a language only Syaoran could read and Chiaroscuro had sent a message to Clow begging for the young man. Toya had gleefully sent the brat away without a second thought. 

Syaoran hadn’t been home ten minutes when that knock came at the door. He was tired and would have ignored it in favor of going right to bed if he hadn’t known exactly who it was. Yawning and trying to think of a way to hide the huge bruise on his shoulder, he made his way to the door. As he suspected, Sakura waited on the other side in a black cloak that would hide her in the cover of night better.

“Sakura-hime, don’t tell me you,” he yawned, “snuck out again?”

“Okay,” she said quickly and scooted around him. “I didn’t sneak out.”

“Hime.”

She turned her head in the other direction with a pointed huff.

“Right, Sakura,” Syaoran corrected. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

“Eve-san,” she said and hung her cloak along the back of his couch and toed off her shoes. “Don’t worry. She’ll cover for me.”

He heaved a sigh and yawned again.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you tired? Were you going to bed?” Sakura asked quickly.

“Yeah. I’m exhausted, but that’s okay. I can rest later.”

“You shouldn’t! I’ll come back this afternoon,” Sakura said sternly. “You shouldn’t mess up your sleeping pattern for me.”

“Wait!” Syaoran demanded. “At least let me give you something. After all, you came all this way to see me.” He picked up his bag, set it on the table, and rummaged through it until he found a lump of what looked like dirty laundry. He handed it to Sakura, not letting her see his face.

“You… Syaoran, you’re more tired than I thought. This is a knot of dirty laundry,” Sakura pointed out and tried to hand it back to him.

He chuckled, “Think of it as impromptu wrapping paper.”

She blushed and quickly unwound the mess of shirts. Finally, she was down to a single white sheaf of silk and a heavy cold object. She glanced at Syaoran curiously, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was practically asleep on his feet. “Syaoran, you’re worrying me. Can we sit on the couch while I open this?”

He nodded, but stood there in the middle of the floor until she took him by the hand and led him to the couch. He collapsed the moment she eased him down against the cushions and was asleep within seconds. She laid the gift aside for moment and gazed at him. He was so handsome and she brushed a bit of his chocolate hair from his eyes. Then, she tucked herself under his arm and snuggled up against his chest. 

She drew the gift into her lap and pulled back the silk. The beautiful crystal bottle was shaped like a flower. The beautiful petals of a lily curved up and around, creating the pear shape of the bottle with a final petal cradled the sprayer. The liquid inside was pale lilac and wafted a soft beautiful scent. There was an ivory tag at the neck of the bottle with Syaoran’s familiar scraggly handwriting reading:

_Hakubaiko_

_To Sakura_

_Love Syaoran_

She sprayed a bit on her neck and wrists without so much as questioning Syaoran’s tastes in perfume. It didn’t matter how it smelled, just as long as it was from him (and secretly didn’t reek). She snuggled up against him and rested lightly, listening to his heartbeat, until the sun peeked in through the window. Then, she roused him and helped him to his bedroom. She studied him as he slept—the curve of his jaw, the map of veins beneath the translucent skin around his beautiful amber eyes, his soft pink lips, everything. She saw the bruise on his shoulder and feathered a faint kiss there. He groaned and shifted in his sleep, catching a hold of her hand, and holding it tightly.

“Goodnight, Syaoran,” Sakura whispered and kissed his cheek tenderly.

…

Sakura giggled and smiled at Syaoran over Miku’s head. “You were so tired and you slept for two whole days,” she murmured. “I checked on you every couple of hours, but you just kept on sleeping. For a while, you had me worried.”

“I know, you drowned me in a hug when I finally woke up.” He gazed at her with softness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in so long. “I like the scent of hakubaiko on you, Sakura. I always have. It’s the only perfume that can hold a candle to the usual scent of you.”

Sakura didn’t know what to say.

He took her silence as a bad thing. “F-forgive me. I didn’t mean to cross any lines.”

“Syaoran,” Sakura whispered. “We’re sleeping in the same bed and we’re hurting each other. There are no lines anymore.”

He stared at her and then averted his eyes. “Before… when I woke up in the ballroom after… you had me hurt…”

Sakura flinched and she was glad the bruises on his face had healed to faint shadows. If they were still visible, then she may had died inside.

“…if I had… tried to… kiss you… would you have let me?” He tried not to let the nervousness in his heart show through in his eyes and face, but it was hopeless. 

“Syaoran…”

“Nothing, never mind.” He buried his face in Miku’s pale hair and inhaled, but the scent of hakubaiko filtered through. He closed his eyes and tried to forget he had ever said anything to her, but Sakura wouldn’t forget.

“Syaoran…”

“Yeah?”

She hesitated. “What would you do if I say I would have?”

“Are we speaking hypothetically?” He whispered and still couldn’t find the courage to open his eyes to see the expression on her face.

Sakura touched his shoulder, trailed her fingers up and down his bicep following the map of silver-blue veins. “Maybe…”

Syaoran cracked open her eyes only to discover that hers were closed. That gave him courage. “… I would have kissed you, if you would let me.”

“What about now?” Sakura whispered.

He blinked and wet his lips. His mouth was suddenly very dry. “S-sakura?”

“Would you kiss me? No expectations, just a kiss.”

“Yes,” he breathed. 

She opened her eyes and gazed at him. Amber met emerald and held for what felt like an eternity. Then, Syaoran shifted. Sakura started, but their faces were so close. She could feel his breath on her lips, stirring her bangs, and he saw her pulse begin to race in her throat. She tilted her long neck, her nose brushed his cheek, and her long lashes feathered against his skin. 

Her lids fluttered closed and he brought his lips to hers so softly that she didn’t feel the moment he actually touched her. He felt like living velvet, soft and warm, and fitting together like the lost piece of a puzzle. Something inside her clicked into place and she felt something unlock in the back of her heart, stirring her feelings like a bubbling cauldron. She felt as if she were about to overflow. He had missed her so much, missed this. He was trying to be so careful so as not to hurt himself when she pulled away, but the feel of her was so sweet that he lost that and just kissed her. When she leaned closer, deepening the connection, it was all he could do not to beg for entrance into her.

Sakura’s reasonable mind drew her from the land of wonder she had been swept away to by the feel of Syaoran’s lips. After all, she needed to breathe. She didn’t pull away—those were the wrong words because she didn’t have to. They both separated in the same instant that she only suddenly realized that she couldn’t taste him anymore.

“Wow,” she breathed faintly. Her hand wandered to her lips and touched them lightly.

Syaoran blinked as if waking from a dream and his mouth curved into a soft smile. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Sakura couldn’t find her voice so she just nodded. The empty feeling inside her, in her womb, was becoming bigger and harder to ignore. The heat and moisture between her legs would only ever fade if he touched her, but… 

Neither of them were ready for more yet.

They both hurt too much.

For tonight, one soft kiss would be enough to bind them together.

_‘Then, Syaoran and I will stay together.’_

X X X

Reviews please! ^_^

Otherwise… *Jaws theme music*

I’ll assume you guys all want Prince Jonathon to rape Sakura and/or Miku, Syaoran to be tortured in front of Sakura and/or Miku with those whips and chains I went through all the trouble of finding, everyone to have an unhappy ending which will most likely involve terrible brutality!

So review, or else!

Questions, comments, concerns for my mental health?


	21. The Fear in Him

This story could drink if it wanted.

Chapter Twenty-One! 

Still redundant, yes? 

Not caring!

X X X

Subaru woke up around seven or so. 

Yuzuriha and Inuki were tiptoeing around the infirmary as if they were getting away with something sneaky. Ryuo was slumped in a chair, snoring obnoxiously with his big mouth wide open and a string of drool creeping down his chin. Water was running; Souma must be in the shower. There was distant yelling and crashing so Kurogane and Fai must be at it again. It was so early. Couldn’t they at least wait until eight to start killing each other?

Subaru groaned and shifted, disturbing Kamui where he had wrapped one long arm around his twin protectively. Kamui’s golden-brown eyes fluttered open, took in the sight of Subaru staring at him with mild surprise, and then smiled.

“Subaru, you’re awake…”

Subaru nodded and pushed some of Kamui’s long dark hair out of his eyes. “Were you worried?”

“Of course,” Kamui mumbled. “I’m glad you’re alright.” The wound on his stomach was aching, but he tried to ignore it. It was healing up nicely, but he probably wouldn’t be in any condition to fight anytime soon. “How’s your back, Subaru?” 

“It aches a bit, but I’m sure I’ll heal. Are you alright, Kamui?”

He nodded and buried his face in his twin’s shoulder. “I’m just tired,” he murmured.

Subaru had always been the calm soothing one. He was withdrawn and rather thoughtful, but Kamui was outgoing and brusque. To see Kamui so exhausted and subdued gave Subaru quite a fright, so he just laid against his twin and paced their breathing until even their heartbeats were perfectly in sync. Kamui fell back asleep in a few moments of this, but Subaru couldn’t sleep anymore. He wanted to make sure everyone else was alright. 

“Yuzuriha-chan?” Subaru ventured.

She screamed and whirled around. Ryuo was instantly on his feet, brandishing his Dragon Sword rather groggily but ready to fight. Kamui’s eyes snapped open and he pressed a hand to Subaru’s chest as if to hold him there until he could measure the situation’s seriousness. Fai came rocketing into the infirmary with Kurogane hot on his trail. It looked like they could put their differences aside in a crisis. Syaoran and Sakura were the last on the scene. Syaoran was awake and ready to fight. Sakura had Miku cradled close, pressing the little girl’s face into her shoulder to protect her from anything she might see. Everyone was staring at Yuzuriha questioningly once they decided there was no immediate threat.

“Yuzuriha-chan, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Fai asked.

“I don’t see anything,” Syaoran said, but continued to scan the infirmary for any threats. “Sakura, get back into the corner.”

“Right,” she murmured.

Syaoran backed up against her, keeping her and Miku in a safe cage between his body and the wall.

“Does anyone see anything?” Syaoran asked calmly.

“I don’t even sense anything,” Fai said. “There’s no one here but us!”

Kurogane sheathed his sword. “You’re all morons,” he explained. “Subaru and Kamui are awake. One of them said something and scared the pants off Yuzuriha-chan, right?”

Yuzuriha nodded, embarrassed. “Sorry. I was just startled,” she murmured.

Syaoran leaned heavily on the wall with a deep sigh and Sakura touched his shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s alright,” Sakura said. “I’d rather have it be nothing and be ready than have it be something and not be ready. We’ll consider it a fire drill.”

“Let’s not have any repeat performances,” Kurogane mumbled and stalked from the room.

Fai smiled amicably. “We’re all just wound a little tightly. I’ll go let Souma-san know that it’s a false alarm and that Kamui-kun and Subaru-kun are awake,” the magician offered. “When I get back, let’s have some breakfast, shall we? I’ll make something.”

Yuzuriha nodded and Ryuo collapsed back into his chair. “Oh, man. I’m still tired. I wasn’t ready to get up yet,” he complained and cracked one eye open to glare at Yuzuriha. “Why’d you have to wake everyone up with a scream, Yuzuriha-chan?”

She huffed and turned up her nose. “You’ve got some drool, Ryuo-kun,” she snapped and turned to make a face at him. “Right here!” She pointed to her chin. “You’ve been attacked by a big drooling monster. I bet that girlfriend of yours doesn’t know you drool and mumble in your sleep, does she?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend!” Ryuo protested and wiped his mouth on his forearm.

“Oh, so you have a boyfriend then!? I knew you’d admit it someday!” Yuzuriha laughed and darted out of reach of his arms. “I’m going to tell everyone I know! And everyone you know!” She had almost made a break from the infirmary when Souma appeared and intercepted her.

“Now, Yuzuriha-chan,” Souma chastised. “Don’t torment Ryuo-kun. Why don’t you two play a game?”

“I’m not playing with him anymore! He cheats!”

“I do not! And I’m not gay!”

“That’s an awfully loud protest. Are you sure?” Yuzuriha teased.

Souma smacked them both upside their heads and scolded them while they nursed the bumps. “Now, I’m not in the habit of beating on people who are already injured, but if you two don’t settle down then I may have to change my ways. Go play Monopoly. That should keep you busy for a few hours,” she ordered.

“Okay, Souma-san,” Yuzuriha groaned and held out her hand for Inuki. The dog nuzzled her palm and pressed against her legs to support her. She was wobbling a bit, unsteady on her feet.

“Ryuo-kun, help her out,” Souma commanded. “If she gets hurt anymore, it’ll be you I punish for it.” She glared after them, hands on her hips, until she heard the Monopoly box getting wrestled down from the top shelf of the closet and Ryuo begin to argue about which piece he got. Then, she sat down heavily, exhausted, in the chair Ryuo had vacated. “Jeez, those two. As if we didn’t have enough to deal with,” she mumbled.

“They’re just dealing with this stress the only way they know how,” Syaoran murmured and stepped forward so Sakura could step out of the corner. “That’s the way people are. They either learn to cope or they break somewhere inside.” 

Sakura saw Syaoran’s hand clench into a fist and the other wandered to the scar on his chest. Tears pricked her eyes, but there was no move she could make to soothe that wound so she looked away. She hugged Miku tighter.

Souma nodded, watching them as if she saw something. Then, she shook her head, turned to the twins, and asked, “How are you two doing?”

Kamui had dozed off again, so Subaru answered. “I’m alright, but Kamui…”

“He’s just tired,” Souma explained and rubbed her shoulder lightly. “He woke up before you did and hasn’t really been sleeping, just resting against you. He was worried. Let him sleep some and he’ll come around. How’s your back, Subaru-kun?”

“It just hurts a little, but Kamui’s stomach…”

“I’ve already checked on Kamui-kun’s wound,” Souma said. “He might lose a little of that tone, but he’ll heal right up. I’ve given him some morphine to help him rest a little more comfortably. Would you like some as well?”

Subaru shook his head. “No, I’m alright.”

“I’m sure Kamui-kun would rest easier if he knew you weren’t in pain,” Souma pointed out and rose to touch Subaru’s shoulder. “Please, I know you’re trying to be strong for him, but Kamui-kun doesn’t need strength right now. He needs to rest and know that you’re alright, Subaru-kun.”

Subaru closed his eyes. “Yes, I suppose you’re right, Souma-san,” he murmured. “I’ll take some of that morphine, now.” Then, he wrapped one arm around Kamui and held him. Souma handed him a glass of water and two pills that he swallowed quickly and without complaint. Then, Subaru looked at his twin for the longest time, but the haze of morphine was sinking into his veins and he was soon deeply asleep.

“They’ll be alright, Sakura-san,” Souma assured the girl quietly when she saw the look in Sakura’s emerald eyes. “Really, they will. They’re just tired. Everyone is.”

“I know, Souma-san. Everyone’s hurting so much to help me,” Sakura whispered and ran her fingers through Miku’s pale hair. 

“Sakura-san, we’re not doing this because you’re our queen,” Souma said and took Sakura by her shoulders. “We came as quickly as we could and are doing everything we can because you’ve helped each of us when we had no one.”

It was true. 

Fai had been a lonely refugee on the run from someone from another world. Sakura had found him shortly after Syaoran’s disappearance, casting beautiful blue spells and traveling with a circus. Sakura had gone to the circus chasing a tip that someone had seen Syaoran there. Eve, of course, had gone with her as both a guard and babysitter. It turned out to be a lie and a setup that almost ended badly. Fai had rescued them from the trio of armed men that had thought they would be able to hold Sakura for ransom. Sakura liked him instantly and invited him to the palace under the guise of a ‘thank you’ dinner. She would remember that night forever because it was the night she found out that she was pregnant. Fai could sense the child inside Sakura and shamelessly asked who the father was without any thoughts of the repercussions of his actions. Sakura hadn’t even known yet… The downward spiral of emotions had drawn Sakura into Fai’s arms for comfort. He had given her a friend and she had given him a life as a general at the palace.

Kurogane hadn’t needed her as much as she had needed him. Kurogane’s troubles had come on early in his life with the murder of his mother and the death of his father, but Japan’s princess and a close friend of Sakura’s, Tomoyo Daidouji, had already helped him through that. All he had needed was some time away from Japan—away from the land where his parents had died, away from all those bad memories. He needed a change of scenery, a fresh start, and Sakura needed a trustworthy guard for her new baby.

Souma had come to Clow as a widow, hoping to find Sakura’s mother as the two had been friends for a long time, but lost contact over time. Upon finding Sakura’s mother dead and buried, Souma was as broken as Sakura. They sat down together, cried and sobbed and shared stories of Sakura’s mother until collapsing into exhaustion. In the morning, Souma had been ready to move on to nowhere, but Sakura begged her to stay. Eve needed help with Miku and Sakura needed some guidance ruling Clow because Yukito was trapped in a dark depression. Souma agreed to stay on for a while, but she had quickly become attached to Miku. Times were tough then and Sakura needed a general desperately. 

Fai was a wizard, Kurogane was a warrior, and Souma was a ninja. They became her first three generals.

Kamui and Subaru came next and they were the ones Sakura had helped the most. Twins were cursed, doomed to be separated or killed at birth because they brought calamity and bad luck. Twins were taboo, but Sakura had forgotten all those legends upon seeing them. Kamui was injured then, bleeding heavily and leaning only on Subaru who would allow no one to touch him. They had returned to their home world, only to be brutally attacked by their parents. Kamui had quickly brought them to another world, to Clow. Sakura would always remember the fear and mistrust in Subaru’s eyes as she approached him, but she explained her intentions in a quiet voice: Kamui needed medical treatment or else he would die. In panic, Subaru had offered her his very life to save Kamui. Once Kamui had healed and could walk again without leaning on Subaru, Sakura asked them to stay with her. She promised to protect them from people who would judge them on sight. They held each other tightly, but agreed.

Yuzuriha had come to Clow as an outcast of the Nekoi clan, banished for loving a man named Kusanagi who was the leader of the Nekoi’s rival clan. They’re love may have remained a secret as it had been, if Kusanagi hadn’t been killed. Yuzuriha’s grief had revealed the romance instantly and when she needed her family the most to move forward, they had thrown her out. Grieving and alone, Yuzuriha and Inuki had walked and walked and walked. They collapsed at the steps of the palace and Sakura took Yuzuriha in like a stray. Upon discovering Yuzuriha’s skills, Sakura also offered her a position as general and, to forget Kusanagi, Yuzuriha agreed. With Sakura, she found an outlet for the love she had shared with Kusanagi and was finally able to speak freely about him. And with the other generals, she found a family.

Ryuo was the last to arrive. He had lost the throne of the Dragon King to one of his older brothers and had been cruelly told that if he brought home the head of the queen of Clow, he could have the throne. Angry, he attacked the palace only to be stomped out by Sakura’s generals who had still been living in the palace at that time. There was so much screaming and shouting that night, Sakura had to borrow Eve’s megaphone to be heard over the din. She and Ryuo had sat down over dinner and Ryuo had been starving. Sakura assured him that his brother was lying to him. If he killed her, it would only lead to war and then his brother would most certainly not want to be the one on the throne. It was all a cruel and dirty trick. And so, Ryuo remained in Clow as Sakura’s seventh and final general. By that time, Miku was two. 

Sakura sniffed and nodded. “Right, Souma-san,” she whispered.

Souma smiled. “Everyone is doing better thanks to you. You should be proud, not sorry. You built us castles out of the shambles of our lives.”

That was true too. Fai was safe and happy now, Kurogane traveled often between Japan and Clow, Souma had a wonderful new family, Kamui and Subaru were accepted instead of feared and could always be together, Yuzuriha wasn’t ready to love again but at least she had Ryuo to talk too, and Ryuo had Yuzuriha. Everything was better now.

Souma kissed Sakura’s forehead. “The only life you need to patch now, Sakura-san…” she trailed off and smiled, but left it at that. 

‘The only life you have to patch now, Sakura-san… is your own.’

Sakura smiled at Syaoran. Yeah, she could do that, but he wouldn’t look at her. He stared out the window and his shoulders were shaking slightly. His face was pale, troubled, tormented. Sakura’s heart skipped a beat. What had brought that haunted expression to his face?

“Souma-san, could you take Miku and meet Fai-san in the kitchen? See if you can stop him from burning the palace to the ground,” Sakura asked.

Souma took Miku from Sakura’s arms. “Of course, Sakura-san.” Then she left and Sakura heard to stop to reprimand Ryuo and Yuzuriha for something regarding Monopoly.

The only ones in the infirmary now were Kamui and Subaru, and Sakura and Syaoran. Syaoran still wouldn’t look at her and his shoulders were jerked tight and tense as if he were in pain. His eyes were shadowed, barred, guarded. He had pressed a hand to the scar on his chest.

“Syaoran?” Sakura whispered and touched his back. The muscles rippled under her hand, trembling. “Syaoran, what’s wrong?”

He started. “N-nothing, S-sakura,” he mumbled. “I was j-just thinking about my,” his throat worked furiously, “about what happened to me.”

“During the time we were separated?”

“Y-yeah.”

He looked purely terrified, wound tight like a coil, ready to burst.

“Don’t worry,” Sakura murmured and embraced him from behind. “That’s over now. You’re safe here with me.”

He trembled and pried at her hands as if she were hurting him. “S-stop!”

She drew back, clasping her hands in her dress. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, but could you j-just not touch me? P-please?”

She was worried by the stutter in his voice and the dark fear in his amber eyes. What was wrong? Syaoran was obviously remembering something, but what? What was scaring him so terribly that he had withdrawn into himself like this?

“Okay,” Sakura whispered.

Syaoran was pressing his hand over that scar on his chest again, his nails raking himself, and shivering.

“Hey,” Ryuo said and poked his head into the infirmary. Syaoran jolted as if struck. “Fai-san says to let you know that breakfast is served. Syaoran-kun, is something wrong?”

“N-no. I’m fine.”

Ryuo shrugged and Sakura listened to his retreating footsteps.

“Syaoran…”

“You should go to breakfast. I’ll be there in a little bit. I-I just need a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” Sakura whispered and limped away. 

She sat at the breakfast table long after everyone else had finished eating and gone off to shower and change, but Syaoran never came. She sat alone at the table with a plate of covered food as her only company until lunch time, but still Syaoran never came. She went to the infirmary to look for him, but Syaoran was gone.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	22. The Forgotten Gift from Hiruka

If you’re angsty and you know it, cry a lot.

If you’re angsty and you know it, scream real loud.

If you’re angsty and you know it and you really want to show it, if you’re angsty and you know it punch a wall!

Angst!

X X X

Sakura tried to remain calm.

‘Alright, there has to be reason for Syaoran to be gone again. Keep calm, think with a clear head, Sakura, she told herself. Did something happen? Where’s Miku?’

Miku was sitting on Souma’s lap in the infirmary, listening to the older woman’s voice recounting stories and rhymes though she had dozed off now. Yuzuriha and Ryuo were still attempting to play Monopoly at the table, but there was more fighting and shouting than playing going on. Kamui and Subaru were still resting peacefully together on one bed. Kurogane was doing a walk of the palace grounds to make sure nothing was trying to sneak in through the magician’s wards. Fai had cleaned up the mess of breakfast dishes and was now starting on lunch which he had promised on pain of death not to burn. 

“Ryuo-kun, Yuzuriha-san, Souma-san, has anyone seen Syaoran?” Sakura asked and tried to keep her voice even. 

“Syaoran-san? No, not since this morning,” Souma said. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Ryuo started to stand up. “He was acting a bit strange this morning, Sakura-san. Could he be a double agent?”

Yuzuriha kicked him hard in the shin under the table. “Just shut up, Ryuo-kun, you’re so stupid!” She smiled at Sakura and said, “Hold on, I’ll find him.” Then, she held her hand out for Inuki. The dog laid his muzzle in her palm, closed his eyes, and turned his nose to the air. “Syaoran-kun is… argh! He’s trying to block us! Hold on, this will just take a minute. Inuki, go ahead and push a little harder.” The dog whined and inhaled deeply. “There we go. Sakura-san, he’s in the garden up in the cherry tree, but be careful with him. He’s hurting.”

“How do you know all that?” Sakura asked. 

“Inuki searched for his soul and pushed in enough to find him.”

“I really owe you, Yuzuriha-san,” Sakura murmured.

“You can pay me back with ‘Yuzuriha-chan!’”

“Of course, Yuzuriha-chan,” Sakura said and limped quickly away.

The burgeoning garden offered little comfort and Sakura picked her way through the silvery irises and multi-colored daisies and impossibly blue hydrangeas and beautiful Stargazer lilies with their pollen as rich as expensive blush. She ducked under rose bushes, brushing red petal down in swathes that caught in her pale tresses and in her clothes. Her foot caught under the gnarled root of a thick amaryllis and she fell on her face in a bush of lilacs. She struggled to her feet and finally found herself at the base of the Sakura tree.

“Syaoran!” 

There was nothing but silence and a swell of fear blossomed in her breast. 

“Syaoran!” her shout was becoming a scream of panic. “Where are you? Syaoran!”

His response was so quiet that she almost missed it, but she saw movement on a high branch that drew her attention instantly. “I’m right here, Sakura. It’s okay. I’d never leave you again unless you sent me away…”

“I would never send you away! Please, Syaoran! Come down!”

“I’d rather not.”

“Why?” Sakura’s voice broke and he turned on the branch to look down at her, but he didn’t say anything. There was dark suffering in his amber eyes: unspeakable pain and sorrow and anguish. “Syaoran… are you alright?”

He was quiet, but the anguish in his eyes deepened and he looked quickly away from her.

“Stay there,” Sakura called. “I’m coming up!”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” he said weakly.

“Nonsense,” Sakura chastised in that tone she used when Miku cut herself and didn’t want a bandage. “Something’s obviously wrong and you need someone. I’m coming up so don’t try to get away.” Sakura had climbed the cherry tree many times. It was her tree, after all, but she had never been so hurt when she climbed it. White-hot stabs of pain raced up and down her foot, twisting down her toes and curling around the bottom, crippling her ascent. She whimpered.

“Stop, Sakura, you’re hurting yourself,” Syaoran protested feebly. 

“That’s okay.”

He was shivering badly and his eyes were bloodshot with terror she noticed as she hooked her arms over the branch he was sitting on. He tried to pull her up, help her, but his grip was tentative and did little to aid her. She swung her leg up over the branch, heaved the rest of her up, and then straightened with her legs wrapped around the branch to keep herself steady. 

“Syaoran?” She whispered and reached to touch him, but hesitated when he flinched back against the trunk of the tree.

“D-don’t! Please,” he whimpered. 

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong!

“Syaoran,” she whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“Please, d-don’t… stop t-touching me. It hurts!” There was distant look in his amber eyes. He was seeing something that wasn’t there, experiencing something that wasn’t happening, and it was hurting him. Sakura remembered what he had said earlier about ‘what happened to him during the time they were separated.’ That meant whatever was hurting him now had been hurting him for four years before this. “Please, wait. S-stop. Don’t touch me.”

“Syaoran, listen to me. There’s nothing here. You’re safe now, Syaoran.”

He stared through her, eyes darting back and forth fearfully.

“You’re safe,” Sakura insisted. “You’re home. Everything’s okay, now.”

“N-no, it’s not.”

“Syaoran, you’re safe here.”

“N-no! It hurts. It still hurts!” 

“What hurts?”

He dug his fingernails into his arm, the arm that sword came out of.

“The sword?”

“N-no. Stop it!” He clawed away the flesh on his arm. 

“Syaoran, stop! You’re hurting yourself! Nothing’s here! You’re safe!” Sakura pulled his hand away from his arm and he screamed.

“Stop it! It hurts!” 

“Syaoran, calm down!” He thrashed dangerously against her grip, nearly sending her toppling from the branch. “You’ll send us both to our deaths!”

He jerked his hand away from her and pressed it over his face, digging his fingers into his forehead and pressed on his jaw. “S-stop, please, stop it…” he pleaded and curved his shoulders in as if to protect himself. “S-stop. Please, stop hurting me.”

Sakura bit her lip. How could she wake him up, jerk him out of his living nightmare? This had all happened to him when he was away from her, so logically, if he realized she was there… 

“Syaoran.”

He cringed, whimpering and trembling. He drew his long legs up against his chest and curled away.

“Syaoran, listen to my voice. Do I sound familiar? Do you know who I am?”

He peered through his fingers at her, but she saw no spark of recognition in those anguished pools. 

“Can you hear my voice?”

He nodded slowly.

“It’s alright. I’m Sakura. Do you remember me? I’m from Clow. I’m the queen there. Sakura. We’re childhood friends.”

He stared at her with narrowed eyes and for a moment she was worried he was going to lunge at her.

“Syaoran, it’s Sakura. You’re home in Clow. You’re safe, Syaoran.”

The fear began to ebb from his eyes and he lowered his hands from his face to wrap around his knees. “Safe? Clow?”

“Yeah, you’re home. It over now. Everything’s going to be okay,” Sakura whispered and tears coursed down her face. “Syaoran, it’s okay now,” she sobbed. 

“S-sakura?” 

She couldn’t find her voice anymore, so she just nodded. “You’re home, safe, again. C-come here, Syaoran. It’s okay.”

He gripped her outstretched hand and pulled her swiftly against him. His entire body was cold and trembling as if Death’s fingers were wrapped around him. Sakura buried her face in his neck, placed a tentative kiss on his hammering pulse, and sobbed. Syaoran clutched Sakura. It had all been a terrible memory of what had happened to him in that place with that man. It was alright, he was alright. He was home in Clow with Sakura. Everything was going to be fine. He was safe here. He had escaped. He was free. That man though he was dead. He sobbed into Sakura, clutching her tightly to himself. The warmth of her was so soothing and chased away the memories of cold hands touching him, hurting him. He shuddered.

“S-syaoran, what were you seeing?”

“Nothing, Sakura. It was just a memory.”

“Y-you were so scared,” she sobbed. “What did they do to you?!”

“Nothing, Sakura. I’m fine.”

“Please! You were crying out and you were terrified when I touched you. You kept begging me to stop and screamed. You said someone was hurting you.” Her voice was edged with desperation and tears.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, Sakura.”

“Syaoran, please, you were hurting so badly. You were terrified. What did they do to you?” She pleaded desperately. Crystal tears made slow trails down her cheeks.

He looked away from her and she clutched his shirt anxiously. “I-I don’t want to talk about it. It’s the past. It’s over.”

“You say that, but you didn’t see your face! You were trembling and terrified. Please Syaoran, talk to me,” Sakura sobbed into his chest. “Please, you trusted me with everything about you once. Every secret, every memory, every dream, every fear! Please, talk to me. What ever happened is tearing you apart inside!”

“Sakura,” he whispered.

“Please, Syaoran, I can’t bear to watch you tear yourself apart! I can’t see your face like that again!”

“Sakura, stop. You’re hurting yourself.”

“You were hurting yourself, too! You tore all the skin off your arm!”

“Stop it, Sakura! Just please, stop it!” He gripped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. “Sakura, please, don’t ask me to remember anything they put me through.”

“B-but, you can’t just hide it away inside…”

“I can and I will. Please, it’s my burden to bear, not yours.”

“But, Syaoran,” Sakura sobbed. “Please, we’re friends. Let me carry some of it too, please. Let me help you.”

“You already are,” Syaoran murmured and lowered his hand to her shoulders. “I told you about the sword and the scar. Let that be your part of my burden.”

“But, Syaoran –”

“Sakura, please. What happened to me, what they did to me… it isn’t anything I should talk about with you, with anyone. They did unspeakable things to me, things that shouldn’t be done to animals,” he shook his head. “No, not even animals. Please, Sakura, you have to understand. I don’t want you to know what happened to me…” 

She swallowed. “But, you’re hurting. I want to help you. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

“Sakura, even if I were talk about it… these are things I could never forget, never get over. These scars will hurt forever.”

“N-not if you let me help you.”

“Sakura, please, just forget about it.”

“But—”

“Please.”

“Okay…”

They sat in silence for a while. Sakura leaned into Syaoran as if she could absorb his pain through their contact and he held her tightly to him, inhaled hard and fast through his nose. She could feel him shaking, trembling against her like a broken bird.

“You’re shaking,” she whispered.

“I’m fine.”

And that was all she could get him to say.

…

“Hey!”

Ryuo’s voice echoed loudly through the still night air. The sun had set and it was cold and the stars twinkled in the inky sky. Monsoon clouds loomed in the distance. Sakura hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and she was reluctant to pull away from Syaoran’s warm embrace. He pushed her back gently and she wanted to cling to him because he still looked so hurt.

“Ryuo-san’s called you several times, Sakura.”

“I didn’t hear him.”

“You were asleep.”

“Hey! I know you two can hear me! Fai-san said to call you because dinner’s ready, but if you want to stay up there in your own little world and starve that’s fine by me!” Ryuo shouted up at them. “Sakura-san! Syaoran-kun!”

“I hear you, Ryuo-kun!” Sakura shouted down. “We’ll be inside in a moment!”

“Good!” She heard Ryuo cursing as he blundered his way through the garden in the dark.

“Syaoran, we need to go inside and eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” he mumbled. “Are you?”

“Not really, but—”

“Stay here with me.”

“Syaoran, I can’t. Miku will wonder where I’ve been all day. She’ll worry about you too if you don’t eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Syaoran, please.”

“I’m just tired.”

She wrapped her arms around him and breathed in the scent of him, soil and wood and soap. “You should go up to my room and shower and go to bed, then. I’ll be fine for a few hours with everyone,” she murmured. 

“Yeah…” He hesitated and she felt his chest jerk. “Do you want me to sleep with you and Miku-chan tonight?”

Sakura’s thoughts flew back to their kiss—the tender brush of his lips and the perfect fit she had missed so much. A flush colored her cheeks, but she nodded into him. “Yes, Miku would like that,” she murmured.

“W-would you like it if I slept with you?”

“Yes,” she breathed. 

She didn’t know what she expected him to do, but he just cradled her against him and leaped smoothly down from the tree, landing in a crouch and hardly jarring her at all. He straightened up and carried her into the palace, picking over and under all manner of flora without so much as stirring the petals. He didn’t let her down until they were inside the palace. Then, he swept into a bow, feathered a kiss on the back of her hand, and went quickly to her room. Sakura stared after him until she couldn’t see him anymore and then went to the kitchen where she could hear her friends bickering good-naturedly. 

“Ah, Sakura-chan!” Fai exclaimed and swooped on her like a hawk spotting a fish. “Here! Taste this!”

“I’m really not—” 

He took advantage of her speech and shoved a spoon into her open mouth. “Well? How is it? Do you like it?”

“It’s disgusting, isn’t it?” Yuzuriha asked flatly.

Tearing up, Sakura could only nod.

“I cast my culinary pearls before uncultured swine! I slave away for hours and no one appreciates my efforts!” Fai whined dramatically and sobbed into his hands.

Sakura finally managed to swallow and Yuzuriha handed her a glass of water. 

“Slaved away?” Ryuo snorted.

“Yeah, you fished these leftovers out of the fridge, tossed them in a pan to heat them up, and proceeded to burn them!” Yuzuriha complained. 

Sakura cringed. 

“Indeed, Fai-san,” Souma continued. She stood up, handed Miku to Sakura, and scraped the burned food off her plate and into the trash. “It’s quite disgusting.”

“Souma-saaaan,” Fai whined.

“You taste it, magician,” Kurogane snapped. He was looking surlier than usual and Sakura concluded that Fai must have forcibly shoveled some of the mush into his mouth, too. “Let’s see what you think of your ‘culinary pearls’.”

“Fine, I will,” Fai griped and while he was talking, Ryuo shoved a spoonful of the food into the magician’s open mouth. Fai’s blue eyes grew very wide and teared up, but he deliberately chewed and swallowed. “It’s delicious!” He croaked. Then, he turned and barreled towards the bathroom.

“I do hope he makes it,” Souma said as she stacked the dishes in the sink. 

Kurogane shook his head. “Now we know why the magician’s so skinny even though he eats like he’s three time his size,” he muttered. 

“It’s a wonder he survives on his own cooking at all,” Yuzuriha mumbled. “Inuki’s dog food tastes better.”

“You’ve tasted dog food?” Ryuo asked.

There was a pregnant pause and then Yuzuriha stuttered, “Yeah, well, just to see what it tasted like.”

Sakura started giggling first and soon the entire room was shaking with laughter. Once they had managed to control themselves again, Souma scraped together a quick meal and dished it out. It proved to be far better than Fai’s burned leftovers which led to another round of unrestrained laughter. 

…

Sakura limped slowly up the stairs, carrying Miku on her hip with the little girl’s head lolling on her shoulder. She pushed open her bedroom door and gasped at the sight laid out before her. It wasn’t candles and roses or anything romantic like that, but Syaoran lying on his side in her bed in the square of moonlight that streamed through the window. He had found a clean guard’s uniform somewhere and slipped into that. The clothes fit him well, following the curve of his side and the jut of his hip and his long limbs. Black had never been his color; it made him look paler and a bit sick, but in the silver-white moonlight, black made him glow. His skin became the color of fresh cream and his hair glistened with water as if inlaid with jewels. His handsome face, still soft and boyish, was smoothed out and relaxed in sleep. Sakura didn’t think she’d ever seen anyone look so beautiful so naturally.

She laid Miku in his arms, tucking the child in and tight against him. Then, she gazed at them. Yes, this was a sight she could get used to seeing for her entire life and never tire of it. 

She slipped out of her clothes, laid them aside for the morning, and pulled on a soft cotton nightgown. She was about to slide under the covers when her foot kicked a box that had been sticking out from under the bed. She easily recognized Hiruka’s Christmas gift, the gift she was supposed to open alone. Glancing at Syaoran and Miku, she decided to open it now. She slit the paper quietly with a fingernail, pulled it back, and lifted the white lid of the box. She had to pull back another sheaf of tissue paper, but beneath that was a beautiful silk negligee and some pretty lace panties. It was revealing and made entirely of sheer pink-white fabric with lace over the breasts. Sakura faintly touched the garment and felt a rush of blood course through her.

Was she supposed to wear this for Syaoran?

A blush rose into her cheeks at the thought and her entire body began to tingle. Moisture pooled between her legs and something familiar tightened in her womb. Her nipples hardened and pressed out against her nightgown, straining. This wash of arousal was too strong to push away and she was almost tempted to go into the bathroom, retrieve all his pictures from her box under the sink, and take care of herself, but she knew no matter how hard she tried she would get no satisfaction from that. She needed him, but it was late and he was tired and she wasn’t that selfish.

Sakura went to the bathroom, shut the door, and sank down on the rim of the tub. She splashed some cold water on her face, but the feeling persisted. She sighed deeply. There was no help for it, she supposed. She sat down on the rim of the tub again, pulled off her panties, and laid them on the sink. Thinking of Syaoran’s strong hands and soft skin, she slipped one hand between her legs and stroked one finger gently through her slick folds. The rush of ecstasy that surged through her blood had a moan pressing at her closed lips. She pressed at her opening, still tight and virginal since she had only ever been with Syaoran that one time four years ago, and stroked her inner walls. This time, she couldn’t restrain her moan, but managed to reduce it to a whimper. The bundle of nerves at her core tingled and she brushed her thumb over it. The sensation was pure heaven. She moaned and slipped another finger into herself, stretching her tender muscles gently.

“Syao… Syaoran…” she moaned.

She released her hold on the rim of the tub to bring that hand to her breast which proved to be her downfall. She slid back into the tub with a bang, but was too caught in the sensations to notice how loud the sound had been. She stroked her slit, rubbing the soft bundle of nerves with her thumb and adding a third finger into her core. She tilted her head back and moaned a little too loudly.

“Syao… Syaora… ah… Syaoran…”

“Sakura?” There was a faint knock on the bathroom door. “Is something wrong?”

Sakura sat up so quickly that she hit her head on the glass wall of the stall shower. “Oww,” she groaned. 

“Sakura? Are you okay?”

“No,” she moaned without thinking. 

“I’m coming in.”

Sakura froze solid and watched the knob turn with icy dread.

“Wait!” 

But it was too late. Syaoran opened the door. He still looked a little sleepy, but when her saw her all traces of sleep vanished from his face. Her panties, wet with her juices, were lying on the sink. Sakura’s nightgown was pulled up passed her waist, her face was flushed, and her legs were spread and hanging over the edge of the tub which gave him a perfect view of all her womanly parts and her slick fingers at her core. It was painstakingly clear what she had been doing.

“Y-you were calling my name,” he whispered.

Sakura’s face flamed and she yanked her nightgown down over her knees and snapped her legs closed. “I was… um…”

‘Yeah, sooth move Sakura. It’s perfectly clear what you were doing. You were touching yourself and moaning his name.’ Of course, now that little voice that was supposed to tell you when something was a very bad idea would decide to make an appearance now. 

Sakura tried to change the subject by extending her hand. “Help me out of the tub, please,” she mumbled. When he awkwardly grasped her forearm to help her up, Sakura realized—too late—that her hand was slick with her sweet juices. Her face flamed again and she groaned. “I can’t believe this…”

“Sakura,” he whispered. She felt her hand being lifted, raised, and then his lips tentatively touched the back of her hand. She whipped her head in his direction in time to see his tongue snake out and lick her skin, tasting her. “You’re as sweet as I remember,” he murmured.

“Syaoran…”

He carefully licked each finger, drawing her juices into his mouth and swallowing as if he were sipping expensive wine without his amber eyes ever leaving hers. When he finished, he lowered her hand to her side again, handed her panties to her, and turned to leave the bathroom.

“W-wait.”

“Sakura, it’s late. You should come to bed.”

That feeling wasn’t gone, but she didn’t want to start anything that neither of them would be ready for so she followed him back to her bedroom, shoved that negligee under the bed again, and laid down with her back to him. Surprisingly, she wasn’t embarrassed anymore. She slept with that blissful look on his face when he had tasted her burned into her mind.

X X X

Lemons!!!!!

Reviews please if you want more. 

Questions, comments, concerns?


	23. The Message from Enemies

Chapter Twenty-Three!

Violence is on its way!

Yay violence! The only one who handles it better than Bruce Willis is Syaoran.

X X X

When Sakura woke up, Syaoran and Miku were already up. The black uniform Syaoran had found and slept in was wrinkled, but not too terribly. He was shyly helping Miku get dressed, looking bit lost but giving it a shot anyway. Miku had her shirt on half over her head, but it was stuck there.

“Syao-kun!” She squealed and flailed.

He was even more lost now, but Sakura watched him clench his jaw, grab firm hold of the shirt, and yank it clean down to where it should be. Miku’s head emerged from the top with a pop and she was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Yay!” Miku cheered and then bounded over to the bed as if to leap on Sakura. Syaoran, thinking she was still asleep, caught Miku by the back of her shirt and restrained her.

“It’s okay, Syaoran,” Sakura yawned and sat up. “I’m awake.”

She startled him and he let go of Miku when she was straining forward against his hold. The little girl tumbled forward and for a moment it seemed she was going to fall on her face. Syaoran lunged after her and barely managed to catch a hold of the back of her shirt before she fell.

“Mommy!” Miku squealed. “Look at me! Syao-kun helped me get dressed this morning!”

“Did he now?” Sakura asked and opened her arms for her daughter. 

Syaoran released her and she bounded into Sakura’s arms. “Group hug, group hug,” Miku squealed and squeezed Sakura tight around the waist. “Group hug, Mommy and Syao-kun!”

“Syaoran?”

He hesitated, but when Miku called him again he crossed the room and swept both girls into his arms. Miku smiled blissfully and nuzzled into Syaoran’s chest. Sakura tucked her chin into the cup of his collarbones and inhaled the scent of him, but all she could think about was what had happened last night because of that negligee. 

She remembered his tongue on her fingers after they had been inside herself, the burn of his amber eyes into hers as he drew each finger into his mouth, the flash of his throat as he swallowed, the embarrassment she first felt at him seeing her like that… 

There was a knock on the door and Syaoran grabbed a hold of Miku, slinging the little girl over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Sakura was left sitting on the bed, felling cold with the loss of him and just as incomplete as she had felt last night. It was all she could do not to call him back to her, but she couldn’t start something that neither of them would be ready for. Syaoran was barely ready to let her touch him, she realized that after seeing him screaming yesterday, trapped in his memories. She wasn’t ready to let him in again. They needed to slow down a little. Nothing would come between them ever again—not Prince Jonathon, not this war, and certainly not her hormones. 

“Sakura, are you going to come or not?” Syaoran asked over Miku’s laughter

“Huh?”

“I asked if you were going to come downstairs or not,” Syaoran repeated exasperatedly.

“Oh, yes, of course!” Sakura said quickly, embarrassed. She scrambled from the bed, grabbed a change of clothes, dashed into the bathroom, and then back to Syaoran where he was waiting in the threshold. “I’m ready.”

Syaoran smiled. “It looks like your foot is doing better,” he said softly.

Sakura wriggled her toes. The foot Prince Jonathon had stomped brutally on was still yellowish and a little sore when she stood on it for too long, but overall it was doing much better. “Yeah, it is!” She agreed cheerfully and gripped his arm for balance while she shoved her good foot into her boot. He shuddered when she touched him, but she squeezed his arm comfortingly and the tremors subsided. He offered her a strained smile.

Downstairs, they found their friends—all seven of Sakura’s generals, though Kamui and Subaru looked exhausted and sat close to each other for support. Fai was begrudgingly sitting in a chair, long arms crossed over his narrow chest with a scowl on his pale handsome face. Probably because Souma was standing at the stove, frying eggs in a pan with motherly ease and a frilled apron tied over her black Chinese dress. It wasn’t the perfect combination imaginable, but she made it work. Yuzuriha was seated across from Ryuo, glowering at what appeared to be a game of solitaire, with Inuki at her feet. Ryuo wasn’t even trying to restrain his grin. Kurogane was gobbling dry toast with such vigor that Sakura wondered what he’d been doing last night. 

That thought brought her mind back to Syaoran’s eyes drilling into hers while her cleaned her fingers of her juices, swirling her fingers in his mouth, swallowing like he were sipping fine wine. Sakura shook herself to drive those thoughts away and focused on her generals.

Souma flipped an egg lazily, but didn’t break the yolk which was something Sakura couldn’t have managed if she had been focusing on nothing else.

“Black queen, black queen,” Yuzuriha mumbled. “What goes on a black queen?”

“Red jack,” Ryuo offered with a smirk.

Yuzuriha picked up the deck again and flipped some cards. It was a black eight. She growled low in her throat and Inuki’s ears flipped forward to listen. “Red jack? No!” She flipped more cards “Red jack? No! Am I having fun? No!”

“What did you expect, Yuzuriha-chan? It’s a game for lonely people,” Ryuo snickered.

“I don’t know! Some entertainment!” She grumbled and flipped more cards, came up with a black jack. “Red jack? No! I’m still not having fun!”

Souma lazily flipped the pan backwards over her shoulder and the fried egg landed with a splat half-on Ryuo’s plate and half-on his arm. He picked the egg carefully off and maneuvered it onto the plate. “Um, Souma-san, you missed,” Ryuo ventured.

“Red jack? No!”

“Oh, did I?” Souma asked curiously. The toaster popped next to her elbow. She whipped the bread across the room and it skidded right onto Kurogane’s plate where he proceeded to gobble it messily. “That’s strange. I don’t usually miss.” She smiled and said good morning to Sakura, Syaoran, and Miku when they sat down around the table. “Fai-san, would you like some eggs?”

“No,” the magician snapped.

“Would you like some toast, then?” 

“No.”

“How about some sugary cereal?”

“No.”

Kurogane paused in gobbling his dry toast to explain the situation. “When I got up this morning, I found the magician burning some hash browns so I tied him to his chair and we waited until Souma-san woke up to cook something that was safe to eat. So now, the magician is pouting.” Then, he stuffed another slice of toast into his mouth and swallowed rather difficultly. 

“Red jack? No!” Yuzuriha repeated with a growl.

Sakura giggled and Miku finally struggled her way from Syaoran’s lap to leap at her mother. Sakura tickled the little girl ruthlessly until Miku was panting and exhausted.

“Kamui-kun, Subaru-kun, how are you two feeling?” Sakura asked the twins. 

Kamui slumped into Subaru, breathing hard and heavy. “We’re alright,” Subaru said and wrapped his arms around his twin. “Kamui is just tired. He was watching me last night because I was crying out in my sleep.”

“Were you hurting?” Sakura asked.

Subaru shook his head. “No, I was having a nightmare about what happened to us before we came here, before you found us and took us in.”

Syaoran tensed beside Sakura and she had to resist the urge to put her hand on his leg to soothe him.

“Are you alright?” Sakura asked Subaru.

“Mm-hmm. I just wish Kamui would rest some,” Subaru murmured. “He worries me. That wound on his back pulled open this morning. Souma-san had to stitch it up again. She’s worried that it may become infected.”

“I’m sure Kamui-kun will pull through,” Sakura assured him.

Subaru nodded slowly, but gazed worriedly at Kamui’s pale face. He rubbed one hand up and down his twin’s arm and Kamui groaned in his restless sleep which only served to cause more worry to grace Subaru’s features. “I do hope Kamui will be alright. I don’t know what I’ll do without him,” Subaru whispered.

Souma flipped another egg onto Ryuo’s plate and this time she didn’t miss. “Give that to Syaoran-san, would you Ryuo-kun?”

“Right, right. I’m the new waiter now,” Ryuo grumbled and slid the plate across the table to Syaoran.

“I’m not very hungry,” Syaoran murmured and pushed the plate over to Sakura. “Here, Sakura.”

She stared at him, trying to urge him to eat without saying anything and alerting Miku that something was wrong. He pointedly started a conversation with Ryuo and avoided her gaze. Having no choice, Sakura ate the egg while Miku bounced around the kitchen table and finally settled back in Syaoran’s lap to pester Ryuo. Souma flipped another egg, Kurogane wolfed down dry toast, Fai pouted, Ryuo and Syaoran conversed lazily about tactics they made be able to use in the approaching war, Kamui leaned against Subaru, and Sakura nibbled the fried egg. 

Then, breaking the silence with brutal intensity, Yuzuriha shouted, “I’VE GOT IT! RED JACK!”

Ryuo had to go and burst her bubble. “Perfect, Yuzuriha-chan. Now you only need a black ten, red nine, black eight—”

And that was as far as Ryuo got because Yuzuriha leaped over the table and seriously started to strangle him. Syaoran and Fai scrambled quickly into the fray and pried the two apart, each holding one of Yuzuriha’s arms. Then, she frantically tried to kick him. Souma ignored the whole altercation, lazily flipping another egg onto a plate without looking. Kurogane didn’t so much as blink. He stood up, put his plate in the sink, unplugged the toaster, and left the kitchen. Subaru helped Kamui up, saying that it was too loud for him to rest properly here. Sakura would’ve intervened, but it looked like Fai and Syaoran had everything under control so she left them to it. Miku watched the squabble with deep interest, squealing and clapping her hands and giggling. 

Finally, Fai and Syaoran wrestled Yuzuriha into her seat while Ryuo swept all the cards into a stack and put them away.

“Okay,” he panted. “New rule: from now on, Yuzuriha-chan is not allowed to play solitaire.”

Sakura took another bite of her breakfast. “I think you deserved it,” she said flatly.

Souma and Fai burst out laughing and that was the end of that.

They cleaned up the breakfast dishes. Well, Souma, Syaoran, Sakura, Ryuo, and Yuzuriha did while Fai skulked about—getting in the way and whining. Annoyed, Sakura shooed him out of the kitchen and slammed the door in his protesting face. Miku emerged from under the table where she had been hiding from the magician and clutched Syaoran’s leg. Sakura saw a flicker of unease pass across his face, but he hid it from the little girl quickly.

Sakura made a note to talk to him later when they were alone. They needed to talk about last night’s… occurrences and his fear. Maybe she could help him work through the latter of the two. 

…

Sakura and her seven generals spent the rest of the day discussing the war—strategies and formations and battle plans and possible blackmail. (Sakura promised to recount everything to Syaoran so he had taken Miku out to the gardens so she wouldn’t hear any of the terrible plans.) They would have Clow and many of their allies (such as Princess Tomoyo of Japan, who was already arming up according to Kurogane) coming to their aide with the horror of Sakura’s near rape, but Kurogane wasn’t sure it would be enough. Jonathon’s country was old and powerful. The army they would raise, plus the addition of allies, would be bigger and far more experienced than anything Clow could rally. Needless to say, the future looked a little bleak.

Ryuo was confidant they could win, especially with Syaoran’s violent powers, but Sakura didn’t want to do that to him. Destroying other people was obviously destroying him and she hoped to spare whatever shattered pieces of his heart she could from any further damage. Yuzuriha agreed with him, though grudgingly. She didn’t like the idea of shattering souls any more than Sakura did because she would feel it through Inuki, but she agreed that they should do whatever they needed to in order to protect Clow. Kurogane was all for a full-frontal assault because of Princess Tomoyo’s aid. He was confident in their ninja army, but he also admitted that he could defeat them single-handedly by himself, which considerably lowered Sakura’s confidence in them. Kamui and Subaru sided with them, agreeing that if they placed their cards right that they could win. 

Clow’s army was small, but very strong. Japan’s army, led by Queen Amaterasu, Princess Tomoyo’s big sister, was also very powerful. But their combined might would be weakened by the sheer numbers Prince Jonathon’s country would gather. Sakura reminded everyone of the number of assassins that had been sent to kill her. Those numbers had overwhelmed even her powerful generals. If Syaoran hadn’t been there, who knew what would have happened.

Souma and Fai were the fence-sitters. 

True, there was no way Clow could withdraw because that would mean surrender, but the chances of their victory were slim. Even if they did win against the overwhelming odds, the sheer loss of life would be almost as bad as a complete loss. At this point, it was either go down fighting or go down quietly.

Sakura wished there was a way they could just face a small army of Prince Jonathon’s choosing. Her seven generals versus Jonathon’s small army. That both evened the odds and lowered the losses, though Sakura would despair if more harm came to her friends.

The answer to her prayers came just as dusk was falling over the desert like a curtain in the form of a knock on the palace doors. A small nervous-looking messenger wearing the colors of Jonathon’s country was fiddling with a scroll that bore the royal seal.

“S-sakura-hime?” He stuttered out.

“Yes?” She asked and waved her hand for Syaoran to come stand at her side.

“T-this is-s f-f-f-for y-you f-f-f-from Pr-pri-prince Jo-Jonathan,” the messenger stuttered out and shoved the scroll into her hands. “M-may I-I-I go now, S-sakura-hime? Pl-please, d-don’t ki-ki-ki-kill m-me! Please, d-do-don’t l-l-let y-your S-soul K-k-killer br-br-break-k-k m-my spi-spirit!” When Syaoran appeared behind her, looking troubled, the messenger ran as if the devil himself were at his heels, shrieking like something that had lost its mind, and he didn’t stop running.

“Syaoran,” Sakura whispered and tried to touch his hand regardless of how it may affect him. “Syaoran, it’s okay. The rat’s spreading vicious lies about you.”

Syaoran shook his head. “No, he’s right. I am a Soul Killer,” he whispered and his bangs shadowed his amber eyes.

“What’s it say?” Syaoran asked quickly, quietly. “That scroll?”

“Let’s go to the infirmary and open it up with everyone else,” Sakura mumbled. 

_Sakura-hime of Clow:_

_I ask for a small battle so as not to smudge our family’s pristine reputation. The rules will be simple. You and one warrior of your choosing will meet Jonathon and one warrior of his choosing at a predetermined destination, alone, and the warriors will battle to the death. Whichever warrior survives will be this so-called war for their country. Please, send your reply and a preferred date._

_Queen Evelyn._

Sakura’s mouth ran dry. This was exactly what she had been hoping for. “I think we should accept,” she said before anyone else could so much as form a thought.

“I agreed,” Fai said almost as quickly.

Kurogane nodded slowly.

“Yes. We have a higher chance of victory with one of us against one of them rather than an entire army,” Subaru said, speaking for both himself and Kamui.

Yuzuriha tilted her head from side to side for a moment and then agreed. “Yeah, I thinks that’s our best bet.”

Ryuo grumbled for a moment, weighing his desire to get in the action against his brain. Thankfully, his brain won out. 

Souma was the last to agree. “No doubt this rat intends to win with some kind of automata. I do not like that this message stresses that Sakura-san go alone. I’m sure he intends to finish what started everything after he has won,” she pointed out.

Sakura shivered, but it was Syaoran who spoke before she could.

“Then we’ll have to make sure we win,” he said. “Let me go with Sakura.”

“Kid,” Kurogane interrupted. “You’ll be laying your life on the line for a country that isn’t even yours. You’ll hold all of our lives in your hands and you don’t know us.”

Sakura bristled. 

“This is my country, Kurogane-san,” Syaoran murmured and tilted his head. “The country of my princess is also my country and Clow was once my home. Besides, you are from Japan, are you not? And surely you would be Sakura’s next choice warrior?”

There was nothing to be said against that.

…

Sakura was curled up in bed, facing Syaoran in the silvery darkness. Miku was cuddled against his chest, breathing deep and even. Syaoran’s eyes were closed, feigning sleep, though Sakura could tell by the rapid beat of his pulse in his throat that he was far from sleep.

“Syaoran?”

His reply was so instantaneous that it startled her. She had expected him to keep up the charade for a little longer, but his amber eyes snapped open. “You should get some sleep, Sakura. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” Miku cuddled closer to him, enjoying the thrum of his voice rumbling in his chest, and he shuddered.

“Syaoran, do you really want to be my warrior two days from now?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, I am the only one with a sure chance of winning.”

“Y-you’ll destroy his spirit?”

“Yeah, if I have to. Does that bother you?”

She shook her head. 

He closed his eyes again. “You should sleep.”

She reached out to touch the sharp joint of his shoulder, but he flinched as if struck, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. 

“P-please, Sakura, don’t touch me.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer and she watched a shudder run though him.

“I,” she hesistated, “I like touching you.”

He inhaled sharply. Then, very very quietly, “Why… ?”

“Why do I like touching you?” She whispered.

He nodded.

“Because,” she murmured, “You’re so warm, so soft, so beautiful.” She gasped a laugh. “I’ve never seen someone as beautiful as you.”

“S-sakura,” he whispered. “Please, you don’t understand.”

“Understand what?” She spoke softly, as if she would frighten him.

He shuddered. “The things they did to me… I was an animal to that man, lower than an animal. I-I’m not sure I can learn to be human again.”

“I have all the time in the world to teach you again,” she whispered. “Can I touch you, please?”

He ventured a hand out from underneath the covers and held it out to her. He was trembling like leaf caught in a tempest. Sakura took his hand and gripped it. She pressed her lips to the back of it. She tried to bring it closer to her body, but he struggled fearfully. She soothed him and finally pressed it to her chest so he could feel her heartbeat. This appeared to soothe him some and the fear slowly faded from his eyes. After a while, his lids drooped shut and his breathing evened out. Only then did Sakura drift off to sleep, but she was plagued by nightmares. 

…

Sakura had been awakened by nightmares hours before sunrise. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling and trying to even out her breathing. Syaoran’s hand was still clasped in her own and she brushed her thumb over the back of it, tenderly, softly. Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out, breathe and touch… She rolled over to face Syaoran. He looked troubled and hurting, like he did when he was awake, but he wasn’t crying out so she didn’t wake him.

Miku was nestled against him. She was the best parts of both of them. Miku had Sakura’s big heart but Syaoran’s forgiveness, his honesty and sincerity, his amber eyes and Sakura’s pale hair. Miku had his love of dirt and his curiosity, his soft graceful movements and his steady hand. Miku had Sakura’s trust, her strength and wildness, her determination and voice. Miku was everything they had been. She was their love and sadness, their bond.

Syaoran started in his sleep, jerked bolt upright as if struck. Chest and shoulders heaving, he looked around with the early vestiges of panic that hadn’t subsided from whatever had woken him. 

Sakura whispered his name and his head whipped in her direction. For a moment, a bubble of cold fear took up root under her ribs because his eyes were glazed and distant again, but the light slowly returned to them and he shook his head.

“S-sakura?”

“Yeah. You were having a nightmare. It’s okay,” she whispered. “You’re safe here.”

Syaoran reached out as if to touch her, hesitated, and lowered his hands. 

“It’s okay, Syaoran. I want you to touch me, just like I want to touch you.”

He flinched back, squeezing his amber eyes tightly shut. He took a deep breath, held it, and finally let it out. Then, he reached out again and cupped her face tenderly. “Is it… alright for me to touch you like this, Sakura?”

She nodded and laid her hands over his. 

He closed his eyes. 

“I was… always told that I would never be fit company for anyone ever again. Animals don’t belong with people unless they’re pets,” he shuddered at the word as if it physically hurt him. “That man always told me that no one would ever want to touch me again because I would be broken and used. He said I was trash that someone forgot to put out, worthless except to hurt.” He wet his lips. “For so long, it always hurt to be touched and to touch. I,” he hesitated and his throat worked furiously as if he were working up the courage to continue. “I want to be able to touch people again. I want it to stop hurting. I… I want to forget everything that man did to me. I want to move on. I,” he paused and his head turned several times as if he were looking for an escape though his eyes remained screwed shut. “I want to love you again, Sakura…” he whispered finally and, when he opened his eyes, they shone in the dark. “I want to stop hurting. I want to love you.” He shuddered. “That’s all I want for myself.”

Sakura felt tears well up in her eyes and begin the descent down her cheeks, following the curves of his palms. 

She held his eyes, his hands, his heart. She was very aware that she could break him at any moment. He was giving her that power right now to either take him as he was—broken and hurting and tired—or throw him aside as something that was truly unwanted. She could either banish those demons that ‘that man’ had instilled in him or let them consume him. 

She couldn’t find her voice for a moment and he began to struggle, trying to pull away. 

“Syaoran,” she whispered.

“N-no,” he begged.

“Please, I love you. I always have and I’ve never stopped,” she whispered. “Stay with me. Let me heal you, Syaoran.”

His beautiful eyes widened. He must have really believed that no one would ever care for him again. The relief that crossed his features, his eyes, a moment later was so tangible that a fresh wash of tears coursed down Sakura’s cheeks. How anyone could ever have hurt him in the first place was a mystery she cared not to solve, but she would make sure that no one ever hurt him again. 

“I love you, Syaoran.”

He blinked and his lips moved but no sound emerged and this puzzled him. He wet his lips and tried again with the same results. 

Sakura smiled through her tears. “It’s alright,” she giggled. “I know, Syaoran.”

_‘I love you, Sakura.’_

X X X

Thank you Ehehehe~ for my second review. I can’t believe no one is reviewing either. I’ve had 389 views for this story, but only two reviews. That’s a bad ratio!!!

Anyway, should I include Syaoran’s gruesome past in all its gory detail? 

Questions, comments, concerns?


	24. The Animal, The Monster

I was annoyed by a bunch of silly mistakes in this chapter and now I have fixed them. 

Yay me! Yay editing!

X X X

Sakura couldn’t believe how quickly two days had gone by. It was as if one moment she was reading the scroll from the nervous messenger and the next she was kissing Miku goodbye on the palace steps with Syaoran at her side, ready to fight for Clow. 

Souma, Kurogane, and Fai were the only ones seeing them off as Yuzuriha and Ryuo were sure they would return in one piece which would make goodbyes pointless. Inuki, though, lingering at the door, showed Yuzuriha’s true feelings. Kamui and Subaru were still resting and Sakura had insisted that there was no need to wake them up. So, without further ado, Sakura and Syaoran bid their friends goodbye with promises to return relatively unharmed. 

Sakura could hear Miku crying before they were even down the steps and Syaoran took her hand and reminded her not to look back. They had to remain looking confident and looking back would ruin that image. She squeezed his warm hand for comfort and in a moment, Miku had stopped crying. She screamed the she loved them down the steps, her small voice echoing loudly, and then Souma ushered her inside. Sakura heard the doors bang shut.

“We’ll be okay, right?” Sakura asked.

Syaoran nodded and shifted his grip on her hand so their fingers were intertwined. Even if the world fell apart right now beneath their feet, at least she would have Syaoran. They would never be apart again and she took comfort in that one solid thing. Nothing would come between them now.

…

The place where this battle was to take place turned out to be the ruins of a castle that was neither in Clow nor in Jonathon’s country. Sakura and Syaoran stood on the drawbridge looking up at the crumbling spires and fallen towers for several minutes. Then, he helped her across the large hole in the bridge where the planks had rotted and fallen through. Together, they strode through the double doors and into the open courtyard where Jonathon lounged on a makeshift throne of broken bricks and a moth-eaten velvet cushion.

“Hello Sakura,” Jonathon said upon seeing them. “I knew you’d bring the archaeologist. Instead of a fight, we could always have a threesome.”

Sakura tightened her grip on Syaoran’s hand and hissed, “Never.”

Jonathon shrugged. “Just a suggestion because I doubt your archaeologist will survive this fight. If you wanted to conceive another bastard child, I’d love to watch and see what it takes to get in your pants, Sakura.”

“Don’t address her so casually, rat,” Syaoran snarled. “My threat still stands.”

Jonathon abruptly clammed up, but tried to keep his high and mighty image going. “Yeah, just try to destroy the soul of my warrior. This is your last chance to fuck him before he dies, Sakura.”

Syaoran released her hand and leaped at the rat-prince. Suddenly, something burst out of the ground and smashed into Syaoran from beneath. Syaoran’s body was tossed like a doll and he hit the crumbling stone wall so hard that the bricks rained down with him when he fell. On hands and knees, he coughed and then stood up. Sakura saw him wince as the sword came out of his hand, but he pushed that pain away and focused on the battle that was laid out ahead of him.

“This,” Jonathon said and made a sweeping motion with his hand, “is something I think your archaeologist will recognize. Sick isn’t it, Syaoran, what Fei-Wang creates?”

Syaoran’s back went ramrod straight and something resembling moan of pure agony crawled up his throat.

The thing Jonathon was using as a warrior, and ‘thing’ truly was the only word for it for Sakura couldn’t assign it a gender by looking at it, shifted its eyes from Sakura to Syaoran. There was absolutely no emotion reflected in those eyes though they were the only truly human-looking part of this thing. It was tall, taller than Syaoran, and thinner. It was literally nothing but skin and bones, skin stretched so tight that the ribs pressed out hard enough to create bruises in the thing’s pasty complexion. Though upon closer inspection, it wasn’t its complexion that was so pale, but scars. Every single inch of its skin was covered in scars. Its features were no longer recognizable—lips slashed off so that only teeth and gums showed, nose and ears sliced off with surgical precision, brows also ripped off. Its head had been scalped. The finger and toenails were ripped out, still bloody and raw and painful. The thing’s breasts had been cut away, leaving lumpy scarred skin. The legs were bent and misshapen, bowing out against the flesh as if the bones had been replaced with rubber. But each mutilation was so precise, so perfect, that it had to have been purposeful. 

Jonathon was a rat, but even he wasn’t capable of being this cruel.

“Who’s Fei-Wang?” Sakura asked and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Syaoran stiffen.

“You should ask your archaeologist, Sakura. After all, it was Fei-Wang that held him prisoner for four long years,” Jonathon said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “It was Fei-Wang who put me up to all this. Try to rape you so we could go to war so he could break Syaoran once and for all. Apparently, the brat wouldn’t break, like this animal, as long as he could think of you, but if you die…” Jonathon grinned. “Well, that’s a different matter entirely.”

The thing and Syaoran both leaped for her in the same instant and Syaoran reached her first. He swept her up in his arms and swung her onto his back as he had done with Miku when the palace had been invaded by the army of assassins.

“Hold on to me,” he said and held the sword out in front of him.

She wrapped her legs around his slim waist and was careful not to choke him. “Always,” she murmured.

“Well, now,” Jonathon remarked with a one-shouldered shrug. “It looks like you two have made up. I guess Sakura really does have to die then. Such a pity.”

The thing lunged for Syaoran and he appeared to be trying to use his power against it, but to no avail. It came after them again and again, never tiring and never faltering but also never changing its attack. This thing couldn’t think. It wasn’t human anymore, it didn’t think anymore, it didn’t feel anymore. It only came after them with brutal single-minded intensity. 

It truly was an animal, a monster, now.

There was nothing human left in it anymore.

“Are you trying to destroy its soul, Syaoran?” Jonathon mocked. “It’s just an animal. It doesn’t have a soul anymore, not this special kind of animal. You of all people should know that.”

Syaoran cleaved the thing’s arm neatly off, but not even that phased it. The thing came at him again and managed to catch hold of Sakura’s wrist where it wrapped around the front of Syaoran’s chest. He shoved the thing away almost as if he didn’t wish to hurt it, as if there was another way.

“Syaoran,” Sakura sobbed. Her skin burned where it touched her. It felt as if her flesh was being eaten away.

Syaoran wielded the sword one-handed, keeping the thing at bay, and rubbed his palm over the place where it had touched her. His warmth did little to sooth the burning pain and for a moment she wondered why he was even wasting energy doing it, but then she realized he was wiping some of the thing’s blood off her. Where its fingernails had been ripped out, blood was flowing freely and the blood burned like acid. Sakura shuddered. 

Such profound mutilation so that the creature was genderless and no longer human. Finger and toenails ripped out to cause constant pain. Acid in the blood. What kind of monster could do these things to people, think these atrocities up?! 

“Sakura, are you alright?” he asked her.

“Y-yeah.”

She felt his ribcage expand as he inhaled deeply. 

“Whatever you do, don’t let go.”

She buried her face into the back of his shoulder. “Never.”

Syaoran repositioned that sword in his hands and waited for the thing to attack again. It lunged for him. Blood splattered from the stump of its arm and its remaining hand reached after Sakura with other worldly determination. She could have been behind a wall of brick and the thing would still have reached for her. Its fingers were starting to curl around her wrist again, she could already feel the burn of acid blood, and sobbed into Syaoran. Then, he made his move. He kicked it in the face, cracking its jaw, and it sailed backwards to smash into Jonathon’s makeshift throne. Its blood gushed all over Jonathon and he began to scream, high wails of a banshee or a rat being pinned in a trap. 

Syaoran’s entire body tensed and Sakura realized he was reaching inside himself for that power he had: the power to destroy souls. Sakura squeezed him tighter for comfort, but he only shuddered against her. There was no dazzle of light or magic when Syaoran destroyed Jonathon. First, Jonathon’s eyes bugged and his mouth worked uselessly with threats and pleas. Then, the light vanished from his eyes and he slumped sideways. He made no movement anymore, just lay there on that throne like some discarded toy. The acid blood ate through his skin, through his bones, through his organs. By the time the blood reached his heart and killed him, Sakura and Syaoran were once again fighting the thing. 

It was an even more pitiful sight now with blood gushing from the stump of its arm and its jaw hanging slack to one side, broken and drooling red spittle. It moved as though it had none of these grievous injuries. It came at Syaoran this time, no longer going straight for Sakura. It seemed to have realized that it would have to kill him to get to her, but the blank look in its eyes had not faded. It moved jerkily, like a robot or a puppet on a string.

“Stop it!” Syaoran shouted at it and leaped back. He brought one arms up behind him and hefted Sakura a little higher on his back. He wasn’t fighting anymore. He was trying to talk the thing down. “Stop it! It’s me. It’s Syaoran! Seishirou-san!” He swung Sakura in front of him and pressed her close to his chest. “Stop it! Please! Seishirou-san, it’s me!”

The thing lunged at Syaoran and latched on to his back. It clawed frantically at his back, bit Syaoran’s shoulder to rip out a huge chunk of flesh, and continued as if to tear all the skin from Syaoran’s skeleton. Sakura felt a whimper of anguish vibrate in Syaoran’s throat and he stabbed blindly through the thing clinging to his back. It fell away, landing on the ground with a splat, but it got up a moment later and came at them again.

“Syaoran,” Sakura said urgently. “You’re going to have to kill it!”

“He’s a friend from that place. I can’t!”

The thing leaped at Syaoran again and he narrowly avoided its stinging acid blood.

“Syaoran! He’s not your friend anymore!” Sakura sobbed.

“I know, but maybe I can bring him back! I can’t give up!”

The thing caught Syaoran by his chocolate hair and yanked. Syaoran cast Sakura away from him to protect her, but he also discarded his sword, which clattered to the ground a few feet away from Sakura. He gripped the thing, digging his fingers into the flesh of its shoulders and yanking hard. He and it grappled for a moment, rolling over and over each other. The thing snarled and tried to bite Syaoran again, going for the hand Syaoran was trying to get over its mouth.

“Seishirou-san, it’s me! Please stop!” 

Sakura scampered for Syaoran’s sword, just to have it. She clutched it tightly to herself and watched Syaoran wrestle with the thing. It managed to get its remaining hand around Syaoran’s throat and dig in. Choking, Syaoran shoved it off and cleanly broke its arm. It continued as if the limb wasn’t broken, but its grip was considerably weaker. It lunged at Syaoran, mouth gaping and horrible cry coming out.

“Seishirou-san!”

“Syaoran!” Sakura screamed.

It sank its teeth into Syaoran’s hand and hit him hard in the face. Syaoran’s head whipped to the side with a nasty crack and a swell of blood rolled from his eye, blood tears. The thing went for his exposed throat, but Syaoran managed to wrestle it off and pin it beneath him. He held its arm down only to be splattered with acid blood. Sakura watched the blood burrow into his face and chest, working deep as it had on Jonathon.

She screamed, but Syaoran wasn’t listening to her anymore.

“Seishirou-san, please, you told me you had a wife and two kids somewhere! Please, come back! Break through this!”

The thing snarled and thrashed against Syaoran’s hold and lurched upright to try to bite again. Syaoran put his arm in its mouth, let it bite him, but there wasn’t a shred of recognition in the thing’s eyes. Syaoran’s words weren’t reaching it.

Sakura sobbed his name.

“Seishirou-san, come on! You’re stronger than this!”

His words had no effect. They weren’t reaching the human still trapped inside that thing.

‘There is no human in that body anymore,’ a female voice whispered against the shell of Sakura’s ear.

Sakura whirled around, brandishing Syaoran’s sword weakly, but there was no one there.

_‘Please, calm down, Sakura-hime. You are Sakura-hime, are you not?’_

“Who are you?” Sakura hissed. In the back of her mind, she could hear Syaoran and the thing fighting. She could hear Syaoran shouting for it, shouting Seishirou-san over and over, and recounting stories that must have once meant something to it. “Where are you?”

_‘My name is Xing-Huo. I am the one who returned Syaoran-kun to you.’_

“You returned Syaoran to me?”

_‘Yes, but that is not why I have contacted you. Please, listen to me, you must kill Seishirou-san for Syaoran-kun. Syaoran-kun’s heart is hurting too much, he is too kind, to kill that creature.’_

“What? How do I kill him?”

_‘You’re armed with Syaoran-kun’s sword, are you not?’_

Sakura looked at the sword in her hands. It was heavy and shining and splattered with blood, though the acid had no obvious affect on the blade. Her brother had taught her the basics of swordplay, namely how to position her hands on the hilt and the proper stance and how not to skewer herself. At the time, Sakura wasn’t interested in swords or fighting in general. She wanted to spend her time with Syaoran at the ruins or at his house or in her room sulking because her brother would not allow her either of those things. Now, she was wishing she had paid more attention.

Gripping the sword and ignoring the pain in her foot, she ran at Syaoran and Seishirou. She was nearly on top of them when Syaoran saw her. His amber eyes widened and darkened.

“No!” He shouted, pushed Seishirou behind him, and spread his arms wide to protect the thing. 

For a moment, Sakura was terrified that she wouldn’t be able to change the course of the sword fast enough to miss him. The thing saw Sakura and straightened up as if to lunge over Syaoran to get at her. Sakura set her jaw, curved the path of the sword, and ran the thing through. A burst of acidic blood sprayed everywhere, over Syaoran’s back and Sakura’s face and arms. The burning pain was enough to wrench a scream from Sakura’s lips and she fell into Syaoran. She wrapped her arms around him, but he resisted her.

“No! No! Syaoran, please!”

 _‘It’s better this way. Do you think he wanted to live like that anymore?’_ the woman asked.

Sakura wasn’t sure if he heard Xing-Huo’s voice or not, but something made Syaoran clutch her tightly. His entire body trembled and he sobbed into her shoulder. She gripped the back of his shirt and quickly peeled it over his head to get rid of the burning blood. She pulled back from him and pulled her shirt over her head as well, tossing it somewhere where it dissolved quickly and the blood continued to eat into the ground. She scrubbed her face on the clean portion of his shirt and wiped some acid blood from Syaoran’s face too. Then, she tossed his shirt with hers and embraced him again.

“Syaoran, Syaoran. It’s alright,” Sakura whispered. She ran her fingers through his hair and over his face, but he only clutched her and sobbed. “Syaoran…please…it’s alright…”

He shook his head and trembled harder. “No. Fei-Wang will be coming for me. He’ll… he’ll try to hurt you. He’ll try to take you from me!” He held her tighter against him as if he were trying to drawn her into himself. “Sakura, he’s going to hurt you! And he’ll hurt Miku! He’ll do anything to get to me!”

“Syaoran, Syaoran,” she whispered. “Please, you’re scaring me.”

“Sakura, you’re going to have to kill me! That’s the only way! If I’m dead he’ll have no use for you, for me! Kill me and you’ll be safe! You’ll be alright!” Syaoran reached behind him and pulled him sword from the thing’s body with a wet squelch. He shoved the sword between them and pressed it into her hands. “Please, just like you did to Seishirou-san. Close your eyes.” He leveled the point with his heart, in the groove that scar created in his chest. “And think of something terrible and kill me like you would have when you saw me for the first time again! Please, to keep you safe! Kill me!”

The sword was so cold in her hands, so heavy, like her heart when she found out that he was really gone.

“No, Syaoran, please, don’t make me do this!”

“Kill me!” He leaned into the blade, but she let it be pushed backwards. “Sakura, please!”

“No…”

“Kill me! This will protect you from that man! Please, I can’t let him do to you or Miku what he did to me!”

Sakura shoved the sword forward, under the space of his arm creating a thin cut in the skin of his waist. She flung her arms around him and whispered into his neck, “I’m never letting you go again. Syaoran, listen to me. Alone, you’re no match for this man, but you have me. Together, we can stop this monster once and for all. You don’t want anyone else to suffer like Seishirou-san or you, right?”

He shook his head and burrowed close to her, absorbing her—to skin.

“Okay, Syaoran? Together, right? Just like it always should have been?”

He nodded and then pulled away from her. He cupped her face in his hands, trembling harder at the contact and smoothing away tears that crawled slowly down her cheeks. “I will protect you. He will never get his hands on you.”

Sakura pressed her lips to his, softly, gently. Syaoran deepened the kiss desperately, as if he were losing her. He pulled her body tight against his and slid his hand into her hair to keep her lips to his for as long as he could. His desperation and fear hurt, cut her heart, like a physical wound. She could give him this. If this was what he needed to survive, she could give him this and more. Tears forced their way down her face and followed the curve of their lips. Syaoran let some space come between their lips, but he kept his forehead pressed to hers.

“I need you to help me,” he whispered. “I’m not sure I can stand up on my own.”

Sakura nodded. “Okay.”

“Get my sword, please. I… I can’t look at Seishirou-san’s body.”

“Okay.”

He was quiet for a long time, resting his hands on her waist and breathing hard and deep. Finally, he whispered, “Thank you.” He feathered his lips against her cheek, drinking her tears gently, softly. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Syaoran.”

His lips moved, but no sound emerged. It was as if something inside him banned his lips from speaking those words.

“I love you,” Sakura said again and kissed him as if she never would again. She poured all her feelings into him, all her strength and her love and her hope and her joy, everything good and strong inside her. When they parted, she gave him her finest smile and cupped his face in her hands. “My Syaoran, I love you.”

He mouthed those words to her and she helped him to his feet. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t say it,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. I can wait forever,” she told him and it was true.

…

“So, it didn’t work. I’ll bet that Xing-Huo interfered,” Fei-Wang grumbled from his throne. He looked down over his domain and his latest catch. 

The girl was pubescent, just a kid—a street urchin from some country he had never heard of. She wasn’t anything special. She wasn’t beautiful or smart. She was just starving, sold her soul to him just for a decent meal, not that he had ever had any intentions of feeding her. She was chained to his stone floor, limp like a rag doll while she was pounded into from behind by one of Fei-Wang’s earlier animals. She had been particularly easy to shatter completely and he wound have her brutally used before the mutilation began. Not even that would be a challenge, she offered no resistance to violation and torture, gutless bloodless turnip with nothing left to live for.

Not like him.

Syaoran Li.

The kid had resisted and held on to some remnant of strength inside himself for four long years. He refused to break, refused to give in, and had even attempted to escape. Escape was something no one had ever attempted and that caught Fei-Wang’s interest. For a while, Fei-Wang had personally attended the sessions to break the boy, but the boy’s response to all manner of torture had only served to puzzle him more. No matter what they did to him, Syaoran kept his soul intact. As the years dragged on and his spirit began to break, something remarkable happened. The servant that Fei-Wang used to sense the state of a spirit said that Syaoran had broken, yet when Fei-Wang had him violated as he always did before mutilation began Syaoran fought back. 

Something had awakened inside Syaoran, some kind of dormant power that was too strong for Fei-Wang to control. The boy had demolished his entire staff, killing their spirits inside their bodies and moving quickly on. Fei-Wang had stabbed the boy and the boy had fled and that was supposed to be the end of it. Only he hadn’t counted on Xing-Huo’s interference. She healed the boy and sent him home to Clow, to his princess. 

Well, that was fine. Fei-Wang liked a challenge.

…

Xing-Huo was glad to see Syaoran was doing alright. She had looked in on him once she sent him over, just in time to save Sakura from that vile prince. At the time, the magic hadn’t been strong enough to have him be completely solid, so Syaoran had created a hairline crack in Jonathon’s soul. The crack manifested physically in the form of a bruise on the rat’s face which wasn’t the least bit strange. She had been worried at first, because Sakura wasn’t very happy to have him back. They had fought over Syaoran staying in the palace to protect her with the war Xing-Huo had predicted on his side. Though she had been terrified by Sakura’s obvious anger, Syaoran seemed very strong and able to deal with her rage. 

The child was a bit of a shock.

Xing-Huo was a dream-seer and she hadn’t seen a child in Syaoran’s future. That could also have been a good thing though, because if Xing-Huo couldn’t see the child then neither could Fei-Wang. But Syaoran began to break inside at that point. His guilt—guilt that was wrongly placed as he had never meant to leave Sakura’s side—was eating him alive and tearing him apart. He blamed himself for everything Sakura had gone through, regardless of the things he had suffered. He had hurt the girl he loved and that was breaking him.

She was happy for him when Miku insisted on bringing Syaoran to the oasis with them. Even if Sakura hated him, the love of his child would hold him over until she could forgive him. She saw Syaoran hurting over that scar on his chest, remembering how he destroyed the souls of the employees at Fei-Wang’s horrible laboratory. Xing-Huo saw the death of the bodyguards in her dreams, saw Jonathon speaking with Fei-Wang and arranging the whole thing, but there was nothing she could do to warn Syaoran or Sakura. She could only hope that they would be safe and they were.

Xing-Huo had shyly watched Sakura allow Syaoran to carry them both in his arms. It was a private moment that she hated to intrude on, but she was keeping close watch over them. She saw the painful moment as Sakura attacked him and discovered the scar. They were both hurting so much that Xing-Huo wished it was in her power to help them, push them together again because they needed each other so badly, but were too scared to trust again. Syaoran had censored everything that had happened to him, lying only a little to hide the terrible truth from the girl he loved. She already had so much to deal with and he wanted to spare her if he could.

When the first batch of assassins struck, Xing-Huo woke Syaoran from his nightmares and warned him of their arrival. He had been ready when they came and killed them easily, breaking their souls as he had the people at Fei-Wang’s facility. Afterwards, Xing-Huo had left them to sleep together—warm and safe and together for the first time in years. The morning had brought questions and pain. 

“It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now.”

“Why? What was different?”

Then, Sakura had witnessed the destruction Syaoran was capable of. The dozen dead assassins—soulless and beheaded. Then, the first of Sakura’s generals had arrived: Fai D. Fluorite. The magician’s arrival had only driven a stake further into Syaoran’s heart. A stake that showed how much Sakura had been hurting while he was gone without her best friend. Something that hurt her so badly that she had to seek comfort from this magician.

The arrival of the rest of Sakura’s generals: 

Ryuo—the disgraced Dragon King.

Yuzuriha Nekoi and Inuki—exiles of the Nekoi clan, banished for love.

Kamui and Subaru—cursed twins that had fought so hard to find each other and only been met with fear and rejection.

Kurogane—a close friend and kind fatherly man who needed an escape.

Souma—the widowed woman, alone and hopeless.

They had given Syaoran hope that Sakura was still the soft and gentle girl he remembered. They gave him hope that if she could open her arms to them, complete strangers going through a hard time, then maybe she could care for him again. The laughter that followed Fai and Kurogane everywhere also served to lighten his heavy heart.

Yuzuriha and Inuki coming so close, touching, the breaks inside his soul and telling him that he should be dead had scared Syaoran. He hadn’t come in that night and remained out in the storm. Xing-Huo wasn’t really sure what had happened because she couldn’t see the child in her dreams, but the next morning Sakura had Syaoran beaten. That had been Syaoran’s limit. He broke and Xing-Huo was sure he was going to die out there in the rain. But Yuzuriha and Ryuo and Fai and Souma had saved him from that fate. Kamui and Subaru had woken Sakura up inside, broken into her heart, and made her remember how much he meant to her. It was Kurogane’s voice that had forced her to save Syaoran. That was when the bond between Sakura and Syaoran had begun forming again.

The next wash of assassins hurt most of Sakura’s generals, badly injured Yuzuriha and Souma and Kamui and Subaru. Fai and Kurogane couldn’t win against such sheer numbers of assassins. Syaoran had taken over and destroyed them all, tearing their spirits apart with savagery that Xing-Huo hadn’t thought him capable of. Afterwards, Syaoran had vanished outside, spending time alone tearing himself apart with guilt and grief. Sakura had come for him and talked with him. This was another moment Xing-Huo tried not to intrude on, watching them sit together huddled under Syaoran’s cloak.

The compromises, guided by Fei-Wang’s disgusting mind, had only served to bring Syaoran and Sakura closer together. They began to depend on each other, lean of each other for support, but once they returned to the palace, Sakura’s confession cut through those sinuous threads. She confessed that she had been trying to forget him and Syaoran had run home in tears. They began to call each other by first names that night, hurting each other equally.

There was a lull of laughter between friends and Xing-Huo thought maybe everything would turn out alright for them.

Sakura went from “It’s not okay for Syaoran-san and I to be together because we’re different now” to “Then, Syaoran and I will stay together.”

They engaged in a poker match to decide who would kill Prince Jonathon when the time came which was far more joyous than it should have been. Sakura had let Syaoran win and that night, when they lay together in Sakura’s bed, the bond was completed and sealed with a kiss.

But Xing-Huo should have known that things couldn’t have stayed happy and good forever. The kiss had woken memories of the things Syaoran had gone through: the violation and torture, the way his soul had been cracked with vicious cruelty. Sakura managed to pull him from the memories, but they lingered, roiling, just below the surface of his consciousness.

A fiasco in the kitchen had helped him push them back, but he was exhausted and went to bed early. 

Xing-Huo didn’t mean to be watching, but she had been tired as well and when she slept she dreamed of Sakura opening the negligee given to her by Clow’s Hiruka-sensei for Christmas. Twisted curiosity that kept Xing-Huo barred from sleep for the rest of the night led her to watch as Sakura went to the bathroom and slipped her hand between her legs. The moans had woken Syaoran and… well, Xing-Huo cared not to remember what had happened from there. She was simply amazed that Syaoran was able to handle such an intimate situation without breaking a little more, without remembering anything horrible. It was clear he trusted Sakura never to hurt him like that.

Then, the messenger arrived and it was decided that Syaoran would go with Sakura to this battle. He would be her warrior.

That night, Sakura gave him strength. She told him that she loved him, but Syaoran was unable to bring any words out to promise his heart to her. Those words had been locked deep inside him by Fei-Wang, but Sakura would still love him even if he could never tell her that he shared her feelings. That was the terrible truth of the matter: Syaoran would never be able to say I love you to Sakura because of what he had gone through, what Fei-Wang had done to him.

Xing-Huo closed her eyes and surveyed her thin hands. She had suffered quite a bit at Fei-Wang’s hands, too, but she did not have the power required to remove that man from this world. She could help Syaoran and pray that he could do it, but that was all.

Later tonight, she would come to Sakura in spectral form and try to explain to the queen exactly what she was doing by keeping Syaoran alive and by her side. Xing-Huo knew that Sakura would not abandon Syaoran or kill him or let him go, but she deserved to know exactly what she was delving in to. By going against Fei-Wang, Sakura would be taking Syaoran’s hand and jumping into the very heart of darkness.

X X X

“Reviews please!”

*insert threat or plea or whatever here*

“Just click the button, type your thoughts, and hit submit.”

*happy dance* 

“Ta-da!”

*bows*

“Alright, I’m getting out of here.”

*walks quickly away*


	25. The Four Years He Was Gone

Chapter twenty-five!

X X X

Sakura couldn’t sleep.

There was so much on her mind…

 _Jonathon’s death._ Did that mean that Clow had won the war? Was it over? Or had Syaoran only made it worse?

 _Xing-Huo’s words._ Should she attack this Fei-Wang? If she did, would she even be able to defeat him? There was no doubt in her mind that his vile deeds could not go unpunished, but… Syaoran had been snatched away to another world those four years ago. She didn’t even know which world to go to in search of him and she probably wouldn’t get Syaoran to tell her. He had made it very clear when they were explaining the outcome of the battle to her seven generals that Sakura would go nowhere near Fei-Wang.

 _The thing._ Syaoran said that it had been human once: a friend of his named Seishirou. They had been imprisoned together, but Seishirou’s only anchor was his wife and two kids and Fei-Wang had easily torn away that anchor. After that, Seishirou and Syaoran had been separated and Syaoran didn’t know what had become of him. He refused to elaborate any more than that, especially about what had gone on there, even when Kurogane took him aside and questioned him alone. 

_The reactions of her generals._ Sakura and Syaoran had returned late and under the cover of pitch-black darkness after Souma had put Miku to bed in her room and left Yuzuriha’s Inuki with the child in case anything happened. Souma and Yuzuriha had instantly smothered Sakura and Syaoran in a hug. Fai took Sakura’s hand and kissed the back of it. Kamui, leaning heavily on his twin, and Subaru were up and about and offered exhausted greetings when they saw the pair. Kurogane eyed their state of undress questioningly: Sakura’s white bra and the huge scar on Syaoran’s chest visible for the world to see. But when Sakura tried to explain, he held up his hands in an ‘I don’t want to know’ gesture. Ryuo, surprisingly, was the calm one. He herded everyone inside, pausing only to take Kamui’s other arm and help the twins inside again. The respective shock and anger when Sakura told them of Seishirou was staggering.

 _Miku._ Her daughter, no, their daughter. Sakura intended to send her away with Souma-san, Kamui-kun, Subaru-kun, and Kurogane-san to keep her safe. The four generals had begrudgingly agreed to accompany the little girl. After all, Kamui and Subaru were both pretty grievously injured, Souma would take good care of Miku, and Kurogane was that strongest of all Sakura’s generals. They would go with Miku to Japan and stay with Tomoyo.

 _Syaoran._ He was her biggest concern. He had become very withdrawn since seeing Seishirou. He walked hunched in on himself, pacing the length of the ballroom continuously until Sakura begged him to come to bed. She decided to leave Miku with Souma since the child was already asleep. Tonight would be about Syaoran, about his doubts and fears, but he was facing away from her in their shared bed. His back was a fortress of bone.

“Syaoran, please, I know you’re awake.” Sakura ventured out a hand to touch him, but her body wouldn’t move. Panic consumed her.

_‘Don’t worry, Sakura-hime. Syaoran-kun is fine and so are you. I’ve drawn you into the limbo between awake and asleep.’_

“Xing-Huo?”

_‘Yes.’_

The room fell away and it was only Sakura and Syaoran, curled up together—not touching—on a bed of nothingness, and then a faint lightening in the corner of the room. Finally, a young woman came into view, materializing like a ghost, and she very may have been one. She was rail thin and wearing a ragged white dress that was the same white as her skin where there was no shadow cast by bones or bruises. She held out one long slender hand and passed it over Syaoran’s form. Several small lights drifted out of his body and hovered there quietly above him, casting his face in shadow and making him look more troubled. 

_‘Don’t worry. It will cause no harm to him. Syaoran-kun spoke of you often during his imprisonment and we became very close. I would never willingly cause harm to him.’_

“Willingly?” Sakura whispered.

Xing-Huo looked away and laced her hands together in front of her. _‘Fei-Wang is very vindictive. In the effort to break both Syaoran-kun and me he forced us together in the cruelest of ways.’_

Sakura tried to sit up and her body cooperated with her. She touched Syaoran’s shoulder and a bubble of white light pushed up through her hand. It was warm and fluttered faintly, like a bird or his heartbeat, and she cupped it in her hands. 

“What are these?”

 _‘Syaoran-kun’s memories,’_ Xing-Huo murmured and Sakura realized that her pale lips never moved. _‘He will never tell you what happened to him at Fei-Wang’s hands, but in order to fight that man you will need to know. Syaoran-kun cannot shield you from everything in the world, no matter how hard he may try.’_

“I… I have to know?” Sakura whispered. “Why?”

_‘Because if you do not know the truth, Fei-Wang will be able to fill your heart with lies. He will turn you against Syaoran-kun, make you hate him, make you hurt him. Do you want that?’_

“I will never turn against Syaoran,” Sakura protested and released the fluttering orb of light into the air again. 

_‘Fei-Wang is both cruel and manipulative. You will be no match for him if you do not know what really went on. He will spin you lies out of small insecurities that you hold in your heart, small doubts, small mistrusts. Things not even you yourself will know of. He will pull them from your secret mind and spin lies that will hurt in places you thought safe.’_

Sakura took a deep breath. “How do I know you’re not lying to me?”

_‘You trust Syaoran, do you not?’_

“Yes.”

_‘These are his memories of those four years, only those four years. I have only brought them forth to be viewed. Everything you see happened. And happened to him.’_

“How does this work?”

_‘Catch a memory and hold it close. You will be shown the memory and you will have no power to affect anything you see. Do you understand that?’_

“Yes.”

 _‘The orbs like this,’_ Xing-Huo balanced a perfectly round orb in the palm of her hand. It sparkled and shone, glittered like a butterfly or a star. _‘These are his happy memories.’_ She let it drift away and cradled another in her fingers. This one wasn’t an orb. It resembled a piece of broken glass with a flickering picture on the shining face. _‘This is one of his memories of that place.’_

“It’s all broken,” Sakura whispered and held out her hands for the shard of memory.

Xing-Huo let the piece float from her palm to Sakura’s cupped hands. _‘It is not a happy memory. This is something he would rather forget. Are you ready?’_

“Yes.”

Xing-Huo looked around the darkness and waved her bony hand. A single shard floated from Syaoran’s body and settled in Sakura’s cupped palms. _‘This is the first part of his memory. Just draw it against yourself and remember that you cannot affect any of what you see.’_

Sakura nodded, wrapped her fingers around the shard so that flickering light leaked between her fingers, and brought the shard to her chest. She closed her eyes and there was not darkness, but a swirl of colors she had no name for. She watched the display of color until it looked as if they were about to burst into flame and then they peeled away like the petals of a flesh flower, showing Syaoran beyond those petals. 

Then, as Xing-Huo told her, she found herself within his memories.

Fei-Wang’s lair was a dark dank underground assortment of foul-smelling rooms and dim passageways. Moisture always clung to the walls, dripped down through the ceiling, and gathered on the uneven floor in dark puddles. It was cold, skin always prickled with a raise of goose bumps. Bats hung from the ceiling and so did people. They were strung up by their hands or feet and left to dangle there for days. The murky underground air always stank of soil, piss, sweat, and blood. It hurt to breathe after a while, lungs burning for more oxygen no matter how many times he inhaled. And there was no such thing as silence. Voices always screamed and begged for mercy and moaned. Whimpers and sobs blanketed the still air. 

Something was always dripping: the ceiling, the faucets… blood.

Sakura was a pale waif floating through those halls, hearing those sounds, going mad with despair. After a moment, she found that she was following Syaoran. That was the naked curve of his back ahead of her in the gloom, gleaming with sweat and water like a beacon. The familiar sinew of his ribs, the column of his spine, the narrow bend of his waist and the shadows created by his sharp protruding hips, the jerk of his shoulders as someone yanked him by chains. It was all achingly familiar, not the skeleton figure and craggy broken bones he had now. This was Syaoran shortly after her brother’s death, shortly after they had made love for the first time. It sent a thrill through her to think that her kiss still lingered on his lips. She ran to him and tried to touch him, but her hands sank through his body. 

Startled, she scrambled back. 

_‘Remember that you cannot affect any of what you see.’_

Right, that was what Xing-Huo had said. Sakura supposed touching Syaoran would be affecting what she saw.

Humbled, she wrapped her hands in the soft cotton nightgown she wore and shuffled quietly along behind Syaoran. They descended a staircase and the uprising air stank of decay, mildew, and metallic blood. Syaoran waited until his captor had started down the stairs and then, he made his move. He kicked the man hard in the back so he tumbled down the stairs. Syaoran caught his chains in one hand, turned around, and raced back down the hall. He ran through Sakura and she raced to keep several paces behind him. He took out another three people before being brutally electrocuted and dropping like a stone. He was so unmoving that Sakura was terrified that he had been killed, but then she saw the slow rise and fall of his chest. 

“Syaoran!” Sakura whispered and clutched the fabric of her nightgown. 

She turned her face away as he was beaten, ribs cracking under the force of his assault to the point where one pressed through his skin. She thought he was unconscious, but that served as little comfort. Finally, the guards drew back, leaving him in a crumpled heap on the floor. He coughed blood into his hands and tried to get up. She realized he had been conscious the entire time. She heard him whisper her name as he tried to stagger to his feet. 

“This one’s a tough one, eh, Monroe?”

“You bet, he just arrived though. I give him until the end of the week.”

Syaoran fell hard and another rib cracked through his skin. He whispered her name again and pressed the bone back into his body with a moan of pure agony. 

“Who’s this ‘Sakura’ he keeps calling for?”

“How should I know?”

“Well, you snatched him, Duke.”

“I dunno.”

“Sakura. Boy that sure is a sexy name. I’d love to get in that girl’s pussy. She sounds like a fox!” There was a fake catlike growl and a riot of mean laughter.

Syaoran rasped out something that sounded like a protest, a demand not to speak of her that way, but in only brought on more malicious cackles. The men ignored Syaoran and continued to discuss Sakura in vulgar ways, hooting and snickering while Syaoran tried again and again to rise.

“Why don’t you fuck one of the girls here, Jim? Help the master break them in.”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.”

“I heard we just got in a virgin!”

“How old is she? Forty or ten?”

“She’s sixteen.”

“What her name?”

“Sakura.”

They laughed some more.

Syaoran struggled to rise one more time, but couldn’t summon the energy through his pain. The filthy lair began to darken at the edges and then faded completely too black.

Sakura came back to her world with a thump and realized that she had fallen on her butt. The shard was gripped tightly in her hands, but it phased through her fingers and disappeared back into Syaoran’s body. She stared at Xing-Huo for a moment and then the tears came. She sobbed into her hands, unable to speak for several minutes.

“W-wh-why?” Sakura choked out.

Xing-Huo soundlessly crossed the blackness and put her thin cold white hand on the top of Sakura’s head. _‘Is there ever a real reason for why people hurt other people? Be comforted by the fact that Syaoran-kun could think of you through all this. Are you ready to go on or is this your limit?’_

“I-I’m ready.” Sakura cupped her hands for the next broken shard of memory.

_‘He is tortured in this one. If you find you can go on no longer at any point, speak my name and I will draw you out of the memory.’_

Sakura nodded and her vision darkened at the edges as she was once again swept into Syaoran’s memories.

The room was dim to black and heavy with the scent of blood. Objects littered the floor—knives and chains and whips and pliers, among other things she had no name for. There was a long wooden table with cuffs at the top and bottom. 

Sakura scanned the room quickly for Syaoran and found him chained to the table. She dashed over to him and had to dig her nails into her palms to keep herself from reaching out to touch him. Syaoran was often getting hurt at the digs, bruises and a few broken bones, but they were nothing compared to the state of him now. The beating he had received after trying to escape had blacked his entire torso with bruises and long thick cuts. Two ribs peeked out of the flesh, glimpsing the terrors of the world outside Syaoran’s body. His breath came hard and ragged and rattled in his chest as if his heart had broken loose and was fluttering against those broken ribs. 

“S-Syaoran,” she whispered and ventured out a hand to touch him. Once again, her fingers sank through him and only seemed to cause him more pain. She snatched her hands back and shoved them under her arms. “I’m so sorry.”

The door at the far end of the room banged open and a small thin woman with dark hair and a mottled complexion strolled in. She carried a whip and let it swish behind her on the floor like a tail. She looked down at Syaoran—who was so beautiful—and made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. “Those idiots. Beat the ribs into a pile of sticks.” She stomped from the room and screamed at the threshold, “Hey! Get me a healer in room six! Now!” Then, she stormed back over to Syaoran and looked down at him. She pressed on a rib, pushing it back into his body, and he hissed agony. “You poor bastard,” she mumbled.

A healer shuffled into the room. He wore a blood-splattered lab coat and a hat slouched low over red-rimmed bloodshot eyes. “What are you screaming about so early in the morning, Marissa? I’m very busy. Monroe just ripped the womb out of a girl with that monster cock of his.”

“Sounds painful,” the woman called Marissa said dryly. “Fix him.” 

“Oh, goodness,” the healer mumbled. “That’s quite a few broken ribs, about average though. Just a moment.” He rolled up his sleeves, hooked his thumbs together, and placed his palms down on Syaoran’s torso. A faint glow of cream-colored light smoothed out from his hands, working into the crevices created by breaks and patching bruises in record moments. When he shoved his hands back into his pockets, Syaoran’s skin was pale and perfect again and he was breathing easier. “There you go, Marissa. Go easy on him. I’m very busy today.”

“Yeah, right. Go away,” Marissa ordered with a dismissive wave of her hand. 

Then, she cracked the whip in the air and lashed it neatly on Syaoran’s cheek. The skin split and blood ran down his cheek to gather in the details of his throat and the cups of his collar bones. She lashed him again. She destroyed his face and chest, brutally until his soft skin was a mess of crisscrossed tears in the flesh. 

Sakura felt each and every snap of that whip. She felt his skin tear and split as if it were her own. His wounds, his blood, her pain.

There was blood everywhere. 

Marissa leaned over him. “What are you? Why don’t you scream?”

He choked and whispered, “Sakura…”

“Oh, holding on? I’m not Sakura.” Marissa selected one of his fingers and broke it at the first knuckle. “I’m Marissa.” And she cracked a second knuckle. 

Syaoran’s mouth twisted with pain, but he uttered no sound. His amber eyes cracked open and he offered a strained smile. “No, you’re not Sakura.” 

The memory began to darken at the edges. Syaoran was slipping into unconsciousness. 

“Sakura… is kind. She loves me…”

Darkness encroached closer.

“I love her…”

Black rushed in.

And then Sakura was back in her bedroom, collapsed in a heap, sobbing on the floor. The shard slipped through her fingers and darted back into Syaoran’s body as if it were scared. Xing-Huo’s thin bare feet were in front of her and then so was her hand. The skin was scarred and bumpy under her finger and toenails, as if someone had ripped out her nails several times with a knife.

_‘Are you alright? Breathe, Sakura-hime.’_

Sakura gripped Xing-Huo’s hand and pulled herself to her feet. “I’m okay. Please, please, let’s just get this over with.”

_‘You’re suffering. I will show you only what is important, what Fei-Wang will pick at inside Syaoran-kun’s heart.’_

Sakura nodded. “Yes, please.”

_‘I can tell you of some of the things he has suffered through, to spare you the horror of seeing Syaoran-kun tormented, though you will find no scars that represent these accounts. Syaoran-kun was always healed because he was Marissa-teme’s personal favorite. He is so beautiful and she wanted his body for herself someday.’_

Sakura nodded. Tears coursed down her cheeks, hung under her chin, and dripped finally into her lap. “O-okay.” 

_‘The usual methods: starvation and beatings and being strung up by arms for days at a time did nothing to him. He overcame those without as much as a whimper, stronger than that._

_‘He was often burned. Knives and irons were heated to white-hot, then ribs would be broken so they emerged from the skin, and burned to the marrow. Nothing is so painful. There was also a room that had once been used to fire pottery. Syaoran-kun was locked in that room for entire days, roasting into dehydration and sickness, and then tossed into an ice bath. Surely, Sakura-hime, your countries doctor has treated the tremors brought on by such things. The shakes Syaoran-kun had were as violent and wracking as seizures. Bones broke from the spasms. Heat and cold were Marissa-teme’s favorite methods._

_‘Marissa-teme shared Syaoran-kun with Conroy-teme who was the man of sexual torture.’_

Sakura shivered.

_‘May I continue?’_

“Y-yeah.”

Xing-Huo’s purplish eyes narrowed and then softened. _‘This hurts you. That is how close the two of you are. You feel his pain as if it were your own.’ She took a deep breath. ‘The following may be hard for you to hear, considering what Prince Jonathon was going to do to you.’_

“W-was Syaoran… raped…?”

 _‘Yes.’_ Xing-Huo didn’t hesitate because what kind way was there to say such a horrible thing. _‘Countless times, Sakura-hime.’_

Sakura swallowed. “I-Is that why it hurts him… why he’s afraid to be touched?”

_‘One could assume so. Are you prepared for what I will tell you?’_

Sakura ground her teeth. “Yes.”

 _‘Conroy-teme liked Syaoran-kun very much. Syaoran-kun was his personal favorite. He and Marissa-teme often planned horrific things do to Syaoran-kun to destroy him from the inside out. Most men are broken when they are raped. When they are forced into like a vault or stroked to unwilling release or have another man put into their mouth or forced erect and into someone they…’_ she hesitated, _‘do not love. In Syaoran-kun’s case, the last of these was the hardest for him. I suppose it is because he was saving himself for you, Sakura-hime.’_

Sakura sniffed and gripped her nightgown. “I’ve always been hurting him, even when I’m not there, I’m hurting him.”

_‘On the contrary, you were his strength. He never screamed, only spoke your name over and over. Your name was his anchor, his safety, his life. Without your name on his lips, he surely would have broken like every other man who was raped so much and so brutally.’_

Sakura felt sick. She glanced at Syaoran, resting quietly in the darkness. He was so thin, so fragile, and so kind. She recalled when drought have ravaged Clow. Syaoran had spread out his higher pay, which came from being leader of the dig, to keep his workers fed and happy. He had starved to scant seventy pounds at fifteen and never complained because he was keeping people with families alive. How could anyone ever have hurt him? Try to break the beautiful soul that lived in his body?

_‘They broke all of his ribs, careful not to leave any mark on his skin, and let him heal slowly painfully on his own. Surely, you had touched him and felt all the breaks. His body was nearly torn apart in that first year, but he always held on.’_

“First year?”

Xing-Huo brushed some densely curled black hair over her shoulder, pushed it away from her face, revealing a scar in the shape of a mouth. Someone had bitten her. _‘The first year is physical abuse: torture and sex. The second, if someone makes it that long, is psychological: Fei-Wang rips open insecurities and weakness, plays on every innocent bit of the mind that is left. The third: no one had ever lasted that long before Syaoran-kun.’_ Xing-Huo held a shard in her palm, gazed at it, and then let it float over to rest in Sakura’s cupped hands.

“What about the fourth?” Sakura whispered.

Xing-Huo shook her head. _‘I will bring you directly to the parts you must see because Fei-Wang will tear at them. Please, remember that these occurrences took place a year after Syaoran-kun was stolen from you. You only witnessed a little of his first year and do not know the extent of what he had suffered.’_

“I understand.” Sakura drew the shard close to her heart and shut her eyes against the darkening of her bedroom.

She opened her eyes to see another bedroom. The bed in the center of the room had a wrought-iron frame and heavy chains designed to hold down writhing bodies. The sheets were bloody and torn. Big, bright lamps were situated all around the bed, lit to blinding. Sakura could hear struggling and then Syaoran was wrestled from a room somewhere by two huge guards. They passed right through Sakura who was too shocked at the state of Syaoran to move out of their way.

It had been a year. One year. 

Syaoran was so thin, even thinner than he had been during Clow’s drought and he had weighed scant seventy pounds then. He was practically a walking skeleton and his face had turned to Death. His complexion, though unmarred, was waxy pale and bloodless, but there was still fight in his amber eyes though they had sunken way back in his head. His hair was greasy, hacked close to his skull or maybe ripped out and slowly growing back, and nearly black against his chalk-white skin. 

The guards wrestled him onto the bed and chained him down. He continued to struggle with a ferocity that shouldn’t have survived in such emaciated limbs.

There was more sounds of struggling, clamoring and clattering, and the guards shuffled out of the way.

Sakura was startled to see Xing-Huo grappled into the room. Her curly hair was short, cut unevenly at her chin, and one guard grabbed her by that hair. She yanked away as if to tear her scalp in order to escape him. The guard gripped her by her breast, caught it so painfully hard, and twisted it that blood blossomed in Xing-Huo’s ragged white dress. She went down for that, whimpering in pain. The guard hauled her up by that breast, other hand going between her legs and hitching that dress up so that Sakura could see she wore no panties underneath. The guard shoved two fingers into her vagina and another into her ass, stretching the tiny puckered hole, as he heaved her on top of Syaoran on the bed.  
Sakura heard the unpleasant crack of breaking bones and glimpsed Xing-Huo cradling her wrist. One guard approached the bed, cut through the low-slung jeans Syaoran wore, and ripped them smoothly away. Then, he did the same thing to Xing-Huo though she had the means to struggle and did. He backhanded her smoothly and stripped her anyway. Xing-Huo made no move to hide her body, just focused on not letting her entire scant bodyweight rest on Syaoran’s narrow heaving chest.

Sakura gasped at the damage to Xing-Huo’s wasted figure. There were numerous scars on her breasts and stomach, thin slashes and deeper concave stab wounds. Her nipples were both bloody as if they had been twisted viciously and they had from what Sakura had just seen that guard do. Unlike Syaoran, who had been healed so his body was unmarked but emaciated, Xing-Huo had been beaten and left to heal on her own. The scars covered nearly every inch of her, centered around her intimate and tender areas.  
Footsteps were coming down a nearby staircase and Marissa brushed through a curtain. She was dragging a little girl by her hair and the child was crying for her mother. It took Sakura a moment to make the connection between the stricken look on Xing-Huo’s face and the child’s dark curly hair.

“Xing-Huo’s daughter…?” Sakura whispered. “Syaoran’s not… the father, right?”

“Mommy!” The child sobbed and struggled against Marissa’s hold only to be brutally slapped. 

“Stop! Stop it!” Xing-Huo screamed. She scrambled off of Syaoran and tried to get to her daughter, but one guard tossed her easily back onto Syaoran. “Please! Let her go!”

Marissa grabbed the child’s face and dug her fingernails into the gaunt cheeks. “Oh? Here’s how this is going to work, you whore. You slept with one of the guards and got knocked up and now your child makes good bribe.”

“I was raped!” Xing-Huo protested weakly. With the fate of her daughter at stake, the fight had been taken from her.

Marissa dug her fingernails deeper into the child’s face with a cruel smirk. “Are you disagreeing with me? Suggesting that Monroe is lying to me, slut?”

“No! Please! Don’t hurt her!”

“Like I started to say, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Marissa waved her hand at one of the guards and he moved to slap Xing-Huo again. The crack resounded around the room. “Here’s how this is going to work, you’re going to fuck Syaoran until I say stop, got that?”

Xing-Huo hesitated, looking between Syaoran and her daughter. “But, Marissa-san, Syaoran-kun and I are such good friends and—”

“And you promised never to hurt each other!” Marissa mocked and then laughed. “What a riot! I guess the child means nothing to you! Where’s Monroe? I guess he can have his way with a new slut. I’d bet my paycheck that he’s never fucked a two-year-old until she died. It’ll be a good experience for him.”

“No!” Xing-Huo screamed and scrambled after Marissa. “Please, don’t! I’ll do whatever you want!”

“You’ll fuck Syaoran?” Marissa asked and Sakura saw her vicious grin though her back was to Xing-Huo.

Xing-Huo glanced at Syaoran, begging with her eyes, and he nodded a single short time.

“Y-yes. Anything you want with me, Marissa-san.”

“What a drag, just you. Okay, get Monroe,” Marissa said to another guard. “Monroe is going to pound your little ass while you fuck Syaoran.”

Xing-Huo shivered.

“Now, I know Syaoran in a hard one to get up, so you’d better get started.” Marissa clapped her hands. “Lights, cameras, action! Record everything, Jack. You know Fei-Wang’s taken particular interest in Syaoran. Don’t let the big bad boss down with crappy footage.” She clapped her hands again. 

Xing-Huo was crying as she made her way to where Syaoran was chained to the bed. “I’m so sorry, Syaoran-kun, but—”

“She’s your daughter. I understand.” He squeezed his eyes shut as she crawled between his legs and clasped her trembling hands around his member. 

“Please, think of your Sakura-hime.”

“Never. Not like this,” he whispered and his entire body tensed in terrified anticipation. “Sakura…”

Xing-Huo’s mouth wrapped around him, worked him down her throat, licked him from base to tip, and pressed at the ticking vein in the side until he was erect and full before her. By then, her shoulders were shaking with sobs and her tears were dripping from her chin in a steady stream. She kept whispering apologies and Syaoran was flinching from her touch on him as if he were in terrible anguish. He just kept reverently whispering Sakura’s name. 

Monroe with his huge veiny cock raised and dripping and ready tromped down the stairs. He licked his lips when he laid eyes on Xing-Huo. “Ooh, Marissa-chan didn’t tell me it was my favorite little whore. And I get to fuck her up the ass you say.”

“Have fun, Monroe, just keep that thing of yours pointed in the right direction.” Marissa slapped his arm lightly. “You might poke someone’s eye out.”

Monroe, who was a big hairy man, got up on the bed that creaked under his weight. He gripped Xing-Huo’s hips and pulled her back onto his cock, stretching her puckered hole to such a painful degree that Sakura thought it would tear. Xing-Huo choked on a sob and braced her hands on Syaoran’s shoulders, digging her fingers into him against the pain. She whimpered when Monroe sank all the way in and made a few short harsh thrusts.

“Ooh, so tight!” He moaned.

Xing-Huo whimpered again, shaking in exertion and pain. Syaoran shushed her, cracking one amber eye open to offer her some comfort.

“Get on him, slut,” Marissa snapped and repositioned a light so it shone directly on Xing-Huo’s stretched asshole and Monroe’s huge cock.

Xing-Huo braced her hands on Syaoran’s shoulders, shifted a bit, and slowly sank down on him. Syaoran flinched, bit his lip, and whispered Sakura’s name again like it was his mantra against this Hell. Monroe thrust ruthlessly while Xing-Huo struggled to move up and down on Syaoran. She wasn’t crying anymore and focused as intently as she could on not hurting Syaoran. There were still apologies on her lips when Monroe came inside her. His thick seed filled Xing-Huo’s ass and spurted out around his cock. The lubrication allowed him to pound into her even faster. Soon, there was blood in the white cream as well.

Xing-Huo bent low over Syaoran, surely trying to relieve the pressure inside her ass, but Monroe followed her. He crushed them both hard together, squashing Xing-Huo’s scarred breasts against Syaoran’s narrow chest. Then, he sank his teeth into Xing-Huo’s shoulder. She howled in agony and Monroe came again, clearly pleased by her pain.

“Xing-Huo-san!” Syaoran whispered and tried to shift to help her, but she laid a hand over his lips to silence him.

“No,” she sobbed and tears dripped onto Syaoran’s face. “This is my punishment for hurting you like this.” She whimpered and Monroe only ground his teeth into the wound. “I,” her voice cracked, “deserve this.”

“No,” Syaoran whispered.

Sakura covered her eyes with her hands, but she could still hear them. She could hear Monroe grunting like a hog, the painful slapping of his balls against Xing-Huo’s poor stretched ass, her soft whimpers and sobs and apologies, Syaoran murmuring words of meaningless comfort, Xing-Huo’s daughter crying, even the hum of the video camera. 

“Xing-Huo,” Sakura whispered. 

_‘Yes?’_

“I need to come back. I can’t take this.”

_‘Alright, one moment.’_

Sakura cracked open her eyes and the room had faded to black, but she could still hear. Then, those sounds faded too and she could see the floating glowing shards of Syaoran’s memories floating around her bedroom. Xing-Huo was cupping the bite on her shoulder with one hand, but she held out the other for Sakura. Sakura didn’t take Xing-Huo’s hand, instead she flung herself at the young woman. Xing-Huo’s frame was hard with protruding bones and skeleton-thin. 

_‘It’s alright, Sakura-hime. That happened a long time ago.’_

“No one should have to suffer like that. Not you, not Syaoran, not your daughter,” Sakura sobbed. “Why? Why would Fei-Wang want to hurt people so badly?”

_‘Sakura-hime…’_

“Your daughter. Where is she? What happened to her?”

Xing-Huo pushed Sakura away and took several steps backwards. She was trembling, apparently as uncomfortable with being touched as Syaoran was. _'She was killed. Marissa-teme let Monroe-teme rape my child. He ripped her intestines out her ass and her little womb from her body. He bit off her tiny breasts. He fucked her to death.’_ Xing-Huo’s eyes glimmered with tears and she dug her nails into her thighs. 

Sakura sobbed, too. 

_‘Syaoran-kun, he tried so hard to comfort me even after I had hurt him in that room. We were bunkmates, always huddled together in his bed for warmth, and we vowed never to hurt each other. We needed at least one person to trust—each other. I broke that.’_

“Xing-Huo, I’m sure he forgives you.”

 _‘He does. He’s beautiful that way.’_ Xing-Huo cast a sidelong glance at the young man, curled up and unaware of this. _‘There is no one in the world like Syaoran-kun.’_

“Yeah,” Sakura whispered.

_‘That was the beginning of Fei-Wang’s psychological torture. From there, through the guilt I had over hurting him even though he forgave me, Fei-Wang picked my spirit apart. Syaoran-kun was alone then, because I was broken inside.’_

“Xing-Huo… are you… dead…?”

Xing-Huo smiled very sadly. _‘Yes. Does that frighten you?’_

Sakura shook her head. “No, I can speak with ghosts and do so quite often.”

_‘I know. That is why I am able to come to you like this and help you. If you go against Fei-Wang, your destination will be the very heart of darkness.’_

Sakura caught an orb as it floated in front of her face, cupped it in her palms, and was soothed by the warm light. It was a happy memory. “If Syaoran is with me, I can face anything,” she whispered and cradled the orb against her damp cheek.

Xing-Huo smiled. _‘Yes. And so can he, to the best of his abilities. May we continue? I cannot hold our contact for too much longer.’_

“Yeah,” Sakura whispered and let the bright orb float away. Xing-Huo caught a shard and let it waft over to Sakura.

_‘Psychological torture. He handled it well.’_

The room was dark and something was dripping in that blackness.

Drip… drip… drip…

“Sakura-hime is here. Would you like to speak with her?”

“Sakura is not here.” Syaoran’s voice was exhausted, worn to the bone, but still strong with conviction.

“Are you sure? She’s searching for you. She’s been looking for you for a year.”

“I’ve been here two years.”

Drip… drip… drip…

“No, Syaoran. You haven’t. It’s only been a year.”

“It’s been two.”

“Syaoran?”

Sakura started. That was her voice.

“Syaoran, please. I’ve been searching for so long.”

“It’s not her. Stop it,” Syaoran said. He sounded so sure. 

“Syaoran, I left Clow searching for you. Please, Syaoran, why don’t you believe me?”

“You’re not Sakura. Sakura would never leave Clow. She trusts me to find my own way back.”

“Syaoran, I’ve missed you. It’s been such a long year without you.”

“It’s been two.”

Drip… drip… drip…

“Syaoran, have you grown to hate me? Is that why you won’t believe me?” 

Kami-sama! That voice was so perfect, just like her voice. It even had the same tone of pout she used when trying to get her way. The same little crack that came only on her ‘s’ when she was about to cry. And Syaoran could tell the difference simply by the words coming out of that fake mouth and bouncing around in the darkness like little arrows.

“Syaoran, please, don’t you love me anymore? Syaoran?”

“It won’t work. I know Sakura better than I know myself. Give this up, Marissa-teme.”

There was a sharp crack in the darkness and a chair slid back with a screech. Light flooded the room, revealing it to be plain and bare and made entirely of concrete except for three chairs. One was padded with cushions and velvet, assuredly Marissa’s. The other two had hard backs and sturdy arms with heavy iron restraints. Syaoran, still excruciatingly thin and hauntingly pale, was chained to his chair. His cheek was red from Marissa’s strike, but other than that, he looked alright. Sitting across from him, also chained to her chair and wearing a tattered dress with Clow’s trademark boxed edges, was Sakura. She was crying, struggling weakly, and moaning for Syaoran.

“That’s not Sakura.”

“It is. It’s your little princess from Clow,” Marissa assured him.

“No it’s not. I know my best friend.”

“Would a secret change your mind?”

Syaoran smirked. “I doubt it, but feel free to try.”

“Go ahead, Sakura-chan. Plead your case. Tell him something only he would know. Something only your best friend would know.” 

Sakura looked desperate, struggling a little more and pleading Syaoran with her eyes. She wet her lips. “I-I’m a… I’m a virgin! Only Syaoran knows that!”

Syaoran reclined against his chair, regardless of the restraints. “Oh? That’s funny, because Sakura’s not. She gave herself to me the very night you stole me two years ago.” 

Marissa flumped down in her chair. “This is a waste of my time. You responded better to rape and fire.”

A little shudder ran through Syaoran. “Go ahead. I can take anything you throw at me. I will survive anything to get back to Sakura.”

“Oh, no, Syaoran. You’re never going back. You’ll either break and become one of Fei-Wang’s little animals or you’ll die here. There’s no going back,” Marissa sniped cruelly. 

Syaoran set his jaw. “I’m going back to her. I love her.”

“That’s sweet, but pointless.” Marissa stood up and kicked him in the face. His jaw snapped, broke, and hung slack. He defied her with his amber eyes, glaring through her. Marissa snorted, picked up her whip, and stalked from the room. In the chair, Sakura dissolved into a puddle and slithered across the floor to the drain in the middle of the floor. 

Syaoran watched it as if to say ‘I told you so’ until it swirled away down the drain.

The vision darkened despite the fact that Syaoran was clearly still conscious, though in incredible pain.

Sakura was back in her bedroom again. “What was that?”

_‘Nothing important. I just wished to show you how essential you were to Syaoran-kun during his imprisonment. He spoke of you often.’_

Sakura blushed.

_‘It is nothing to be ashamed of. You saved his life.’_

Sakura didn’t know what to say.

_‘His third year was the hardest. They murdered children in front of him, including my daughter. All he could think about was how he made love to you before he was stolen. He was plagued with guilt that maybe you had to raise a child alone though I assured him you would have people there to help you. This did nothing to soothe him.’_

“Fei-Wang… murdered children… to break Syaoran…?”

Xing-Huo nodded and laid a hand over her stomach as though a child grew there. _‘Innumerable children. Fei-Wang had them beaten and torn apart and tortured. He had them drowned and burned to death. He had the strangled and suffocated, raped until they died and then sodomized upon. He forced Syaoran-kun to rape a little girl once and Syaoran-kun stopped sleeping after that, said he saw her pained little face in his dreams, woke up screaming. Then, he strung their bodies up like cattle all around Syaoran-kun and then left him with the rotting bodies for months, forcing him to eat them to survive._

 _‘Syaoran-kun so very nearly broke, but something pulled him back from that edge. That was the first of the cracks in his heart.’_

Xing-Huo hesitated. _‘Fei-Wang murdered more children, but he had to do it differently now. He rigged their deaths into impossible puzzles, things Syaoran-kun could never do. This little boy has the key in his belly, dissect this child to find the key, and save this little girl from this box that will steadily fill with water and drown her. This trap will rip the jaws from this little girl’s head if you don’t rape this little boy until he stops breathing. This twin will be ripped apart in front of her sister unless you sacrifice this little baby by smashing its head open. Horrible things… Syaoran-kun did them all because he couldn’t allow both children to die, but the choices tore him apart inside._

_‘That was when Fei-Wang’s spirit-seer said Syaoran had broken._

_‘They stopped the tests and tried to rape him as is tradition before the mutilation process, but Syaoran fought back. His rage was so potent that it released those powers inside him.'_

“The power to destroy souls?”

Xing-Huo nodded sadly. _‘Yes… here. It is this memory.’_

Sakura caught the shard and drew it against her chest.

There was destruction everywhere, greater than the dead assassins in her brother’s bedroom. Prisoners poured out like ants, helping each other and crying tears of what must have been relief. The facility of dark corridors and constant dripping and murky air was engulfed in flames and Syaoran was the center of it all. Xing-Huo in her dirty white dress followed behind him. She had a dead child cradled to her chest and looked around nervously. A guard ran at them, intent on cleaving Syaoran in half as he had no doubt been ordered, and Xing-Huo tugged on Syaoran’s sleeve worriedly. Syaoran turned and fixed the guard with one amber eye. Sakura saw a pulse of red beating in that eyes and the guard crumpled instantly, not dead yet.

“Syaoran-kun?” Xing-Huo whispered and pulled lightly on his shirt. “You should stop this.”

“Did Monroe-teme stop when he was murdering your daughter?” Syaoran’s voice was ice cold. There was no trace of his tenderness in him right now. He was angry and he wanted to hurt the people who had hurt him. “Did any of these people stop?!”

Xing-Huo dropped back, cradling the dead child closer. A tear ran down her face. “No…”

“Then, neither will I. They deserve to have done to them what they tried to have done to us.”

“But, Syaoran-kun…” Her voice was drowned out in the roar of another wash of guards, but Sakura read her lips. “I’m already so broken.”

Sakura watched, clasping her hands over her mouth and nose to filter the smoke and scent of blood that hung so heavy in the dank air, as Syaoran destroyed those guards without so much as a second glance. Monroe was among them. 

Then, from the smoke, a man emerged. Sakura didn’t get a good look at him because Syaoran tried to break his soul, but something happened. One moment, Sakura saw the pulse of red, turned away because she hated to see him destroying people, but then Syaoran was screaming. He had one hand over his eye and was howling in pure anguish. Xing-Huo dropped the child to run to Syaoran and when the head lolled, Sakura saw it was her daughter.

“Syaoran-kun!” 

The mysterious man leaped at Syaoran and Sakura saw the flash of a steel dagger in his hand.

“Look out!” Sakura screamed at the same instant Xing-Huo shouted, “No! Don’t!”

But the blade sank into Syaoran’s chest in a big spurt of blood. He fell like lead and then Xing-Huo was in front of him. She leaped on the man, clawing at his face and eyes and screaming like something possessed. Suddenly, there was a burst of sickly green light and Xing-Huo was tossed back as if she weighed nothing. 

The man was gone.

Xing-Huo fell on her knees at Syaoran’s side and pressed her hands over the wound. “Oh, oh, God! What do I do?!”

Syaoran was trying to speak, but choking on blood. Xing-Huo read his lips. ‘Go to Clow. Tell my Sakura what happened to me. Please.’

“No! No! I can’t let you die here!”

‘Xing-Huo.’ Blood gushed from his mouth and the light began to leave his eyes. The red pulsed inside them, beating like an extra heart that would not save him.

Xing-Huo tore the blade out and pressed harder. Blood continued to pour from the wound, running between her fingers. “It’s not stopping!”

Syaoran weakly grasped her arm and offered her a smile. His dying smile.

“No!”

A purple glow surrounded Xing-Huo, hung on the air she breathed and whispered around Syaoran’s body. 

“W-what’s happening?!”

The light pressed on her hands, slipped between her fingers and pushed the blood back. The flesh began to stitch up under her hands, knitting itself back together at a pace that shouldn’t have been possible. But as her magic saved Syaoran, Xing-Huo’s life began to leave her. The red pulse in his eye died away, sealing the monster that had been born along with his power. Light came back into his eyes, filled him. An amber glow began to seep through Xing-Huo’s violet light. Her arms trembled and she collapsed down on top of him, still pressing weakly at the wound with one hand. Beneath her fingers was that scar.

“Xing-Huo!”

“Syaoran-kun… you’re okay… I’m glad…”

He sat up and cradled her in his arms. “No, don’t go!”

“I’m not… going anywhere, Syaoran-kun. I’m just tired.”

“Don’t fall asleep. I’m going to get you out of here. What happened?”

“You… don’t remember. Right, yes, I… sealed the beast.” Xing-Huo closed her eyes and he shook her awake again.

“No, don’t sleep! I’ll get you out of here. You can sleep in a real bed tonight, won’t that be nice?”

“You… saved everyone…”

The purple was nearly gone from around them, being replaced by the amber, and Syaoran stood up. 

“Hold on, Xing-Huo.”

“I am… wait!”

“What is it?”

She pointed weakly, hand trembling so badly that she wasn’t even pointing at anything, but Syaoran knew what she meant.

“My baby,” Xing-Huo whispered. “Don’t leave… my baby… here in… this place…”

“Xing-Huo! Stay with me!”

Her eyes snapped open and the purple surged to life around her. Her voice came from everywhere at once. “I’m dying, Syaoran-kun. Lay me with my baby and with the last of my magic I will send you across dimensions to the world of Clow.”

“No…”

“Do it. As my only friend. Lay me with my child and I will return you to Sakura-hime.”

Syaoran looked so beaten, broken. Everything was falling apart. Xing-Huo was dying when everything should have been happy, should have been good. They were leaving this place. They were going to be safe again, but Xing-Huo was dying! He laid her down with her child, pressing the cold little body against Xing-Huo’s still form. She smiled at him one last time and then her magic circle appeared beneath his feet.

“Syaoran-kun, even though our circumstances are grim, I am glad to have met you,” Xing-Huo whispered as the tendrils of magic came to lift him from that world and return him to Clow. “Please, be happy. I will… watch over you from the skies…”

Syaoran offered her a small smile and wrapped her dark cloak around his shoulders. “Xing-Huo… I’m sorry and… thank you…” 

She smiled and blood trailed form the corner of her mouth. “Just… give it time… I’m no… wizard…” 

That was the last he saw of her because then her magic swept him away. Back to Clow, through the wall, separating Jonathon from Sakura in the nick of time…

Sakura opened her eyes to see Xing-Huo standing in front of her, wearing a soft smile.

“I hope you are happy in the next life you receive,” Sakura whispered.

Xing-Huo hugged her gently. _‘Syaoran-kun is a beautiful man. Take care of him.’_

“I… I will… Thank you for giving him back to me…” A tear made its way down Sakura’s cheek. 

Xing-Huo drew away from Sakura and smiled softly. Then, her body dissolved into white butterflies the color of moonlight with beautiful obscure patterns etched in their petal-soft wings. They fluttered in the darkness like misplaced stars, gathering all of Syaoran’s glowing memories and laying them back into his body. A single butterfly came to perch on Syaoran’s nose in the lightest of all goodbyes. Then, it fluttered away and was gone as if it never was.

And Sakura woke up with the morning sunlight on her face.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	26. Destination: Heart of Darkness

So long.

Looooooong!

Chapter Twenty-Six!

X X X

Sakura wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, gathered up the pieces of her heart that she felt had broken off, pushed away the walls she had constructed between herself and the only man she would ever love, and smiled into the light of morning. She rolled over, spooned against the curve of Syaoran’s back, and draped her arms around his waist. A shudder of tensing muscles ran through him and he stirred in his sleep, but Sakura only called his name gently. Murmuring, Syaoran rolled over to face her. His amber eyes were hazy with the vestiges of sleep and darkened to rich honey-gold with some unknown emotion.

“Syaoran, it’s me. It’s alright.”

“Sakura… ?” He mumbled groggily and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. When he lowered his hands and opened his eyes again, they were the bright warm amber she was used to. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know.” She snuggled against him and he wrapped his arm around her, drawing her slender body closer. She laid her palm over the scar on his chest, feeling the craggy dips and bumps and the concave groove in the flesh. Xing-Huo had given her life to save him and send him home. “I just wanted to talk to you, see your face, look in your eyes.”

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head and burrowed closer to him, inhaling the scent of his skin—soil and wood and soap, as always. He was restless against her, shifting as if the mattress were hurting him and breathing as if he had to think about it.

“Syaoran, is something bothering you?”

He hesitated and then laid his fingers over her eyes, closing them gently. He sighed and feathered his lips on her forehead. “I’m afraid,” he confessed.

“It’s okay. I’m here with you,” Sakura whispered and brushed her hand along the curve of his stomach.

He shivered and gently removed her hand from his stomach, holding it in his own. “That’s why I’m afraid.”

“Syaoran?” Sakura tried to sit up, tried to see what was lurking in his eyes, but he pressed her closer to his body. She struggled for a moment, but he didn’t let her up. “Syaoran, what’s wrong?”

“I… I want you to stay here. Let Fai-san, Ryuo-san, and Yuzuriha-chan go with me to take on Fei-Wang.”

“What? Why?”

“I won’t let him hurt you, but I’m our best chance of defeating him with these,” he swallowed, “powers and I can’t fight him and protect you.”

“I can take care of myself!” She managed to push herself up and glowered into his face. “Let me come with you. I can help you.”

“I don’t want to risk you. Think about Miku.”

“I don’t need to think about Miku. We’ll be fine.”

“Sakura, please.”

“No.” She laced their fingers together and brought his hand to her breast where he could feel her heart beating beneath the flesh. 

“Sakura…”

“No. Fei-Wang will not get his hands on you again. Don’t forget, this isn’t just about avenging everyone he hurt. This is to make sure he can never do these things again, to make sure he can never take you away from me. This is as much my battle as it is yours. I. Will. Not. Wait. Here. Syaoran.” She tugged on the front of his shirt a little to punctuate each word and then cupped his face tenderly. “You can’t ask me to spend any more time without you, not after everything we’ve been through.”

He sat up and leaned his forehead against hers. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing deep and even. “Sakura…”

She gripped his shoulders tightly.

“Alright…”

Sakura placed a kiss gingerly on his cheek and smiled. “Don’t worry. No one can ever separate us again.”

Syaoran hesitated. “When you are killed, I will follow…” Then, he plucked her hands from his shoulders, rose from the bed, and left the room.

Sakura remained on the bed, staring after him. “What… ?”

…

Ryuo couldn’t say he was happy about this trip. Between Fai and Yuzuriha, who had sat at the table with their heads shoved together for more than an hour, they had managed to venture a likely guess as to which world this Fei-Wang was hiding in. Yuzuriha said there was an impossible congregation of broken souls in a world she called ‘Black’ when she and Inuki had gone into trance. Following the spirit-link between worlds, Fai was able to pinpoint the location. He was sure he could transport them to this world and back, but there was still the matter of whether or not it was the right world. Yuzuriha was sure it was the right world and Fai ventured that their chances of it being the right world was about seventy-seven percent. So it was higher than fifty, but Ryuo wasn’t keen on just charging into some crazy place that had broken Syaoran’s soul inside and created those animals out of broken humans. The very though sent a shiver down his spine. 

To make matters worse, Kurogane and Souma would be leaving with the little princess and Kamui and Subaru. That meant it would just be Ryuo, Fai, Yuzuriha, Syaoran, and Sakura going on this terrible little journey to destroy a man that only one of them knew. Yeah, chances were low that they’d even find the right world and find the right guy and then manage to take him down. 

Groaning, Ryuo banged his head down on the table.

But they did have Syaoran’s powers. That upped their chances of survival considerably, but that didn’t help them find the guy… or the world… 

Ryuo grumbled into the table and something smashed down on the back of his head. He yelped and looked quickly up to see Yuzuriha glowering at him. “What?!” He snapped.

Yuzuriha huffed and swatted him in the face with her jacket purposefully as she put it on. “Stop groaning, Ryuo-kun. You’re driving me crazy. Put your shoes on and grab that massive sword of yours. We’re getting ready to go.”

“Right, right,” Ryuo mumbled and crammed his feet into his boots. “How’s your shoulder, Yuzuriha-chan?” He added as an afterthought.

She stroked Inuki’s head and rolled her shoulder as if to test it. “It’ll hold,” she whispered. 

“Yuzuriha-chan,” Ryuo murmured. There was blood on the back of her shirt.

“Don’t tell Sakura-chan. She has enough to worry about.”

“Okay,” Ryuo mumbled and hurried to walk at her side. 

Fai, Syaoran, and Sakura were seeing off Kurogane, Souma, Kamui and Subaru, and Miku at the palace doors. Sakura wouldn’t cry. She had to be strong, show her daughter that they would be coming back. She kissed Miku’s chubby cheek, picked her up, and then sandwiched her in a hug with Syaoran. 

“Syao-kun… Mommy…” Miku whispered as Sakura set her on her feet and Souma moved to take the little girl’s hand.

“Take good care of her, Souma-san,” Sakura ordered quietly and hugged the good woman. 

“Of course, Sakura-hime,” Souma murmured and hefted Miku onto her hip with practiced ease. “Don’t worry, we’ll be alright. We’ll see you when you get back.”

Syaoran was staring at Kurogane, passing words silently between warriors. 

‘Please, protect everyone.’

‘Kid, you just make sure you bring everyone back.’

Syaoran nodded and offered a halfhearted wave. 

“Let’s go,” Kurogane said gruffly. 

The ninja grabbed Miku’s other hand and half-dragged, half-carried her after him. Souma had to scramble to keep up, drawing a cloak up over her face. Kamui was still quite weak, but he showed sure signs of making a full recovery. Subaru fussed over him constantly, checking the stitches and the infection he was steadily beating back. Sakura waved to them, blew Miku a kiss, and then watched her daughter walk away. Confident that Fai, Yuzuriha, Ryuo, Sakura, and Syaoran would return, no one looked back.

…

Now, they were ready to leave. Fai looked over his shoulder at his companions.

Yuzuriha’s jaw was set stubbornly, against pain and nervousness. Inuki was leaning hard into her legs, supporting her as much as needing the support himself. Ryuo was restlessly shifting the Dragon Sword on his shoulder, adjusting the strap that held the scabbard as if it were pinching him. Sakura, dressed in black again and carrying a gun, looked as ready as she’d ever be. It was Syaoran who worried Fai the most. His hands were clenched into fists and he was looking straight ahead, unblinking. Fai could hear the grind of molars.

“Is everybody ready?” Fai asked, trying to feign cheerfulness.

“Are we even sure we want to do this?” Ryuo inquired. “I mean, we aren’t even sure if we’re going to be able to find this guy.”

“Oh, boy, here we go again!” Yuzuriha grumbled and took a lazy swipe at him. “Could you please keep your doubts to yourself? You’re wrecking my self-confidence.”

“If you want to stay behind, Ryuo-kun, you’re more than welcome too. All of you are. This isn’t your fight,” Sakura said plainly. “And I don’t want to force any of you to do something you don’t want to do. Please, stay here at the palace if that’s what you want.”

“I’m going with you, Sakura-chan,” Yuzuriha said instantly, almost cutting off Sakura’s sentence. “You helped me when I needed it and it’s my turn now.”

“As am I, Sakura-chan,” Fai continued. “You couldn’t order me to wait.”

Sakura turned to the reluctant rowdy general. “Ryuo-kun?”

Ryuo sighed deeply. “Yeah, me too. Someone has to be the level head in this situation.”

Yuzuriha slapped him on the back, hard. “Good because Sakura-chan may not want to force you along, but I certainly would!” 

Fai smiled a bit sadly. He hoped that nothing would destroy this. He prayed that everything would turn out alright. They would return safely back to Clow, happy and with this monster Fei-Wang gone from this world. ‘A few injuries are to be expected, but please don’t let anyone die,’ he thought to himself. ‘Please, let us all return safely.’ Then, he plastered his smile on his handsome face again and called over the din of Yuzuriha and Ryuo arguing, “Can we cross dimensions now?”

Ryuo’s throat flashed and worked furiously. Yuzuriha was exuberant, but it was obviously that joy borne of going head-first into a situation that you may not survive. Sakura nodded, once, quickly as if she might suddenly change her mind and had to decide while she was feeling strong. Syaoran flinched and pressed his lips into a thin bloodless line. Finally, he nodded too. 

Fai took a deep breath and then sketched some archaic runes in the air. A swirl of watery blue magic dropped down from the ceiling. It danced around the companions, obscuring the interior of the palace. A long dark tunnel opened up beneath their feet, darkening until the only spots of light were distant stars.

“Are you sure of the location, Yuzuriha-chan? Last chance to change your mind,” Fai asked. His voice echoed in the blackness of this portal.

“Yes.”

Sakura groped for Syaoran’s hand in the gloom, found it, and squeezed tightly. His skin was ice-cold and she rubbed his hand between both of hers in an attempt to warm it. Once he no longer felt as if he were dead, he offered her fingers a faint little squeeze, but said nothing.

“Alright everyone, thank you for flying Air-Fai. Please keep hands, feet, and head inside the magic circle until we have come to a complete stop. We look forward to seeing you on the return trip,” Fai joked, but it was a little desperate and the laughter it evoked fell flat.

“Here we are,” Yuzuriha murmured with a quiet nervous laugh-so-you-don’t-start-crying chuckle.

“Destination: Darkness,” Ryuo muttered. 

The magic circle vanished beneath their feet and the void of blackness and stars faded. A cold stone floor replaced them. Sakura gripped Syaoran’s hand a little tighter as Fai’s blue magic swirled around them one final time and then vanished in a burst of light. The room they were standing in was strangely reminiscent of the lair Sakura had seen in Syaoran’s memories. Syaoran’s grip on her hands tightened until she could hear the bones grinding together.

“S-Syaoran, let go, you’re hurting me.” She pried at his fingers, but his grip only tightened. Blood seeped under his cuticles. “S-Syaoran?!”

His face had gone bloodless, white-pale, and a sheen of cold sweat broke out on his forehead. His spine snapped ramrod straight and he started to shiver. “No. No, I won’t… ! You… you can’t make me… !” His amber eyes darkened to honey-gold again and something dark and terrifying began to beat inside him. He was dimly aware of Sakura trying to pry his grip loose, dimly aware that he was hurting her. The call was much stronger.

“S-Syaoran-kun! Let go!” Yuzuriha gripped his thumb and tried to tear it loose. 

Fai squeezed a pressure point in Syaoran’s wrist, but to no avail. 

“Syaoran,” Sakura sobbed. “Let go! Please, you’re hurting me!”

The call. It was bouncing through his head, splitting his skull. Tears pressed at the corners of his eyes, ran down his face. He shivered again, but his grip was still iron tight.

“What is it?! What’s wrong with him?!” Yuzuriha shouted. She pulled weakly on a different finger. Her shoulder was aching. Inuki bit Syaoran’s wrist, clamped down hard, and shook as if he had captured a small animal. But still, he did not let go.

_The call!_

Syaoran lashed out and struck the dog, hard. Yuzuriha screamed, clutched her head, and Inuki howled in aguish. The dog managed a few steps and then collapsed, whimpering and shivering. Yuzuriha hit her knees, moaning in pure anguish.

“S-Something’s wrong… inside him…” She forced out. 

“Yuzuriha-chan!” Ryuo gripped her shoulders, tried to steady her, but she only whimpered in distress.

“I-Inuki…” she whispered. 

“Syaoran-kun!” Fai gripped the young man and shook him brutally. “What are you thinking?! Snap out of it! What’s your problem?!”

Syaoran’s honey-gold eyes rolled back in his head and in that instant Sakura managed to yank her hand away from hm.

“Fai-san, something’s wrong with him!” She cradled her wrist to her chest. A black bruise was already forming.

A bizarre sound issued between Syaoran’s clenched teeth. It wasn’t a moan or a whimper, but a long low whine of some sorts as if something inside him were breaking. His chest heaved and blood began to seep through his shirt where that scar was.

_The call…_

_‘Do it.’_

_‘Kill the Nekoi girl.’_

_‘Kill the magician.’_

_‘Kill the dragon.’_

_‘Kill her.’_

_‘Kill the one you love.’_

_‘Love!’_

The word shot through Syaoran’s body like ice, piercing him from all angles. 

Xing-Huo’s seal was breaking. 

Red pulsed in his eyes. 

He felt cold, ice cold, dead. 

Fai was shaking him, trying to snap him out of it. Sakura was screaming his name. 

“Damn it! How could I not have felt the magic until it was too late?!” Fai roared. 

“Magic? What magic?”

“The seal!” Fai said, only half responding to Sakura’s question and half talking to himself. 

“What seal?!” 

A scream wrenched itself from Syaoran’s throat. His head was splitting apart. The call was so loud, so strong. 

_‘Kill her because you_ love _her. Kill her so I can’t touch her. Kill her. You_ love _her, don’t you? Save her._ Love _her.’_

His tears became blood, coursed down his face, down his throat, and pooled in that scar on his chest. Then, suddenly, he stopped screaming. He made no sound, no move at all. That sword came out, tore through his skin with brutal intensity. He gripped it tightly, but made no other move.

“No, don’t touch him.” Fai held out his hand.

“S-Syaoran?” Sakura whispered.

His eyes shot open. 

They were red.

X X X

Questions, comments, concerns? 


	27. The Weakness Instilled in Him

Almost over! Boo-hoo! I’m so sad.

I really liked this story!

X X X

Sakura stumbled backwards, fell over Yuzuriha’s slumped form, and landed hard on her back. Her wrist was burning and bruised from Syaoran’s grip. Ryuo drew his massive sword as he stepped away from Yuzuriha to form a barrier with Fai between Sakura and this red-eyed Syaoran. What the hell was going on?!

The call was beating, pulsing, in Syaoran’s skull, tearing through his mind and dissolving him. It was Fei-Wang, destroying Xing-Huo’s seal, the seal she had inadvertently placed because the monster had was becoming had scared her. He could feel icy fingers sifting through his mind, combing through his memories of Sakura and Miku and the seven generals. He was forgetting why he was even here. All he heard was the call and it wanted him to hurt.

 _‘Kill her. Kill the girl you_ love.’

That sword was so heavy in his hand and he was dimly aware of the familiar pain in his arm.

“S-Sakura,” he choked out. His vision was swimming, darkness encroaching at the edges. He felt as if he were falling, loosing something deep inside. The call was tearing him apart. “Y-you’re going to have to kill me,” he whispered. “I-I’ll hurt you if you don’t!”

“Sy-Syaoran…” Sakura whispered.

The call beat through him again, tearing his head apart. He fisted his hands in his hair and pushed as if he could stop the tearing inside. He screamed, he heard himself scream, and in that instant he felt himself begin to slide away. Syaoran tried to grasp his body and his mind and push them together again, but it was over. By the time he stopped screaming, he was gone.

…

Fai didn’t like where this was going. He heard Sakura scramble to her feet behind him and wrestle her way around Ryuo. That was fine. She wasn’t getting passed the magician. When she tried, attempting to go to Syaoran where he had suddenly crumpled on the floor, Fai caught her by her arms and hauled her back regardless of her protests.

“Wait, Sakura-chan,” Fai ordered and shoved her behind him. “Something’s not right.”

“Let me go! Fai-san! He’s hurting! Let me go!”

“Ryuo-san, stay with Yuzuriha-chan,” Fai commanded. “Guard her with your life no matter what happens.”

“Okay,” Ryuo said and Fai heard him make a few strategic retreating steps.

“Sakura-chan, is there anything I should know?”

“What?!”

“Is there anything I should know about Syaoran-san, Sakura-chan?” Fai repeated.

“N-no. I don’t think so,” she whispered. “What kinds of things?”

Fai didn’t get a chance to elaborate because suddenly Syaoran was gone, vanished, and then something burst in through the ceiling. It was all Fai could do to get his long arm around Sakura’s waist and haul her out of the way. Ryuo shrieked behind them and there was a mad scramble. Thankfully, no one was caught under the rain of concrete and plaster.

“Ryuo-san! Yuzuriha-chan!” Sakura shouted. “Are you alright?!”

“Let’s leave it at we’ll survive!” Ryuo shouted back. “What the hell was that?!” 

There was a low chuckle. “That was one of my early pets.”

A shiver ran down Sakura’s spine, breaking goose bumps out on the backs of her thighs. She gripped the gun she carried a little tighter though she wasn’t sure she’d have the courage to shoot Syaoran if he came at her. Fai summoned his staff in a flurry of blue light and Ryuo swore.

“Stay with Yuzuriha-chan,” Fai reminded and his blue eyes scanned the settling dust. “Who’s there?!”

“My name is Fei-Wang Reed.”

Sakura’s shoulders jerked. She felt as if someone were touching her, trailing a cold finger down her spine and through the cleft of her buttocks to prod at her intimate areas, but there was no one near her except Fai and he wasn’t touching her. Fai drew a single arcane rune and then the dust abruptly cleared as if someone had turned on a giant fan to blow it all away. Before them, lounging on a throne with several mutilated girls crouching around him, was the man Sakura assumed to be Fei-Wang. He was a big man, not fat, but muscular. His face wasn’t handsome, but very square and masculine, nothing like the almost feminine beauty Fai and Syaoran had. He wore a cracked monocle over one eye and that eye was filled with such magnified cruelty that Sakura felt her stomach turn over.

Syaoran was still nowhere to be seen.

“What had you done with Syaoran?” Sakura shouted.

Fai hissed and tried to move in front of her, but she scooted around him to keep eye contact with Fei-Wang.

“Where is he? I won’t ask again,” Sakura demanded. She pulled her gun from its holster and leveled it at Fei-Wang’s face.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “You must be Sakura. What a pleasure it is to meet you! You are apparently the only thing that kept beautiful Syaoran from breaking while he was staying here.” He spoke so casually of destroying people that it made Sakura sick. “Imagine how quickly Syaoran will shatter if he kills you himself.”

Sakura fired off a warning shot, splintering the wood of the throne next to Fei-Wang’s head. Before she could even make a threat, one of the three mutilated girls leaped at her. The girl was howling like a beast and lunged with the intent to bite Sakura’s exposed throat. Fai lashed out with his staff, striking her in the face so quickly that Sakura didn’t see him move. The girl’s jaw cracked and she lay writhing on the ground, whimpering and clutching her face.

Fei-Wang looked disappointed. He shook his head. “Ah, my early experiments were not as durable as my later animals. Not like,” he stared at Sakura with that monocle, “Seishirou-san.”

Fai attacked. He leaped smoothly at Fei-Wang leveling his staff as if to stab the man through. Something smashed into the magician from the side. It was Syaoran. They rolled over and over, grappling. Syaoran was dead silent, boring his eyes into Fai. Sakura saw the pulse of red and screamed out. Fai didn’t see the pulse, but he felt the magic leaching at his spirit, searching for a crack to press on. He was nearly immobilized by just the feel of that icy press and couldn’t imagine the terror he would feel if Syaoran managed to press into his soul. Fai blasted the young man away, trying not to hurt him too severely. Ryuo was swearing. 

“Fai-san, are you okay?!” Sakura shouted. Her hands were trembling. She could aim the sights of her gun.

“No,” Fai grumbled, but he didn’t have a chance to whine any more than that because Syaoran was on the offensive again and headed straight for Sakura. “Sakura-chan!” Shit, there was no way he could make it to her in time.

Syaoran raised that sword above his head and was sweeping it down at Sakura. Her emerald eyes were wide and Fai watched the gun fall from her fingers. 

“Syaoran!” Sakura spread her arms, reaching for him. “It’s alright!”

Shit! Syaoran was going to run her through! There was no recognition in those red eyes of his! He was going to kill her.

Ryuo left Yuzuriha and Inuki and slammed sidelong into Syaoran. They sailed through the air and smashed into the far wall. Syaoran’s body took the brunt of the impact and his head knocked into the wall. For a moment, the red was gone from his eyes.

“That’s waking him up! Hit him again!” Fai shouted once he reached Sakura and shoved her gun back into her hands. 

“What?!”

“Hit him again!”

Ryuo smashed the hilt of his sword into the side of Syaoran’s head, cringing at the crack that sounded through the room. Syaoran dropped in a heap like a rock and moaned. His amber eyes fluttered open.

“Syaoran!” Sakura screamed.

He wet his lips, tasted blood, and didn’t have time to wonder where it came from. “Ryuo-san, it’s… the call… Take out Fei… Wang… and it’ll stop…” Blackness was encroaching on his sight. He could hear Fei-Wang crooning in his ear, telling him to hurt Sakura, and tried to hold on, but it was no use. Ryuo was thoughtlessly helping him to his feet when Syaoran lost his grip.

Syaoran’s sword whistled through the air and stabbed through the young man. Ryuo’s eyes widened and he quickly brought his hands to the sword. He coughed blood. Syaoran’s eyes were red, sightless, and he ripped the sword through Ryuo’s hands. The spray of blood covered him from head to toe and Ryuo dropped. For a moment, his hand tightened on the Dragon Sword and it looked like he was going to get up again, but then his fingers uncurled from the hilt. 

“Ryuo!” Sakura screamed, but her feet wouldn’t move to go to the fallen general.

Syaoran wiped his eyes with the back of his hand calmly as if he couldn’t see through the blood on his face. The red penetrated Sakura’s heart. Something cold was pressing on her, trying to fill her, take over her. She pushed back with all the magic in her body, forcing it out, back. Something cracked in Syaoran’s eyes and he clasped his palms over his face. His chest heaved.

“Oh,” Fei-Wang murmured. “What is this? Can the little girl push back the intrusion?”

“Fai-san,” Sakura said. “Get that man. I’ll take care of Syaoran.”

“But—”

“I’m the only one who can do it. You know that. Ryuo is dying. We have to end this. Now!”

“As you wish, Sakura-chan.” Then, the magician was gone from her side.

Sakura wet her lips and set her jaw. Syaoran’s chest had stopped heaving and he slowly lowered his hands. There was blood coming from his eyes, crimson tears, but she had to forget that. If she could keep him busy until Fai could dispose of this Fei-Wang, then maybe whatever was happening to him would break. If not… then she was sure Syaoran would not want to walk around as a monster for the rest of his life. She pulled off her gloves and gripped the gun tightly. Her aim was steady, but her palms were slick with sweat.

“Please, Syaoran. Don’t do this to me…” She fired off a warning shot and mentally kept track of how many bullets were left in this clip. If he killed her, he wound break no matter how the rest of this played out. She had to stay alive, he had to stay alive. Everything depended on Fai.

…

Personally, Fai D. Fluorite would rather try to talk this out. He was not an aggressive man by nature, but could be quite vicious when the occasion called for it and the occasion most definitely called for it. 

Fei-Wang was lounging on his throne as if he had done nothing wrong at all even though two mutilated girls were shifting around him. His eyes were fixed on Syaoran and Sakura, watching with rapt concentration. For a moment, Fai thought—hoped—that killing him was going to be easy. 

Then, Fei-Wang gave a lazy wave of his hand and the two girls sprang at Fai. They howled like beasts and moved impossibly fast. He was able to sweep one girl to the side with his staff, but the other caught him by his hair and yanked viciously. Fai had no choice but to follow where his hair was going or else his scalp would be ripped out. The other girl leaped on him from behind and sunk her teeth into his shoulder, chewing her way to his throat. Fai swung blindly and hit her in the face. This did nothing to stop her.

Fei-Wang chuckled.

Everything was going just according to plan. Sakura was fighting Syaoran, the one person in this life that she would never be able to hurt, and the magician was fighting with his animals. If Sakura had come for his head, the girls would not have stopped her. She would have put bullets in their heads and moved on to Fei-Wang in order to save her beloved Syaoran. But the magician could sense the magical control 

Fei-Wang was extending over the girls and was hesitant to kill them

He chuckled because he could sit back and relax. The magician wouldn’t hurt the girls and Sakura would dance with Syaoran until the youth killed her. Then, the call would end, Syaoran would see what he had done, and break on countless levels. Perfect. Everything was perfect, but just to make sure. Fei-Wang snapped his fingers and the girl he had made special for this occasion emerged from behind the throne. No matter what happened, the magician could not hurt this one.

… 

This was ridiculous.

Fai was searching for a break in the control Fei-Wang was holding over these girls, but finding absolutely nothing. Not even a hairline fissure. Most people when magically controlled struggled internally with the control, creating cracks and breaks in it. Then, to break the control in its entirety, one simply had to prod at those fissures and the entire thing came off in one piece. Most people were frazzled for a while, unsure of what was going on, but normally recovered in a few moments. Fai was a very powerful magician, but even he couldn’t break the control without some cracks inside the hold and there were absolutely none.

It was ridiculous.

Fai leaped into the air, letting both girls smash together beneath him like something that only happened in cartoons. Their heads knocked together with a sharp crack and they fell in a heap of tangled limbs. Fai watched them out of the corner of his eye as he approached Fei-Wang’s throne, decided that they were officially down for the count, and chanced a glance at Sakura and Syaoran. 

Sakura looked alright from here. She was keeping her gun level with Syaoran’s chest, staring straight ahead with fixed attention. By the way Syaoran was keeping quite a bit of distance between them, Fai deduced that Sakura’s shots hadn’t all been warnings. It was only a matter of time before he thought of some way to get at Sakura.

Fai had better hurry up.

Then, Fei-Wang’s special little animal stepped down from the raised platform of the throne. He watched the magician’s face go chalk-white and his blue eyes widen to the point where they might fall out of his head. Fei-Wang chuckled, just the reaction he had been expecting.

“C-Chi?” Fai whispered.

Sakura fired off another shot.

Fai shook his head. “No, you’re dead! I saw you die!”

Perfect.

Chi was precious to the magician. She was his sister, the sister that had been tragically killed in the accident that forced Fai to flee his home world. Fei-Wang was careful to make her perfect. He made her move the same way, smoothly as if she were dancing, floating. He gave her blonde hair the same lift, the same wispy curls. He gave her voice the same lilt of quiet innocence, her mouth the same soft smile, her eyes the same accusation that they had always shown the magician, her hands still whispered as if she were speaking a silent language to someone that wasn’t there. The same style of dress even. The magician would find no differences in his dearly departed sister and Fei-Wang’s animal… or at least he wouldn’t until it was too late!

“Chi!”

There it was—the desperate hope. No one is ever truly ready to believe that someone they love is gone. If given the chance to believe that his sister was still alive, the magician would take it.

Fei-Wang snapped his fingers again.

Chi crumpled like wet paper, falling so suddenly. She hit the floor in a heap and sobbed, cried as if her body were being torn apart. She screamed.

Sakura was squeezing off more shots. She’d be out of bullets soon.

Fai leaped for his sister, gathered her up in his long arms, and cradled her. “Chi! Chi! Can you hear me?!”

She raised a white hand to cup his face and tenderly touched his jaw. She wet her lips and a trail of blood ran from the corner of her mouth down her chin and dripped off. She rasped something, encouraged the magician to lean closer which he did quickly because he thought his sister was dying again. When he was close enough, she left Chi behind and became the animal Fei-Wang had tortured her into. She pulled a knife from her sleeve and stabbed the magician, once, twice, three times. Then, she stood up and returned to Fei-Wang’s side.

“C-Chi…” Fai whispered and reached out. “W-wait…”

“She’s not your sister, magician. She’s always been my slave.”

Sakura screamed Fai’s name, but his vision was darkening at the edges. By the time he had gathered enough voice to respond, darkness had consumed him completely. ‘I’m so sorry, Sakura, by this man I was so utterly beaten…’

…

Sakura didn’t usually condone swearing, especially as a queen and mother, but… 

‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’

What exactly was she going to do now?!

Yuzuriha and Inuki had been taken out by Syaoran before they had known what was happening. Ryuo was bleeding to death somewhere behind her. One of the girls—this one a beautiful blonde—had stabbed Fai several times. She wasn’t sure if the magician was even breathing anymore. Syaoran wasn’t going after her head-on anymore, but skirting around in the shadows to dart at her when she was momentarily distracted. She kept firing warning shots, trying not to kill him, but she was running out of bullets.

At least Fei-Wang wasn’t doing anything other than sitting there on his throne.

Thank Kami-sama for small favors.

But what the hell was she going to do by herself with maybe a dozen damn shots?

Syaoran leaped at her and she fired so that the bullet whizzed by his face. He instantly retreated to slink in the shadows again.

Okay, make that maybe eleven bloody shots!

What fucking now?!

…

‘Okay, Sakura, calm down,’ she chided herself. ‘Think a little or else no one’s getting out of here! Come on. You saw that blonde. She just fell down and started screaming and she stabbed Fai-san when he went to her. Why did he go to her? It was as if he knew her, but if he did then why did she stab him?’

Then, it clicked.

Fei-Wang was picking on everyone weaknesses. Yuzuriha’s kindness that made her Inuki go to Syaoran’s side when she felt something picking inside his spirit. Ryuo’s strong sense of camaraderie to make him protect Sakura, but then go to Syaoran once he had been struck down. Something in that blonde girl had caught Fai’s weakness, too. 

Sakura puzzled for a moment and squeezed off another shot at Syaoran, deliberately missing him.

That was her weakness, too. Syaoran. She had been counting on Fai to kill Fei-Wang, but if Fai was dead… she couldn’t play this game. She couldn’t toy with Syaoran until she was out of bullets and a sitting duck. She had to shoot him and then Fei-Wang. 

It was the only option.

But… 

Syaoran leaped at her from behind. She felt the press on ice at her soul, searching, clawing desperately for a crack or a break to push into. Unlike before, she didn’t push back on Syaoran’s power though the shock of being pushed out always froze him for a few minutes. This time, she ignored his power trying to break into her spirit like she was a vault with precious contents and he was the thief, she just shot him. When the bullet tore though his shoulder and he howled in anguish, she ignored it and pushed it into the back of her mind.

“Fei-Wang!” She screamed and whirled around.

The man’s square face wore a look of shock and he snapped his fingers. Chi leaped in front of him as a shield, but it was too late. The bullet exploded from the barrel in a puff of smoke and rocketed through the air. It whistled and slammed into Chi, throwing the skinny blonde beauty back into the wall with the force. She slumped in a heap, twitching.

Sakura squeezed the trigger again, but the chamber clicked empty.

“Shit!”

Fei-Wang smirked. 

It looked like his plan had worked after all. Good, he had been worried for a minute there. He focused all of his attention on the call. Syaoran’s voice abruptly cut off and Sakura heard his footsteps as he crossed the room to pick up his sword where it had fallen from his hand.

‘What do I do?! What should I do?! What can I do?!’

She dropped the gun with a clatter and ran at Fei-Wang.

“Rushing to your death, eh, child?” He mocked. 

Sakura set her jaw and pressed harder. She had to get to him before Syaoran could get to her, but the room was so long and she was so tired. She shook her head and forced her legs to move faster. Faster, faster, faster. Syaoran was behind her and that blade of his was whistling through the air. It bit into the skin of her back just as she reached the step of Fei-Wang’s throne. She lunged forward and the bite of the blade was gone, barely a miss, but it gave her enough time. Syaoran had been pulled to the side by the momentum of his slash and now he turned in midair to make another lunge at Sakura. 

She was now in front of Fei-Wang, arms spread wide, weaponless, expressionless.

Fei-Wang chuckled. He knew he had won.

‘Go ahead. Laugh it up, asshole.’

Syaoran got his feet underneath him and lunged to stab Sakura. The red was pulsing in the backs of his eyes, but there was no press of ice. Sakura waited until the blade was in touching her stomach and beginning to cut through her. Then, she grabbed Syaoran’s arm, turned her waist, and yanked him forward to add her momentum to the thrust. The sword sank through Fei-Wang’s body, pinned him to his high and mighty throne. His chuckle turned to a gurgle of blood and pain.

“Im-impossible,” he gasped.

Syaoran collapsed into Sakura and she held him. He was groaning. Sure, a bullet to the shoulder would hurt anyone once they came back to their senses. She kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, and his forehead.

“Syaoran, can you hear me?”

“Y-yeah…”

Fei-Wang choked some more, coughed blood. His monocle dropped down from his eye, shattered into a thousand pieces on the concrete floor. “I-it doesn’t matter. You’ll never get out of here. I’ve killed your magician,” he forced out around gurgles of his lungs filling with blood.

Syaoran jerked in Sakura’s arms and blinked. “Sakura?”

She scrambled to her feet and dashed across the room to where Fai’s body was slumped. His chest was a mess of stab wounds, bleeding sluggishly. His breath was rattling in his lungs, but at least he was breathing. She pressed her hands to the worst of his wounds and then Syaoran was at her side. She could hear Fei-Wang laughing as he died. 

“The blood,” Sakura sobbed. Her eyes clouded with tears. “The blood won’t stop coming!” 

Syaoran put his hands over hers and pressed harder on the wound. “Fai-san said you have magic that can heal people, can you heal him?”

Sakura shook her head. “I have no idea how to access that! I can’t. Oh, God, Fai’s going to die!”

“No, he’s not. Calm down.” Syaoran voice was so strong, so even that she had to believe him. There was no way he could be wrong. “It’s inside you somewhere. Reach inside and find it. Heal the magician. Do it, Sakura.”

She nodded and closed her eyes.

The scent of blood and Syaoran was all around her, mingling until it was almost the scent of perfume. She chewed her lip, felt the layer of cells beneath being scraped away, destroyed, and new ones blooming to the surface. She could hear Fai’s heartbeat, slow and labored, and his blood moving slowly through his veins. Syaoran’s hands were pressing down harder on hers, as if he could keep the life inside Fai’s body with sheer force. He was trying so hard. Sakura focused on the beat of her heart, the way her lungs drew breath, and wished she could do that for Fai. 

Something moved under her hands, pushed up and stitched together.

“You’re doing it, Sakura,” Syaoran whispered. He sounded so proud.

She smiled, felt her lips tug upwards.

Fai’s heart began to pound, strong and even. He was breathing stronger now, pulling back from the knife’s edge of death.

Syaoran gripped her wrists and pulled her hands away. “That’s enough. Where’s Ryuo?”

Sakura shook her head from side to side. She could hear Fei-Wang’s heart slowing behind her, dying. There was blackness around him. She reached out with her heart, searching for the light she knew Ryuo would have. She sensed him near Yuzuriha and realized why she had missed him. His heart was thudding so strongly that she had mistaken him for Inuki.

“He’s over there,” Sakura murmured, “by Yuzuriha-chan.”

Syaoran wrapped her in his arms and guided her over to her fallen general. She rested her hands on his chest. The wound was still bleeding and he had wrapped it weakly with his shirt in an attempt to stop the flow. She murmured to him, encouraging his that everything would turn out alright, and then she healed him too. 

For a moment, Sakura wondered why she felt so exhausted. There were any number of reasons: the loss of adrenaline, the ache in her stomach where Syaoran had sliced her, the stress of activating magic and nearly losing her friends, the fact that she had killed someone… She wasn’t sure what really caused spots of white to blot out her vision, but when she collapsed, she knew Syaoran would catch her.

And he did.

X X X

Alright all. I figure this will be wrapped up in about two or three chapters. I’m trying to hit thirty just for the sake of even numbers.

Reviews please.

Questions, comments, concerns?


	28. The Aftershock of Battle

Aftermath. Whuff!

My brain is mush.

X X X

It was nice to be back in Clow.

The magician had magicked them back into their proper dimension easily.

Once home, Fai had told Ryuo and Yuzuriha to go straight to bed, rest up and they deal with whatever became a problem in the morning. Then, the magician had promptly collapsed in a chair and started snoring. Syaoran who had been cradling Sakura’s unconscious form to his chest at the time, blinked and looked at Ryuo, who was holding Yuzuriha. The two young men shared a look of disbelief, shrugged, and went their separate ways. Ryuo went to the infirmary because that was where all the beds were still set up with Inuki padding quietly after him. Syaoran, on the other hand, carried Sakura upstairs to her bedroom.

Syaoran was worried by the break in his memory of the battle. He remembered arriving in Fei-Wang’s lair and he remembered the first pull of the call, but after that his memory was sketchy. He remembered hitting something, hurting his head, and begging someone to kill Fei-Wang because that would stop the call. Then, he came to in Sakura’s arms with her lips feathering on his face. He could very well have been the one that hurt Yuzuriha and Inuki, stabbed Ryuo, and then nearly murdered Fai. Just the thought of that sent a shiver down his spine.

What if he had hurt Sakura?

Sakura mumbled and shifted in his arms as he pushed open her bedroom door. He groped for the light switch, flipped it, and carried her in. He laid her down on the big bed, drew the blankets over her, and was going to leave when she moaned in her sleep. She called for him and he turned around just as her emerald eyes fluttered open.

“Hey, Syaoran,” she whispered. “Where are you going?” She stretched out on the bed, arching her back like a cat and fisting her hands in the sheets. Overall, it was a very sensuous stretch.

Syaoran felt sick. All he could think about were the things that had happened to him. Xing-Huo being forced down on him, her muscles working his seed from his body, clenching tightly around him, and the feel of Monroe’s big dick rubbing against him through the thin membrane of her ass. He shuddered.

“Syaoran, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, Sakura,” he whispered.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, staggered across the room to wrap her arms around his shivering figure. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her. This was Sakura and she would never hurt him. He didn’t have to be afraid.

Sakura nuzzled against his chest, held him tightly, supporting him.

“Sakura?”

“Yes?”

“Can I… sleep with you tonight?”

“Of course, Syaoran.”

She stepped back and smiled up at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. As long as he had Sakura, he could forget everything that had happened to his as Fei-Wang’s prisoner. He could forget being raped and beaten and starved and tortured… He could fill those four years with the light of Sakura’s smile, the scent of her skin, the warmth of her touch. Sakura would never hurt him, never rush him, never scorn him for anything that roused him in the night. She loved him, she had said so though he had been unable to voice his own feelings. Subconsciously, he knew ‘love’ was the control word for the call and avoided it lest he accidently give Fei-Wang power over him. 

“Sakura, do you think… ?”

She kissed his knuckles, encouraging him softly. She touched him with her eyes, smoothed over the rumple in his heart that was hurting deep inside. ‘Take all the time you need, Syaoran,’ her eyes murmured so gently. ‘I will never hurt you.’

“Do you think we can forget all this and just… pick up where we left off…?”

She smiled. “Anything you want,” she whispered. “Anything at all.”

He felt his lips draw into a small smile. “Thank you,” he murmured and then carefully, timidly, kissed her. Her lips yielded under his, pressing like the missing piece of the puzzle. Her hands worked against his body, slipping through his hair and against the sinuous curve of his back. He touched her gently, apprehensively fit his fingers against what he had only touched once before. He caressed the column of her spine, her vertebrae, her shoulder blades that fit perfectly against his palms, and finally ventured down to her waist. He drew her against him where her small waist fit inside the sharp protruding bones of his pelvis. 

There was no bubble of fear in his chest, no rush of unwanted memories. There was only Sakura: the scent of her skin, the taste of her lips, the soft warm press of her hands against his thin body, the way she fit so perfectly against him.

Air seemed trivial, unnecessary, but their lungs didn’t quite agree with that. They drew apart, resting their foreheads together just to keep touching.

“I love you, Syaoran,” Sakura whispered.

He swallowed and whispered her name. He still couldn’t say it, something clenched inside his chest and his throat closed on the words.

“It’s alright. Take as much time as you need,” she whispered gently. She rested her cheek on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling that scar. She brought one hand up and carefully traced the outline of it through his shirt. She hesitated and he sensed the worry in her.

“Is something wrong?”

“Could I… could I see… ?” There was no way to phrase what she wanted, but he understood. 

A faint shiver ran through him, but he nodded. “Of course, Sakura. My body has… always will be… yours.”

“It’s okay if you don’t—”

He placed his fingers against her lips and shushed her. “No. I want you to…”

With shaking hands, she found the hem of his shirt and carefully peeled it over his head. He lifted his arms for her. For a moment, she stood in front of him, gripping his shirt against her chest, and he fidgeted under her gaze. He knew he had changed since she had last seen him like this. He was thinner now, but still toned and that scar took up most of his chest. He thought she hated what she saw and reached for his shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She whispered, allowing him to have the shirt. Was he feeling uncomfortable?

“That you don’t like what you see.”

She snatched his shirt back and dropped it next to her bed. “Never.”

“Sakura?”

She hesitantly reached out her hands, keeping eye contact with him. He shivered when she traced the groove of the scar. Just being near her when she was healing the magician had dissolved the wound in his shoulder and taken the edge off the scar, but it was still ugly and twisted. “You’re so beautiful. You always have been,” she confessed quietly and rested her cheek on his naked skin. The warmth of him sent a tingle down her spine. 

He nuzzled her hair, pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “You’re… stunning, Sakura. Nothing could even compare,” he whispered.

“Thank you.”

They stood like that for a long time. Sakura’s fingers constantly touched him, traced the muscles in his chest and the breaks in his ribcage and that scar. Her eyelashes feathered softly on his skin and her breath tickled the sensitive places where new skin had grown over old wounds. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

“Do you want to get in bed?” he asked her softly.

“Only if you’re with me.”

“O-okay…”

She released him and made a tiny shooing motion at him when he crossed to the bed, but didn’t lie down and just looked at her helplessly. He sat down, back to her, and quietly took off his boots and socks. For a moment, he sat staring at his hands and worrying about something he didn’t understand. The sheets rustled behind him, the mattress dipped, and then Sakura’s fingers grazed his shoulders. She worked her hands against the tense muscles in his back and shoulders. It was their little secret how good that had always felt to him, how easily she could work all his troubles away with just her soft hands.

“Syaoran?”

“Hmm?” His eyes fluttered beneath his lids and he had to concentrate very hard to understand what she was saying.

“Could you lay down with me, please?”

“Mm-hmm…”

He shifted to peel back the sheets and Sakura squawked at him.

“Stop, stop! Those pants are all bloody!”

Unthinking, filled with the warm haze of her relaxing massage, he slipped the pants off and snuggled against Sakura in only his boxers. The flush of excited embarrassment that rushed through Sakura’s veins made her want to touch him again, but she resisted that urge and cuddled up beside him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, but something seemed to trouble him. His hands worked restlessly up and down her back for several moments and then slipped under the hem of her shirt to feel the warmth of bare skin. Then, they both slipped into easy exhausted sleep.

…

Sakura woke up to something she had never once had, but always dreamed of: Syaoran. She was nestled in his arms, unpleasantly still wearing her dirty clothes from yesterday, but at least smelling nothing but his skin and her sheets. His soft naked skin beneath her fingers was heaven on earth and she didn’t think she had ever been warmer. She nestled closer after sneaking a peek at his handsome face. 

He was still asleep, never having been a morning person even when they were teens. She used to sneak out of the palace in the wee hours of the morning so she could spend time with him before he went to work. He always tried to ignore her persistent knocks when they first began, but would eventually get up to let her in and then fix breakfast in a state of confused grogginess that it made her wonder how his eggs came out perfect while he burned his toast to a crisp every time. After a while, he told her where he kept his spare key so she could just let herself in and wake him up by shaking him a little instead of waking up his neighbors as well as him. Though, once she had a key, she let herself in and then slipped into his bed with him. The first time he woke up with her nestled against his side on top of the covers, he had reacted violently and fallen out of bed, bringing a lamp and two pillows with him and that was the end of that. 

Sakura giggled at the memory.

Syaoran stirred beside her, inhaling deeply and rolling over to shelter her in his arms. 

Sakura would have liked to stay that way, cradled against him with his beautiful face only a few inches from her own, but… 

They had killed Fei-Wang yesterday and, needless to say, they had to get up.

Sakura nuzzled against Syaoran, nosing him gently because her arms were pinned against his chest. She called his name and kissed the corner of his mouth gently. He muttered and shifted, pushing her away from him because she was disturbing his rest. Put out, Sakura grasped his shoulders and shook him as she did when they were teens. He woke with a start, laid eyes on her, and instantly relaxed.

“Good morning, Sakura,” he murmured and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. We have to get up soon.” 

“Do we? Can’t we just stay like this all day?”

“As much as I’d love to, I’m afraid not. Tomorrow, maybe?”

“Okay.” He was still half-asleep.

She shook him again, rattling his brain in his head. “Come on, Syaoran. I know you’d sleep all day if I’d let you, but we’ve got to get up.”

“Is there a fire?”

That threw her for a loop. “What? No.”

“Then, it can wait.” 

Sakura smiled. It was nice to see him acting like himself again, tired and unhappy and trying everything he could think of so as not to get up. She was feeling generous today. “Alright, you can sleep while I shower, but then I meant it! You’re getting up.”

He grumbled something. 

Sakura gathered up some clothes, slipped into the bathroom, and brushed her teeth and hair while she was waiting for warm water to run in the shower. Then, she stripped down, put her bloodstained clothes to soak in the sink, and then stepped into the shower.

She was missing Miku, but she knew her daughter was safe with Kurogane and Souma. Just knowing that Miku was with them was enough to put her mind to ease. 

She shaved her legs and scrubbed the dried blood off her face and hands. The water ran black with filth and grime as she scrubbed her fingers through her hair. She found herself wondering what it would be like to have Syaoran shower with her, washing her back and breasts… 

‘Whoa! Sakura!’

She brought that train of thought to an abrupt stop by rinsing off and getting quickly out of the shower. She dried off, got dressed, and left the bathroom in a waft of steam. She marched over to her bed with a righteous vigor, shook him, and when he didn’t stir she forcibly yanked the blankets off the bed. Even like that, it took her half an hour to get him out of bed and into the shower.

X X X

Two chapters to go. 

Does everyone want a nice, fluffy lemon between Sakura and Syaoran at the end?

Or… ?

Drop me your answers in a review.

Questions, comments, concerns?


	29. The Same Chance

Penultimate chapter!

I read way too much Lemony Snicket. That guy (or girl) is so funny!

X X X

With how calm everything had been lately, Sakura almost didn’t know what to do with herself. After an incredibly long bout of conversation with King Richard and Queen Evelyn—Jonathan’s parents—they had decided to call a truce between the countries and put the past behind them. There was no rush of black-clad assassins every night so she could sleep easy. People were steadily beginning to fill the palace again, pushing away the silence and the ghosts though Sakura’s rowdy daughter and seven generals pretty much abolished the silence. Kamui, Subaru, and Souma had healed up nicely. Yuzuriha and Ryuo were up to their usual tricks. Fai and Ryuo showed no signs of nearly dying.

Everything was alright. 

Sakura was sure of that now.

Two weeks since Christmas, since Syaoran’s arrival, his escape, Xing-Huo’s death, since the start of the battle between Sakura and Jonathon, the battle between Syaoran and Sakura, between her heart and mind and body. A little more than a week since Syaoran’s fight with Seishirou. Exactly a week since the battle at Fei-Wang’s lair, since the cruel man’s death. 

Everything had played out alright.

The only thing Sakura could even come close to calling a problem was Syaoran. It wasn’t that he was still terrified, plagued by terrible memories. In fact he was coming over those rather nicely, but he was nervous and jittery almost all the time. The good part was that Sakura was sure she could help him through it, but the bad part was that she had no idea what was wrong.

“Sakura-chan!”

“Huh?”

“Pie in the face!” Yuzuriha squealed and then Sakura was face to face with a cold coconut cream pie. 

And now, Yuzuriha was going to die.

“Yuzuriha-chan!” Sakura shouted and scraped as much pie as she could from her face and hair. Syaoran fussed over her worriedly, offering a napkin and wiping off her forehead and chin with his arm. Sakura waved him away, took the napkin, wiped as much of her face as she could, and then rocketed after Yuzuriha and Inuki.

Miku, excited but not really understanding the complexities of this pie-war, raced after her mother.

Kurogane watched them give chase around the kitchen, darting around Fai who was mixing up some concoction on the stove, under Souma as she took something out of the refrigerator, and continuing around any other obstacle that got in their path. One of these happened to be Syaoran who was in some mild state of panic and trying to interfere before someone got hurt. Another was Ryuo’s legs where they were propped up on a kitchen chair. The girls bowled Syaoran carelessly over, leaped Ryuo’s legs, and kept going. Well, there was a trail of pie to follow and, if Sakura ever got her hands on Yuzuriha, then there would be a trail of blood too. It seemed that nothing could stop them.

Kurogane sighed as Syaoran made another attempt to stop them.

“Oi, Kuro-burro! Could you intervene please?” Fai asked and cracked an egg into whatever he was mixing.

“No.”

“Please, Kurga-lurga?”

A vein ticked in Kurogane’s forehead. “No.”

“Yuzuriha-chan, you are so dead when I get my hands on you!” Sakura shrieked and cleared Ryuo’s legs on her second lap around the kitchen island. 

Yuzuriha made a face, sticking her tongue out and puffing out her cheeks.

Miku was still racing after her mother, but she was getting tired and if the girls could bowl Syaoran over like it was nothing then the little girl probably wasn’t going to stop them either. Ignoring the magician and his stupid nicknames, Kurogane grabbed the little girl as she darted passed him. 

“Kid, you’re going to get hurt. Sit down!” He slammed her bottom into a chair and fixed her in his fiercest glare.

“Ooh, Kuro-daddy’s so manly!” Fai hooted.

And now Fai was dead too.

Syaoran stopped trying to stop them. He picked Miku up, set her in his lap, and sat down where she had been. Kamui and Subaru, who were calmly sitting at the kitchen table and sipping coffee as if nothing was happening, looked him over.

“You’re giving up, Syaoran-san?” Subaru asked.

He nodded. “I’ll gather them up when they’re tired.”

“That’s a good idea, right, Kamui?” Subaru inquired and touched his twin’s arm.

“Sure,” Kamui said. He sipped his coffee with a look of distaste. “Do you actually like this stuff, Subaru?”

Subaru glanced into the darkness of his mug and pushed it away with the tip of his finger. “No, not really.”

“Good. Give me that, I’ll dump it.”

“Careful that’s—”

Yuzuriha plowed into Kamui in her attempt to escape Sakura. Kamui may have caught his balance and stayed on his feet if Sakura had been able to stop, but she wasn’t. Sakura slammed into Yuzuriha which only served to further throw Kamui off balance. Kamui released the mugs of coffee to grab the counter with one hand and the two girls in the other. He managed to save them from a crippling fall onto the hard marble floor, but the grievously hot coffee was still airborne. Syaoran shoved Miku off his lap and into Subaru’s just as the scalding liquid splattered all over his throat and chest.

“—hot,” Subaru finished lamely.

“Syaoran!” Sakura squealed. She scrambled over to him, blubbering and asking what hurt the worst. 

Kamui straightened up, put Yuzuriha back on her feet, and stooped to gather up a few bits of the broken mugs. Souma wet a towel in the sink and draped it over Syaoran’s face and chest and shooed Sakura back a little. Syaoran gladly pressed the cool wet towel over his burning skin, sighing in relief.

“Well, that could have been worse,” Syaoran mumbled with a faint smile once the pain in his throat and chest had subsided. 

“How could it have been worse?!” Sakura demanded and fussed over the small burns on the tender skin of his throat.

Kamui, Subaru, Kurogane, Ryuo, and Fai all shared a ginger cringe with Syaoran, but the look went right over the girls’ heads. How could it have been any worse than having scalding coffee splatter all over your face and chest? Unless… oh.

Then, the chase began again.

Fai ran, screaming, from Kurogane who looked as if he really would like to slice the magician in half… or maybe in thirds… 

Sakura was once again in hot pursuit of Yuzuriha, rocketing out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and then back down again.

For some reason, Syaoran decided there wouldn’t be a lick of peace until he and Souma managed to calm them down later so until then, he elected to sit back and watch them. He had missed things like this, just the joy of having friends and family hanging around. He glanced at Miku where she was dozing lightly against Subaru’s chest.

“Do you want me to take her?” Syaoran asked.

“It’s alright. I’m sure you’re hurting,” Subaru said and smiled at the young man.

“Thank you.”

Just think Miku was part of his family, too.

His daughter, though she didn’t know that… 

…

Sakura didn’t really confront Syaoran about whatever was bothering him until late that night when she was tucking Miku in bed that night. He was lingering in the threshold, just watching her interact with their daughter. It was then that the gears began to whir in her head and everything clicked. Miku didn’t know that Syaoran was her father yet and only Kami-sama knew what insecurities his tormented mind was breeding.

“Hey?”

He started, quickly averting his eyes from where he had been watching her bunny-tuck Miku in bed. “Yes, Sakura?” 

She waved him out into the hallway and quietly shut Miku’s bedroom door behind them before speaking again. “When do you want to tell Miku that you’re her father?”

“You mean… you want me in her life… ?”

Sakura felt her throat close up with tears. Even after all they had been through in these two weeks, she realized that it had only been two weeks. “Of course, you are her father.”

“But… what if…” his voice grew quieter and he stared beyond her head with shame burning in his amber eyes, “what if she doesn’t… like me… ?”

Sakura almost laughed out loud, but managed to keep her expression serious. “Are you kidding? She loves you!” Sakura crossed the room to wrap her arms around his narrow waist and hold him tight to her slender body. “Just like I do. I love you, Syaoran, and Miku loves you.”

She listened to his heart beating so strongly in his chest. 

What would she have done if he was dead? If Fei-Wang had destroyed him completely? If Xing-Huo hadn’t healed that wound in his chest and returned him to Clow with the last of her strength and sealed away the call for as long as she could? What if things had fallen apart there at the end and Syaoran killed her? Miku would be alone and Syaoran would have broken. Fai and Ryuo and Yuzuriha would have died. She had come so close to losing everything… 

But, everything had turned out alright.

She laid her ear against his chest and focused on his strong even heartbeat. 

Syaoran’s throat was working furiously and he finally found the words that had been barred inside him for so long and said them. “I… I love you, too,” he whispered into her soft pale hair.

“Y-you said it?!”

He pressed his forefinger to his lips as if the words still lingered there and smiled faintly. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Sakura kissed him reverently and whispered against his lips, “I’m glad.”

He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the press of their lips. Sakura moaned against his mouth and he hesitantly parted his lips to lick her lower lip shyly, a timid plea for entrance. She didn’t falter and opened her mouth. Her mouth and lips still tasted of coconut cream pie, so sweet and perfect. He was flavored with coffee and Souma’s spicy fried rice, sharp and pleasant. He drew back gently, separating only for air and to slow the racing of his heart. Her pink lips were still parted, damp, and her eyes were heavy with her love for him.

He had no idea what he had done to deserve this beautiful girl, but he would never give her up.

“I love you, Sakura.”

“I’m glad. I’m so glad,” Sakura murmured into his chest. She could have sobbed with relief. Whatever had prevented Syaoran from saying those words had broken free inside him. His soul and heart were thawing out and for her even though she had hurt him so deeply and so much. She was so lucky. “I love you, too. I’ve always loved you.”

The novelty of hearing those words on his lips would never wear off. There was no one who could ever touch Sakura’s heart the way he did, no one would could set her skin on fire with an innocent touch, no one who could fill her so completely inside. No one but him. 

Sakura had a few boyfriends through the four years he was gone, a few dates that she left alone after that—ignoring phone calls and letters and flowers and chocolates. (Eve-san was always happy to be finished rushing about with all of these things anyway.) Those guys… they smiled and that was that. It didn’t strum on her heartstrings the way Syaoran’s happiness did. They spoke and she didn’t hang on every word like she did with Syaoran. She didn’t watch their lips and fantasize about kissing them as she did with Syaoran. When they touched her hand, she wanted to pull away, but when Syaoran’s warm fingers so much as neared her she wished she could share his clothes with him. When she was with those guys, she felt alone. When she was with Syaoran, the rest of the world could fall apart around her and she wouldn’t care as long as she had him.

They were connected on a spiritual level: soul mates, destined, fated… 

He was the other half of her—the beautiful responsible calming selfless half, her good side, her fallen angel.

And now, she would never be without him again.

…

It was a little too early for Sakura’s tastes, but Syaoran was now an early riser. Amazing how some things she thought would always be the same change. 

Sakura used to sneak out in the wee hours to wake him from his deep dead sleep, much to his great aggravation. (Syaoran liked to sleep in because he was always working late at the ruins, digging and digging. All the way to China, as Sakura liked to tease when he needed cheering up or teasing.) When Syaoran had vanished—correction, been stolen from her by Fei-Wang—she grew to hate the morning because it reminded her so much of him and hurt so much. He had confessed that he had taken to rising early in the cell he shared with Xing-Huo because the morning made him feel closer to her, helped dull the edge of acidic pain that constantly gnawed his soul.

He had woken her at about seven-thirty with a soft hesitant kiss on her cheek and she woke up staring into his warm amber eyes, as open and unguarded as she remembered. She smiled freely for the first time in a long while, just for him.

“Good morning, Syaoran.”

He smiled, too, and smoothed back some of her mussed caramel hair.

“How long have you been awake?” Sakura asked with a yawn and a big bone-cracking stretch that made Syaoran wince. 

“A while,” he confessed.

She looked him over. He was still in some pajamas that Sakura had dug up for him (some of Toya’s actually and Syaoran was sure the king was turning over in his grave with indignation). He wasn’t dressed or showered, simply awake. “What were you doing?” 

A tinge of color bled through his cheeks and he looked away. “I was just watching you sleep. It’s a… comfort to me.”

“You were watching me sleep?” Sakura managed to keep the shock and embarrassment out of her voice. Toya always teased that watching her sleep was better than watching a comedy. He said she babbled about all manner of things, drooled, and snored like a lumberjack. Could it all be true?!

“I just… keep thinking that maybe I’m dreaming and when I wake up, you’ll be gone,” he confessed. “I’m afraid that if I sleep, I’ll lose you.”

Sakura raised her eyebrows. “Syaoran, pain wakes people up from their dreams and Kamui-kun spilled scalding hot coffee all over you yesterday. I think that’s proof that you aren’t dreaming,” she offered and a small giggle forced its way passed her lips. That whole situation, including the pie and the maniac chasing, had been pretty ridiculous. She pressed her lips into a thin tight line to keep another giggle from escaping.

Syaoran stared at her for a moment and then a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “That’s true.”

Sakura giggled. Soon they were both laughing, but when the giggles subsided Sakura gazed into his eyes very seriously.

“Syaoran, this isn’t a dream.”

He clasped one of her hands, raised it to his lips, and kissed it gently without ever taking his eyes from hers. “I know that now,” he murmured. “And I’m glad…”

Sakura wanted to throw her arms around him and assure him that nothing would ever separate them again, but at that moment Miku burst in through the door. Syaoran flung himself back from Sakura, falling hard onto the floor with a thump and a groan of pain. Miku leaped onto the bed, tackled her mother onto the floor as well, and Syaoran scrambled to break their fall. He succeeded only in being flattened.

“Ah! Syaoran!” Sakura squeaked as quickly scuttled off of him. “Are you okay?!”

“Syao-kun!” Miku leaped on him and smothered him in a hug. “Good morning! Eve-san said I should wake you up!”

“Eve-san did?” Sakura grumbled. “That sounds like her.” 

She hauled Miku off of Syaoran and helped him up. His hand was soft and incredibly warm in hers and she almost forgot why she was angry, but he had always had that effect on her. Nothing else in the world mattered as long as he was there, everything else just vanished. It was unimportant and that particular side-effect of being around him had gotten her into all sorts of trouble as a teen. She couldn’t count the times she had been late to something or completely forgotten something or even forgotten to come home (though Syaoran always made sure she remembered that one eventually so she was always home by the end of the day). 

“I’ll bludgeon that woman when I get my hands on her! Miku, you remind me!” Sakura said and then exchanged a knowing look with Syaoran.

His face flushed with color and he looked quickly away, surely recalling all the times Sakura had forgotten things because she was with him.

Now that all that nonsense out of the way, Sakura moved on to more important matters. She knelt down to be at her daughter’s level and grasped her by her small skinny shoulders in case she needed to be shaken. No one was going to hurt Syaoran, not even Miku however unintentional that pain was. “Listen, Miku, I have something very important to tell you,” Sakura began quietly and stared straight into Miku’s amber eyes.

“Are you leaving, Mommy?” The little girl asked, more like interrupted, immediately. “Again?”

Sakura’s brows drew together. “No, of course not, but—”

“Is Syao-kun going away?”

Ah, the inquisitive nature Miku had surely gotten from her father. “Miku, hush—”

“Is there another big bad grown-up thing going to happen?”

“Hey! Miku, shush for just—”

“I don’t have to go away with Kuro-san and Souma-san again, do I?! They fight so much! Kamui-kun and Subaru-kun are so grim and silent and scary!” 

Sakura clamped a hand over her daughter’s big mouth. ‘Jeez!’ She said firmly, “Miku, listen, you know how you always used to ask me about your daddy?”

“Mm-hmm.” The little girl nodded vigorously and her big amber eyes grew bright with excitement.

“Well,” Sakura hesitated, distracted by Syaoran fidgeting by the door, looking as if he wanted to run. She sent him what she hoped was a comforting gesture with her jade eyes though his face only grew more pale. “You know, Miku, Syaoran and I have always been very close, even when we were children. We grew up together and we care very much for each other, we always have.”

Miku began to bounce on the balls of her feet so that Sakura had to press down hard on her shoulders to hold her still. 

“Well, Miku, I don’t really know how to tell you this.” Sakura glanced at Syaoran, but his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. “Syaoran is your daddy.”

Syaoran flinched back as if he was expecting scream of pure terror and was coiled up as if he was ready to bolt from the room if this showed signs of going south. Miku’s eyes widened and she craned her neck around to look at him. She struggled, licked her mother’s hand, and Sakura released her with a disgusted shriek. 

Miku ran at Syaoran with a delighted squeal of, “Daddy!” 

She leaped on him, wrapping her arms around his legs as high as she could reach. Sakura giggled at the traumatized desperate look Syaoran sent her way and she mouthed, ‘Pick her up.’ He scooped up his daughter, their daughter, and cradled her carefully, nervously. Miku wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek several times, crooning, ‘Daddy, Daddy,’ over and over. Sakura watched with a smile as Syaoran melted into his child. He nuzzled her pale hair affectionately and smoothed his hands up and down her back. 

There was no more fear in him, not that his child or his love would hate him. Before her eyes, with this simple gesture of a hug between father and daughter, he shed the skin of that broken terrified young man that had been tortured for four long black years and became the beautiful confidant young man Sakura remembered. Her Syaoran. He now had everything life had taken from him so viciously and she knew he would defend it to the death. 

He feathered kisses on Miku’s face and hair. The little girl giggled. 

Sakura had never seen something so beautiful. 

Syaoran and Miku, father and daughter, just like it always should have been. 

Sakura wondered if he was thinking of the time he had missed with her, but shook that dark thought away. 

This was a happy time. Her broken little family was whole again and all was right with the world.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Miku waved at Sakura frantically.

A flash of panic darted through Syaoran’s amber eyes, but Sakura was smiling so beautifully that he knew nothing could be wrong. Sakura crossed the room and wrapped her arms around them both. Syaoran coiled his free arm, the one that wasn’t holding Miku, around Sakura and lifted her into his arms as well. Wrapped in the warmth and scent of him, Sakura closed her eyes and smiled in bliss. Miku’s small hand rested on the top of Sakura’s head. Syaoran kissed the little girl’s cheek and nuzzled Sakura’s hair.

“Daddy’s so strong!” Miku cheered. “I’m so happy! I have a mommy and a daddy now! Wait till I tell Akito and Eve-san!”

Sakura smiled because Syaoran’s entire body tensed.

“Who’s Akito?” he asked, the father already protecting his daughter.

“He best friend—a village boy just like you,” Sakura whispered into his chest. “Don’t get so tense. You have a long time to go before you’re allowed to get all upset over boyfriends and suitors, but when the time comes, I will let you beat them away with a stick.”

A laugh rumbled in his chest. “I can’t wait,” he murmured and set Sakura’s feet back on the floor.

Sakura grinned cheekily at him. “I can,” she said.

Miku wrestled her way out of Syaoran’s arms and then raced off. Sakura listened to her clattering her way down the stairs with a soft smile.

“Every time I look at her, I see you,” Syaoran whispered.

“That’s funny, because I always see you in her. She’s certainly enough trouble to be you,” Sakura teased.

Syaoran shrugged. “If the shoe fits, though you were the one who always got us into trouble. I wonder if you even would have made it back to the palace without me and Miku would run naked and wild if it weren’t for Eve-dono,” he murmured.

“What was that?!”

He smiled. “For you to deny it so loudly, it must be true.”

Sakura creamed him with a pillow until feathers clouded the air and then stalked off to the bathroom in a huff. She slammed the door so hard that the entire room shook. Syaoran had a feeling he was going to get it later, but he wasn’t afraid.

…

After lunch, Sakura and Syaoran saw off the generals. Kamui and Subaru left first, quickly, retreating from the wrath of Miku because she wanted to put beads and pins in their long dark hair. Syaoran’s was too short, Fai terrified her, Ryuo was busy searching for his boots because Yuzuriha hid them from him, and Sakura had told her to stop bugging Eve.   
Souma, after forcing Yuzuriha to give up the location of Ryuo’s shoes and Ryuo went scampering off to find them, was the next to leave. Her husband and children missed her and, though she loved Sakura dearly, she was ready to go home. She kissed Sakura’s cheek and hugged Syaoran tightly.

“Sakura-san, no one will ever love you more than this man,” Souma told Sakura quietly and then turned to Syaoran. She laid her palm against the scar on his chest though she had never seen it and simply sensed it as easily as she always did these kinds of things. It came from being a mother and a woman who had suffered. “You’ve been through a lot, Syaoran-kun, but it’s all over now. I’m glad you have found happiness. Do not let it go.”

“Never,” he whispered and squeezed her hand tightly. 

Souma smiled serenely.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

Then, Souma picked up her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and headed out after Kamui and Subaru. 

“You morons! Knock it off! What are you screaming about?” Kurogane shouted at the squabbling pair of Yuzuriha and Ryuo, knocked them both upside their heads, and rattled them into the ballroom with several vicious threats and one waved sword. 

“She hid my boots somewhere!” Ryuo protested.

“I did not!”

“Oh, so they just vanished on their own?!”

“It could happen.” Yuzuriha shrugged.

“Yeah, could!”

“You’ve got them now, so does it really matter?”

“Yes!”

Kurogane smacked them again and rolled his eyes.

Yuzuriha suffocated Syaoran in a hug so tight that he turned blue and it took the combined effort of Sakura and Fai to pry her off. She wished him well and Inuki licked him from chin to forehead several times while he was collapsed and panting on the floor. Then, Ryuo shook his hand kind of stiffly (they would find out later that Yuzuriha had put a desert crab in his boot) and then hobbled out the door. Yuzuriha followed him with an exuberant wave.

Then, Kurogane left without much goodbye. He would be back, after all, the very next month with Tomoyo. Japan’s princess was coming to visit Clow’s princess and her own long-time friend. So, he gave Miku a quick hug because she was latched onto his leg and screaming bloody murder, and then scooted swiftly out the door.

Fai was the last to leave. 

“Sakura-chan,” the magician said and kissed her forehead in a fatherly way. “You’ve made the right choice.”

She tilted her head questioningly. “Oh?” She asked. “Choice? To throw everyone politely out?”

He leaned to toward her so that Syaoran wouldn’t hear what they were talking about, though he was distracted by Miku. The little girl had her arms wrapped around his neck and he hefted her up onto his shoulders, much to Eve’s great panic. “Giving Syaoran-kun a second chance,” Fai clarified quietly. 

“It was the same chance,” Sakura murmured and gazed at them. The beautiful visual of father and daughter was marred slightly by Eve squawking around them like some kind of disgruntled bird. “It just took some time to see him again.”

Fai hugged her tightly. “I’m sure you will not regret it.”

“I know,” Sakura whispered. “He’s a beautiful man and he’ll be a good father.”

Fai nodded and then the magician left as well. 

Sakura closed the palace doors and leaned against them with a deep sigh. For a moment, she watched Syaoran and Miku and just let her thoughts wander.

She had Syaoran, her life, her love. And Miku, her child, her angel. And everything was alright.

Syaoran had Sakura, the love of his life, and his daughter. He had never wanted anything more.

This set of challenges was over.

X X X

Thank you Rintochan, Val Nephew, Nagging Winnie der Pooh, Janec Shannon, Ehehehe~, and anonymous xD! My only amazing reviewers! I love you!

One more chapter! I’m an overachiever and going for 100,000 words so it’s going to be a long one! About 8,303 words! I can do that. We’ll be fluffing it up, too. Warning for the next chapter: graphic lemons and more Syaoran-based angst! Yay!

Questions, comments, concerns?


	30. The End

Last chapter! How sad!

Make sure to read the author’s note at the end of this chapter! It’ll be important! I think this will come up to be a tad less than 100,000 words, but hey, I tried. *shrugs* Now that I have edited a little bit, I may actually hit that. We’ll see.

Typical ParadiseAvenger final chapter!

X X X

It had been a long and wild day. Eve let Miku come bouncing in on Sakura and Syaoran, waking them both up. This led to a spree of bouncing on the bed which only stopped because Syaoran hit his head on the ceiling. Breakfast of waffles and sausage went over fairly well, until Syaoran saw a pot of scalding coffee and backed quietly out the nearest door. It took Sakura and Miku an hour to find him. 

Then, Miku dragged Syaoran all over the palace and even through the muddy flowerbeds, much to Eve’s horror and Sakura’s joy. Then, Miku had her mother in the mud as well. As a result the entire family was dirty, but Sakura was the cleanest of the three. 

Syaoran met Akito and Akito’s family at lunch which led to some awkward dirty handshakes and quite a bit of laughter from Sakura. She finally helped him out by wiping off most of the mud with a handkerchief. Syaoran and Akito’s father talked for a long time about their children while Sakura and Akito’s mother watched over the rambunctious children.   
Dinner was a bit chaotic because Akito mentioned their latest plot he and Miku were planning. The little girl was glaring something fierce at him and kicked him under the table every time he so much as looked at her until Syaoran switched places with his daughter. 

After dinner, Akito and Miku had run off. They caught Akito in a little under an hour, but it took Sakura, Syaoran, and Eve two whole hours to chase down Miku. They had finally cornered her in the kitchen and Syaoran had slung her over his shoulder, kicking and screaming, to drag her up to bed. Sakura and Eve trailed after him and Eve was muttering something resembling complaints that were too exhausted and breathy to really be understood. Sakura waved her off to bed even though she wanted to tuck Miku in as she always did. It was her job, after all, to help with the little monster. But, Syaoran was here now and Sakura didn’t need as much help as she used to. 

Sakura leaned in the threshold while Syaoran tucked Miku in with a gentleness she hadn’t seen in so long. He kissed the little girl good night and fluffed up her pillow as though it needed fluffing. Sakura came up quietly behind him and leaned her chin on his shoulder. Subconsciously, without thinking, she slid her hand into his back pocket. He jolted violently as if struck, his entire body tensing, so she quickly returned her hand to her own pocket. 

Thankfully, Miku’s eyes were heavy and she asked no questions.

“G’night. I love you, Daddy,” the little girl said sleepily and yawned.

“I love you, too, sweetie,” he murmured and kissed her forehead. His voice was a little hoarse, strained, and Sakura noticed a rise of goose bumps on his pale flawless skin. She tried to touch him, but he practically folded himself backwards to stay out of her reach. 

“Love you, Mommy,” Miku muttered. She rolled over and buried her face in her pillow.

“Good night, baby,” Sakura murmured. Her focus was on Syaoran, on the fear that had returned to his amber eyes. She flipped of the light and closed the door quietly, gently.

Syaoran was leaning against the wall, staring straight ahead as if something were lurking in front of him, something that Sakura couldn’t see. She clenched her hands in her skirt to keep her hands from wandering to touch him.

“Syaoran?” She whispered.

He started and seemed not to see her for a moment. Then, finally, he said, “Yes?”

“Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah.” 

Sakura knew he was lying, but didn’t push him. If he needed to talk, he would tell her. All she had to do was wait, be patient. For him, she could wait forever and ever.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed,” Sakura murmured and held out her hand for him. He gazed at her hand for a moment and then cautiously slipped his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers and giving a deep heavy sigh. He nodded slowly and she watched the fear fade from his eyes, brightening them with hope and love again. “You know, you can talk to me if you need to, right?”

He looked startled. “Can I?”

“Yes, of course.” Sakura was startled, too, but then she felt like hitting herself in the head. Right, he didn’t know that Xing-Huo had shown her all of his memories in a dream. He thought she didn’t know about what had happened to him and thought that his past was still a black void of secrets between them. Maybe he thought that void would become too wide if he talked to her and let her know to what extent he was broken. “Syaoran…”

Syaoran swallowed. “Xing-Huo told you, didn’t she?” he asked suddenly. He still knew Sakura so well, better than she probably knew herself. He must have seen the realization and connection in her emerald eyes—the eyes are the windows to the soul after all.

Sakura could only nod because she didn’t quite trust her voice to come out steady and controlled, which was what Syaoran needed right now.

His shoulders shuddered with a deep sigh. “How much… did she tell you?”

Sakura swallowed and chewed her lip. “Everything…”

“Are you… disgusted…?”

“What?!”

He turned to face her and clasped her shoulders gently. There was turmoil in his amber eyes and sadness. “You saved yourself even when I wasn’t here, when I was gone, but I…”

Sakura fisted his shirt in her hands. “Syaoran, listen to me, you didn’t ask for any of that to happen to you and you didn’t deserve it,” she insisted. “I could never hate you or be disgusted by you because you didn’t ask for any of this.”

He shuddered.

“Fei-Wang was a monster. He deserved to die a thousand times over, but he’s gone now. Syaoran, you should forget all that he’s done to you. Talk to me and let it all out,” Sakura whispered and wrapped him in her arms as if to protect him from the world. “I will not judge you.”

He heaved a deep sigh and nodded. His chest heaved and the muscles in his back rippled, but he caught a hold of his emotions and reined them in. “Thank you, Sakura,” he whispered.

“Cry, if that’s what you need to do…”

He shook his head. “No, I just… need some time…”

“I’ll wait…”

And then, the power went out!

Syaoran hummed low in his chest for a moment as if waiting for something, but Sakura cleared her throat and unwound her arms from around him. She could only see the whites of his eyes and her own white dress in the dark. 

“The palace doesn’t have any backup generators or anything. I gave them to the hospital,” Sakura told him. 

“Oh, then, shall we make our way to your room?” He asked and took her hand after a little floundering around in the dark.

“Our room,” Sakura said and, when he tensed, she continued, “Unless you don’t want to stay with me…”

“I’d much rather stay with you,” Syaoran murmured and began to lead her through the dark hallway. Sakura let him lead until he bumped into the wall at the bend in the hall. Then, with a giggle, she took over leading them through the dark.

“The monsoons knock out the power all the time. I’m almost ridiculously used to wandering around in the dark,” Sakura told Syaoran as she groped along the wall. “My door should be right… here!” She turned the knob, released his hand, and he listened to her shuffling around for a moment. Then, she struck a match and lit a candle. “I keep a bunch of candles in my room. Come here, help me light them up.”

Syaoran shut the door lightly behind himself and crossed the dim room to stand at Sakura’s dresser with her. She shoved him the mess of candles and the box of matches and rummaged around in the bottom drawer in search of more candles. He rhythmically lit the candles, striking matches and letting them burn to the point where he could feel the heat searing under his fingernails before blowing them out. Sakura lifted out a whole other box of unused candles and set them out on the dresser.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do about showering. The hot water won’t last long enough for both of us no matter how fast we go,” Sakura muttered more to herself than to him, but Syaoran answered anyway.

“I could shower in the morning,” he offered.

“Oh, no, you’re not! If anyone is showering tonight, it’s you! I saw Miku drag you all through the mud today and a sink bath before dinner does not count!” Sakura commanded. 

“But, Miku had you in the mud, too,” he protested weakly and surveyed the dirt caked into his knuckles and under his fingernails. Maybe Sakura was right.

“Not nearly as much as you!” Sakura said with a snort. “Besides, you were more than happy to be all muddy, anyway. You practically encouraged her!”

“I am an archaeologist,” he said as if that was a valid excuse and explained everything. It did explain everything, but it didn’t count as an excuse. “And Miku is our daughter.”

“I always hoped she would have my common sense. If I let you get in bed all dirty, Eve-san will slaughter me in the morning,” Sakura said and picked up a few candles to place on the nightstand next to the bed. “Out of the question! You shower!”

“You were just as muddy as I was!” Syaoran protested.

“Well, for the impasse of this situation,” Sakura snapped quickly, “We may as well shower together.” Then, her eyes widened and she realized what she had just suggested. Her gasp blew out the candles she was holding in a puff of smoke. “Oh! I mean…!”

Syaoran came up behind her, touched her shoulders, and leaned over her to light the candles she had blown out in her surprise and embarrassment. “I… think that’s a good idea, Sakura. We’re both filthy…”

Sakura felt her jaw drop open and she blinked owlishly. “Really?”

He nodded. “I have… seen your body before and you… have seen mine, just not in this state…”

“Alright,” Sakura whispered and watched the candlelight flicker on the smooth skin of his forearm, painting beautiful shadows and patterns, and illuminating the dirt. “We’d better hurry up so the water doesn’t get cold.”

Syaoran nodded and stepped away from her.

Sakura focused very hard, finding her common sense and hauling it forward to keep her mind in order. She ignored the tingling sensation building between her legs and the ache in her breasts. She had to shower with Syaoran because she was filthy and so was he. For some reason, that thought didn’t help her focus any better than it had before. All she could think about was being naked in front of Syaoran as she watched him carry a tray of candles into the bathroom. Then, she followed and peeled her shirt off as she walked to toss it somewhere.

Syaoran was waiting patiently, nervously, in the bathroom. He was standing in a puddle of his clothes in only his boxers and Sakura couldn’t help herself. It didn’t matter that she was silently reciting the alphabet to keep her mind on pure thoughts because the moment she saw him all sweet innocent thoughts flew out the window and her jaw dropped. 

He was as beautiful as she remembered. His skin was pale, but had a healthy glow, and was as unmarred as fine porcelain. His torso was well-defined with lean slim muscle though his ribcage was craggy and crooked with breaks. His hips were still sharp, protruding from his body as though they no longer wished to live there and his collarbones cast deep fine shadows down his shoulders. The only scar on him was that one on his chest, so white that it appeared to glow in the candlelight. Sakura couldn’t remember how to speak, none the less how to form a coherent sentence, and just stared at him with her jaw hanging open. 

Syaoran brought one hand up to hide the scar and cupped the other over one protruding hip. “You… don’t like what you see,” he whispered.

“No!” Sakura said quickly, almost startling him. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered.

He blinked and his amber eyes warmed to rich honey. “I’m glad.”

Sakura smiled and reached behind herself to unclasp her bra, not without some difficulty because she was staring into his eyes. Then, she hooked her thumbs in her skirt and let it slither down to pool at her feet so that she stood before him in only her panties. She saw his throat flash as he swallowed and felt a little shy as Syaoran’s eyes drank her in as though she were an angel.

Sakura was beautiful, as she always had been, though now her body had matured. She had soft graceful curves and long slender legs toned with muscle that surely came from constantly chasing Miku. Her breasts were full and round with dark rosy nipples that had risen into peaks. Her skin was crème colored, exquisite and flawless, and her deep emerald eyes were sparkling as if all the stars in the sky had leaped into them and shone there like diamonds. Syaoran had never seen someone so stunning and so untouchable. If he touched her, he would darken that crème skin and tarnish her, make her as dirty as he was, but he wanted to… so badly… 

Sakura watched his inner turmoil and decided to distract him by stepping out of her panties as well. She touched the faint birthmark above her hip and saw his eyes widen. Her body was unmarked, un-pierced, untouched, with a delicate triangle of pale curls guarding her most precious secret.

“Syaoran,” she whispered as if she were speaking a prayer and reach to touch him.

“We should shower,” he said quickly and jerked away from her. “The water’s getting cold…”

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat. “Okay,” she murmured. 

She stepped into the shower and spun the faucets until the temperature was perfect. She listened for the rustle of Syaoran removing his boxers, but could hear nothing over the roar of the water. When Syaoran stepped in, he kept his back to her. Sakura worked the soap into a rich lather and soaped herself down routinely while Syaoran scrubbed his fingers through his hair. Then, they switched. Finally, Sakura made her move. She took the bar from him, worked up another rich lather, and then began to wash his back. She massaged his coiled muscles until the knots and tension smoothed away under her measured touch. He relaxed against her, putty in her hands, and she listened to him sigh contentedly. A smile pulled up her lips.

Sakura snaked her arms around his chest and pressed her palms down over the groove of that scar. His skin was heaven, as soft as living velvet and so warm. She kissed the back of his shoulder gently, feathered her lips over his sharp shoulder blade and drank the moisture from his soft skin. She could only taste soap and water, but the texture of him was enough to make her head spin.

“S-Sakura,” he whispered and the muscles rippled under his skin.

She leaned her cheek against his back and traced the sinuous column of his spine with the tip of one finger. He shivered at the ghosting sensation. 

“S-stop, please,” he pleaded softly.

“Why? Am I hurting you? Are you… uncomfortable?”

He shook his head and gripped her hand where it was still pressed over his scar. “No, that tickles,” he confessed.

Sakura smiled joyously and wrapped her free hand around his hip to caress that sharp protruding bone. “Do you think you could bear it just a little longer? I like touching you,” she murmured tenderly. “I’ve missed you.” 

“So have I,” he murmured and turned cautiously to draw her into his arms. The feel of her breasts, her raised nipples, brushing his naked skin sent a thrill of excitement down into her womb and settled there, tingling pleasantly.

“Were you frightened when I touched you earlier in Miku’s room?”

He hesitated and then nodded slowly. “Y-yes… I was reminded of things I would much rather had never happened to me…” His grip on her became almost painfully tight, pressing her into his chest as though he wanted to pull her into his body with him. “I am afraid.”

“You know that I will never hurt you again,” Sakura whispered and her voice was almost lost to the roar of the water as it cascaded down his narrow shoulders and her back. A drop ran down her spine, trailed through the cleft of her buttocks, and brushed over her most tender intimate place. “I love you, Syaoran. Hurting you would be worse than hurting myself,” she whispered into his moist skin.

“Thank you,” he murmured and dipped his head to kiss her lips shyly. 

Sakura melted into him and her knees grew quivery and weak. Her legs started to give out, but she couldn’t bear to break away from him. Syaoran sensed this and wrapped his arms tightly around her for support just as Sakura stumbled back into the wall of the shower. She pulled him with her, connected at their lips and hearts. He stumbled after her and Sakura spread her legs to fit him comfortably against her. Unthinking and lost in the moment of their passion, Syaoran gripped her hips and lifted her smoothly. Sakura’s legs wrapped around his narrow waist and the sensitive bundle of nerves at her core brushed against the length of him. A moan emerged, muffled against his mouth. He was hot and soft, living velvet, and she knew he felt her liquid heat pooling between her parted legs. They both froze solid, stock still, and their lips slid apart.

Syaoran swallowed and his eyes slowly trailed down to where they were brushing accidentally. Sakura felt a momentary thrill of fear raced through her blood though she wasn’t sure what she was afraid of. He slowly raised his eyes to her face and looked about to say something, but then the water went ice-cold and saved them from this embarrassing moment. 

They scrambled from the shower in a hurry. Syaoran snatched his towel quickly around his waist and scurried away as if something was chasing him. Sakura wrapped her towel around herself and felt her cheeks continue to burn in embarrassment. She quickly dried her hair in a second towel. Then, she wrapped her robe around herself and knotted the belt tightly. When she stepped from the bathroom, Syaoran had already pulled on a pair of her brother’s old cotton pajamas and was buttoning up the top as quickly as he could which led to a fair amount of mistakes. By the time her reached the top, there was no buttonhole for the last button.

“Syaoran,” Sakura ventured. “It’s okay to be scared.”

His shoulders jerked. “I’m not scared. If I were to be this close to anyone else, I would be terrified, but you… will not hurt me or force anything on me. I could never be afraid to be with you…” he confessed quietly. “… but, are you afraid to be with me…?”

Sakura wrapped her arms around him from behind and inhaled the scent of him. “Never,” she whispered. “Please, Syaoran, I love you. Could you forget these insecurities and let things be the way they used to be?”

“Even if things were like they were in the past, you’re still royalty and I’m still no one,” he murmured and laid his hands over hers. 

“You’re not no one, you’re the man I love, the father of the princess,” Sakura said, “and like it or not, you are now part of this family. I will never let you go again, so you’re stuck with Miku and me no matter what.”

He laced their fingers. “Alright,” he murmured. “It will be as my queen commands.”

Sakura pinched him gently. “Not your queen, your love,” she hesitated, “maybe someday… your wife…?”

She felt his heartbeat speed up in his chest.

“I’d like that,” he whispered.

Sakura smiled. “So would I.” She unwrapped her arms from around him and said, “Let’s get some sleep.” 

He nodded.

But then, she saw the bed (which was still unmade from this morning because Eve had refused to make it and Sakura was in a hurry) and the atmosphere the power failure had unknowingly created. The room was lit by many candles, flickering with dim romantic candlelight, and was now scented by the monsoon rains, the soft clean scent that always reminded Sakura of Syaoran. Suddenly, Sakura was very aware of the negligee Hiruka had given her for Christmas in its box under the bed and remembered what had happened last time she had touched it… and herself. She chewed her lip nervously and Syaoran turned slowly to face her. He looked nervous, but offered her a smile and held out his hand for her.

“Do you…?” he began quietly.

“Right now…?” she whispered and gently took his hand. “Are you sure?” 

He touched her shoulder, tugged the robe down to expose the crème skin and long thin collarbone. He rested his forehead on her shoulder and she felt his eyelashes flutter against her flesh in light butterfly kisses. He didn’t answer and she felt his breathing even out.

She unfastened the buttons of his shirt, giggling quietly to herself because they were quite messed up, and then pushed the shirt off his shoulders. It landed quietly at his feet, but there was a flash of fear in his eyes and he tried to hide the scar behind one hand. Sakura caught his hand and kissed the back of it gently. 

“Please, don’t hide…” she whispered. “I want to see all of you, even the parts that hurt…” She traced the outline of the big fruitlike scar with the pad of her finger and fit her palm against it tenderly, carefully, as if it still hurt. 

He nodded and gently slipped the other shoulder of her robe down. Sakura smoothed her hands down his arms and found that his hands were trembling. She lined her fingers with his and helped him loosen the knot that held her robe closed. Then, she let the warm cotton robe fall to pool at her feet and stepped quietly into Syaoran’s arms. 

She had never been embarrassed to be naked in front of him as a teen though she could count the times she had been on one hand (and those times were her best kept secret from her late brother and Yukito-san because if they knew, then Syaoran’s life might have been in danger).

The first was when Sakura was fifteen. She had been running late, though what else was new, and Syaoran had been the only one around who wasn’t busy because a great banquet was to be held in the palace. She had forcibly conscripted him into helping her with the kimono she was supposed to be wearing, but was still hanging over the back of her chair. After his blush and protests had cooled down, he easily helped her into the kimono. After all, he was the one who had given it to her. He had gotten it on a trip to Japan to help with some thing or another other that Sakura couldn’t remember then and still couldn’t recall now. Even then, she had trusted him so completely that she didn’t fear that he would hurt her or touch her in any way that frightened her or was against her wishes. He probably wouldn’t have touched her even if it was her wish.

The second was when she was sixteen, long before her brother had contracted the disease that killed him. Well, that time had been an accident…! Sakura was early, ready to go, on her very first unaccompanied (Toya was busy with something and Yukito had a cleansing and Eve figured they would be fine together) date with Syaoran. She was smoothing out the invisible rumples in her soft pink dress and trying her sneakers one more time, just in case, while she paced back and forth in front of the door. Then, it happened. A bucket of water cascaded down on her, ice-cold, and she was sure she saw a few ice cubes skittering across the floor as if they knew they had done wrong. Shivering and hypothermic, Sakura peeled her dress off over her head and tossed it just as Syaoran stepped in through the palace doors. The dress smacked him in the face wetly and Sakura was frozen solid in more ways than just being soaked. For a moment, they just stared at each other, jaws hanging open. Then, Syaoran’s face flamed and he pulled off his worn cloak and hurtled it at her. Then, he backed quickly out the door.

The third wasn’t anything she really wished to remember. Her brother was dying and she was exhausted and depressed. She drew herself a hot bath and sat in it until the water was chilly and she was shivering. Syaoran, the responsible one then, had come looking for her. He practically broke the door down when he heard her crying on the other side. She was just sitting in the soapy water, sobbing, staring at him. He didn’t blush, now was not the time, and she held out her arms for him desperately. He hugged her close, lifted her from the tub, drained it, filled it with warm water again, and set her back in. Then, he sat at her side, washing her back and her hair with perfect tenderness. Then, he dried her off and helped her dress in fresh clothes and returned her to her brother’s side.

The fourth was the night her brother died, the night she gave him her whole self. It was the night Miku was consummated deep in her womb, the night Syaoran was stolen from her by Fei-Wang. It would remain the best and worst night in her life and always would be.

Now, the fifth time she stood naked before him, she felt no embarrassment, no worry, no fear. Syaoran would be soft and gentle and tender as he always had been. They would come together perfectly, she was sure.

He lifted her in his arms and laid her tenderly on the bed before slipping over her. She parted her legs, lifting them up over his hips so that he fit so perfectly against her. The cotton of his pajamas was almost painfully rough against her center, brushing her lightly. She arched against him, pressing her breasts against his chest with a quiet moan of bliss. He supported his weight on his hands and kissed her again. She deepened it as much as he allowed, opening her mouth and bidding him entrance. He sat back, folding his legs and drawing her into his lap so that his chin rested on her collarbone. He leaned back and looked into her eyes to communicate his insecurities. She kissed the curve of his jaw from just below his ear to his full lips to assure him. 

Then, he cupped her breasts carefully. She moaned and her back coiled up like a cat’s. She felt his lips curve into a smile against the skin of her neck where he had been lavishing attention on her pounding pulse. His hands were incredibly soft and warm, tender as he brushed the pads of his thumbs over her dark nipples. They had already risen into peaks for him and hardened even more at his feather-soft touch. Sakura moaned his name, free of any restraint or hurt. It was him, always had been and always would be. She spoke his name as she used to because he was her only love. The only one she would ever open her heart and body to.

“Sakura, is it alright if I… ?” He whispered hesitantly and brushed his thumbs over her nipples again.

“Anything,” she breathed and slipped her fingers through his chocolate hair, combing the silken strands through her fingers.

He feathered a few kisses on her heated skin, eliciting a few whimpers of pleasure from her throat. His lips burned a path down between her breasts and then his lips closed down around one nipple. She whimpered and he pulled back.

“Did I hurt you?”

“N-no… that felt so good,” she whispered and wrapped her legs tighter around his hips. He sucked in a breath and she loosened her knees until he let it out. “S-sorry… Did that hurt?”

“I’m fine.”

In movies, this was the part where awkward silence ensued and the girl grabbed coat and ran from the boy’s bed as if her were pursuing her, but… This wasn’t a cheesy movie and Syaoran was her other half. They stared at each other and then Sakura gathered some resolve and slipped one hand against the front of his pajamas. He shivered, but no fear flashed through his eyes. Emboldened, she slid one finger into the waistband and hitched them down a little bit until she could fit his sharp hip against her palm. She had to go slow, she felt that deep inside her chest, thrumming like music. He needed time. His amber eyes pleaded with her, ‘Go slowly, Sakura, please…’ 

He ducked his head, hiding his eyes and suckled lightly at her breast like a small child. His hands trailed down and wrapped around her ribcage, cradling the sinuous curve of her bones and muscles. She had never felt so small, so fragile, so… protected. Syaoran was her guardian, her spirit, her soul, her heart. He could level a gun at her head and she would know that he would never pull the trigger. He would never ever hurt her, even if she hurt him savagely as she had upon his return.

Yuzuriha was right—he had never hurt her, not intentionally, not even knowingly.

Sakura sighed deeply, filling her lungs with air that was perfumed by the rain and the scent of his skin. The sheets rustled beneath her back and she laid her head back blissfully against the pillows. Syaoran was touching her tenderly, memorizing everything about her. She used one foot to push down his pajamas, but he nervously gripped them to hold them up. Sakura offered him a warm smile and sat up, pressing her breasts against his chest, and took his hand gently away from the cotton fabric. His mouth opened and then closed and he took a deep breath as if he were drawing in resolve.

“We can stop, if you’d like…” Sakura whispered.

He shook his head and allowed her small warm hands to push down his pajamas. He wore no boxers underneath, having been far too desperate to get dressed again once they scrambled out of the freezing shower. Sakura swallowed and wrapped her hand around his length gently. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathed deeply a few times, and then kissed her tenderly, pouring all his love and fear into her.

“It’s alright,” Sakura cooed and ran her fingers through his hair.

“I know,” he murmured, still bracing his weight on his hands, but he wasn’t trembling anymore. 

Sakura smiled, kissed the curve of his throat were the skin was thin, and she could see his pulse hammering under the translucent skin. Then, she curled her fingers around him and he stiffened with excitement in her hand. The length of him was velvet-soft and warm, smooth, just like the rest of him and she felt the faint pulse of his heartbeat beneath the muscles. She stroked her thumb over the weeping head and he hissed between his teeth. 

She stopped instantly, loosening her hold on him.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No, just like what I did to you,” he murmured faintly. 

“Oh…”

She watched his throat work furiously as he gathered up something inside himself and leaned on one hand. He brought his free hand between their bodies and trailed the tips of his fingers over her breasts and stomach, moving slowly and nervously downward toward her very core of her. A shiver ran down her spine, curled through her womb and set a tingling sensation burning through her blood. He gently brushed his fingers over her moist slit and then dipped his knuckle carefully into her virgin lips. She closed her eyes and moaned at his touch. She had only felt so good once before, with him… 

A smile tugged at his mouth and he nuzzled her neck because her head was tilted way back. He kissed her the hollow of her throat, feeling the hum of her pleasure in her vocal chords. He ventured a small taste of that soft skin and relished the delicate sweet flavor of Sakura. 

“See…?” He asked softly and drew back to look into her eyes. He studied his face reflected in her eyes and saw a light in his own eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time. His love… He smiled again and brushed her cheek with the tip of his nose. 

“Mm, Syaoran…” She moaned when he stroked her core again, pausing to brush his knuckle over the sensitive bundle of nerves at her center. She jerked against him, rubbing her nipples against his chest. Her skin felt hot and tight, as if there wasn’t enough room for the passion and arousal and love coursing through her blood beneath her skin. 

A chuckle thrummed low in his chest, vibrating through her body as well. 

She smiled and stroked his long soft length, feeling him harden even more against her slick palm. Again, she stroked her thumb over the weeping head and he groaned against her skin as if to hide his pleasure from her. She felt his shoulders coil with hesitation and wondered why. Was something wrong? Then, he slipped a finger into her core and stroked her sensitive inner walls. She felt her muscles clamp down on his finger, milking and working over the intrusion until they adjusted to him. She let out a groan and rocked subconsciously against his hand. The hesitation melted from him with a soft sigh and then he started to slide another finger into her tight moist heat.

She stopped him. “W-wait, Syaoran, I want to…” 

He slipped his finger out of her, brought them to his mouth, and licked them cautiously clean, not letting a bit of her nectar escape him. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and rolled over so that she was on top, pressing her core just above his length. He tensed, but she smoothed her hands down his chest gently and conveyed her intentions with her emerald eyes. She raised herself a bit and scooted backwards. Not quite high enough though and the soft mushroomed head slipped through her folds and caught, tingling, at her entrance. She gasped and the desire to push down and have him, warm and velvet-soft, inside her was overwhelming. But she pushed that thought away and slid down to rest on her elbows between his legs. He protested a little, but she silenced him with a gentle smile

She would never hurt him.

He swallowed and nodded slightly.

She wrapped her mouth around his length timidly. The taste of him was slightly salty, not unpleasant, just Syaoran. She licked the tip, pressing at the little slit she found at the head and her mouth was granted a rush of hot salty liquid. She swallowed it all as he had her nectar and glanced at his face for encouragement. He was looking away, cheeks burning bright pink. Sakura smiled around him and gently massaged the velvety skin with her entire palm. She drew him as deep into her mouth as she could and his hips gave an involuntary little jerk of pleasure. Sakura swallowed around him with some difficulty and continued to swirl her tongue against his shaft. There was a ticking vein in the side that she smoothed her thumb over and briefly wondered if that was how fast his pulse was racing. She drew him out against and licked the head again, swirling just the mushroomed tip between her tongue and lips.

“W-wait, Sakura, don’t…” he protested and sat up to push her away.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I just…” He stared into her eyes desperately. 

She understood him in the way that only she could and smiled gently as he leaned her back against the pillows. She closed her eyes and his hands cupped her breasts again, touching her nipples and wrapping the span of her ribs. He trailed another sensuous path down to the triangle of pale curls guarding her most tender womanly secret and gently part her slick lips with two fingers. Then, he drew a long slow lick against her core and his eyes closed in bliss while Sakura’s hands fisted in the sheets against such white-hot pleasure.

“Oh, Syao… ran…” She moaned. 

He cautiously pushed two fingers into her and stretched her tenderly. Sakura’s hips lifted from the bed in ecstasy and she writhed under his ministrations. He tasted her again, drinking the beautiful fluid that slowly drizzled from her as if it were fine wine. He caught her pearl between his lips and she whimpered at the rush of pleasure that coursed through her blood as he unknowingly brought her to her peak. She put her feet on his shoulders and pushed him gently back.

“S-stop! I want… I want you to be inside me the… the first time,” she whimpered and watched as he cleaned his fingers of her juices.

He smiled because that’s what he wanted too.

Syaoran leaned over her and she lifted her legs to rest around his narrow waist. He needed no guidance and tenderly pushed inside her. She moaned and shifted, trying to accommodate him inside her. Her inner walls were clenching and milking him as they struggled to stretch around him. He lifted her with one hand to rest against him like the missing piece of a puzzle. 

“Are you alright?” he whispered and massaged her back with the hand that was holding her flush against his chest.

She laid her ear against his skin and listened to the relaxed beat of his heart. “Yes,” she murmured. “I just… just need a moment. It’s been a—” she groaned as he shifted slightly inside her and brushed a sweet spot that sent a thrill through her “—a long time.”

He nuzzled her throat. “I’m glad.”

Sakura kissed him again, relishing the feel of his lips on hers, so soft, so tender.

He was pulsing inside her, beating like a second heart. He was hot and velvet-smooth and filled her so completely that she didn’t even have room for the bliss she felt at finally having him inside her again. He completed her on such a cellular level and even on a deeper spiritual level. He was kissing her, she was filled to the brim, and she couldn’t have wanted anything else in the world. Everything was perfect.

“I’m ready…” she whispered.

He began at a gentle pace, rocking back and forth to loosen her grip on his length, but the ecstasy built like water rushing against a dam. Her desperation, though, was overpowered by his deep tenderness, his love, their union at last. Then, he thrust gently, brushing the sweet spot inside and touching the opening of her womb with each thrust. She wrapped her legs tightly around him and gripped his shoulders and could do little more than moan in pure bliss at the feel of him. 

He didn’t need to go faster, didn’t need to take her in thousands of awkward positions as other couples did, didn’t even need the candles and romantic atmosphere they had unintentionally created. Just as long as they were joined like this, the rush of bliss built up to climax.

He kissed her gently again and then bent low over her. Her muscles clenched around him again and she felt the spring in her womb burst free in a rush of sweet nectar and love. Syaoran’s seed coated her, filled her with warmth, and he rested quietly on his elbows above her. They were both breathing hard and deep.

“You’re so amazing,” Sakura told him and kissed the scar on his chest.

He smiled and began to draw out of her, but she gripped his shoulders.

“No, stay like this with me,” she whispered. “All night, let’s just stay like this.”

“Alright,” he murmured and curled up beside her.

They shuffled a bit and Sakura wrapped her leg over his hip to fit the perfectly together. He pulled the sheet up around them and it felt as cool as moonlight against her heated skin. She nuzzled against him and sighed contently. Exhaustion dropped like a curtain around her and she slipped into dreams with only the feel of his arms around her.

“I love you, Sakura,” Syaoran murmured.

She mumbled something in the semblance of his name and he smiled. He followed her into sleep, dreaming only of her and not of the nightmares that usually plagued him. They would be together forever now, never to be parted again.

…

Morning light was streaming through the window, the sun was peeking through the wings of the ruins in the east, and birds chirped outside. Only a few clouds floated lazily through the sky in the south, promising more rain later. For now, the day was dawning beautiful and fair (or it would be until Miku woke up). There was no sign of the brutal storm that had knocked out the power the night before except that the candles around Sakura’s bedroom had all burned out and there was wax everywhere. Clothes littered the floor of her room just like they had Syaoran’s house all those years ago, but when she opened her eyes, Syaoran was there.

X X X

And, drum roll please, we are finished!

Here we go. Very important author’s note:

First, drop a review and let me know what you think! Are the characters way out of character? Does everybody hate Sakura? Think I torture Syaoran way too much (but it’s because he’s so easy to be mean to, though I always make sure to give him a happy ending!)? Are permanently disgusted and can no longer even watch Tsubasa thanks to me? Loved it? Hated it? Are scared for life because of what happened to Syaoran? (Flames will be used to roast marshmallows and weenies!) Think I need to do more editing before I post chapters? Post to slow? Yada, yada, yada… 

Second, let me know what kind of story you would like to see next. (I only write Sakura and Syaoran pairings though, because I don’t believe in KuroFai and there are enough of them!) I write all manner of things for these guys, so let me know what you want to see. I will take a few creative liberties, but I will give you credit for your idea. I will do as many as I can before I think of a new fanfic! Either put it in a review or message me. I check my fanfiction account religiously and my email collects dust!

Third, there will be no sequel… at all, so don’t ask!

Fourth, I own nothing except my original characters such as Miku, Eve, evil Prince Jonathon, Queen Evelyn, King Richard, Monroe, Marissa, and I think that’s everybody. I also own my plot! So there, now I can’t be sued!

Fifth, check out my first ORIGINAL NOVEL! **The Breaking of Poisonwood by Paradise Avenger.** (Summary: People were dead. When Skye Davis bought me at a slave auction as a birthday present for his brother, I had no idea what my new life was going to be like, but I had never expected this. It all started when Venus de Luna was killed and I was to take her place, to become the new savior… Then, bad things happened and some people died. In the heart of the earth, we discovered the ancient being that Frank Davis had found and created and used to his advantage. The Poisonwood—)

Finally, thank you for making it this far! All the way to the end! Woot!

*Fai fake whistles*

And so, I bid you adieu. 

Questions, comments, concerns?


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